Authors: Kate Vale
Chapter 14
Marcus took a deep breath and picked up the phone.
“Mike,
have you got a minute?”
“I do—did you call to
talk
about the Cornh
uskers?
I think
they’re going to do better this year.”
“Good for them.” He paused. “That’s not why I called. I—I’ve got woman trouble.”
“Not again. I thought you and Amanda were getting along great.”
“We were
, but
—
”
“How’s the little girl doing?”
“Fine, she’s fine.
They’re fine.
”
“Well,
you
don’t sound fine. Maybe
you should talk to Evie
. She’s better
at
this
love stuff.
Babe
!”
his brother
shouted. “Come get the p
hone. Marc
needs to talk to you.”
The phone clattered onto
what Marcus figured was a table.
“Mike, no—I—”
Damn.
“I’m here, Marcus.
”
Evelyn’s calm
voice
slid
through the phone lines
and settled around him like a warm blanket
.
“
What’
s so
im
portant?”
“I—uh—I have a problem.”
“That’s obvious
.
Talk
to me
.”
“Cecelia caught me in bed with Amanda
.
”
“Cecelia the daughter
—
saw
you and
Amanda the mother
?
”
“
You got it.”
“
Did she catch the two of you—you know—”
“No
, thank God
. I was just—there.
But
the way she looked at me
—if I could have
,
I would have
crawled
under the bed.”
Evelyn chuckled. “Oh, dear.”
“Cecelia’s
best friend’s mom told her
that sex i
s wrong because we’re not married, in spite of what
Amanda told her
. And
then I
really
blew it.”
“How did you do that,
other than your timing was
off
?”
“W
ell,
after it happened,
Amanda
said
she
tried to explain
it
to her—why
I slept over
—
but
then
the next day
, when I was
reading stories with her
, Cecelia
point-blank
asked if I loved Amanda
and didn’t I want to marry her
.
I should have
told her I did
, but I was so shocked
that she asked me
.
”
“And?”
“And
then
Cece started crying,
and
I left
.”
“Hm
m
.”
Silence reigned for an over
long minute.
“Is that all you’re going to say
, Evie
?”
“Give me a m
inute
.”
She
seemed to be scratching her nail against the phone
before asking,
“How does Amanda feel about all this? Does she agree with
Cecelia
…
that you’re a cad or whatever word kids use these days
?”
“I don’t think s
o.
But when I
went over to her office and
brought it up,
Cece came in and got upset again. Amanda made her apologize, but I could tell she didn’t mean it
.”
He sighed.
“The kid hates me.”
“H
m
m.” After a
nother
minute, “
H
m
m.”
“
Tell me what to do. I’m desperate.
”
“
W
hat do you want me to say
, Marc
? You’
ve made a
real
mess of things
.”
“Tell me about it,
”
he replied quietly
, looking out at the darkening
dusk
.
“
That girl is very protective of her mother.
I take it you
think you
still
have a chance with Amanda?”
“I
want
to think so
,
but
maybe I’m wrong about that
. I mean,
every time I’ve
brought up living together
—earlier this year
and more recently
,
Amanda
fl
atly refused—because of Cecelia.
I
even
sort of
tip-toe
d
around the subject of
marriage
.
The last
time, she told me it was bad luck to even
say the word
.
And,
I didn’t want t
o scare her off
, so I didn’t raise the issue again
. I was hoping maybe we could go away for a long weekend
one of these days
,
I could pop the question and she would say yes
. B
ut
then Cece
lia up and asked me
to my face
, and
I panicked—
because of Amanda’s reaction.
I didn’t know what to say to
Cece
…
”
He sighed.
“When is that writer’s workshop?”
“We’re here now.”
“Can’t you talk to Amanda
while
you’re
out
there in the woods
?”
“I will, but
—I don’t want to think—I—
I
don’t
know what she’s going to say
,
except
that
maybe if Cecelia doesn’t like me
anymore
, it’s over between us
.”
“Because they’
re a package deal.”
“I guess you could call it that
.
So, how can I get Cecelia to talk to me? If I could just talk to her,
maybe I could convince her
I’m not
such a bad
guy
.”
“What you are isn’t really the issue,
little brother
. It’s
,
do y
ou love her mother?
T
hat’s what you have to tell her.
” She paused.
“Well, d
o you
?”
“
What? Uh, yes
—but if Amanda won’t say yes, what
am I going to
do?”
“Maybe if you just tell Ce
celia that you love her mother,
that
will
solve
your
problem.
Kids
can be
pretty literal
in their thinking
. If she’s got love and sex mixed up together as necessaries, why don’t you just say what she wants to hear?
Or a
re those the words you
can’t
spit out
?
”
“I was so shocked—”
“Don’t give me excuses, Marc.
” She raised her voice again.“I don’t know what it is with men!
You’re just like Mike.
My
mother had to kick his butt before he asked me to marry him.Don’t tell me you don’t know the words
,
for God’s sake
!
You’re a journalist—you live by words!
”
He felt like he was twelve years old and his hand was still in the cookie jar his mo
ther had said not to touch
again
.
“I hear you.”
“Then don’t
allow
this little setback
to
stop you from letting
that child
know how you feel.”
He heard what sounded like drumming on a table. “You still there, Evie?”
“
I’m here.
I’m thinking. F
rom everything you’ve said, Amanda doesn’t sound
at all
like Felicity. Is that what’s holding you back from telling her how you feel?”
The sound of
his former lover’s
name
sent
an electric shock through
hi
s heart
,
and he sat up straighter
. “No.
God, no.
She’s not
at all like
Felicity.
I know she’s not.”
But she hadn’t said she loved him—not to his face, anyway.
He
slumped back in the chair
.
“But w
hat if Amanda doesn’t—won’t—if I can’t convince her to take me back?”
“I can’t help you there, hon. Have
you told Amanda you love her?”
He cleared his throat. “I’ve shown her—”
There was that drumming again,
l
ou
der this time.
“
Not again
! Why
is
it that men think actions are so important? I’m not talking about what you do in bed or wherever.You have to
tell
her—Amanda
and
Cecelia. They want to hear it. They need to hear it.
Both of them.
” She lowered her voice.
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I
’m going to talk to Amanda right now.
”
“Do you want to talk to Mike?”
“Not
now
. Maybe later
.”
“Ok
ay
.
Let me know. And remember, we love you
—in spite of
—”
“I know. I’m just like Mike.”
After hanging up the phone, Marcus stepped out on the porch attached to his room.
He
paced, angry at himself for not telling Amanda what she wanted to hear, for not telling Cecelia what she needed to hear for her mother’s sake.
Was
this really about
Felicity and how she had played so fast and loose with his love—
as
Evie had suggested?
Was that what was
holding him back from tellin
g
Amanda
,
from telling each of them
how he felt?
He didn’t want to hurt Amanda, and he ached to think that he might
have
hurt
her little girl, too
,
by
not saying
he loved them, both of them
.
He didn’
t want to lose them.
If only
Amanda
would say she wanted him
,
pe
rmanently
like he wanted her. Married. That was it.
But she had been so vehement in her reactions when he had
hint
ed
around about
it
.
That
owl
. T
here it was again
. T
h
e
sound r
e
mind
e
d
him of a loon on a
Nebraska
lak
e
wh
e
n h
e
and Mik
e
had gon
e
fishing aft
e
r th
e
ir parent
s
’ death
.
A sound full of m
e
lancholy
, a sound that had accompanied
his grief-stricken sobs
at fifteen
when he and Mike talked about the
ir parents
and how, together,
the boys
would survive their loss. The call of the loons never failed to bring tears to his eyes
when he recalled how
the brothers
had struggled that first year, the year
after
Mike married Ev
ie and she took on a big sister/
mother role with him
, working with Mike to
help
Marcus
look to the future, to help him stay
focused on his schoolwork
and on his sports
.
She was the reason he had not drowned in his grief and resentment
at
having lost his parents.
He knew
it hadn’t been easy for her
, watching over a fifteen-year-old mad at the world
and
resentful at having
to
listen to
his older brother
. He could have easily slipped into total despair
or worse
—except for
them
.
B
oth
of them
had insisted he go to college when he had the chance
. He marveled
that he and Mike—and Evie—were still so close,
closeness more pronounced with each passing year.
A
nd that time after Felicity. Evie had been there when he needed to talk about that, too.