Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) (6 page)

As I watch the band
I can’t help but think about Paxton; about this life that he lived. That used to be him up on the stage. That used to be his life. I can’t picture it, I mean the boy in River Bluff, up there on that stage.

Cause for Chaos
plays six songs before they head off stage to loud roars. I’m sweating and amped up and anxious for the main band to take the stage, but Violet grabs a hold of my hand and all of us head to the side of the stage where Billy is waiting.

“Where are we going?” I shout. I can hardly hear my own voice over the ringing in my head.

“Back stage,” she shouts back.

The guy blocking the door nods when he sees Billy and lets us all pass. We are in another dark hallway and then Billy opens a door and leads us into a shabby r
oom where the guys from Cause for Chaos are hanging out.

“Hey, you guys made it,”
Elijah says, slapping and embracing everyone who walks through the door. When he gets to me he looks me up and down then says, “Who’s the pretty girl?”

Billy
is, of course, all over it. “She’s Paxton’s,” he tells Elijah.

Elijah
gives me a mischievous smile. “Really?”

“No, not really,” I say, glaring at Billy. “He’s a friend of mine. I’m not his girl.”

Elijah nods at me. “What’d you think of the show?”

He’s got a cocky look on his face so I tell him, “It was decent.”

“Decent?” he laughs. “Alright, I’ll take decent from a girl like you.”

V
iolet tugs me away from him and brings me to a tattered couch, pulling me down next to her. Operation Keep Jessa’s Chasity Belt On is a team effort. When Elijah ignores her effort and comes to sit on the other side of me I feel like breaking out into a cheer. He hands me a bottle of beer and slings his arm over the back of the couch, his body close to mine. He’s shirtless and his body is damp from his set, but I’ll take sweaty over nothing. “So is your boy in town?” he asks me.

I nee
d to have a shirt made that says, ‘Hi, I’m Paxton’s friend. I met him in Minnesota but he’s currently living with his dad in California!’ I’m tired of answering questions about Paxton. “Nope, not even close,” I mutter.

“That’s good,” he tells me
. “What do you think about being my girl tonight?”

Lame,
I think to myself about his come on, but since he’s not dissuaded by the name Paxton I tell him, “I could be your something tonight.”

“Cool. I’m gonna get cleaned up. Don’t go anywhere,” he whispers into my ear before standing up and walking away. I watch him go. He’s got a nice body; a little pale
, a little on the skinny side, but his muscles are defined and he’s got some nice pieces tattooed on his biceps and his back. I never thought I’d be into that, but ever since meeting Paxton they’re suddenly sexy as hell.

“I wouldn’t go there if I were you,” Violet says as soon as he’s out of ear shot. I look across the room where Billy and Louis are talking to the other guys in the band. Both of them have their severe eyes on me.

“Vi, I appreciate all of you looking out for me but I have needs and eventually someone is going to have to fulfill them.”

“All he’s after is a little ass.”

“Perfect,” I tell her. “That’s all I’m after, too.”

She let
s out a shocked little gasp. “Jessa!”

I laugh as I look into Violet
’s surprised eyes. “Seriously, Violet. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I just need a little make out session.”

“Looking for a rebound?” I haven
’t talked to Violet about Dylan but I’m sure Paxton has filled her in.

“No
, Violet. I don’t do the boyfriend thing. Never have. Dylan was the only one, but he proved all my theories true, so I’m done with all of that. He was my first and last boyfriend. Ever.”

“Does Paxton know that?” she asks, with a perplexed look on her face.

“Yes, he does. And he, unlike all of you assholes, doesn’t have a problem with it. You can call him and get his permission if you need to.”

“Seriously?” she asks, sounding pissed off.

“Yes. Seriously.”

“What the
hell?” she asks herself, shaking her head.

Elijah
comes back into the room then; his long, dark hair is wet and he’s wearing a black t-shirt. He stands in front of me, holding out his hand. I take it and he pulls me up, slinging an arm around my waist and pulling me into him. His cologne is musky and I inhale his scent. “You ready?” he asks me.

“Depends. Where are you taking me?”

He gives me a crooked smile. “To the floor. I want to dance with you. What’s your name?”

“Jessa,” I tell him.

“I’m Elijah. It’s really fucking good to meet you.”

I smile at him. I’m totally warming up to this guy. His hand slips from my waist and finds my fingers which he laces with his own. We walk toward the door and
Elijah says, “See you assholes out there.” I don’t even look at Billy and Louis.

Chills run over my skin as we hit the dark hallway. I feel like I haven’t touched or kissed a guy
properly since before I became Dylan’s girlfriend and my body is ready. When we are back on the floor it’s chaos. The new guys on stage are just as heavy and loud as Elijah’s band. He brings me to the back corner of the floor and wraps me up in his arms. Talking is not an option in the middle of this noise which is fine with me. Elijah stares at me with his dark eyes and I relish in it. My arms are around his neck and I move my body against his. His hands slide down my back and then he pulls me into him and I can feel his erection pushed into my stomach. My fingers sink into his flesh and I give him a lazy smile.

It
doesn’t take long for his lips to find mine and when his tongue pushes into my mouth I let out a breath of relief. His mouth is warm and wet and I need this so badly. His kiss quickly becomes needy. My tongue tangles with his and it feels good. So much better than the last kiss I got. I mean, Elijah is no Paxton in the kissing department, but it’s clear he knows what he wants and is willing to take it and I can totally relate. I don’t usually dive right into making out before I even have a conversation with a guy, but Paxton’s friends have forced me into a desperate situation.

Elijah
flips me around and backs me into a wall, pulling out of my mouth. He looks at me like he wants to devour me. “Damn, you taste good,” he says before finding my mouth again. He’s got an arm propped over my head and his other hand is wrapped around my naked thigh. When his hand starts to push my dress up I stop him.

Will I sleep with this guy? Eventually. Will
it happen tonight? No. Will I let him touch me in the middle of a crowded room? Hell, no. I will kiss him but that’s all he’s getting from me tonight.

Elijah’s hand moves back around my waist and he pushes into me, I
can hear the feral sound escaping his mouth, even over the loud music. Which is a great sound. He’ll play this game with me. He’ll be patient and wait for the payoff that will eventually come if he plays nice.

I almost forgot about my security team but when I feel
Elijah’s hot body leave mine, I instinctually know it was not a choice he made. Sure as shit, when I open my eyes, Billy and Louis are on either side of him. “What the hell?” Elijah says to them.

Billy ignores him. “We’re out of here, Jessa.”

“I didn’t come with you,” I shout over the loud music.

“I’m taking you and Violet
home. Let’s go,” he shouts back at me.

“I’ll take care of her,”
Elijah tells him, sounding pissed as hell.

Billy just smiles at him
and shakes his head before grabbing a hold of my hand and pulling me away from the wall. “Back the hell off,” he tells Elijah before pulling me off the dance floor. I try to yank my hand back, but Billy’s not letting go. I see Violet then, she’s waiting by the entrance with Jimmy, her phone pressed into her ear. Her big eyes look concerned and then she sees me and a huge smile breaks out on her face. She shoves her phone in her purse and comes bouncing over to me, wrapping her arms around me.

“I thought you ditched me – I was gonna kick your ass,” she says, looping her arm in mine.

“Nope,” I say through my temporary depression. “Wouldn’t think about it.” I glance over my shoulder to get one last look at Elijah, but all I see is Billy’s grumpy face.
Shit.
At least I snuck in a little action.

Gabriel and his crew started partying around noon and by the time me and my boys showed up all the guys were drunk and high. I used to want to grow up to be just like my pops but some of this shit has lost its luster.
There’s gotta be more than this
.

We
spent the day riding our boards in the Pacific, which is standard. If we’re not riding on the water, we’re riding in the streets. If you can’t find us there, we’re hanging at my uncle, Emilio’s, tattoo shop where Santos is also carving. If the sun’s down we’re chilling with the guys, getting drunk and high. This is all I’ve ever wanted but now that I have it I can’t help but want more. I don’t know what the hell that more is but I feel restless all the time now.

I’m lo
unging in the back yard, a beer in my hand, watching Gabriel beat box over Spoonie G and the Treacherous Three. Santos breaks out his b-boy moves and a circle jerk is forming. I laugh as I take in the show. I should be in the mix but I’m just not feeling it.

Cece
, a girl from the neighborhood that I used to mess around with on a regular basis when I was a kid, comes over and takes an uninvited seat on my lap. She’s dressed in a pair of cutoffs and a skimpy tank top that doesn’t cover her stomach. She’s got a tight body and she and I used to have a sweet thing going on but I’m not in line with her tonight. “Come dance with me,” she tells me, running her hand over my chest.

“You go have fun, C.
I’m not in the mood.”

“You’re no fun anymore, you know that?” she pouts at me.

“That’s not true. I’m all kinds of fun, just not tonight, okay? Go take your whiney ass somewhere else.”

“Seriously, you’re becoming a total
gilipollas
.”

“
Yeah? Then why are you still hanging all over me. Go find some other boy to side up to, I’m not feeling you.”

She smacks me on the face
, which I happily take if it means she’s gonna go. And she does, flipping me off as she walks away. I pour the rest of my beer down my throat and look up at the dark sky, focusing on the stars, trying to clear my head. I don’t like being an asshole – I really don’t.

I notice
Havi when he plants his ass on the chair next to mine but I don’t take my eyes off the sky. “Woo, hoo, those motherfuckers go hard, man. I don’t know how they keep that shit up all day long.”

“You need to take a buck off that body,” I tell
Havi.

“Okay
, pretty boy, you wanna go? ‘Cause you know those muscles don’t stand a shot against this girth, hommie.” He lets out a low laugh and pounds his fist into my shoulder. He lights a joint and passes it to me, I take a hit and hold onto it.

“You
ganker,” he tells me, pulling out his onie and lighting up.

I take another hit and feel my muscles r
elax as I listen to Havi rap along with The Sugar Hill Gang and the surreal sinks into my brain. “What you gonna do with your life, Havi?” I ask him.

“What’d you say, man?” he asks, leaning into me. “You ask me what I’m gonna do with my life?”
The low rumble of his laughter fills my ear.

“What are you gonna be
doin’ five years from now?”

“You’re
lookin’ at it, brother. I’m gonna be right here, hanging with my boys, livin’ my life, doing my thang. What you gonna be doin’?”

I close my eyes and try to picture myself living Gabriel’s life. When he was
twenty he was livin’ right here, in this same house. He had a baby and a live-in girlfriend. But I don’t think that really factored into his life.

I don’t remember being a family – living in this house with my mom
– but God knows I’ve heard about it. Before Rachel stopped talking to me, it was about all I heard out of her mouth. If you believe her, she was working on a future as some sort of Hollywood starlet when, “that Mexican”, Gabriel, knocked her up, turned her into a housewife living on the wrong side of town and ruined her life. Gabriel don’t talk about his past with her but according to Emilio, that ain’t how things went down. He and my dad met her at a party at some producer’s house in Culver City who Gabriel sold to. She fell for Gabriel’s swagger and rode his ass until he gave into her. Gabriel doesn’t do “tied down” and he didn’t change his ways for her even after she moved in with him and had me.

In the end, Gabriel got the son he wanted and Rachel got a tool that she could use to punish him
for the next nineteen years. All I am to Rachel is a reminder of the “dirty Mexican” who left her with a permanent, ugly souvenir of that year she went “slumming” in California.

She’s still holding onto him in some fucked up way. But I’m pretty sure he never gave a shit about her. For Gabriel, nothing’s ever mattered but having a good time.
It’s been his only purpose in life. Even as a father, all he’s ever wanted to do was make sure I was having a good time. It sounds good. Who wouldn’t want that? That’s what all these guys want. It was always what I wanted, too.

Now I
don’t know if I can see myself living that way but I’ve never thought of doing anything else. I’ve just been surviving until I could come here and do this. Seems like a waste, now that I’ve accomplished my only goal in life. What the hell am I gonna be doing in five years? It’s not like I’m getting an education. What am I gonna do, live my life on Dr. Dixon’s dime until he pulls the plug? Get myself an iron and start slinging ink with Santos? Pick my guitar back up and make another run at it? No
. Hell, no
. Music’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to do properly, but I’m not going back there.

“Come on
, brother, give it up. You got plans to get outta Oakwood? You let me know now ‘cause I don’t want to be hanging with some pussy white boy from the ‘burbs.” Havi laughs but I don’t.

“I don’t know, man. Don’t you ever feel like you want more than this?”

“What you talkin’ about all crazy? Hell, no, I don’t want more than this. We got it made, Gringo. We’re livin’ the life. You need to get your uptight ass in check. Now look at this one, comin’ after you like she’s gonna screw you into Sunday. Umm, hmm, check out that rack.”

I manage to open my eyes and loosely focus on the blonde in the short skirt
and plunging top. Havi’s right; she’s lookin’ like she’s going in for the kill. I manage a lazy smile for her and she licks her lips clean.

“I heard you were back in town,” she tells me, grabbing a hold of the arm rests and leaning into me, showing me everything she’s got under her flimsy shirt.

“Do I know you?” I ask her, reaching my hands out and pulling her down to my lap.

“
Aww, now you’re hurting my feelings. Last time I saw you you were just a kid. I brought you home for lunch… thought I was gonna teach you something about making love to a woman, but your fifteen year old ass showed me. I’ve been lookin for you ever since,” she tells me, pushing herself into my lap. I wish I could say she was making me hard, but she’s not.

“I got myself in that situati
on a few times,” I tell her, not remembering any nooner with this particular girl.

“Maybe I’ll have to jaunt your memory,” she purrs,
bringing her lips to my neck and licking me. I let my head fall back and try to get into this girl. If I’m not able to embrace the rest of this life at the moment, I should at least be able to take advantage of the able and willing ass at my front door. She makes her way over to my mouth and I take her lips in mine. Her mouth is too eager and her lips taste like wax. I try to work around that as I let my hand slide up her stomach, rounding my fingers over her large, heavy tits. She pushes farther into me and I still don’t have anything to offer her. She pulls out of my mouth and asks me, “Do you want to get out of here?”

I wish like hell I could tell her
hell, yeah.
But I don’t feel like getting my ass up, not even to get some. “Why don’t you go get me a beer and I’ll think about it,” I tell her.

She cocks her head at me, but then she stands up and walks away.

I shake my head at myself. I gotta get out of this funk.

My phone vibrates
in my pocket and I pull it out. Violet’s name is flashing on the screen. My heart starts pounding for no damn reason.

That ain’t true. It’s pounding because s
he’s my connection to Jessa. About the only time I feel right lately is when Jessa calls. Which she doesn’t enough, but I’m not going to be one of her bitch boys who feel the need to call her on a daily basis. Violet’s close though. Talking to her is the next best thing.

“What’s up, Vi?”

“Hey, Pax,” she says and I can hear the stress in her voice.
Shit.
I stand and head to the house where I can talk to her. I can hear the muffled sound of loud music that’s way too bass heavy for The bottle. Where the hell did she drag Jessa to?

“Tell me what’s going on,” I say,
pissed off already, not having any idea why, but knowing that will be the end result of this conversation.

“We’re at the Cellar,” she tells me, with more hesitation in her voice now.

“Get to the point, Vi. What’s going on with Jessa?”

“Shit, Pax.”

“Vi,” I yell into the phone.

“We were back s
tage and she was getting hit on- because that’s what happens to the girl constantly and I don’t really appreciate that you put me in the position to intervene because it’s a full time job, Paxton, and I don’t want to be her babysitter,” she yells back.

Damn
it.
Violet’s been doing a good job, with the help of Louis and Billy, keeping the guys off Jessa but it’s not as easy in a place like The Cellar. “Why the hell did you bring her there?”

“Because, Paxton, when I told you that
every time I went to get her her ex-boyfriend was practically chasing after her, you told me to keep her close. I can’t hang out at the same bar every night. I have a life outside of my servitude to you. Cause for Chaos was playing and…” she trails off now because her anger made her say too damn much.
Cause for Chaos
.

“Who is she with,
Vi?”

“He was all over her and Billy
tried to tell him to back off and I warned her that he was only after a quick lay, but she told me that was all she wanted too and that you knew this. She said you were well aware. So when he dragged her out of here, I just thought, maybe you were cool with it. I mean, she made it sound like you were cool.”

I pound my fist into th
e door and try to mutter words. “Who, Violet.”

“Elijah.”

No. Fucking… no. “Find Billy and get his greasy hands off of her. Now.”

“He’s already on it. We’re looking for them.”

“What the hell, Violet?” I stammer. Fucking Elijah? What hell was Violet thinking?

“This isn’t fair to me
, Paxton. If you are so worried about her hooking up with another guy then you come home and keep tabs on her. She doesn’t understand, or appreciate, why we are keeping all those guys away from her and it’s not cool – not for her and not for us. Oh, shit,” she mutters at the end of her rant.

“What is she doing
?” I seethe, assuming Jessa is the reason for her
Oh shit.

“Billy’s there, he’s getting her out of there.”

“Out of where, Vi?”

“Out of h
is claws, Paxton. What the hell do you think? He had her nailed up against the wall and his mouth buried inside of her, okay? And she looked happy about it. So if you need her on a tight leash, you’re going to have to do some explaining. She thinks you’re her friend, Paxton –
her best friend
. If she’s something else to you, you need to tell her. I’m not doing this anymore.”

I take the phone away from my mouth to scream a big, long
fuck,
and to ram my fist through the drywall.

“You need to do
better, Vi. Elijah? Fucking Elijah? Come on.”

“You’re lucky I like her so much,
‘cause I’m kind of starting to despise you. Here they come. She’s alone. Thank God.”

Vi hangs up the phone then and I squeeze mine so hard I think it’s gonna combust. “
Fuuuccck,” I yell again, putting another hole in the wall.

My head is spinning and I try to tell myself that it
doesn’t matter. That she doesn’t matter.

The blonde from outside comes walking in the
n, my bottle of beer in her hand. I look at her insane body, at her long, blonde hair, at her pretty face and I want absolutely nothing to do with her. In fact, I don’t even want her in the same room as me. I’m totally fucked.

#

“Your skills are sketchy today, man. What’s up?” Santos asks me.

“I think I hit it too hard
last night,” I tell him.

We took a break from the streets to bust out a session at the park, but I’m not feeling it. It
ain’t because I hit it too hard though, it’s because the call I got from Violet. After the blonde walked into Gabriel’s, I high tailed it out the door and got in my car, driving through the dark streets, hitting redial on Violet until she finally picked up and told me that they had delivered Jessa safely back to the dorms. I thought I had my hands full when she told me Dylan was stalking her and how they were having a hard time keeping the guys off her at The bottle, but she got some last night, and from Elijah.