“Skye ... fuck ...” he growls between deeper thrusts, his rhythm more frantic, mine following as my thighs tighten around his waist.
“Duke, don’t stop,” I plead, feeling myself falling, my breath catching and my moans getting louder and louder.
My head falls back and I call his name, coming harder than I ever had. With two more thrusts, he comes, my name on his lips. Panting, having some difficulty catching our breath, he falls next to me. Rolling on his back, he pulls me into the crook of his arm, my head on his chest, listening to his heart still beating in a wild rhythm.
“Any regrets?” Duke asks me after a moment, his hand tracing soothing patterns on my hipbone.
I shake my head and kiss the tattoo of Juliet’s date of death. I play with his necklace between my fingers, unable to ignore how uneasy this necklace makes me feel. Somehow, I can’t help it. Knowing that I will never have a part of him, that he’s still pining for her, knowing that he’d never be with me if she was alive, hurt like hell. But I have to let it go.
“I can’t regret us,” I say against his chest, releasing his necklace and closing my eyes. Sleep is winning.
“And I’d never trade us for anything,” he replies in a yawn, his arms tighter around me.
He’d trade us in a heartbeat for Juliet. He’d even give his life for Juliet. I guess, it’s petty of me to feel jealous and hurt now, but I can’t help it. What if we’re not strong enough together? Can I really let go of him after we shared this? It was so much more than sex and passion. We let go of everything and everyone in this moment to just be together. Alone.
Chapter Sixteen
“I’ve been looking for you.”
Startled, I glance up from a heavy textbook and see Derek standing in front of the end of the long wooden table where I’m sitting. I arch an eyebrow at him, surprised and a little taken aback that he wants to talk to me. The first thing that springs to mind is a name. Sean. After all, it’s legitimate to think it’s about my ex since Derek is the president of his frat.
“What’s going on?” I ask, putting my pen down next to my open notebook where I’ve been scribbling for the last couple of hours. I try not to show how nervous I am and instead act the part of a calm and composed student, ready to hear her friend out. Until the day it starts to feel natural, I’ll just fake it.
“Have you talked to Kate?” he asks me, taking the chair in front of me without paying attention to the loud noise he’s making with the legs of the chair scratching the ground.
Several people turn our way and narrow their eyes, obviously annoyed to be distracted from their work. I can relate. I smile weakly to the other students and focus on Derek, who seems not as calm and composed as I’m used to seeing him. His eyes are slightly haggard, unable to focus on one thing, his hands are fidgeting with his clothes and then with one corner of my notebook.
“A little, but she’s been busy. Why?”
Kate and I had a girly chat about me and Duke. She was beyond giddy when I told her that I had sex with him even more so than I was, which is plain weird and yet comforting to have such a supportive and quite eccentric friend. She asked me details that I didn’t want to give her, but I pacified her with words such as ‘he’s wonderful, it was wonderful, I never felt like this’ and so on. Though, we also talked a little about Derek and she was extremely discreet for once, and now it seems that there is something going awry between them. I cringe a little at the thought.
“She’s avoiding me.” He sighs and clears his throat. He’s not used to talking about stuff like this, I can tell, but he’s desperate. “I called her but she barely muttered two words. I texted her and her answers are so ... generic! I mean we ... so I thought it’d be ...” He punched the table, attracting once again the glares of the other students but this time I don’t care at all. “I’m such an idiot.”
“It’s none of my business, and believe me it’s not the kind of talk I feel ... comfortable having, but I have to ask you something.” He waves at me to continue. “Did you two have sex?” I feel my cheeks getting hot and my palms getting all sweaty, but I don’t see another way to ask this. I need to understand the problem.
He nods, his cheeks a little pink under his fair complexion. It’s cute when a guy blushes. At least, I think so. “Yeah, and I thought we wanted the same thing, but now ...” He trails off, distressed.
The heat in my cheeks slowly recedes. I frown and curse at Kate for her behavior. I thought it’d be different with Derek; it’s not like I didn’t see how smitten she was with the guy. “Did you two talk about her family?” I ask him, a little unsure if it breaks some kind of code by talking about this with him.
“Why? Something’s wrong in Chicago? That’s why she’s distant?” He’s pleading with his eyes for me to give him answers that I can’t really give. I know what’s going on, I understand how Kate’s issues can plague her current life, but I also know she’s the one who should tell him what’s going on in her head if she wants to have a better life.
I begin to play with a strand of hair. “There’s nothing new in Chicago, but you should let her talk to you about her family. Then, you’ll understand her issues about being in a relationship.”
His shoulders slump. “So she doesn’t want to be in a relationship?”
God, I never thought guys could be whiny and unsure like girls. It’d be funny if this thing wasn’t about my friends. “I can tell you that if there’s someone able to shake her world, it’s you. Don’t give up.”
He nods, adjusts his black coat, and stands up. I can see a new determination in his eyes. Maybe he just needed someone to boost him on a little. Maybe I’m not that bad at helping people. I smile a little and he smiles back. “I won’t give up. I don’t know how I can open her eyes, but I won’t let her go just like that.”
“Good thing.” I look at my cell phone to see the time and stifle a laugh. “In fact, if you want to begin right now, I know she’s going to be at our dorm in like twenty minutes. More or less.”
His smile is bright and I’m pretty sure that if I wasn’t still afraid when people touch me, he’d be hugging me to death right now. “You’re the best.”
I laugh under my breath, careful to not disturb the calm of the library even more. “By the way,” I begin, my smile and good mood vanishing to let uncertainty takes place. “How’s Duke?”
“Fine. Why?”
I shrug and level down my gaze to my textbook. “I just didn’t have any news for the last couple of days. That’s all,” I mumble, now ready to see the ground open up and swallow me.
“Why are you not calling him then?”
I clear my throat, the lump in there getting a little annoying. Why is it so hard now to act like everything’s fine, like I don’t care? It’s not that long ago that I could play the part. “Because he didn’t call me, either.”
He frowns and looks at me like I’m some kind of alien. I’m pretty sure it’s the first time he’s seeing me being so ... like a girl. “I guess it’s logical for you.” Suddenly, understanding widens his eyes. “Oh! You two ... you two.”
I nod, my face so hot that I could bake something on it, and this chair is so damn uncomfortable. I fidget, my feet tapping on the ground. “You called Kate after, right?”
“I did, but look where I am now.” He waves before him and chuckles at himself.
“But why did he not call or text? After all, he knows what I want,” I say, not caring that I’m talking to a guy about my love life, or that we’re in a library surrounded by people focused on their studies and nothing else. In fact, having a guy’s point of view may help me to understand even if Duke and I are not the best example for a relationship.
“Does he really know?” He sits back in front of me, this time careful to not make too much noise. “I mean, and don’t take it the wrong way, but you ran away from him whenever things got more intense or complicated.”
“I know, but we talked about it,” I reply, closing my notebook and textbook angrily. “I told him what I wanted and I thought he knew and listened.”
“I’ve known him since our junior year in high school. Did you know that?”
I snap my head back up and see him in another light. I thought he met Duke in college, but never imagined how far their friendship went back. He’s the only one—beside his family—that I met and who knows him from before Juliet’s death. He knows both Dukes.
“He never told me.”
He shakes his head. “Yeah, well, I know him well enough to know when he’s afraid and trying to protect himself. When Juliet died he was rebellious, sad, angry, guilty, and wasn’t coping well. He drank a lot, did some drugs, and was always getting new tattoos, thinking of new ways to sabotage his life. We all thought he’d never see his twenty-first birthday. And yet, he fought and learned to create a new life for himself, which wasn’t perfect or healthy with all the skanks he slept with just to distract himself, but he was getting better. And then, here you come into his life and you woke him up. You two together are a lot of work, but he loves you and I know it’s frightening him because it’s different from what he had with Juliet. It’s more mature, more difficult, and more passionate. I’m not saying it’s stronger, but it’s turning his world upside down and he’s afraid to get hurt again.”
My eyes well up, and I try to compose myself. “I’m not great at reassuring him. I’m so unsteady with my feelings that he doesn’t really know if what I tell him today will be the same tomorrow.”
“That’s my guess, but I might be wrong. He’s not the kind to open up easily. We never talk about Juliet or his dark days, as me and his family call them.
I know that. I open up before him; something I didn’t know was even possible. “I guess I have to reach him. These days we’ve switched places.”
Derek smiles and stands up again. “It means that you’re both ready for compromises and caring enough for each other to fight for it.”
My heart swells at the idea. I smile and wave at Derek when he walks away, his steps purposeful. Today, we’re all getting our relationships back on track. Before I do, I need to finish this paper. Then I’ll go back to my room to pamper myself a little and go see Duke to talk some sense into him. Even if I’m a little afraid to do such a thing. This time, we will work it out once and for all. Damn it!
* * *
“Skye!”
I turn around and see Duke’s sister running up the stairs toward me, her pretty face flushed from the exertion. She could blend amongst the student population easily with her old jeans and plain black sweatshirt.
I wait with my key in my hand, halfway to the lock, for her to catch me up. I’m surprised to see her here, knowing she’s looking for me. I’m in demand today it would seem! I smile at her, but can’t ease the frown on my face.
“Hi Alana.” Putting the key in the lock, I open the door to find Kate isn’t here. Hopefully she’s with Derek and they are sorting things out. I walk to my bed and put my backpack on it, sighing when the weight leaves my aching back. “Do you want something to drink? We don’t have much, but we do have water and Coke,” I tell her, a little unsure of how I should react with her here. I’m still learning to adapt when something happens that’s out of the ordinary. It’s hard when I’m still struggling with even the everyday boring stuff.
I see her dark gaze taking in my bare side and comparing it to Kate’s lively one. She knows what happened to me, but it’s still difficult to have the signs displayed in front of you. She doesn’t say a word or show anything and I’m grateful for it.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I don’t have your number so I couldn’t reach you,” she apologizes when I give her a bottle of water after she asked for one. She opens it and takes a sip, her fingers fidgeting with the plastic top. “I need to talk to you. I hope it’s okay.”
I can’t say no. Moreover, I know it’s about Duke and I can’t avoid the concern of his family. I know his parents seemed enthusiastic at the idea before anything happened between us, but I saw in his sister’s eyes that she was concerned. I can’t blame her. My parents won’t be that thrilled either when I tell them even though they like Duke. Families always look out for their children, and when they are broken, they tend to be overly cautious about anything that could hurt them if it went wrong.
“Of course,” I reply with a tight smile, pulling the sleeves of my sweater over my hands.
Alana follows the movement and sadness invades her eyes. She takes another sip of her water before she puts the top back on and places it on the ground next to her feet clad in flat leather boots. “I spoke to my brother on the phone last night.”
I try not to show any emotion on my face, but knowing she’s had contact with him when it’s been almost forty-eight hours since I did is kind of hard to take. However, she’s his sister so I guess I shouldn’t feel bitter.
“And?” I probe, quite anxious to know what transpired to have her here in my dorm. I brush away some of my wild curls and cross my arms over my chest, my shaky and clammy hands hidden in my top.
She adjusts her ponytail, smoothing her dark hair over her head without needing to. “You two are together, right?”
I clear my throat and feel my cheeks burning. Experiencing a flashback of me and her brother having the most intense sex I’ve ever experienced is not helping me relax. In fact, I feel quite mortified. “Uh, yes.”
She frowns and clasps her hands in front of her on her thighs. “I like you, Skye, and I do think you two would be a great couple, but you know about his past.”