“You shouldn’t walk along the sidewalk like that,” she says, extending an arm toward me. I know she’s freezing but it’s her own fault. “Don’t forget what I told you. Derek is older and he makes me nervous. You and Duke will diffuse possible dull moments, and then I’ll be able to get to know him better.”
All this week Derek, Kate, Duke, and I had coffee together. Since the party, we formed some kind of little gang and it’s quite enjoyable even if I still feel out of my comfort zone when it comes to social interactions. So, the whole week Kate and Derek talked and even seemed to forget that we were there from time to time. I never saw a dull moment between them, but I did see Kate flush several times. It’s new and I’m pretty sure that’s what is really bothering her. For once, a guy is more complicated to get and she’s more interested than usual. It’s a heady cocktail.
“Why shouldn’t I pace?” I ask, ignoring her worries about her night out with Derek, with Duke and me as chaperones. It’s weirder when put like this.
“Because you could be asked what your price is for the night.” She laughs and I walk to her to slap her bare arm playfully.
“Do I really look like a ... you know?” I frown and look down again, my eyes seeing only my cleavage. From here, I can even see the black lacy bra I bought yesterday.
She laughs harder and shakes her head. “You’re crazy. You. Are. Gorgeous. Now calm down, they’re coming.”
I turn around and almost topple over. Damn heels. Duke’s eyebrows disappear behind some locks of hair falling in his eyes. His gaze travels from my feet and up my legs that look longer than when I am in jeans, and stop a second longer on my cleavage before it settles on my face. He’s blushing. I mean, Duke, the hot TA with an impressive list of girls with whom he’s had sex, is blushing.
“You’re ...” he begins, but fails to finish his sentence. He looks away to the bouncer carding people at the entry. “Stay close to me or some other guy will sweep you away.”
I roll my eyes and shrug. Like that’s going to happen. I can barely talk to other people beside Derek, Kate, and Duke, so a complete stranger ...
Speaking of Derek and Kate, those two are already in their own bubble with Derek smiling at her, a hand on her bare back. She’s blushing and giggling softly. They’re flirting more openly but it’s sweet to see. I hope Kate won’t run away when she realizes that she cares way more about him than for just one or two nights. Her repulsion about relationships makes me kind of anxious.
“Guys, I’m freezing. Let’s go in,” Duke says, catching their attention. They agree and lead the way before going back to talking about who-knows-what. Duke shakes his head with an amused smile tugging at his sensual lips. He puts a hand around my shoulders and I lean against him without thinking. It’s getting almost automatic now.
“I’m not sure they need us,” I whisper to him when we’re waiting for our turn to walk in. There are three groups of people in front of us, nothing major.
“I’m pretty sure we’ll be on our own tonight,” he agrees, squeezing my shoulders and playing with my hair, which I didn’t want to put in a messy bun like Kate wanted me to.
“Is it bothering you?” I ask him, suddenly worried it annoys him to spend even more time with me alone. After all, we see each other every day, we text each other—mainly to know if I saw Sean or not—and we have coffee every day, too.
He frowns. “No. You?” he asks back, his voice clipped.
“Of course not!”
“So what’s the matter?”
I shrug and take two steps with Duke still glued to me. Kate and Derek are now laughing loudly. “I’m going to freak out inside and you’ll have to calm me down, again. It’s getting old, don’t you think?”
He leans down toward my ear, and his goatee brushes my thin skin. “Kissing you is not getting old.” The movement of his lips forming the words sends a shiver down my spine. Heat floods to my cheeks.
“Who talked about kissing?”
“That’s our new thing to calm each other. The other night it worked well on me,” he replies mischievously, his dazzling smile making a group of girls giggle behind us. I even hear one of them claiming that Duke is ‘so hot that she’s about to wet her panties’.
The girl is so not discreet and Duke and I begin to laugh like maniacs, unable to say anything more, barely able to show our IDs—the fake one for me—to the bouncer who scowls at us before grudgingly letting us in.
As soon as we’re inside, the music assaults me, almost knocking me down. When I thought the parties from other students were loud, it’s nothing compared to this. I’m pretty sure tomorrow I’ll be deaf. Duke pulls his arm away from around my shoulders and grabs one of my hands instead, leading us to the bar. We already lost Kate and Derek.
People are grinding against each other fervently on the dance floor and it’s difficult to navigate between the moving bodies. I’m not feeling very well with all the touching, but I manage to keep my cool. I’m not running away screaming yet.
At the bar, several guys and girls are yelling their orders to bartenders working efficiently, using this or that bottles. They are already sweaty and the night is still young. I don’t know how they can do this.
“Don’t let go of my hand. I don’t want to lose you among these people. I’d get frantic trying to find you,” he yells at me, to be sure I hear him over the loud bumping of the music I can feel beating in my chest.
I nod and tighten my grip for good measure. He nods back, and pushes past two guys to pass his order to the only girl behind the bar. Her well-oiled movements stop and she drinks him in before smiling and giving him his order. Maybe having a hot best friend comes in handy sometimes.
He turns back to me without dropping my hand and gives me a cold bottle of beer. He keeps the other one and takes a sip. “We’ll drink only one beer. No need to get carried away,” he tells me close to my ear, his breath already smelling faintly of beer.
“Don’t worry, I never drink more than a beer,” I reply before tugging at his hand to move away to find a less crowded place. As we pass by the dance floor to look for a free table, I point at a couple dancing closely. Derek and Kate. “I guess we can imagine how that’s going to end.”
He follows the direction I point and shakes his head. “Derek won’t sleep with her. He likes her, but he’s not the type of guy to sleep with a girl after the first date.
I tilt my head and lean against a wall, Duke facing me. I take a sip of my beer and begin to calm down. Here, people are not bumping into me and I don’t feel as claustrophobic. Also, having Duke in front of me instead of all the people crammed in a room too small for my taste is better. And more of a spectacle with his tattoos looking darker under the strobe lights and his eyes often going down my cleavage. Knowing he likes what he sees boosts my ego, which is funny because whenever another guy gives me the same look I hate it and want to just hide somewhere far away. I just feel normal with Duke.
“You’re going to dance with me as soon as you’re finished with your beer.” He tips his bottle up and makes a show to let me know his bottle is empty.
I shake my head and widen my eyes. “No! No, no, no. I’m not going in the middle of ... this!” I exclaim, pointing at the crammed dance floor where strangers are bumping each other and couples are almost dry humping. I don’t know how to dance and I’m not feeling good enough in my own skin to try.
“Trust me.”
“That’s not about trust, Duke!” I tighten my grip on the bottle and like an idiot I finish it in one big sip. Not that I secretly want to dance, but I need a distraction. Duke arches his eyebrows and nods at my bottle. “You know I’ll freak out in the middle of this frenzy.”
He takes my bottle and puts both empty beers on the closest table where a group of guys and girls don’t even realize the intrusion. “Then I’ll be glad to kiss you senseless until you’re so breathless that you can’t think about anything other than having your way with me and not about where we are.”
I gape at him and let him grab my hand. “Do you always say what’s in your head?”
He shrugs and walks to the dance floor, but not in the middle. “It’s straight talk. I tend to be like that when I want something badly,” he answers in my ear and I shiver. He chuckles at my reaction and puts his hands low on my waist, almost over my ass.
I swallow hard and look around us, making a face at a guy mimicking sex moves with a girl I hope is his girlfriend. I bring my hands up on Duke’s broad shoulders and let him move us. We’re not exactly in rhythm. In fact, it’s like we’re moving at our own rhythm, slower, calmer but incredibly sensual. He’s not grinding against me, but slightly brushing his hips against mine while I’ve got both legs between his, my naked skin touching the denim of his black jeans.
At one point, maybe after three songs, he stops us and leans toward my face, his eyes locked on my lips and never looking elsewhere. He’s serious, determined, and the bulge in his pants lets me know he’s on the edge. I tilt my face up and open my mouth as soon as his smooth lips come in contact with mine.
Though our bodies are not moving on the dance floor among the other undulating bodies surrounding us, our tongues and lips are moving in rhythm with the heavy thump-thump of the music. Surprising us both, I’m the one who grinds against him and he groans in my mouth. It’s primal, it’s heady, and I moan back, my hands tugging in his shaggy hair.
“Let’s go,” he says, breaking the kiss suddenly.
I can’t talk but I nod immediately, not thinking twice. In fact, I’m just listening to the message my body is sending and it’s screaming ‘I want to get a little more sweaty with Duke’. I don’t really know what it means or how far I’m about to go, but all I want is to feel him more closely to me and feel him touching me. I want his big hands on my skin, and I don’t want to think about anything else.
Chapter Fifteen
My hands glide over his naked back until I reach the nape of his neck and the wavy strands curling there. I tug on some and nibble on his lower lip. His groan echoes in my mouth and he deepens the kiss, his hands more frantic on my breasts. My breath is coming heavier.
His left hand travels down my bare stomach. I contract my barely there abs and freeze when he begins to play with the hem of my panties. He breaks the kiss, but keeps his hand on my panties while the other one supports most of his weight so as not to crush me.
It’s the farthest we’ve ever been; here in our underwear about to have sex together. However, now I’m not so sure. I can feel his hard desire against my hip; I can hear his staggered breathing and feel his hands shaking slightly. My breathing is already going back to the normal slow motion I’m accustomed to and my hands are falling back against my body.
“I can’t,” I whisper, my eyes pleading with his to not get angry. I mean, I lead the guy on until he’s almost frantic to have sex with me and now I’m just ... saying no.
He sighs and puts some distance between us lying next to me, his shoulder against mine. I can feel it moving in rhythm with his laborious breathing. I look at the ceiling and consider grabbing my clothes and going back to my dorm. I hate this silence, hate to think that he’s probably angry with me.
“It’s okay,” he finally says, his voice still husky despite his desire, which is fast disappearing. I can’t help my eyes going back down there.
“Do you want me to leave?”
He doesn’t answer right away and I bite my tongue. It’s the first time he doesn’t answer this question in a heartbeat. “No. Stay,” he answers after he cleared his throat, but it doesn’t sound like he really wants me to.
I can leave, I could give him some kind of bullshit about having to leave, but I don’t want to go. I feel awful because I really wanted him—and still do—but beside being afraid of what he’s going to think of me afterward, I’m scared to death by what I feel when I’m in his arms. It’s already too powerful for just sex and it will change things. It’s a fact, sex changes things between people and neither one of us wants anything to change in our friendship that is already a little too much co-dependent.
“I’m s—”
“Don’t say a word,” he cuts me before I can apologize. He turns on his side, not facing me but the wall. “Go to sleep.”
* * *
“Where was Duke?” Kate asks me as we left the coffee house where we met up with Derek. “It’s like the third day in a row he didn’t show.” She adjusts her designer bag on her shoulder and waves at a girl who just called out to her. She looks radiant since our night out with the guys. The little looks Derek and her exchange let me know they’re slowly getting closer. Derek is winning her over even if Kate thinks she’s still immune to love or relationships.
I shrug and zip up my leather jacket over the college hoodie I’ve got on; in my size for once. I didn’t buy it, Kate did. “I don’t know,” I lie because I’m pretty sure I know where he is. After all, whenever something’s wrong he’s always over there.
“It’s weird. Since Saturday he hasn’t been hanging out that much with us or you.” She grabs my forearm and stops us on the sidewalk, making a guy and a girl curse us. I can’t blame them. “Are you sure you didn’t sleep with him?”
Despite myself, despite the anguish I feel about Duke’s behavior, I laugh. “You think I’d forget such a thing?”
She giggles and releases my forearm. “You’re right. You can’t forget getting all sweaty with such a fine male specimen.”