Patrice Lyle - Health Nut 01 - Killer Kung Pao (22 page)

Huh. I didn't know my crazy-old-lady-cougar-neighbor had moved out. A U-Haul was backed up into her driveway, and men were unloading furniture. There was a lot of it too—tables, chairs, a desk, various lamps of various sizes, rugs, you name it—they had it. Must be a family or something.

I found myself strangely fascinated watching this whole bizarre process. For a brief second, I ran into my bedroom and got a pen and pad of paper. I needed to take notes on this. Maybe I could learn something.

Oooh! A potted tree! I liked that idea! I should do that. I made note of the stuff with great glee. The desk and desk chair were nice. I just used a laptop so I worked on the couch or in bed. But maybe it was time I put together an office.

Not that I had anything to do in it. I didn't have a job. I didn't need one. The settlement from the Agency would take care of me for at least the next ten years. The only thing I had was the Girl Scout troop that met every other week. Huh. I wondered if that was weird. Maybe I should have a job or a hobby or something. It seemed to be what normal people who hadn't previously been CIA operatives did.

A car pulled up in front of crazy-old-lady-cougar-neighbor's house but didn't pull into the driveway. I drew back into the shadows behind Dora and her monkey (who was clearly her case officer) and realized that curtains really might be a good idea after all. I'd have to get on it. But first I needed to check out the new people. Slouching behind the cover of the sheets, it kind of felt like the old days, spying on that politician in Spain or that drug runner in Colombia.

Whoever was in the car across the street wasn't in a hurry to step out. When I'd first moved into the neighborhood, I noticed people mowing their lawns, walking their kids to school, or walking their dogs, just doing normal things. Until day two. That's when I first saw
her
.

The woman had to be in her seventies, with bleached blonde hair up in a ponytail and a ton of makeup on. It was sixty-five degrees, and she was out mowing her lawn. In a bikini. I watched open-mouthed as she worked her way up and down the lawn, smiling and waving at any men who were out and about. She did not wave at the women. I also noticed that about halfway through the yard, she let both shoulder straps "accidentally" fall to her elbows.

She was in pretty good shape for an old lady. But the saggy skin and varicose veins were enough to make me want to go back undercover. For the first few weeks, I was fascinated. After a month, I wanted to burn the image from my brain. Forever. It was worse than some of the things I'd seen in the field. And that's saying something.

The black SUV with tinted windows finally moved forward up into the driveway. This was it—the big reveal. I slid back even farther into the Dora sheet/curtain. The driver-side door opened, and a man, maybe in his early thirties, stepped out. He stretched for a moment, then looked at the house.

Oh yeah, and he was GORGEOUS. Short, black hair, athletic build, handsome, boy-next-door face, and lean muscles in all the right places. He wore a fitted, black T-shirt and blue jeans. Was this my new neighbor? If so, the view just got a lot better.

I stared as he walked around to the passenger side and opened the door. He reached in and pulled out a large duffle bag. Slinging it oh-so-casually over his shoulder, he closed the door to the SUV and went into the house. His house. My new neighbor's and the possibly future Mr. Wrath's house.

The doorbell rang, and I jumped backward, tripping over my own feet and crashing into the green couch. What the hell? How did I miss someone coming to my own door? That was just bad spy craft, retired or not. I stumbled across the living room and looked out the window next to the door. Oh, my God.

"Hello Riley," I said as I opened the door, trying to act as if it was totally normal that my previous boss and handler was standing on my doorstep.

"Hey Wrath." Riley smiled lopsidedly. He was a very attractive man in his late thirties, with wavy, blond hair and deep blue eyes. I always thought he looked more like a surfer than a CIA case manager. I motioned for him to enter and followed him into my house.

He was standing in the entryway, staring at my living room. "Did you just move in here?" Riley frowned. "I thought you'd had this address for a while, but maybe I'm wrong." He knew he wasn't wrong. Riley was a notorious fact checker. He double-checked everything before he did anything. We called him "Nerd OCD Boy" behind his back.

I scowled. "No. I just haven't gotten around to decorating yet." Riley pissed me off. He always did. Even when he wasn't speaking, he usually irritated me. Still, he was a good guy to have in your corner when the chips were down and the Russians were fully armed outside your door.

Riley shrugged. He just stood there looking at me. Oh right. This was one of those host thingies that I had no experience with. I rarely had guests in my tenement in La Paz or my yurt in Mongolia.

"Come into the kitchen. Can I get you some coffee?" I didn't really have coffee. Never touched the stuff. I was more of a tea drinker. Ninety-percent of the world drank tea—well, at least the places I'd been stationed in did. So I drank tea.

Riley followed me into the kitchen and climbed up on one of the breakfast bar stools. "Nothing for me, thanks." He grinned at me, and I felt my hackles rise. "Although I must admit—it is interesting to see you being so…" He waved his arms around. "Domestic."

"Fuck you, Riley. What are you doing here?" I asked as I got out the bottle of wine Kelly had opened earlier and poured myself a glass. CIA case officers never checked up on retirees. Something was up.

"Dead Ahmed," he answered. "Found in your neighborhood. What's up with that?"

Riley rarely messed around. He always got right to the point. Of course he'd notice a dead terrorist showing up where I was in Iowa. Any good employee of "The Company" would.

"Oh right," I said, looking off into space as if I just remembered the dead al-Qaeda operative at Girl Scout camp. "Him."

Riley nodded, "Right. Him. Ahmed Maloof. Why was he there?"

I shrugged, "Don't know and don't care. Not my problem. Not anymore, at least." I took a gulp of wine and pointed at him. "I don't work for you guys. I'm retired. Remember?"

Riley smiled his easy, surfer smile. He really was cute, if you liked that California golden boy look, that is. "You can't be surprised I'm here, Finn." He said.

"Actually, I am." That wasn't entirely true. It was only a matter of time before he or someone like him showed up. "I had nothing to do with it. And don't call me Finn. I'm
Merry
now."

I started working with Riley ten years ago. Our first assignment together was in China. I'd thought he was cute back then. But then I discovered that Riley was a serial lady-killer. I think I found him in bed with women more than a dozen times. The attraction wore thin after that.

My former boss held my gaze for a moment. He was reading me. Trying to figure me out. Riley had the reputation of being a sort of mind reader. He was very good at it.

"Actually," he said slowly, "we think you did have something to do with it. I've been sent to investigate."

I slapped the breakfast bar hard. "Are you serious? You think I was involved? Why in hell would I do that? I got kicked out of Langley. Or did you forget that?"

"I didn't forget that, Finn," Riley answered, ignoring my request for him to call me Merry, "and personally, I don't think you killed Ahmed. But I do think there's a connection."

"There's no connection, Riley. I've been out of the agency for a year now. And I haven't worked the Middle East in a long, long time. I barely knew the guy." Uh-oh. I'd slipped up there. Maybe I should quit with the wine.

Riley grinned, "That's right. You barely knew him. But you did know him. And that makes you a person of interest."

Dammit! You make one mistake with a terrorist years ago, and nobody lets you forget it, ever! How the hell was I supposed to know my driver in Kabul was Ahmed's brother? The Kabul Office should've known that before they hired him. Anyway, I was a professional, and I was retired. Enough of this crap.

"You need to leave now, Riley, before I get mad and get my ice pick. Remember how good I am with an ice pick?" My voice dripped with fury. And the ice pick thing was just thrown in to aggravate him. I was hell on Earth with an ice pick, and he'd once seen the results of my work. I was also good with a shotgun, and throwing knives, and once I did this thing with a didgeridoo that would probably be classified as a serious violation of the Geneva Convention—but that's another story for another time.

Riley rose to his feet, placing his hands defensively in front of him. "Fine. I'll go." He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a blank piece of paper with a phone number on it. A local number. Damn it.

"I'll be staying at the Radisson. Call me when you want to talk like a normal person." He set the slip of paper on the breakfast bar before heading for the front door. He turned in the doorway and looked at me.

"You know, Finn, you really should get some drapes." Then with the flash of his oh-too-white smile, he left, closing the door behind him.

Perfect.

CHAPTER TWO

So the agency thought I was involved in Ahmed's death. That could mean I was being framed. I had no idea that bastard was even in the country, let alone in the Midwest. Was someone out to get me? That would totally suck.

The drapes would have to wait. I pulled out the laptop and did some research. You might be surprised to know that most CIA intel comes from research. No kidding. In the internet age—you could get more info online than you could in the field half the time. I kind of resented the fact that I'd missed cold war espionage by a decade. I'd be willing to bet it was way more fun than what I had to deal with.

Ahmed turned up on Al Jazeera's website. Just a few mentions about him hiding out in Pakistan. Who didn't hide out there? I couldn't find much and toyed with hacking into the CIA's mainframe. But I didn't want to deal with the hassle if I was found out. And it might make me look guilty. I closed the laptop and shoved it aside in disgust.

I didn't have any access to agency resources anymore. If I was going to find out what happened before another dead body turned up, I'd have to do it on my own. And I was pretty sure that there would be another body, because if someone wanted to frame me, they'd have to do a lot more than this.

So, who hated me enough? I got my pad of paper and made a list. After I got to thirty five, I called it quits. Spies have lots of enemies in lots of places. It wasn't unusual. And I had been PNGed out of the agency. Even with my blonde hair and blue eyes now, if someone really wanted to find me, they probably could.

Which pissed me off. I was mostly off the grid now. I had zero presence on social media and an unlisted cell phone number. Kelly knew about me, but she wouldn't tell anyone because I'd threatened her with some blackmail I had from the ninth grade. Considering that her parents never did find out who burned down the garage because a certain
someone
was smoking
something
, I was fairly confident she didn't want that to get out.

My parents wouldn't tell anyone. They tended to be a tad protective of me after what I'd gone through. So who knew I was here? It was frustrating. Oh, I know it takes time to find these things out, and I used to have patience in the field. But since "retiring" I was a bit less so. Okay, I was completely impatient. Two people in front of me at the grocery store usually set me off these days. When I want my Oreos—I want them NOW.

Great. Now I wanted Oreos. I grabbed my purse and keys and headed for the store. In all honesty—I wasn't a great shopper. Kelly told me she goes to the store once a week. I go every other day. I'm not very good about stocking up on stuff. I guess that comes from living on the fly and picking up a baguette here or candy bar there. (By the way—
never
,
ever
buy a candy bar in Uruguay.) I should probably learn how to cook and shop and that kind of thing. It wasn't like I didn't have time.

This time I bought TWO packages of Oreos. On the drive home I was congratulating myself on my foresight and thinking how this might lead to some day buying a whole quart of milk, when I ran over a man.

That's right, I hit a man. With my car. My driving skills aren't bad. I've driven in some real shit-holes, usually in crappy, stick shift only cars. So watching a man roll off my hood and onto the street in front of my car caught me by surprise.

I slammed on the brakes and shifted into park as I got out and ran toward the man I'd hit.
Please don't be dead…please!
A middle-aged Latino man clawed at the air, gasping for breath. His eyes paused on mine for a second before he collapsed to the pavement, dead.

The police were there immediately. I was in a fog as they shoved me aside and started CPR on the dead guy. Another cop grabbed me by the arm and pulled me over to his car. He started asking me what happened.

"I don't know," I answered, never taking my eyes off the dead man. "I didn't see him. He just ran out in front of my car."

I looked around, checking my surroundings. A group of witnesses were being questioned. I listened to hear them say the same thing. The man wasn't there, and then he was. Apparently to them, he also just appeared in the middle of the street.

"Do you know him?" the officer asked me.

"No," I lied. "Never seen him before." I was good at being interrogated. Graduated at the top of my class at The Farm. That's the CIA finishing school in the middle of nowhere, by the way. Anyway, I could take almost any kind of abuse. Except water boarding. I hated water boarding. I had this thing about my face getting wet.

The officer nodded and asked for my license and registration. I went through the motions of handing them to him. My brain was racing, trying to sort everything out. How did
he
get here? And why did he jump in front of my car? And what the hell was going on?

These questions played like a broken record over and over as I watched an ambulance take the body away. There was a huge, bloody puddle on the ground in front of my car. I'd seen bloodstains before. Hell, I'd even caused them a time or two. But this was different…more sinister.

"Thanks, Ms. Wrath," the officer said. I would've told him how much I appreciated him using the proper title and not calling me
Mrs.
, but then I'd have to explain, and it wasn't worth the effort. "We'll send a detective over to see you in a few hours. You can go."

Without a word, I took back my license and registration, got into my car, and drove the remaining four blocks back to my house. Once inside, I locked all the doors and drew the Dora sheet across the length of the window. I paced the kitchen while eating an entire package of Oreos. Thank God I'd bought two.

I picked up the cell phone and dialed.

He answered on the first ring. "Finn?"

"You'd better come over. I just ran over Carlos the Armadillo. He's dead."

There was a measured silence on the other end before he replied, "I'll be there in five minutes."

MERIT BADGE MURDER

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