Authors: Monica Miller
“No, I don’t…”
“I don’t wanna see you anymore. We’re not friends anymore and you sure as hell won’t be my maid of honor!” she yelled as she took her dress and walked towards the door. “And don’t you even think of getting anywhere near Matt. Do you understand it? I forbid you!”
“You can’t…”
“Oh, I sure as hell can! If you had said something at the beginning, I would’ve understood! Hell, I thought the whole time you had something, but you said nothing happened, Matt insisted there was nothing going between you two… How could I not believe that, you two were the people I trusted most! And now what am I supposed to do? Because you woke up this morning and thought ‘Oh, let’s get Matt back because I’m a bitch who couldn’t fight for him at the right time’, I have to do what you say? No, Emma! Matt loves
me
now! And we’re getting married. And there is no way you could change that. Have a nice life, Emma.”
She shut the door behind her and I felt the tears falling down my cheeks realizing I had lost everything.
*
“Matt, something’s wrong!” I yelled as I entered his office. He was standing in his chair, with his eyes on his laptop, but lifted his head and looked at me.
“What’s up, Ems?” he asked with his usual charming smile.
I sighed when I noticed his smile, and I relaxed as I walked towards him.
“Everything is just wrong… and everyone is acting really weird – Monica, Rick, Gabrielle,” I said breathlessly, and Matt said nothing. “Why is Monica still thinking you’re getting married, Matt?”
“Um – what?” he asked confused.
“Monica, she got her wedding dress and when I told her about us she-“
“When you told her
what
?” Matt asked with his eyes widening, and his fists clenching.
“I told her about us, that she’s weird because we are dating and…”
“Emma, what the fuck?” he asked, and stood up from his chair and started walking around the office, occasionally running his fingers through his now ruffled hair.
“What’s the matter with everyone, Matt? Why…”
“No, why are you doing this?” he asked and grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up, and now I was looking into his blue eyes, and they seemed colder than ever. “You should’ve… God!” he snapped, and I jumped in fear.
My eyes started to wet, and Matt let go of my hands, running his fingers again through his hair.
“I need to think this through, Emma… I don’t know, why, why would you do this now?”
“I’m doing what?” I tried to shout back, but I couldn’t.
*
It was dark, too dark, and so hot and also confusing. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, and I couldn’t see anything, or remember anything. Something was wrong, and I didn’t know how to fix it, or what to do about it. And it was loud, and also crowded. I was lost.
*
Today was the day. I had no idea how to get over this, what to do, I was lonely; no one else would’ve agreed to stay with me anymore. Gabrielle hated me for no apparent reason, Rick was angry with me, and he was also crushed because Monica was marrying Matt. Alex obviously wouldn’t even picture ever talking to me, Jensen was married to Gabrielle and he didn’t talk to me either, Monica hated me and I think she wanted me dead, Matt was annoyed I told Monica about us, and he wouldn’t reply any of me texts, e-mails nor answer or return my calls.
Why?
*
I was standing in the church, just a few hours before the inevitable.
Watching the decoration with a broken heart, my eyes fell on the pure white matching the dark red, and the white carpet on the aisle was covered with rose petals. There were bouquets of roses at the end of every bench, and the staff from the orchestra started to appear from the back door.
Walking slowly towards the altar, I felt the petals bending underneath my heels and I sighed. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is not the way things were supposed to go!
I shouldn’t be here, full of regrets, waiting for him to make a completely wrong decision.
I remembered his smile, the way it lightened my day just like the sweet sunshine, how he had understood me completely every time, and every situation, and he had been there, always next to me, supporting me, caring about me… And now he was about to make the most important step with… somebody else.
And I couldn’t change anything anymore. I couldn't understand
why
. I couldn't understand
how
. And I was standing in front of the altar, with nothing else but regrets and old memories that I would never recover.
*
I knew this was wrong, although I had no idea how to make it right. I am here, but no one cares, I am hurt, still no one notices. Nothing makes sense, and nothing matters anymore. I couldn’t believe how all the people I used to know and love could be that careless.
They were all happy.
Matt and Monica didn’t care about me at all; they were still getting married in a few minutes.
Gabrielle and Jensen were happy too, they were just married and still on cloud nine. I was happy for them, because they were perfect together, all beautiful and glorious.
Rick was miserable, like me, but he didn’t want to talk or anything.
And all I could feel was pain – loud and clear, heavy pressing on my chest and denying any other feeling. Just a continue sensation of numbness and weakness.
*
The preacher followed his way through the ceremony, while my heart was pounding in my chest, my body was shaking, and I felt how all the air left my lungs. I couldn’t watch this, but I was frozen, like there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t even blink, I just stared at him from the last line of chairs, and he looked so happy smiling widely at her, and Monica blushing and gently squeezing his hand. My heart ached and tears appeared in my eyes.
“Matthew Nicholls, do you take Monica Martin to be your wife in healthiness and sickness,” the preacher started, but I wasn’t hearing anymore.
“No!” I said and jumped out of my seat.
In a matter of seconds, all eyes were on me, and I was so surprised I knew nobody. There were just empty faces on people I’ve never seen. My heart was beating faster now, my knees weak and my breath heavy. Matt turned and looked at me, and his face was impassive, as he stared at me.
I couldn’t see anyone else but him, and he was there, and even though I was so far away in the back of the church, but it was like I was standing next to him.
“I’m sorry, you can’t do this,” I started talking and somehow instead of relaxing, every word came harder. “I love you, I’m sorry I didn’t say this earlier, it’s just stupid you shouldn’t marry Monica, because you don’t love her!”
I didn’t even look at her, at the person I’ve shared an apartment with for almost four years, the person I’ve been so close to, and whom I’ve called one of my best friends. And she was holding Matt’s hand so tight, Matt, the guy I was in love with since I finished high school.
It should be a book somewhere to explain what to do now, but it wasn’t. I didn’t know what to do or say, I was just there looking at him, pleading him to change his mind.
“I know you think this is good right now, but it’s not, and you know it,” I continued with a hoarse voice. I wanted to yell at him, to make him see this, but I couldn’t. “Everything is so screwed up, Matt, and I thought I could move on, but seriously, since Christmas you and I have been different, and now this? This can’t be happening, we… we were perfect,” I said and tears started falling. “I’m sorry I did this now, but it is kind of the right moment,” I said, his expression still blank. “I love you, Matt Nicholls,” I whispered and there was nothing else in my mind.
I knew he had to reason this out, to understand he wasn’t the kind of guy who’d marry someone like Monica. He was the guy who I was supposed to be with, and he knew it as well I did. Matt and I were perfect for each other.
He opened his mouth to say something, he sighed and turned to look at Monica, but my eyes couldn’t leave his face. “No, Emma,” he whispered.
And then I woke up.
Epilogue
~
M
att
N
icholls ~
Two years later
I woke up and the New York sunrays were lighting my room. It was a sunny day and what I loved most about it is the fact that today is Saturday. I looked around my room and the smile created by the weather outside faded, remembering that I was 30 years old and I was living in New York, sharing an apartment with my best friend since high school, Ben.
Of course living in New York with your best friend has its perks, like going out and coming back at which hour you’d like or staying late talking or playing Xbox and teasing each other.
After taking a brief shower I went to the kitchen and found Ben sitting on a chair with the newspaper in front of him, and as well a bowl of cereals. At 30 years old. Cereals! I giggled and he looked at me with an eyebrow raised.
“Rise and shine, Nicholls,” he greeted with a grin. “I managed to finish the crosswords. It was a hell of a crossword… But I did. Why? Because I’m awesome, man.”
“Yeah…” I said as I looked into the fridge and my stomach growled. I missed my home’s meals and a nice table with the people I loved… But here I had my career which was going so well I could actually support my family and do more things than I did in L.A.
“Hey,” Ben said as he left the
New York Times
on the table and observed me with a serious expression. “You miss L.A.?” he asked suddenly.
“Of course. I know it’s been like two weeks, but it’s not…” I sighed and started to make a sandwich. “I miss food, especially,” I joked and Ben rolled his eyes.
“I can make you a nice dinner so you’ll stay here the next weekend too.”
“Ha ha, no,” I said and Ben laughed. “Thanks for the offer, but…” I looked at my left hand and the golden ring on my fourth finger shone into the light. “Taken, man,” I said and Ben laughed.
“By the way, guess who called this morning. But I answered for you and we had a long, nice chat and everything was so great she forgot about you. So did Luke. That shows that I’m more awesome than you could ever be, Nicholls, but… I guess you already know that,” Ben said with a shrug and I rolled my eyes.
I sat on the table and took the newspaper while I was finishing the sandwich. Ben, like a five year old, was still eating his cereals while checking his mails on his Blackberry. There was nothing interesting in New York for the weekend and my mind wondered back in L.A, where my beautiful wife was.
The memories of how beautiful she was appeared in my mind and I couldn’t hide a smile. I remembered every single thing we did in a matter of seconds, and just those memories made me feel so alive. Except for the fact that she was in L.A., and I was in New York.
It wasn’t like she didn’t like New York, because, oh, she did and we have some good memories here, before and after our wedding, but she found this amazing job just before I did and she finally was doing something in designs that she totally loved and when the job offer came, I couldn’t make her move here with me. So I was living with Ben now, who was still single at 30 years old, and still enjoying his bachelor status.
Back in the day, I would’ve sworn Ben would get married before I did. He was that kind of guy, the one who is capable of making someone feel safe and he made enough money to have a family. But he wasn’t, in fact. He enjoyed being a bachelor, even though at my wedding I saw regret in his eyes. But anyone would be jealous of my marriage. Hell, even I was jealous of it. It was so amazing I couldn’t even realize that I was married.
My family was so happy about it, obviously my mom loved her so much that she could actually adopt her. If it wasn’t for her mom, maybe she would’ve. And the fact that our families got along so well made it so much better, considering we were spending the holidays back in Connecticut every time and it wasn’t awkward or anything. It was still a bit awkward with Rick, but Ben made things easier when he called Rick to come party with us over two years ago.
“What are we up to today?” Ben asked out of a sudden and I shrugged.
In the weekends when I stayed in New York, we did nothing else but get drunk or party, so probably that was our plan for the weekend, too.
“You’re so annoying today, Nicholls,” Ben sighed and ran a hang through his messy hair. “Maybe I should talk to my boss and convince him to give you his private plane to go in L.A,” he said and he seemed to think for a moment and then looked at me with a smirk. “Oh, wait… Do you know who my boss is?”
“An arrogant jackass?” I asked and Ben punched me hard in the shoulder.
“Okay, I won’t talk to him anymore,” he said and he seemed offended. “But he’s a nice guy, okay? In his free time at least.”
“You need a girlfriend, dude… Stop bragging about yourself. I’m my boss, too, I’m just not this that kind of presumptuous CEOs, okay? I don’t want a private plane, for Christ’s sake. You don’t go anywhere anyway, so why would you buy a private plane?”
“My friend… Because I can,” Ben said and I laughed and nodded.
The truth is in the last two years Ben’s boss died and he was so good at Marketing that he just replaced him, and became the youngest CEO in that company. Even though Ben had a lot of crazy requests like buying a private plane or having a partnership with Starbucks, the company was going so much better with him in charge. You wouldn’t have thought, right? No, I actually thought about it. I knew how dedicated he was and he loved it, so everything he deserved much more than that.
“Seriously, bro, do you want to? I can call Ryan and he’ll take care of the plane in just…,” he looked at his expensive watch and said, “30 minutes.”
“It’s too much, dude, don’t worry. Plus I have to be back Monday morning at 7, and…”
“You can come back tomorrow night and… you know. Still. You love and miss her, c’mon. It’s just a phone call away,” he winked at me and I sighed. Of course I couldn’t refuse going back to L.A. even if it was for a few hours.