Perfectly Flawed (27 page)

Adrianna wished the bed would open up and swallow her. If only she could disappear. She didn’t want to talk about this.
Couldn’t
talk about it.

“Tell me, love.” Sean squeezed her hand. “You need to tell
someone
.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. It was years ago, but felt like it had just happened. “I…it’s just so hard, Sean. It’s so degrading.”

“I’m listening, love.”

“My parents were furious when they found out I was pregnant. My mother got hysterical. She had this other boy in mind, from the right family, and she’d hoped to lure him into taking me out. But that hadn’t happened. And when she saw her plan destroyed, she flew into a rage.

“It was worse that the father of my baby was a bad choice in their eyes. I’d had the nerve to feel affection for the son of one of their business associates, and it embarrassed them. It was all just…an embarrassment.

“The day after I told my mother I was pregnant, my father called me into the den. I can still recall his face. It was flushed red with anger. He didn’t even try to talk to me, never asked me to explain.

“He never cared how I felt. It was terrifying, Sean.” Adrianna shook, and she wiped away tears with the sleeve of her robe.

“What did he do?”

“He started yelling at me. My father…he called me a whore. Said he was disgusted. He’d hit me before, other times. But I’d never seen him so mad.”

Adrianna swallowed and rubbed her eyes. “I can still see it now. His slight paunch hanging over his belt, and his sleeves rolled up.
The thick dark hair on his arms, and his clenched fists. It scared me to death.

“But I fought back. I yelled at him. Told him he didn’t understand. Told him he had no right to call me names.

“Then everything happened so fast. He stood close to me, and commanded, ‘Lift up your dress.’

“I knew what was coming. I can still smell his breath, so close to me.
Can still see him taking his belt off. In one strong motion, he had it in his hand, folded in two with the metal buckle on the loose end.

“I hadn’t lifted my skirt. I couldn’t move. So he reached over, with his arm across my low back bending me over, and lifted my skirt. I remember the sound of him gritting his teeth and his tight hold on me. I tried to fight, but he was too strong. With his other hand, he ripped off my underwear.

“And he started beating me with the belt. Hard. He hit me so hard. The metal cut into my skin, the back of my thighs, my.... Over and over, he beat me.

“I started screaming, ‘Don’t! Please…stop!’

“But he wouldn’t stop lashing me with the belt. Just kept on and on. I don’t know how long. And I just remember screaming and screaming.

“Then…I felt the most horrible sensation.” Adrianna stopped, sobbing too hard to continue.

Sean pulled her into his arms. She quivered against him, her chest heaving with sobs. Then, slowly, she continued to talk.

“Deep inside I felt a powerful cramp. It was like my insides were gripped by an iron fist. I gasped for breath. I couldn’t find the strength to even scream.

“My mother came in. Had heard me screaming. My father stepped back, letting go of me. I doubled over and crumbled to the floor.

“Next thing I knew I was in an ambulance, being raced to the hospital. There was some blood. I don’t remember all of it. I fainted.

Adrianna stopped talking and looked into Sean’s eyes, noting his sad expression.

“But it was too late…I’d lost the baby.”

Silently, she stared at Sean, but only saw the incident, still vivid in her mind.

“I can never forget. At the time, I felt like it was my fault. I knew my father, and knew his temper. Yet I pushed him. I yelled back. I knew better.

“If I hadn’t yelled at him, argued…I couldn’t help thinking my baby would still be alive, and that thought crushed me. I kept thinking…why couldn’t I have kept quiet…
for the sake of my baby?
”

Sean touched her cheek.
“Oh, Adrianna. My love.”

She fell into his arms and he just held her. Adrianna couldn’t stop crying. She’d never be able to stop crying. Why did she always have to provoke people? Why did she have to always make mistakes?

Chapter 31

After a long time, Adrianna stopped crying. She felt ravaged, like her heart had been ripped out. But she felt different too, having told Sean. What good it would do, she had no idea. But she was relieved to have shared it with him. Maybe he’d understand.

She went to the bathroom and doused her eyes with cold water. Looking in the mirror, she noted her skin was pale and her face puffy. For years, she’d kept it all inside. Shame had dragged her into depression more times than she could count.

But now she had Sean. Maybe it would be different.
Maybe.

She went back to the room and saw Sean on the bed. He opened his arms to her.

Thankfully, he didn’t tell her that she shouldn’t have felt how she had. He shared in her grief, now knowing the horror of the memory. But he didn’t say it was okay. It couldn’t be okay. Her baby would never come back. Adrianna could never undo the past, couldn’t go back and behave differently.

Looking into Sean’s understanding eyes, she said, “I hate my father.”

Sean nodded. “What did your mother do…when you lost the baby?”

Adrianna shook her head. “She blamed me. Ranting at me, scathingly: ‘
Look at all the trouble you caused. You’re not to say anything about what happened. You just let me handle this. You’ve done enough.
’ She cautioned me not to tell the nurses how I got the red welts across the back of my thighs—though I know they suspected.

“I was buried in grief for months. I couldn’t have fought back if I’d wanted to. I learned
later that the miscarriage would have happened anyway. The cause of early miscarriages isn’t always known. And most occur within the first twelve weeks.

“But knowing that didn’t help me feel any better. The baby dying took part of me away too. The cutting got worse, and the scars were more visible. I couldn’t keep my obsession a secret any longer. There was no way to be in beauty contests. And I know my mother never forgave me for that.

“I didn’t want to go on. I couldn’t do anything right, couldn’t envision a future. I lost all confidence in myself.”

Sean put his palm on her cheek.
“And now?”

“I eventually got better. It was hard, though. And I never got over it. I struggled to resist the need to cut. And the nightmares wouldn’t stop. Then…I met you, Sean. I came alive inside when you lit up my life. But I didn’t want to pull you into my horror. I tried to keep it away from you. I told you to go.
Over and over. But you don’t listen.” Adrianna gave him a tiny smile.

“I don’t listen, do I? And I won’t leave you, Adrianna. No matter what you do. I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.” Sean took off his clothes and got in bed.

Adrianna slipped off her robe and slid in next to him. He held her in his arms, saying nothing. And it was enough just to be there with him and feel his love. She didn’t go to sleep for a long time, and neither did Sean.

*****

When Adrianna woke up, she was alone. The curtains were drawn and the room was quiet. A feeling of calm came over her as she remembered Sean and everything that had happened the night before. She felt different, better, like a huge burden had been lifted. She slipped out of bed, found her robe, and went to the bedroom door.

Sean was at the dining table with a cup of coffee, doing something on his phone. She could
see his short-cropped hair, muscled back, and shoulders. Joy filled her heart. Quietly, she walked up behind him and put her hands on his arms. He covered her hands with his, and Adrianna leaned down to kiss the back of his neck. Then she ran her tongue over the tattoo across his upper back.

“Good morning,
Dangerous
.” She kissed his lips when he leaned his head back, tasting his masculinity.

“Good morning,
Beautiful
.”

Sean put down his phone and scooted his chair back to pull her onto his lap. Feeling his hard thighs underneath her, and his strong arms around her, was exciting. It was always a thrill to be with Sean, and always would be.

“Got any of that for me?” she said, nodding at the coffee.

“Rough night, huh?”

“A little.” She leaned in to kiss him, and he welcomed her, parting his lips and losing his hand in her hair.

Adrianna slid off his lap, and he went to the kitchen. She followed.

“Where did you get the new clothes?”

Sean was wearing some shorts and a beige tank shirt. His sculpted arms were impossibly sexy, and the shorts revealed his powerful thighs.

“While you were sleeping I went the store downstairs. I got you some too. I figured we’d need a few things.”

“What did you get me?”

Sean handed her a steaming cup of coffee that she’d just watched him fix for her with cream and sugar. He grabbed a shopping bag from the end of the counter and handed it to her.

“Better get dressed.”

“Don’t tell me,” she said with a grin, “we’re going out for breakfast.”

Sean beamed. “I’m going to need my strength. You realize we are alone in a hotel.”

Adrianna took one look at the gleam in his eyes and turned to head for the shower. Sean growled and came after her. She giggled.

“Wait, wait. Not until I say. You have to let me shower.”

The shower felt so good that Adrianna left Sean alone for quite some time. There was a fancy massage head, and she tried all the different settings. Finding the one she liked best, she stood under the spray, letting it pound on her muscles. She still felt a bit battered from the emotional upheaval of the night before. But she also felt good. Adrianna was happy in a way she’d never been before.

Yet even with all the talking, she’d never gotten around to telling him about the impending attack from her parents. They weren’t ones to take rebellion lightly, especially from their own daughter. Now Sean was in the direct path of their revenge. And revenge it would be. Like all tyrants, they couldn’t let it go.

As the water pulsed against her shoulders, Adrianna tried to envision a way out, but came up with nothing. One thing was for sure: she couldn’t delay in telling Sean. He needed to know what was coming. Whatever happened, she knew they’d be together in it. Her heart couldn’t survive another separation, and she knew Sean’s couldn’t either.

*****

The morning was warm, and Adrianna was comfortable in the shorts and T-shirt Sean had provided. He’d even bought her some tennis shoes, baby-blue ones. She had smiled when she saw them. The shopping area wasn’t far, so they walked. Leaving the hotel, she could see the gilded dome of the State House and the nearby Public Garden.

The brownstones on Newberry Street had the typical Boston charm, reminding Adrianna of how much she adored the city. The shopping enclave was a real Boston neighborhood, not a sterile shopping environment. Holding Sean’s hand, she strolled next to him, peeking into various shops on the way by. Some were stores selling top consumer brands, and others were smaller boutiques.

Something in the window of Kate Spade caught her eye, and she pulled Sean over to get a better look. It was a delicate gold necklace, and in place of a pendant was gold in the shape of script. The lovely golden word was:
taken
.

Adrianna glanced at Sean, and, without saying anything, he took her hand and went into the shop to buy it for her. Once back on the sidewalk, he put it around her neck, and Adrianna touched the special word.

“Taken,” Sean said, and kissed her tenderly.

She lost her fingers in his hair and pressed against him. Adrianna would have done more were it not for the other shoppers veering around them, reminding her that they weren’t alone.

They chose a small café called Back Bay Breakfast, and the waitress guided them to a table on the front patio, which extended onto the front sidewalk. The aroma of baked goods filled the cozy restaurant and followed them to the outside tables. Shoppers walked up and down the street, but the area was not overly crowded.

Adrianna had been glad to hear Sean had texted her aunt to let her know they were together. Wisely, he hadn’t told her where they were staying. He felt it was better if she didn’t know. Then no one could pressure her to tell, nor would she have to feel bad for refusing. She could honestly say she had no idea, which was best. Adrianna felt relaxed being together with Sean, away from everyone, though one thing still worried her.

After scanning the menu, Sean settled on the American breakfast, which seemed to have some of everything: eggs, bacon, toast, crispy potatoes, and orange juice.

“How about you?
What looks good?”

Adrianna grinned. “I’m having the
red, white and blue pancakes
.” She pointed to it on the menu and read out loud. “Blueberries, strawberries, walnuts, and whipped cream.”

“A woman’s breakfast, if I ever heard of one.”
He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

The waitress was quick to take their orders, and Adrianna noticed many plates of food going by to be served to other guests. The sight of heaps of scrambled eggs, croissants, steaming sausages, and waffles piled with fruit made her stomach rumble.

“Hope it comes fast. I’m really hungry.” She sipped her ice water.

Sean grinned.

Adrianna kicked him playfully under the table. While waiting for the food, she held his hand and enjoyed the sunny day. It was beautiful, and she was with the man she loved more than anything. What could be better?

The food was served quickly, and Sean munched on the bacon, followed by mouthfuls of eggs and potato. After several yummy bites of pancake and berries, Adrianna said, “I have to tell you something.”

Sean looked up but didn’t stop eating.

“My parents are going to be a problem. Yesterday, before that disastrous event with Kevin, and before I wrote you that awful letter…”

Gulping some orange juice, Sean raised an eyebrow.

“My mother told me that if I didn’t cut it off with you that she’d make sure no one would do
business with you.”

Sean shrugged.

“No, I’m serious. You don’t realize the connections they’ve developed over the years. They will use all their influence to wipe out your company. You can’t survive in Boston with that much against you. They wouldn’t let you.”

Sean furrowed his brow.

“Yes, it’s bad.” Adrianna put down her fork.

“No, not that.”
Sean stopped eating. “That’s why you wrote the letter, isn’t it? It wasn’t because of what you were afraid I’d find out…all that you told me last night. It was to keep your parents away from me…wasn’t it?”

Adrianna couldn’t argue.

“You would have done what your mother asked, gone back to a bad situation…to protect me?”

She nodded.

Sean just looked at her. Then he took both of her hands and held them to his cheeks.

“My love.”
Turning her hands in his, he kissed each of her palms.

“I love you, Sean. I couldn’t let them attack you. Not for any reason.” He released her and she caressed his jaw before folding her hands in her lap. “Now what are we going to do?”

Sean resumed eating. “I’m not worried. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

Looking at him calmly munching on sourdough toast, as if she hadn’t just said what she did, Adrianna was puzzled. “How can you say that? Didn’t you understand what I just told you?”

“I’m sorry they threatened you. Your mother had no right to do that. But am I afraid of her? Of your father? No. I’m not.” He shoved his plate away from him.

“What are you going to do?” Sean didn’t seem at all concerned that he might be blackballed. And she found his confidence reassuring.

“Leave that to me, love. And just know that no one is going to mess with you again. Not your parents or any
creeps
in the guise of respectability.”

Adrianna looked at Sean, so tough looking, strong, and irresistibly charming. Though she wasn’t sure why, she believed him.

“You’ve taught me something,” he said.

Adrianna waited, wondering.

“My enemies were always ones I could see…head on. Any attacker was right in front of me, where I could deal with him. All I needed was a good punch. But for you, Adrianna, it’s never been like that.

“You’ve survived something much more difficult. Your enemies hit when you’re defenseless or work to wear you away from the inside, wipe away your confidence, make you feel guilty…until everything is backwards…and it’s all
your
fault.

“And what I’ve learned, what I’ve seen from watching it happen to you, is that such an attack is more deadly.
Because you never see it coming.”

Adrianna didn’t know what to say.

Sean glanced at the necklace she wore, and took both her hands in his. Then his gaze slid over her, and a familiar gleam flashed in his eyes.

“What do you say we go back to the hotel and enjoy that fancy room?”

Adrianna’s heart skipped a beat, and she felt a little weak. But there was nothing she wanted more.