Perfectly Honest (11 page)

Chapter 18

Written in the Stars by Esmeralda Garnet

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Doing a job well will bring its own rewards. Emotional issues demand your attention. Proceed with caution.

Mikaela curled up on the couch in her office and tugged a blanket up over her shoulders. It was three o’clock in the morning, and she was grateful for the break. The patient had ended up needing a Cesarean section, and a healthy six-pound baby boy had been delivered at nine o’clock that evening. The baby was in the neonatal intensive care unit for observation for a few hours as a precaution, and the mom was settled in a room.

Mikaela ended up staying at the hospital to care for two more women in labor who arrived just as she was finishing up the first delivery. One delivered an eight-pound baby girl, but the other looked like she was going to be a while yet. Time to catch a break, Mikaela sighed, and snuggled deeper into the warmth.

She was really growing to love this small town. Where else would they rally together to make sure she arrived safely at the hospital? One of the nurses on the obstetrical floor had called her aunt at the dispatch for the city works. She put the bulletin out that Mikaela needed to get to hospital. The driver hadn’t realized his sister-in-law had gone into labor, but he hustled over, as fast as a snowplow could hustle, and cleared the way. It was definitely the way to go in a raging snowstorm. The massive truck plowed through the piles of snow on slippery roads like it was a sunny day. Friends in high places, she chuckled, were definitely a bonus.

Mikaela closed her eyes and tried to relax. She figured she had two, maybe three hours before they called her again. She sent Sam a text and wondered how he made out with his parents. He seemed to enjoy their company, and it actually worked out well that he could spend some time alone with them.

And Mikaela had one more night of reprieve. She couldn’t imagine how the night would’ve gone if she’d stayed home. Well, she could imagine, that was the problem. She shivered at the thought of spending the night with Sam. Just seeing his hot, hard, naked body stopped her brain working. She loved the feel of his skin against her. She loved his lips on hers and loved being held by him. She sighed. She loved him. Period. That sent an ache raging through her. He offered to drive her, made her dinners, and was fun. He made her heart race.

She was toast. When this charade ended, she was going to get burned. Live in the moment, Mikaela told herself. Enjoy each day and the time you spend with Sam. It should be easier for her, knowing it wasn’t going last. But it really wasn’t. It was like feeding an addiction, knowing that eventually, she was going to have to deal with the problem. But this addiction made her feel really good. So like any other addict, she vowed to deal with it. Tomorrow. She hoped tomorrow never came.

Chapter 19

happenstance horoscope

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Go to a place that nurtures mind, body and spirit. The past plays a role in shaping your future. Be cautious about revealing all you know.

On Friday evening, Mikaela unlocked her condominium door and let herself in. She had chickened out.

Marla and Walt had decided to stay an extra two days so the snow-covered roads would be cleared before they continued their drive down south. The storm had abated over night. The temperatures had dropped and the day had been filled with bright sunshine. The major roads had been cleared of snow but were still slushy and wet as the salt and sand started to work. Mikaela understood why they wanted to delay their drive to Arizona, but the drive to Rivermede was doable. So she made her excuses and did it.

It was better this way, Mikaela reasoned. She wasn’t ready to spend the night with Sam. She hadn’t been back to her condominium in over a month and needed to check on it. Theoretically.

Mikaela thought she saw a flicker of disappointment in Sam’s eyes when she announced she was leaving for the weekend. It boosted her ego for a moment and almost made her change her mind. But in the end, she just didn’t want to deal with the situation. She wasn’t ready to share Sam’s bed. So Mikaela spent Thursday night at the hospital. On Friday after work, she said her good-byes to Sam’s parents, smiled through Marla’s offer of help with the wedding plans, shook Walt’s hand with polite distance, and escaped.

Mikaela tossed her keys on the table and set her overnight bag on the floor. She looked around at the familiar surroundings with the comforting hues of beach sand and seawater, and relaxed. Tension drained from her shoulders, and the fatigue lifted as she removed her coat and boots. She turned up the thermostat and wandered through the living room, snapping on lights, and pulling curtains shut to keep the warmth in as the evening sun set.

Mikaela flipped through the mail, which the neighbor had left lying on the kitchen counter. She sorted out the bills and threw the flyers into the recycling.

She glanced at the clock and realized she had an hour before Margo came over. She had called her to arrange a girls’ night in with pizza and a movie, but there was plenty of time to unwind with a long soak in the tub.

She opened a bottle of Margo’s favorite red wine, to let it breathe. Luckily she wasn’t a wine snob like Margo. Her first glass didn’t need to breathe. She carried it upstairs and started the tub running. She shed her clothes and wrapped herself in a warm terry robe. Bath salts in the water filled the air with a sweet vanilla fragrance. Mikaela sat on the edge of the tub and let the warm, almost hot, water cascade through her fingers. She slipped out of her robe and slipped into the bubbles, sinking down to her chin and closing her eyes.

Mikaela was not going to think about lying to Sam’s parents about the engagement. She was not going to think about Marla’s sweet nature and Walt’s silent disapproval. She was not going to think about Sam’s hot body and the legions of women who enjoyed it before her. Or her job, the clinic, or the mound of charting she needed to do. For one blessed hour she would just be. Mikaela concentrated on the hot fragrant water, on relaxing every muscle of her body, and just enjoyed having time off.

She needed to let her mind go to her happy place. Her happy place was a beach. Watching kids playing in the sand and teenagers tossing a Frisbee while she floated on the waves in a sparkling blue-green ocean. Hearing laughter and seagulls and waves breaking on the shore. Feeling the sun on her face with a light breeze lifting her hair and smelling the fresh clean air of the ocean mixed with the coconut sweetness of sunscreen. Being outside with nothing more to do than laze on the beach and jump in the waves like a child.

Mikaela stayed at the beach until the water turned tepid and her toes started to wrinkle. But it definitely did the trick. She felt refreshed and in a happier mood as she pulled on sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

She headed to the kitchen to wait for Margo. The doorbell rang as she set down plates and napkins.

“Hello, stranger.” Margo smiled when Mikaela answered the door. She held a pizza box off to the side and opened her arm for a hug as she stepped in out of the cold.

Mikaela laughed and held Margo tight. “It’s been too long.”

Margo handed Mikaela the pizza box and slipped off her coat.

“Meat lovers, I presume,” Mikaela said, tongue-in-cheek.

Margo snorted. “As if,” she said. “If I got anything other than Hawaiian, you’d make me go back and get another.” She hung her coat in the closet.

“And rightly so,” Mikaela retorted. “And then I would have to question the whole foundation of our friendship.”

“Right. And as such intense scrutiny might not be good for anything, including our minds on our night off, I thought I’d just stick with Hawaiian.”

“Good choice,” Mikaela agreed amicably.

They grinned at each other and headed to the kitchen.

They sat in the kitchen nook with glasses of wine and thick slices of piping hot pizza. After a few bites and the worst of the hunger settling, Margo looked at Mikaela. “So, I sensed a sort of SOS in your call this afternoon.”

Mikaela started to deny it automatically and then fell silent.

Margo picked up her wine glass. “Is everything okay?”

Mikaela sighed. “Compared to the global scene with world hunger and civil war, my life is good.” She bit into a slice of pizza and caught a string of melted cheese.

Margo smiled, took a sip of wine, and set her glass down. “But . . .”

“But compared to the average person who is not caught up in half truths and deception . . . mine’s a little complicated.” Mikaela set the pizza down and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

Margo eyed Mikaela with sympathetic eyes and kept silent.

“I know. I know,” Mikaela said, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re trying really hard not to say ‘I told you so,’ and I appreciate your restraint.”

Margo feigned innocence and made Mikaela laugh.

“It’s slowly spinning out of control and I needed to spend time with someone who knows the whole truth so I don’t have to filter what I’m saying.” Mikaela leaned back and swirled the wine in her glass.

“Do I? Know the whole truth?” Margo asked.

“Yes, of course. I would never lie to you.”

You don’t consider them lies, Margo thought silently, but kept quiet. She’d known Mikaela for a long time and understood why Mikaela did what she did and said what she said. She understood it wasn’t just selfish carelessness on Mikaela’s part. It was partly safety and partly self-preservation. “What happened?” She took a bite of pizza and watched Mikaela’s shoulders sag.

“Sam’s parents dropped by,” Mikaela said. “It’s not enough that we’re deceiving everyone at work, now his parents have joined the fray. And that,” Mikaela said slowly, “was hard. They’re staying for a couple more days, and I needed to get away.”

“Are they terrible?”

“No, not at all. Which is probably why I’m so affected by it.” Mikaela sipped her wine. “Sam’s dad has a problem with obstetricians so he’s distant, but it’s a polite distance. Sam’s mom is sweet and interesting and supportive, and I don’t want to hurt her.”

“You don’t want to hurt her or you don’t want to be hurt?” Margo asked, raising her eyebrows.

Mikaela was quiet for a while. Margo was getting ready to apologize when Mikaela finally mumbled, “Both.”

Margo covered Mikaela’s hand with her own. “I’m sorry, sweetie,”

“Thanks,” Mikaela said with a sniffle. “It’s a mess.”

“How does Sam feel?”

“I don’t know. We don’t talk. I mean, we talk about other stuff but not about us. It’s very awkward being engaged but not really being engaged,” Mikaela said.

Margo laughed. “That’s probably why more people don’t do it.”

“And smart they are.” Mikaela shook her head. “Man, I didn’t think it would be this hard to live with someone and not fall in love. If anything it just makes me love him more,” she said miserably.

Margo smiled sympathetically and squeezed Mikaela’s hand. “He’s got the ass factor?”

Mikaela sighed deeply. “A great ass, a bit of sexy, badass attitude, and all of my heart. He’s got the ass factor. He’s it for me.”

“That’s so great. You should talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”

Mikaela looked appalled. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Margo tilted her head. “It’s called being honest.”

“Yeah, honesty in relationships hasn’t worked out too well for me. And what happens,” Mikaela continued quickly, “if he doesn’t love me, and then we have to live in this charade even more awkwardly for the next nine months?”

“Nine months?” Margo jerked and sat up straight. “Are you pregnant?”

“No. NO.” Mikaela shook her head emphatically, her eyes wide. “We decided we would stick with this ‘engagement,’” she finger quoted in the air, “for a year, three months of which are almost done. We figured by then Sam would be engrained at the hospital, and breaking up wouldn’t impact his career.”

“And what about yours?” Margo took another bite of pizza.

“Then I could decide if I wanted to stay.”

She swallowed her mouthful. “And do you?”

“Want to stay?” Mikaela repeated, fingering the stem of her wine glass.

“Yeah.”

Mikaela shrugged. “I love the job. The hospital has been upgraded, and it’s a dream to work in. I’m enjoying the patients. The staff is probably the most caring and dedicated I’ve come across. This past week, in that raging snowstorm, one person called another and before I could get my coat on a snowplow showed up to clear my driveway and take me to the hospital. Can you imagine?”

Margo grinned. “No.”

“I know. It’s crazy. They look out for one another. I love the sense of community in a small town.” Mikaela sighed.

“But . . .”

“But, I love Sam.”

Margo’s chest tightened when she saw Mikaela’s eyes fill. “But that’s great, isn’t it? Maybe your engagement will become real, and your conscience will be clear.”

Mikaela grimaced. “Sure. If Sam loved me back and if he wanted to get married that would be perfect.” She rolled the edge of the napkin. “He’s had quite the parade of women, apparently, and I’m not sure he wants to settle for just one. Just me.” She unrolled the napkin and rolled it again.

“You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”

“I can’t. What if he doesn’t? What if he has no intention of continuing this past one year?” Mikaela raised sad eyes to Margo.

“Well then, you have to let it go and move on,” Margo said with a shrug. “But if he does, then it could be the start of something beautiful.”

“I’m more worried that if he doesn’t, it will be the start of something ugly. And I’ll be even unhappier. With nine months left to go sharing a living space.” Mikaela took a gulp of wine.

Margo finished the last bite of her pizza and wiped her hands on a napkin. “Has he given you any impression one way or another about how he feels?”

“I don’t know. I wondered whether he was disappointed when I left for the weekend, but that could just be my imagination. I think he still wants me,” Mikaela said, looking in the distance, a faint flush on her cheeks, “but I don’t believe he loves me.”

“Wanting you isn’t enough?”

“Not without love,” Mikaela said quietly.

“I don’t like to see you so unhappy,” Margo said, shaking her head.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll straighten it out. I will talk to him.” Mikaela moved the napkin to the other side of her plate.

“That’s good,” Margo encouraged.

“When the year is up, I’ll sit down with him and have a heart to heart. My heart,” she said with a grimace, “I’m not sure about his.”

“But that’s nine months away,” Margo argued.

“I know. But look how quickly the first three months went by,” Mikaela said. “Look, I’m sorry I dragged you into this. I just want to be with you and enjoy an evening when I don’t have to think about all this.” She waved her glass of wine in the air.

“Well, then, we shall,” Margo said with a nod. “We can finish this bottle of wine and the pizza and eat all four of the éclairs I’m hoping are in that box.” She pointed to the baker’s box on the kitchen table. “We can do whatever you want.”

Mikaela reached over and hugged her. “Thanks Margo. You’re the best.”

Margo squeezed her back and smiled. “I am, aren’t I?”