Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) (12 page)

Matthew works
for the hospital. He works obscenely long hours and different
shifts. For the first month, I barely saw him. He works rotating
shifts and is generally, either working or sleeping. Although, some
weeks he has a few days off in a row, so we’re in the house
together.

Besides talking
to him outside the bathroom that first morning, I’ve barely said a
word to him. He hardly speaks to me. I feel as though he is either
glaring at me or pretending I’m not there. I find him unsettling. I
do try to be polite to him and talk to him when I can though,
because if I’m going to stay with Ed, I need his friend to like
me.

Relationship
wise, Ed is as good as it gets. It seems as though he has decided
that it’s his mission in life to take care of me. He is kind. He is
caring. He is attentive. I couldn’t ask for more in a mate,
although it pains me to understand that he cares more for me that I
do for him.

He told me
once, that he thought he might be falling in love with me. It was
not long after we’d had sex, and were laying together afterwards. I
didn’t respond. I simply pretended I was asleep and couldn’t hear
him – he hasn’t said it again since.

I haven’t told
him much about my past, and he doesn’t ask too much. I think he’d
rather not know. I think he might be afraid to find out the truth
about me.

In the bedroom,
things are ok for me. He seems very happy though, which is the most
important thing right now.

“Don’t you
work?” Matthew asks me as he walks into the lounge room where I’m
sitting reading. It almost lunch time and he’s just waking up. His
dirty blonde hair is sticking up all over the place, and he’s
wearing only a long pair of pale blue pyjama pants that tie with a
drawstring and ride low on his hips.

I swallow hard
as my eyes travel over his well-defined chest involuntarily. He
pauses in front of me, waiting for an answer. My cheeks flame, and
I drop my gaze. I feel embarrassed about the thoughts that flash
through my mind when I see him half naked.
What’s wrong with
me?
I wonder.
How can I be thinking such things?

When I don’t
give him an answer, he continues, “If you had a job, it might fix
that homeless problem you have. You wouldn't need to keep sponging
off Ed.”

My mouth drops
open, and I attempt to figure out a plausible answer. “I…”

He sits down
next to me, and I move back slightly, afraid of having him so
close.

“Listen, I
don’t know what you’ve told him, but I’m not buying it. You’re not
being honest.”

“What do you
mean?” I ask warily.

“I mean, I
watched you at the club that night. You preyed upon him.”

“No… I didn’t.
He approached me.”

Matt sits back
and laughs to himself. “After you sought him out. I watched you. I
watch you now. You’re using him.”

“I’m not using
him,” I argue. My voice comes out small, and I’m having trouble
maintaining eye contact.

“So you’re in
love with him then? You want to build a life with him? Maybe get
married – have a couple of kids?”

I drop my face
and close my eyes tightly to get some control before boldly saying,
“What do you want?”

“The
truth.”

“About
what?”

“About what
you’re doing with my friend.”

We sit and
stare at each other for a moment. Me, refusing to answer, and him,
refusing to look away. There’s a tension in the air between us, and
it’s making me angry. It makes me nervous.

He wins. I’m
the first to break the stare.

“I don’t have
to listen to this,” I say and stand up, holding my book with the
intent to make my way into Ed’s room and lock the door. But, I’m
halted when Matt’s hand takes hold of my arm. “Please let go,” I
whisper.

“How old are
you?”

“Twenty-two.”

“I don’t
believe you.”

He stands up
behind me. He’s so close. I turn around and look up into his eyes.
“I’m twenty-two,” I repeat, my voice a little more convincing this
time.

“Why are you
afraid of me?”

“I’m not,” I
whisper, snatching my hand out of his. Another staring competition
ensues. I don’t like this. I turn on my heel and practically sprint
for Ed’s room, locking the door behind me. “Shit!” I say to myself,
as I slide down to the floor and try to breathe.

My time here is
obviously coming to an end, and I need to figure out what to do
next.

A soft tap
makes its way through the door above me. “Linda? I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t.” I
say defiantly.

“Will you come
out? I just want to talk to you.”

I sit in
silence. He did scare me. I’m afraid to spend time with him.
Somehow, without even knowing me, he manages to see right through
me to find answers I don’t want to give.

After a while,
I hear him let out his breath and shuffle his feet back from the
door. “I’m sorry ok. You don’t have to hide.”

As I hear him
retreat down the hall, I stand again and open the door slightly,
peering through the gap with one eye. He pauses and looks back at
me. His expression affects me, and my chest tightens. He really
does look concerned and sorry. This is so confusing.

“Why don’t you
like me?” I ask him through the gap in the door.

“I do like you.
I like you a lot actually.”

“But you don’t
trust me?”

“I don’t know
you well enough to trust you.”

“But you think
I’m lying to Ed.”

“I do.”

“What have you
said to him?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you going
to?”

“No.”

I have so many
more questions but instead of asking them, I close the door again
and lock it. Then I stay in there, pretending not to listen to
Matthew moving around the house all day while I wait for Ed to
return.

I contemplate
telling Ed the truth about who I am and the whole story about my
life so far, but he seems happy the way we are and I feel like if I
tell him, I’ll lose his trust and he’ll kick me out.

I do my best to
avoid Matthew. His roster is pinned against the refrigerator door,
so I can make sure I’m out when I know he’s planning to be
home.

I can’t do much
because I don’t have much money, and I hate asking Ed to give me
some. So I spend a lot of time at the local library. I’ve even got
a library card now by using Linda’s ID, so I can take books back
home with me, it keeps me busy and out of the way.

“What are you
reading?” a soft voice asks from behind me. I almost jump out of my
seat. I expected that I was alone.

My hand flies
up in an attempt to still the thudding of my chest. “I thought you
were at work,” I tell Matthew, who has appeared in the doorway in
his trademark sleepwear. He’s leaning against the doorframe, and I
wonder how long he’s been there, watching me.

“I pulled a
double shift and swapped with someone,” he explains. “Why? You
trying to avoid me?”

“I’ll um… go
and read in the bedroom,” I say instead of answering, as I rise
from the couch.

“You don’t have
to. Please don’t hide from me.”

I stop where I
am and turn toward him. “You ask too many questions.”

“I just want to
get to know you. We live in the same house, and I don’t know much
about you.”

“Matthew, every
interaction we’ve had has been very tense. I understand that you
may not want me around, but Ed does. So I’m staying. Ok.”

“I understand
that. But you keep avoiding me and never answer any of my
questions.”

“That’s because
you ask the wrong ones.”

“But they’re
important. Will you answer just one?” He moves closer to me, and I
feel mesmerised by his eyes.

“Just one,” I
whisper, giving in to him.

“What’s your
name?”

“What?” I
frown.

“I want to know
your name.”

“It’s Linda.
You know that.”

“No. It’s not,”
he says, moving closer to me. “When I first met you, you hesitated
before telling me your name. I know it’s not Linda. Just like I
know you aren’t twenty two.”

Tears prick
behind my eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

He steps even
closer. So close that I can feel his warm breath on my face.
“Because. I have to know,” he whispers, a slight frown creasing his
brow as he lifts his hand to move my hair back. “Just like I have
to know why your face was bruised.” His deep blue eyes move side to
side as he searches my face for answers. “Tell me your name,” he
whispers. His eyes demand an answer from me and I feel like I’m
trapped.

“Paige. My name
is Paige,” I breathe out, squeezing my eyes shut so I can’t see his
anymore.

He rests his
forehead against mine and lets out his breath. “Thank you.”

When he moves
back, I’m shaking, and confused. This man is so intense that it’s
scary. How can he act like he doesn’t even like me one minute, but
when we’re alone it’s like he’s trying to get to know my soul, just
by staring at me?

He leaves me
standing in the lounge room and disappears into the kitchen. I
blink rapidly, trying to stop myself from crying. The interaction
has rattled me.

I rush down the
hall toward the bedroom and start to pack my things. I obviously
need to get out of here.

The benefit of
not owning much is that it doesn’t take me long. I walk quickly and
quietly down the hall and head for the front door.

“What are you
doing?” Matthew asks from behind me.

“I can’t stay
here anymore. Tell Ed I’m sorry ok.” I put my hand on the door knob
and start to open the door, but he rushes me and pushes it
shut.

“Paige. I don’t
want you to go.”

I lean my head
forward and press my forehead against the door. The sound of my
real name, after months of pretending to be someone else affects
me. Tears spring from my eyes, and I drop my bag before turning to
face him.

“Please stop!”
I cry. “I don’t know what’s going on right now. You’re confusing
the hell out of me.” He stands so close to me that it fogs my mind.
“Just stop. I can’t breathe around you!”

I place my
hands on his chest and push, but he doesn’t budge. Instead he
places his hands either side of me so I’m trapped against the
door.

We’re breathing
heavy, and we haven’t done anything except stare and be near each
other.

One of his
hands moves and takes me by the base of my skull, bringing my face
closer to his. The moment our mouths connect every orgasm I’ve
missed out on with Ed starts to bubble to the surface, and I’m
suddenly desperate.

I wrap my arms
tightly around him as he pulls my body up against his and slides
his hands underneath my shirt, so he’s touching the skin on my
back.

I let go and
remove my shirt hurriedly; I want to have my skin pressed against
his. I want to feel every inch of him.

The moment my
shirt is over my head, he releases the clasp on my bra. I fling it
off my arms, moaning when I feel his warm hard chest against
mine.

“Oh Paige. I
want you,” he whispers, cupping my breast with his hand and kissing
my neck.

A slight
whimper escapes my lips at the sound of my name.
My name.
Just the simple sound of me, makes me want him even more. My
fingers thread through his hair as I pull him toward me. The
attraction between us seems palpable in the air around us.

Attempting to
move toward his room, we don’t make it far, as our impatience gets
the better of us, and we’re against the wall. With one hand holding
my head steady, as his mouth moves with mine in a heavy, devouring
movement, he slides his other hand purposefully down, over my
breasts and stomach until he reaches the waistband of my pants.

His breathing
quickens as I gasp in anticipation when he pops the top button of
my jeans. The zip slides down easily, and I rock my hips forward as
he hand travels south.

The moment his
finger slips underneath my panties and between my folds, my knees
almost buckle. “Oh!” I moan into his mouth as his fingers move over
my throbbing clit then push into my depths. “Oh!” I call out again,
shaking in his arms. I’m about to burst.

He pushes more
of his hand inside me, filling me with his fingers and pulsing in
and out. In time with my rocking hips.

Again, I call
out, tilting my head back and breaking our kiss. I’m lost in the
ecstasy of his touch and can’t seem to function beyond staying
upright.

As his hand
moves, pushing his finger into my core, the heel of his palm
presses firmly against my clit. My fingers clench in his hair as I
hold tightly to him, my orgasm bursting out of me as I cling to
him, moaning loudly as my eyes roll back and my body shudders
against his.

He crashes his
mouth against mine with a guttural moan as he slows down his
movement and brings me back to earth.

“God, you’re
beautiful when you come,” he growls, kissing me softly, sucking
gently on my lips.

His kisses
travel down, pausing slightly at my breasts as he swirls his tongue
around my nipple and removes his hand from my pants. Gently, he
drags my jeans and panties down my legs, lowering himself to his
knees as he does so.

I feel his
breath, hot on my mound, as he slides his tongue between my folds.
“And you taste good too,” he moans.

The moment his
tongue flicks over my engorged nub, my hips jolt forward, causing
him to look up at me and grin wickedly.

Quickly, he
stands up, sliding his hands under my buttocks and lifting me
against him. He looks into my eyes for a moment, and I feel like he
and I are the only two people in the world.

When his lips
reconnect with mine, I’m sure we are. Because this feels
otherworldly to me. I’ve never felt this much passion in a man’s
arms before.