Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) (11 page)

I
optimistically ran my fingers up and down Ed’s back and gripped him
with my internal muscles, hoping to bring him back to life like I
had with Jeff so many times before. But when he rolled onto his
back suddenly, the guttural sound of his snoring made me realise
that it was all over. I was so disappointed, and for the first time
since he threw me out. I missed Jeff. I missed what we had together
before things turned sour.

It was
incredibly hard to sleep as I was so close to tears. Hatred was too
busy boiling around inside of me. I hate what I just did. I hate my
reasons behind it. I hate my life, and even more - I hate
myself.

Obviously, I
fell asleep at some point because as I open my eyes, light is
shining around the edges of the dark curtains. I squeeze my eyes
shut tight as the memory of the night before enters my mind. I feel
sick.

Looking over at
the still sleeping Ed, I try not to disturb him as I slide out of
the bed and pick up my clothes. I want to get out of here and
pretend this never happened.

He wakes as I’m
wriggling into my dress.

“Hey,” he says
groggily. “Hope you’re not trying to sneak out on me.”

“No, I’d never
do something like that,” I laugh uneasily, even though that’s
exactly what I was going to do. After last night, I’m not sure if
sleeping with someone for the sake of a bed is something I can do.
In the cold light of the morning, I feel dirty and cheap. I’m going
to have to try to figure something else out.

“Where you
going?”

“Just to the
bathroom,” I lie.

“Hurry back,”
he tells me smiling as he leans up on his elbow to look at me
properly. He truly is very handsome, with his dark hair messed up
from sleep and his features all soft for the same reason. I feel a
slight affection for him and nod my head. Now that he’s caught me
leaving, I kind of have to come back.

When I make it
to the bathroom, I relieve myself and then check my reflection in
the mirror. I wish now that I had collected my bag from the night
club as the bruise on my cheek is visible since my makeup has worn
off.

In an attempt
to look presentable, I brush my teeth with some paste on my finger
and use some wet tissue and soap to remove the smeared remnants of
last night’s makeup, then rake my fingers through my hair to try to
calm the wild curls.

“That’ll have
to do,” I say to my reflection when I’m done, although I wish I had
something to cover the bruise. It's faded, but still
noticeable.

For a while, I
just stare at myself, taking in the person that I am now. I’m
looking at a girl, who last night, stole someone’s name and
possessions, and then gave herself freely for the sake of a
bed.

Is this the
kind of person I want to be? I briefly wonder if maybe I should go
and find a brothel that’ll hire me. At least then I’d get paid for
what I just did. But the mere thought of selling my body for actual
cash seems wrong to me.

As much as I
hate what I just did, I can at least reason that I was attracted to
Ed. That I chose to sleep with him. I still have a small amount of
power in my life. It might not be much, but it’s still there.

Leaving the
bathroom, I run almost headfirst into Ed’s house mate. I recognise
him immediately from the club as the guy he told we were
leaving.

“Morning,” I
nod as I peer up at his face. The hallway is narrow, and I need him
to move so I can get past.

A frown creases
his brow as his eyes move over me. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-two,” I
answer immediately, trying to hold his gaze steady, so he can’t see
the nerves that are shooting through my body and making me
sweat.

“What happened
to your face?”

I smile and try
to play coy. “Well that’s not what a girl wants to hear first thing
in the morning.”

He lets a short
laugh out of his nose and reaches up to move my hair. “Your face is
bruised. What happened?”

The moment his
fingers touch my skin, I suck in my breath. There’s something about
the way he’s looking at me that makes me feel uneasy. It's like he
can see right through me.

“Nothing
happened. Can I get past now please?” I all but whisper. He stares
at me and keeps me trapped for a moment longer, then steps aside.
Just enough to let me through, although I have to press against his
body before I’m free.

“What’s your
name?”

“Uh, it’s um…
Linda,” I stammer.

“Mathew.”

Fleetingly I
look at him, avoiding his eyes, and nod before making my way back
to Ed’s room. As I slide inside Ed’s bedroom, I glance quickly
back. Mathew is still there, watching me as he casually leans
against the wall. I drop my eyes and close the door, resting my
hand against it for a moment as I gather my thoughts.

“Hey you. Come
over here,” Ed beckons, and I turn around to face him. He holds out
his hand as I walk toward him and pulls me onto the bed, so I have
to climb onto him and straddle his legs.

Immediately, I
feel his arousal. He slides his hand either side of my face and
pulls me toward him, touching our lips briefly before taking my
mouth in his, to give me one of his luxurious kisses.

“Lie back,” I
whisper. As he does as I ask, I pull my dress over my head and drop
it onto the floor beside us. “Condom?”

“Side
drawer.”

I pull one out
and slide it over his erection. Using his tip, I glide him against
my opening and then my clit, rubbing it back and forth and moaning
slightly as my own arousal builds.

He’s eager and
pulses his hips up, trying to slide inside me.

“Not yet,” I
whisper, my voice all breathy as I continue.

Groaning, his
hands travel up to cup my breasts, and he pulses up again. This
time, I slide down his shaft and grip him tightly before sliding
back up.

“Oh wow,” he
moans, his eyes rolling back as pleasure starts to steal away his
focus.

I take his hand
away from my breast and guide it between my legs, showing him how
to rub at my swollen nub.

“Oh yeah, right
there,” I whisper as he starts to get the hang of it, he tries to
slide his finger back to rub closer to my opening, but I hold on to
his hand and keep him circling my clit. “Oh!” I cry out as my
orgasm starts to build. It’s as if the sexual frustration from the
night before is sitting just below my surface, desperate to
escape.

“God!” he calls
out, pushing himself firmly into me as he orgasms before me.
Again.

He pulls his
hands back and grips me by the hips, grinding us both together
while my orgasm evaporates into the ether.

Sitting up
beneath me, he brings his mouth to mine and kisses me. “Nice way to
wake up,” he whispers.

“Hmmm,” I
answer smiling. I climb off him and he removes his condom, shotting
it into the wastepaper bin before turning toward me and pulling me
into a spoon.

As he kisses me
softly on my shoulder, I wonder if this is my punishment for using
people. Perhaps now I would have a life without climax. I guess
that would serve me right.

After spending
most of the day in bed with Ed, still without orgasm, he drives me
back to the nightclub to collect my things. He says that he’ll wait
for me outside and drive me home after, but I of course, decline.
There’s no home to drive me to.

I guess I hoped
he’d want me to stay longer. I hoped that he wouldn’t even suggest
that I go home. Perhaps I’m not as good in bed as I thought I
was.

As he pulls up
to the curb outside the nightclub, he leans across the console and
presses his lips to mine. “I had a really great time last night…
and today of course,” he grins.

I run my
fingers through the thickness of his beard. “Me too Ed. Thanks for
everything.” Pressing my lips against his once more, I move away
and get out of the car.

“Are you sure
you don’t want me to wait and drive you home?”

I don’t have a
home. Every time he says that word it stabs at me. I bite my lip
and wonder if I should tell him.

“I um…”

He sees my
hesitation and shakes his head slightly. “Listen, if you don’t want
to see me again, then just say so ok? I’m a big boy. I can take
it.”

“No, it’s not
that at all,” I attempt to explain. He gets out of the car and
moves to stand in front of me.

“Linda, last
night was really unusual for me. I don’t normally pick up girls and
take them home on the first night.”

I look down at
my feet. “That’s actually the first time I’ve ever done that as
well.”

“It doesn’t
have to be one night. I feel wrong dropping you off in your
clubbing clothes and then leaving you to make your way home on your
own. Please let me drive you. I won’t try to come inside. But if
you give me your number, I will call you to see you again next
week.”

“I um…” God,
just say it Paige! I yell inside my head.

“You what?” My
mouth opens, and I don’t know how to say it. This is the first time
I’ve actually needed to say it. Everyone else I’ve told my story
to, already knew I was homeless. I’ve never had to blurt it out
before. It makes me feel like I’m begging.

When I don’t
respond, he takes a step back and spins his car keys around his
finger and catches them with a loud clink. “Just forget it then,”
he says, looking away.

“No. Ed!” I
call out, grabbing his arm. “You can’t take me home.”

“Why? Why can’t
I take you?”

“Because…
because I don’t have one ok?!"

“You what?”

“I don’t have a
home! So you can’t take me there. I’m homeless! Are you happy now?”
I cry, turning away and covering my face with my hands.

He places his
hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I knew something was wrong. Don’t
cry. Please.”

“It’s fine.” I
wipe at my tears and turn back to him. “Just let me get my stuff,
and I’ll be on my way.”

“Where will you
go?”

“I don’t know.
I’ll figure something out. I always do.”

“Don’t go off
on your own Linda. Come back with me. You can spend another night,
and maybe we can figure something out together?”

“Really?”

“Well, I can’t
leave you knowing you have nowhere to go.”

I wrap my arms
around his neck gratefully. “Thank you!” I breathe.

With his hands
on my waist, he pulls away from me a little and looks into my face,
his eyes lingering on the bruise. I can tell he wants to ask me
what happened, but he just nods toward the club entrance and tells
me he’ll wait for me while I get my stuff.

When I go
inside there is a young guy manning the coat check desk. His name
tag tells me he’s ‘Braden’.

“Hey,” he nods
at me. When he smiles, his cheeks produce two sideways dimples.
Which in turn makes me want to smile right back.

“Hi, I ah, left
my bag and jacket here last night.”

“No worries. Do
you still have your token?”

I hand him the
little disc and pin, and he takes it from me then turns around to
look through the shelving. I like watching him. He’s probably
around the same height as me, but his movement is very fluid. It’s
almost graceful.

He has light
brown hair that’s shaved close to his scalp on one side and flops
straight down to the base of his ear on the other side, which
really suits his fine features and dark eyes.

“Here you go,”
he says handing me my backpack and jacket. “Must have been a fun
night last night if you forgot all this.”

I laugh. “It
was alright. Thanks Braden.”

“Any time. See
you next time you forget your stuff.”

Nodding and
smiling, I walk towards the exit and wave good-bye. I overhear Ed
on the phone. “Well deal with it!” he says before realising I’m
walking toward him. “Listen, I have to go.” He disconnects the call
and stuffs the phone into his pocket. “You got everything?”

“Yeah. Thanks
for waiting,” I say, as I walk around to the passenger side of the
car. “Thanks for this as well Ed. I know we just met. But this is
huge.”

He nods, and we
get into his car.

“So how long
have you on your own?”

“About a year
and a half now,” I tell him, explaining briefly that I didn’t get
along with my parents, and they kicked me out because of it. I
don’t want to tell him the whole story. He still thinks I’m
Linda.

“Really? Where
have you been staying?”

“Well, first it
was friends, then it was wherever I could find, and then with more
friends. When I have some money I stay in cheap motels.”

“What about
that bruise on your face. Do you want to tell me who hit you?”

“Not
really.”

“I wish you
would.”

“I’m sorry Ed.
I just don’t want to talk about it.”

When we arrive
back at his place, Matthew is sitting in front of the television
and barely even glances in our direction as we enter. He doesn’t
seem very happy to see me. The most he does is look at my backpack
and roll his eyes.

I lean toward
Ed and whisper. “If this is a problem, I can work something else
out.”

“No it’s fine.
Isn’t is Matt?”

“Yeah.
Whatever.”

I excuse myself
and go to shower. I’m thankful that I have somewhere to stay for a
while. But I can’t allow myself to get comfortable. I need to view
this as a temporary situation. Especially considering that Ed’s
house mate seems so unhappy to have me around.

Today is my
birthday. I’m now seventeen. But no one has wished me ‘happy
birthday’. No one even knows. My name is currently Linda. Paige is
the girl in the mirror. I’m the only one who knows who she is
anymore.

I have managed
to stay with Ed for a few months now. He’s some sort of engineer in
training and works in the city Monday to Friday. He’s gone from
about seven-thirty every morning and doesn’t get home until after
six every night.