Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) (9 page)

“Get out,” he
demands.

I struggle out
of the cramped space and make my way out of the car. Jeff is
standing at the front door, glaring at me while he waits for me to
go inside.

The moment he
shuts the door, he locks it tight and makes sure all the drapes are
pulled. “Sit,” he tells me, pointing at the chairs surrounding the
dining room table. I do as he says and watch him, biting my lip in
worry, as he paces the room in front of me, running his hands over
his head and not saying a word.

Finally, he
pauses in front of me, his hands on his hips and his face set in
anger.

“I’m sorry!” I
blurt out. I don’t know what else to say right now.

He readjusts
his stance slightly, and before I know what’s happening, light
explodes behind my eyes as he strikes me across the face with the
back of his hand.

The force is
enough to tip me off the chair. Sprawled on the floor, I clutch at
my face protectively as pain radiates heat through my skin.

“Get up,” he
growls. In a panic, I do as he says and climb back onto the chair
in front of him, my whole body shaking in fear as I do. “Now tell
me exactly what happened.”

I take a deep
breath and relay everything that went on in the bathroom and how I
escaped the cop. I couldn’t meet his eyes while I was talking. I
was too afraid of what I’d see there.

When I finish,
he’s still standing in front of me, his hands on his hips as he
shakes his head from side to side.

“What are the
rules at those things Paige?”

“Sell until
they know I’m there and leave before I’m found out,” I rattle off
immediately.

“You stayed too
long,” he accuses me.

“I got held
up,” I protest in a whisper.

He grabs my
face roughly in his hand and squeezes my cheeks together. “You
don’t get held up!” he yells into my face, pushing my head back
forcefully as he takes a step away from me.

“I’m sorry!” I
cry out pleadingly. Tears start to burn hot in my eyes, but I
refuse to let them fall.

“So am I Paige!
I’m fucking sorry too! The cops know what you look like. I can’t
take you out anymore. You’re no good to me. Do you understand that?
You’re fucking no good.”

“Jeff no! It
was only one cop. Just one! The other one didn’t even get the
chance to see me.”

“And you
knocked
her
out, then kneed
him
in the fucking balls!
He’s not likely to forget you anytime soon!”

“We can change
my hair! I can still sell, I promise you! It won’t ever happen
again.”

“Just. Just get
out.”

“What?”

“Get the fuck
out Paige.”

My mouth falls
open as I realise he’s serious.

“No. Please
don’t do this to me. I can still sell! Just give me another
chance!” I beg.

“Get. Out.” he
growls through clenched teeth.

“Please Jeff!
I…I love you!”

Suddenly he
starts laughing. “You love me? Oh my god. You love me?! Really?
Wow. You are far more stupid than I gave you credit for.”

“Why are you
laughing!?” I screech.

“Because Paige.
You’re just a little girl, and not a very bright one at that.
Actually, I’m stunned that you didn’t get found out sooner than
this. And it’s been good Paige, it’s been fun. You’ve got a sweet
cunt and a tight little arse. I’ve enjoyed you. But if you can’t
sell. You’re a liability, and I don’t do charity.”

I just sit
there staring at him, shaking my head from side to side in
disbelief.

Suddenly he
holds his finger up, and starts walking backwards, away from me.
“You know what. You made me smile just now, so let me help you
out.” He disappears into the bedroom and returns with a back pack,
stuffing handfuls of my clothing inside it and shoves it at my
chest. “Now get out.”

“No please,
we’re good together. Don’t do this Jeff. Where will I go?”

“I don’t care.
I really couldn’t care less.”

He pushes me
roughly toward the door, and I fight against it the whole way. I’m
petrified of being on my own again. I drop my bag as we reach the
door and put my arms and legs out against the frame so he can’t
push me through as I beg him not to throw me out.

But he’s
stronger than me and pins my arms and legs to my body, then
physically throws me on the front lawn outside. I land with a thud
that knocks the air painfully from my chest. In the time it takes
to get back on my feet, my bag has come sailing out and he’s locked
the door.

“Shit!” I say
to myself, slapping and kicking my heel on the damp grass beneath
me. “Fuck!” I get up to my knees and pick up my bag, pushing
everything inside it so I can at least close the zip.

I can’t believe
this just happened. I can’t believe someone I cared so much about
could do this to me. We’ve shared our lives together. How can this
just be over so suddenly?

My mind does
its usual thing, and reminds me that my parents were supposed to
love me, and they threw me out for a lot less than this. Why
wouldn’t Jeff do the same thing?

I stand and
look at the house that had come to be my home, breathing heavily as
I fight to keep my emotions in check.

I want to go to
the door and ask him to reconsider. But I don’t. I don’t bother
fighting this. I don’t bother trying to get back in. I’ve been
through this all before. Instead, I hitch my bag up on my shoulder
and start walking, trying my best to hold it together so I can
figure out what to do.

I reach my hand
into my pocket and pull out the wad of cash I have from the night
of selling and count it. There’s over a thousand dollars.

“Well, at least
I have some cash this time,” I say to myself, pushing it back
inside my pocket. I also have a decent amount of ecstasy tablets
left too, so at least I have a bit of happiness left in my life.
Even if it is only chemical.

I realise that
I have nowhere to go. I can’t go and stay with Tahlia again because
if I’m there, Jeff will find me. It won’t be because he wants me
back. He’ll come looking for the drugs and the money. God only
knows what he’ll do to me when he realises I took them. I’ll have
to get out of town.

I make my way
to the train station and head toward the city. There are more
people there, and I should be able to lose myself easily in the
crowds.

It’s getting
close to one in the morning, and the rocking of the train is
attempting to lull me off to sleep. I would be stupid to sleep on
the train on my own, so I force my eyes to stay open.

It’s stupid to
even
be
on the train on my own at this time of night. But I
don’t have much of a choice.

I think my face
must be bruising, because I get a few funny looks from some of the
other passengers. I touch it gently and wince as my tender flesh
cries out in pain. He obviously hit me harder than I thought.

I bow my head
and let my hair fall over that side of my face in an attempt to
hide it. That will have to do for now.

Watching the
dark scenery as it travels by outside the train, I see a lit up
sign advertising motel rooms from $55 a night. I figure that’s as
good a place as any and rise from my seat to disembark as the train
slows down to pull into the station.

The motel is a
short walk from the station, and I move fast and confidently,
praying silently that no one stops me.

Thankfully, the
worst I get is a few cat calls from party goers loitering outside a
nearby club before I make it to the reception area and ask the
exhausted and very disinterested looking clerk if I can have a
room.

“You got ID?”
he asks, sitting forward and eyeing me up and down, sucking his
teeth as he takes in my appearance.

I hand him my
ID and get ready to count out the money to pay for my room.”

“Can’t rent to
minors,” he says immediately, and pushes my card across the counter
back towards me.

“But… I need
somewhere to sleep. I have cash. I can pay. Don’t send me back out
there,” I plead, moving my hair a little so the side of my face is
more visible to him, hoping it might sway his decision in my
favour.

His eyes skim
over my face, and he sits back in his chair, the back of it
creaking under the strain of his weight.

“It’ll cost you
double.”

I blink my eyes
rapidly as I realise that at double the price, I can only stay here
for ten days, without eating, based on what I have on me.

“Fine,” I say,
pulling the money from my pocket and putting it on the counter in
front of him.

He hands me a
form to fill out as he takes the money and places a passkey on the
counter next to the clipboard.

“You’ll be in
room 25. It’s just down the end of the row to your left.”

“Thanks,” I
tell him, handing over the form and taking the plastic card.

“Check out is
at 10:30.”

I nod and walk
out into the dark of the early hours of the morning. The room isn’t
far from reception, but anywhere, alone in the dark is scary as
fuck. I hate being out on my own at night. I’ve hated it ever since
I was forced to sleep out in the park. Every noise and every shadow
puts me on high alert, and the sound of a door opening sends my
heart racing so fast that I feel as if I might scream.

Without looking
around me, I quicken my pace and locate my room, my shaking hand
betraying me as it causes me to slip and miss the slot for the
card.

Once I make it
inside, I lean against the door and breathe heavily. Glad to be
somewhere safe. After a few moments, I head straight for the
bathroom, so I can see what’s been causing the stares.

“Oh wow,” I
breathe out as my reflection greets me. My cheek is all red and
swollen, and my right eye is slightly smaller than my left. A
purple tinge is already developing, and I realise that I’m likely
to get a good-sized bruise. A bruised face will limit my options
even further.

“Fuck!” I cry
and kick at the cupboard door. Tears burst from my eyes as if
breaking through a dam, and my sobs echo off the tiles as they
escape from my body while I finally let myself think about the
events of the night. Why does this shit happen to me? Is it really
that hard to have me around? Am I that hard to live with? To
love?

I had thought I
was in love with Jeff. I’d thought that maybe, he was in love with
me too. But it was all a lie, and I was so fucking stupid to get
sucked in - to think that someone actually cared about someone like
me. I’ve probably had people laughing at me behind my back the
entire time.

My own family
didn’t care enough to keep me around. How could I possibly think
that someone else could actually see something special in me? I was
kidding myself.

I pull the bag
of Es out of my pocket and count the pills, sliding them around in
the plastic as I wonder if I should just take them all. Surely that
would do it. No one would even know I was gone. No one would even
claim my body.

I empty the
pills into my hand and study them. As I do, I imagine what it will
be like to swallow them all and let them carry me away from this
earth – never to return. Blissful, I hope.

Staring at the
pills in my palm, I’m frozen. “Just do it Paige. End it.” I urge
myself.

I take three
quick breaths and then cup my hand to my mouth, tossing the pills
inside.

Instantly, my
throat closes and I reflexively spit them into the sink. “I can’t!”
I cry, spitting and heaving, trying to catch my breath. “Shit!” I
hiss, kicking again at the vanity in front of me.

Now the pills
were ruined. I was even worse off than I was a few moments ago.

I turn on the
tap and splash cool water over my face as I breathe in some sort of
calm. If I can’t end it, I need to find a way to look after
myself.

But what kind
of skill set do I have? None. Nothing at all that could get me any
kind of work.

Then I remember
Jeff telling me that a girl who is good in bed will always have
somewhere to sleep.

I stare at
myself in the mirror. Would I be able to make someone want to take
me home with them? I try to see in my reflection something that men
would find attractive.

I’ve been
called beautiful before, but I don’t see what it is that’s
beautiful about me. My eyes are fairly light in colour and my hair
is so wildly curly, that I look slightly crazed.

I think I look
a bit like a witch. But my lips are full and my breasts are on the
large side, if I wear makeup and clothes to show them off, then I
might be in with a chance.

Leaning close
to the mirror, I huff out my breath and leave behind a circle of
fog. Through it, my features are blurred. I can only see my
body.

Slowly, I move,
swinging my hips and focusing on my curves. I’m trying to look at
myself, as if I’m not me.

As the fog
clears, my face becomes clear once more. The bruise and the
swelling make me look horrible, but as soon as it’s healed – I’m
going to have to put my skills to the test. We’ll see if Jeff
really did teach me anything.

I stay at the
motel for a few days. Just enough time to let the swelling and the
bruising on my face clear up so it can be covered sufficiently by
makeup.

I don’t have
much money left. Between the cost of the room, food, make up and an
outfit to go clubbing in, I’m almost broke. I seriously
contemplated stealing the clothes and food, but that’s something I
hate doing, unless I’m desperate. No one wants to be caught shop
lifting. It seems like the lamest thing to be busted for after
everything I’ve done so far.

I have a plan
to try to get into a night club tonight and find a guy, who has his
own place and wants to take me home. I’m trying not to think about
what kind of person that makes me. I might not go through with it
if I do.