“Amy, you already love him. Telling him isn’t going to change that or make you love him any less. If he leaves you it’s going to hurt, anyway you look at it. On the other hand, what if he loves you too? What if he plans to hang around? I think you’re jumping the gun here, assuming he’ll take off if he knows how you really feel.”
Amy scowled. “He will leave, that’s a given. It’s just a matter of time.” How many times had her mother told her father she loved him? Every day. He knew how dependent she was on him, how much she needed him. Did it help? No. Her father left anyway.
What about the asshole? She told him she loved him, even bared her soul to him. Simon still cheated on her.
As if reading her thoughts, Maggie said bluntly, “Cut the crap. He’s
not
Simon. He would never hurt you.”
Oh, Jeez. Maggie was right. Of course Daniel would never hurt her. Not deliberately anyway. No, he wasn’t like her father or Simon. But he was Daniel. He had his routine. Love ’em and leave ’em. Only this time, it was her who was about to be left, and the thought made her sick to her stomach.
Amy swallowed down the wave of nausea. “A man doesn’t have to be unfaithful to hurt you. Walking out on a lifetime together is just as bad. Worse.”
“
If
he walks out. The guy’s nuts about you. Anyone can see that. He’d rather die than hurt you.”
“I know he’d never do it intentionally,” she conceded. “But people don’t just change overnight. Daniel doesn’t do long-term relationships. He won’t change for me.” He was a wonderful, wonderful man. But even wonderful men didn’t modify their actions to suit their closest pal.
“For someone who claims to be his best friend, you don’t have very much faith in him, do you?”
Once again, Maggie had floored her. As much as she loved Daniel, as much as she was in love with him, she simply didn’t have faith in him. Not when it came to women. And as of now, she was officially one of
his
women.
She mulled over the idea. Was it possible he could change? Could he ever commit to being with her long-term? Did she even want a long-term commitment from him?
She’d never given it much deliberation, never thought that far in advance. She always assumed he’d be in her life as her friend. On the other hand, she always assumed that if they ever slept together, he’d dump her and their friendship. She never considered the possibility that they might be a—oh Lord, could she say it?—a couple. A real couple in a real relationship.
She shook her head, intuitively knowing it could never happen. Even if Daniel did change, even if he did make a commitment to her, she’d never fully trust him, never fully believe he wanted to be with her and only her. She would spend her days living in doubt about his staying power. Experience had taught her men did not stay with her. It didn’t matter what Daniel intended to do or how he intended to behave because, Amy realized,
she
was the one who couldn’t change. She could never accept a relationship based on mistrust. And that’s what she’d do. Mistrust him. Every day of their lives.
A relationship between the two of them would never work. There were too many variables working against them. There was Daniel’s inability to commit, and her inability to trust him. In that moment Amy came to a conclusion. It was the only conclusion she could arrive at based on her insight into their personalities. She had to end their affair soon. Taking their relationship any further than it had already gone would destroy them completely. It would ruin any chance they had of resuming their friendship.
It wasn’t fair, she thought with a heavy heart. She wasn’t ready to let go of him just yet. She had only just discovered the wonderful world of sex with Daniel, and wonderful sex it was. Wonderful, marvelous, mind-blowing, orgasmic sex. With Daniel, the most mundane actions became super-incredible sexual experiences.
With Daniel, she turned into a fiery sex kitten, a woman with a voracious appetite for making love. Daniel’s hunger, it would seem, was just as insatiable as hers. No opportunity was frowned upon or overlooked. When they could make love, they did. And they did it frequently.
Take last night for instance. A mundane, everyday occurrence had turned into red-hot passion frenzy. They were sitting companionably in his lounge, she doing a crossword, he reading, when she’d accidentally dropped her pen and had to crouch down on the floor to pull it out from under her chair.
“Don’t move an inch,” Daniel rasped.
On her hands and knees, her butt stuck in the air, she looked over her shoulder at him and was blinded by the raw desire playing across his face.
“Not an inch.” He unbuttoned his jeans and walked towards her.
She watched, powerless to move, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps as he shucked his pants and knelt behind her.
Right there on the floor, he lifted her skirt, shoved her thong aside and fucked her from behind. She took every last pulsing inch of him, crying out his name until she finally collapsed under him, her body and his a writhing mass of post-orgasmic bliss.
It was things like that she wasn’t ready to give up yet. Things like that she needed a little more time to enjoy.
Amy looked at Maggie. “You’re right. I don’t have much faith in him, or myself. I just don’t see us going anywhere.” She shook her head. “But that’s okay. For now, I’m going to make the most of what little time we do have.” She intended to spend all their remaining time together discovering new things about her old friend. Take the time to enjoy Daniel, enjoy loving him and enjoy making love with him. Just enough to give her a whole arsenal of good memories so when the day came Daniel did move on, or when she decided she couldn’t live with the doubt any longer, she would at least have her memories to keep her warm at night.
***
“Hi.” He lounged in her doorway, eyeing her hungrily. A huge grin was plastered across his face.
“Hi yourself.” She stared at him, unable to get enough.
“You ready to leave?”
“In a minute.” Her voice was a breathy invitation.
“In a minute,” he agreed. In one lithe movement, he swept down and devoured her mouth.
“Mmm…” Her heart thudded. She wound her arms around his neck, arching into him.
He kicked the door shut and his arm crept around her waist, drawing her close. She sighed into his mouth as his tongue plundered hers. Her whole body reverberated in pleasure.
“Sorry I’m late.” Daniel trailed warm, moist kisses down her neck.
“S’okay.” She threw her head back to allow him easier access to the sensitive spot beneath her ear.
“If we leave now we can just make the nine o’clock show.” He nibbled the edge of her earlobe.
“What should we see?” She moaned softly as her hands snuck under his shirt and kneaded the velvety flesh of his stomach, relishing the hard muscle below.
“The new Tom Hanks movie started yesterday.” His fingers made short work of her buttons, undoing her top and pushing it open. He inhaled deeply as he gazed at her breasts, his lower lip caught between his teeth.
Her nipples strained against her bra, pebbling into tight buds. She shuddered as his mouth closed over one. “I hear he’s…very good in it. Oh!” The sensation of his hot, wet tongue over the lacy lingerie sent her body temperature soaring.
“The reviews have been okay.” He turned his attention to the other breast, laving the flesh buried beneath the lace.
She gasped. “Where’s it showing?” The zip on his jeans caught as she tugged on it with shaking hands. Forcing herself to slow down, she eased the zip over his straining erection and pushed the flaps aside. She covered him with her hand.
“At the, ah…cinemas.” He pulsated under her fingers.
“I know.” She nipped his shoulder then licked away the sting, enjoying the taste of his salty skin. “Which one?”
Her shirt lay beside his on the floor and her bra followed seconds later. She dipped her hand beneath the elastic of his boxer shorts and wrapped her fingers around him.
He jerked into her. “Uh…the one where they…oh man…show films.” His voice was rough and his breathing ragged.
“We should probably go soon.” She knelt before him and pushed his pants down his legs.
“Yeah. We don’t want to…” He cursed, his voice thick. “We…don’t want to…”
The soft wool of the carpet cushioned her knees and the cool air teased her bare breasts. “We don’t want to what?” She licked her way up his shaft.
Smoky, hooded eyes absorbed her actions. “We don’t want to miss the, um…whaddaya call it.” A muscle worked in his jaw.
“The beginning?” She took the head of his cock in her mouth and swirled her tongue around it.
“Yes…” He sank his hands into her hair. “We don’t want to miss the beginning.”
“No,” she agreed. “We…wouldn’t…want to…do that.” She opened her mouth wide and sucked in his full length.
They missed the whole film.
***
Amy lay curled on her side on the carpet next to Daniel, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close. Idly, she circled her fingertips over his chest. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”
“What?” His eyes were closed as he questioned her.
“Us. This.”
“S’not weird. S’nice.” His voice was rich and low. “In fact.” Eyes now open, he turned his head to kiss her. “It’s perfect.”
She couldn’t have agreed more. “Yeah, but still…you’d think it would be weird between us. You’d think we’d feel, I don’t know, inhibited maybe?”
“You weren’t inhibited a few moments ago.” A smile stirred his sleepy features.
Amy poked him. “Well, that’s just my point. I take one look at you and all I want to do is tear your clothes off and fuck you stupid. I can’t seem to keep you at arm’s length anymore.” She paused and puckered her brow. “I don’t know how I ever did.”
“Ah, babe, I don’t know why you ever wanted to.” He kissed her again, a long, slow, lazy kiss. It was so intoxicating she forgot what she’d been saying. His lips drugged her, sent her drifting off to nowhere. When he pulled away, she came floating back to earth.
“You never asked why I was late tonight.”
“I didn’t think about it.” She stretched sluggishly and yawned, then burrowed into his warmth. “I assumed you got sidetracked taking photos.”
“Uh-uh. I was busy. With two things.”
“Two?”
“Yep. First off, I went to the hospital, to see Vicky.”
“And?” Since their trip to POWS a few weeks back she hadn’t been able to get her mind off the child.
“And she’s being discharged tomorrow.”
Amy’s smile matched the one she could hear in his voice. “That is wonderful news.”
“I know. I’m totally psyched about it. So is her mother. Things are looking up for the family.”
She knew Daniel’s relief was enormous. “I’m happy for her. And for you.” She squeezed his arm. “What was the other thing that happened today?”
“I had a surprise visitor.”
“Anyone I know?” She would have lifted her head to show her interest, but she was just too drowsy, content and happy lying where she was.
“Janine Stillman.”
Amy’s senses sharpened. “From National Geographic?”
“Uh-huh.” His voice vibrated with restrained excitement.
She sat up, suddenly paying close attention. “She’s in Sydney?” Janine lived in San Francisco. What was she doing here?
“Yup. On a two week holiday before she starts a new assignment.”
“For the magazine?” Janine had worked with Daniel on a spread for National Geographic a couple of years back. The two had done a brilliant piece on Sydney, with Janine authoring the article and Daniel providing the pictures.
Daniel nodded. “And guess what?”
“What?” She stared at him, apprehension prickling the base of her spine. When Daniel and Janine had completed the article and sent it in for publication, they’d honored their accomplishment with a little celebratory sex. Four solid days of celebratory sex. Daniel hadn’t even taken time out to answer his phone.
“National Geographic has offered me a second assignment. They want me to do the photographs.” A grin split his face and his eyes danced.
Amy felt sick and thrilled at the same time. She fought to keep her voice animated as the contents of her belly swirled uneasily. “Fantastic! Tell me more.”
“It’s an article looking at the beaches of New South Wales, from the Sapphire Coast all the way up to Byron Bay. We’ll choose about ten of the best. Visit them, film them, interview the locals, get to know the places a bit better and then come back and put the whole piece together.”
“Sounds amazing.” It did. He loved working for the magazine. He would never refuse an opportunity to do a shoot for them again.
She wanted to throw up.
Daniel jumped up. “I know. I feel like a kid I’m so excited.”
“Where will you stay?” Although she really did not want to hear the answer, it was politic to keep up the charade.
“The magazine’s organized hotels or bed and breakfasts at various towns. We just need to phone with the dates.”