Authors: Hannah Downing
I stood up and ran my fingers lightly down his jaw, but I pulled my hand back when he winced at my touch. I got up on my tiptoes and gently kissed his sore chin.
“I’ll apologize to him,” he sighed, his arms slipping around my waist and holding me to his chest.
I could tell he wasn’t happy about that prospect, and I didn’t expect him to really do it. It was enough for me that he’d offered. But I didn’t get a chance to tell him that because the phone rang inside the house.
“I’ll get that,” I said, pulling out of his grasp and heading to the study.
“Hello?”
“Charlotte, are you okay?” Cameron’s voice asked, sounding relieved.
“Cam?” I was unsure how he’d gotten my new phone number.
“Yeah. Bonnie gave me your number — I hope that’s all right.”
“What were you going to do if Owen answered?”
He was silent for a moment. Then he chuckled softly. “Hang up,” he admitted.
I rolled my eyes.
“So are you okay?” he asked. “Is Owen angry with you?”
“I’m fine. We talked about it. He said he was sorry he hit you, and he knows he shouldn’t have done it. I’m really sorry, Cam. Are you badly hurt?”
“I’ll probably have a black eye, but apart from that I’m fine. I was concerned that he’d take it out on you after everyone left.”
“That would never happen. Owen treats me really well. There’s no need to worry,” I told him, a little insulted.
“Okay, well…I just wanted to check in. I’m glad you’re okay. Will I talk to you soon?”
“Yeah,” I said, not really knowing when that would be. Now that we’d talked about everything and the past was out in the open, I couldn’t see much of a reason.
“Maybe we could have lunch next week. Just as friends?”
“I’ll let you know,” I said vaguely before hanging up.
I was going to have to think more about Owen’s feelings and talk to him about how he
really
felt about Cameron and me having a friendship before I took it any further. It was time for me to be serious about my relationship and think about Owen’s needs. Having Cameron in my life was going to more of a problem than I’d originally thought.
Chapter Twelve
Goodbye, My Love
“Come in, Bonnie,” I called from the kitchen when I heard her knock.
Footsteps echoed down the hallway before Bonnie’s smiling face appeared next to me, and her arms wrapped around my waist.
“You’re going to be a bride.”
I laughed and hugged her back. “I know! Hey, Alex.” I looked over Bonnie’s shoulder as I saw him enter the room.
He nodded and sat down on one of the barstools.
“Coffee?” I asked, switching the percolator on and taking cups from the cupboard.
“I’d love a coffee,” Alex said.
“Not for me. I’ll just start looking through your magazines,” Bonnie replied, looking around the counters. “Where are your magazines?”
“What magazines?” I asked.
“The
bridal
magazines, so we can plan!” she said, as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.
“I didn’t buy any. I’ve already had a big wedding, and Owen and I agreed to have a small ceremony,” I explained, grabbing the milk out of the fridge.
Bonnie scrunched up her face as if she smelled something bad and spun around to face Alex. “Will you be okay here?” she asked him. “I’m just going to run to the store. I’ll be right back.”
“Sure,” he said as I handed him his coffee.
“Bonnie — ”
“We
need
magazines, Charlotte. Even if you don’t want a big wedding, we still need some inspiration for your dress,” she said anxiously.
I shrugged and sat down next to Alex. “Okay, but don’t take too long.”
“Be right back,” she sang as she disappeared down the hall.
After the front door closed, Alex and I sat in silence, drinking our coffee. It dawned on me that I was sitting with a virtual stranger, and I felt a little uncomfortable. I took a long drink from my cup.
“So…” Alex said.
Our eyes met, and I opened my mouth to reply but couldn’t think of anything to say. I just looked at the countertop and drank more of my coffee. Alex tapped his fingers idly on the smooth surface, and I started humming along. Then we both burst out laughing.
“That was one awkward silence,” I giggled.
“One of the most awkward I’ve ever had.”
I traced the marble countertop with my fingers. “I’m sorry about how the party ended when you were here last,” I finally said.
“Oh, it’s fine. It was interesting, actually. I watched Owen seethe from the minute we arrived, and I wondered if he’d blow his top,” Alex said, shifting to face me.
“Really? I knew he was annoyed, but I never saw that blow-up coming.”
“Maybe you were too close to it. I’d never met either of you, but Bonnie described the situation to me so I had a feeling he’d be annoyed that Cameron came along.”
“Why
did
he come?”
I hadn’t spoken with Cameron since he’d called after the party to ask if I was okay. He’d called my cell two days ago, but I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say to him.
“You know the Harpers — they do everything together. So when Ryan was invited, I think it just seemed natural for them all to come…especially since
you
were involved,” he said, draining the last of the coffee from his cup.
“What do you mean?”
“They adore you! Bonnie has talked about you nonstop since you got back to town. You’re one of them.”
“I
was
one of them,” I clarified.
“They’ll always consider you one of them. Did you know Cameron keeps your wedding photo in his office?”
I nodded. “Yes, I had lunch with him there the other day.”
“David told him he shouldn’t have it there — that he’s torturing himself with it — but he refuses to take it down.”
“David told him to sell the house as well.”
Alex nodded. “Before you moved back, I didn’t know much about Cameron. Bonnie and I have been dating for about a year, but he’s always been a mystery to me. He showed up to family dinners, smiled, and played the dutiful son and brother, but he was never really there. Over the past few weeks he’s become a different person.”
I pondered that for a few minutes and wondered if my presence, or lack thereof, affected Cameron in ways I hadn’t considered before. Bonnie had mentioned that Cameron seemed withdrawn after I left, but hearing it from someone who wasn’t as close to him was eye-opening. It reminded me of my behavior after my mother left…
Cameron’s attempts to talk to me when I first got back into town had overwhelmed me. I’d felt like he was asking something of me, when in fact he’d been trying to give me something: understanding, explanations, and apologies.
I felt sympathy for Cameron and the pain he’d been in for so long. I’d found love with someone new, but Cameron had gotten stuck in his guilt and never moved past it.
Alex’s hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts. “He’s happy you’re back,” he said. “They all are.”
“I know. But it must hurt him to see me with Owen.”
“I think he’d rather endure the pain of seeing you with someone else than not have you in his life at all.”
I realized in that moment just how loved I was — by both Owen and Cameron. They both wanted the best for me, even to their own detriment. Owen had encouraged me to face my past, and he stood by my side now even as my renewed relationship with Cameron hurt him. And Cameron still wanted me in his life, even if it would never be in the capacity he truly hoped for. But both of them giving me what I wanted wasn’t making me happy — let alone either of them.
“That’s selfish of me, though… I have to pick one of them,” I said softly, realizing this for the first time.
Why hadn’t I seen it before? No matter how much I wanted to fit them both into my life, making it the perfect puzzle, that was never going to happen. The piece of my life that belonged to Cameron would never fit with the piece that belonged to Owen. It was impossible, and yet I wasn’t willing to give up either part of myself.
Before this moment, I hadn’t realized that any type of decision needed to be made. And now that I did, it should have been easy to choose Owen. I’d left Cameron behind five years ago. But the first time I’d walked away from him, I was hurt and angry and didn’t know the details of what had happened. Now that I understood them, it didn’t seem so clear.
Alex remained quiet until we made eye contact, and he gave me a soft smile. “Your heart will tell you what to do,” he said, as if he’d heard my thoughts.
I quickly gulped the last of my coffee and looked down again. Alex sat quietly next to me. I was surprised at how comforting it was to have an almost-stranger there with me. I knew he didn’t expect anything of me, and he didn’t seem to have his own agenda or want me to pick a certain person.
The front door crashed open and footsteps stomped down the hallway.
“Stupid small town…think we’re all hillbillies…” Bonnie muttered to herself as she appeared in the doorway.
Alex stood and kissed her forehead, smoothing her hair. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“I couldn’t get
any
bridal magazines in this stupid backward town.” She sighed dramatically. “I’m going to Hartford tomorrow to buy a few. Can we reschedule this planning meeting for next week?”
“Sure,” I said, thankful for the reprieve. My mind was still focused on having to choose between Cameron and Owen.
“I guess we’ll just get going then,” Bonnie said. “Sorry.” She gave me a quick hug.
“That’s okay. Next week will be perfect.”
I walked Bonnie and Alex out to the car and gave Alex a hug too.
“Thank you,” I whispered. He squeezed me tightly in response and gave me a wink as he climbed into the car.
***
That night, when Owen got home from work, I was still sitting on the couch thinking — in the same spot I’d been in since Bonnie and Alex left that morning. Owen smiled before sitting next to me and pulling my curled legs out from underneath me and into his lap. He began to rub the soles of my feet.
I hummed in satisfaction as I leaned on the arm of the couch and allowed him to work. Owen was always so thoughtful. When I tried to recall whether Cameron had ever done something similar, I quickly stopped myself and sat up straight, pulling my feet from Owen’s grasp. It would do no good for me to start comparing them.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I replied, my tone harsh.
He gave me a confused look.
“Can we talk?” I asked nervously.
He sighed and twisted around on the couch to face me, then gently took my hand. This was another thing I loved about Owen — how much he loved to touch me. Just holding hands was special with him.
“Are you still upset about what happened at the party?” he asked.
“No, I’m not upset. But it did make me think.”
Owen cocked his head to the side, silently prompting me to continue.
“What do you want?” I asked bluntly.
“What?”
I shook my head slightly to organize my thoughts. “I’ve been unfair to you since we moved here… I know you wanted me to reconnect with people and sort through my past, but now I’m not sure I want them all in the past,” I said, wondering if I was making any sense. “I guess what I’m asking is, is it okay with you if I have a friendship with Cameron?”
Owen held my gaze. “I want you to be happy.”
“I know.” I squeezed his hand. “But what do
you
want?”
Owen dropped my hand and rubbed his over his face. “If I had my choice, no. Once you get the closure you need, you wouldn’t have any contact with Cameron or anyone in his family. But I would never ask you to give up people who are important to you. I’m fine, really — and don’t forget, I was the one who suggested you reconnect with him. I know I overreacted the other night, but I promise it won’t happen again.”
“I want you to be happy too! If me being around Cameron is going to hurt you or damage our relationship, I need you to tell me,” I pushed.
“It’s fine, baby. I promise,” he said, kissing my lips gently.
“Are you sure?”
“As long as he keeps his hands off you,” Owen growled in my ear.
“Deal.”
***
“Where’s my phone?” I yelled angrily as it rang for the second time.
“Where did you leave it?” Owen called unhelpfully from the living room where he was watching television.
I resisted the urge to yell that if knew where I’d left it, it wouldn’t be lost and instead kept searching through the papers piled up on the kitchen counter. The phone stopped ringing, and I sighed.
I sat down on the barstool. Everything had gone wrong today: I’d stubbed my toe in the shower and hobbled around all morning. Then the coffeemaker broke, so I hadn’t had any caffeine. Owen had spent the afternoon sulking in the living room, and I’d burned the toast when I tried to make us tuna sandwiches. Now this horrible day would not end, and I’d missed two calls because I couldn’t find my stupid phone.
My ringtone sounded again, and I groaned loudly before restarting my search. I felt the bowl of fruit vibrate against my arm and pulled out two bananas, finding my phone at the bottom of the bowl.
“What the?” I yelled loudly before pulling the phone out and answering the call.
“Hello?” I said angrily, not bothering to check the caller ID in my haste.
“Is this a bad time?” a smooth voice said through the phone.
“Cameron!” I said too loudly. I heard Owen groan from the living room.
“Hey,” he said, and I could tell he was smiling.
“Sorry, I couldn’t find my phone.”
“Yes, this is the third time I’ve tried to call. I thought of calling the house phone, but I didn’t want to cause any trouble.”
“Oh really? Desperate for me, were you?” I joked. I went silent when I realized how that likely came across to Cameron.
He cleared his throat and ignored my statement. “I actually need to talk to you — today. It’s quite urgent.”
“What? Is everything okay?”
“Can we meet?” he asked instead of answering my question, making me very nervous.
“Cam, what’s going on?” I demanded, losing patience.
“Charlotte, please,” he groaned. “Don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be. I have to talk to you…it’s important. Can you just trust me?”
“I don’t know…” I hesitated, thinking of Owen’s reaction.
“It has to be today. I
need
to talk to you today,” he said.
“Can’t you tell me now — on the phone?”
“This isn’t a phone type of conversation, Char.
Please
. I’m throwing my pride out the window and begging you.
Please!”
I hesitated, and I could hear a tapping through the phone. I pictured him nervously drumming his fingers as he waited for my answer.
“Okay. When?”
“Can you meet me around five?” he asked softly. “At our special place?”
That made me curious. What could he possibly have to tell me that was urgent
and
required the sentimentality of our private place?
“I’ll be there,” I whispered. Cameron hung up without saying goodbye.
I put the phone down, my frustration completely gone. I walked into the living room where Owen sat stiffly on the couch, watching the game with a scowl.
“What did he want?” he asked without looking away from the television.
“He wants to talk to me. He said it was urgent.”
“I’m sure it is,” Owen said sarcastically.
I wasn’t in the mood to fight with Owen, so I just went to change into some comfortable jeans and a warm sweater before pulling on my running shoes and grabbing my coat.
I felt uneasy because I’d promised Owen I would never meet Cameron alone. I knew I was about to break that rule, but surely an emergency was worth the fight with Owen that would ensue.
“I’m going to meet Cameron. I’ll be back later,” I called as I headed out. I didn’t wait for his answer, but he didn’t try to stop me from leaving, so I’d deal with his anger when I got home.