Pig City (7 page)

“Welcome to Pig City,” said Laura, nose and fist together.

Nathan returned the salute. “I'm proud to be a member of such a fine organization,” he said.

Aaron was next.

Between the time Nathan left and Aaron entered, Tiffany and Allison switched positions. Allison was on the bed. Tiffany was on the beans.

Aaron sat next to Allison. He wore brown slacks and hard shoes. His shirt looked freshly ironed. His hair was neatly combed. You could tell just by looking at Aaron that he always wore clean underwear, too.

“I thought clubs were illegal,” he said.

“What club?” asked Allison.

“I don't know anything about a club,” said Tiffany.

Aaron smiled. “I don't know anything about a club, either.”

Allison smiled at him.

For his insurance, he had to sing a song into the tape recorder.

It had three verses. Each girl had written a different verse. Allison handed him a piece of paper with all the words. “You have to sing this,” she said. “Then if you tell anybody what we tell you, we'll play the tape for the whole school, over the PA system.”

“It's to the tune of ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb,'” said Tiffany.

Aaron looked it over. “Okay, I'm ready,” he said. He put the paper down. He had it memorized.

Laura handed Aaron the microphone, turned her cassette player to record, and signaled for him to start.

He sang:

“
I am such a stupid jerk,

Stupid jerk, stupid jerk,

I am such a stupid jerk,

I don't have a brain.”

That verse was written by Laura. She didn't dare look at Tiffany. If she did, she knew they'd both crack up.

Allison listened serenely to Aaron's serenade.

“
I just love to pick my nose,

Pick my nose, pick my nose,

I just love to pick my nose,

It is so much fun.”

That was Tiffany's verse. The last one was Allison's.

“
I'm in love with every girl,

Every girl, every girl,

I'm in love with every girl,

In Mr. Doyle's class.”

Laura turned off the recorder. Allison clapped her hands.

Laura quickly gobbled down her dinner, hardly pausing for a breath of air. “May I be excused?” she asked.

“We don't have a daughter,” said her father. “We have a vacuum cleaner.”

Laura laughed.

“You know, you really shouldn't eat so fast,” said her mother. “It's not good for the digestion.”

“Too late now,” said Laura.

“You may be excused,” her father told her.

She rinsed off her plate in the sink, then stuck it in the dishwasher. She hurried to the back of the house to get ready for Gabriel. She went into her sister's old room.

When her sister had moved into her own apartment, she left a lot of old clothes behind. Most of them were pretty tacky. Laura thought they'd be perfect for Gabriel.

She rummaged through the dresses hanging in the closet. She took out a frilly white one and held it up in front of her, trying to imagine how it would look on
Gabriel. She shook her head.

She stuck her head back in the closet, then gasped with delight. She saw the perfect dress for Gabriel.

It was a Hawaiian muumuu. It was bright pink with lots of big yellow and purple flowers.

He'll look so
pretty
in it, she thought.

She brought it to her room and laid it delicately on her bed. She dragged her desk chair to her closet, stood on it, and got her camera down from the shelf.

It was the type of camera that developed the pictures itself in sixty seconds. She checked to make sure it was loaded.

Her eyes turned to the muumuu. “Just divine,” she said out loud. It was large enough that Gabriel could wear it over his clothes. He would just have to roll up his pant legs and shirt sleeves so they wouldn't show, and take off his shoes and socks.

She wondered why the dress was called a muumuu. Maybe because it's big enough for a cow! she thought. Moo moo. She smiled at her joke. She'd have to remember to tell it to Gabriel.

She made sure her parents weren't watching, then brought the camera and the dress out back to the Dog House. She draped the dress over the television and put the camera on top of it. She returned to her room and waited.

Gabriel stood outside the front door.
Maybe
, he hoped. What if Laura found out he really didn't know anything about Pig City? He wondered what she meant by insurance. Somehow, he had to get her to explain it all to him, then act like he already knew it. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe … Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. He rang the doorbell.

“I got it!” Laura shouted. She ran down the hall, past her mother. She stopped just before the door. She took off her cap, wiped her hair back off her face, then put the cap back on. She opened the door.

“Hi,” said Gabriel.

She was glad Gabriel knew all about Pig City. She wouldn't have to go through a lot of explanations. “C'mon, let's go to the Dog House.”

“To the Dog House,” said Gabriel.

They went through the living room, which was a big mistake. Her parents stopped them and asked her to introduce him to them, and then everybody said how nice it was to meet each other. Laura waited impatiently.

They went out the back door. “Yep, there's the Dog House,” said Gabriel. There was no mistaking it. He walked inside. She followed.

He sat in the swinging chair.

She was going to tell him that that was her chair, but
then she decided it didn't matter. She sat on the bed. She glanced quickly at the dress and camera lying on the television, then her eyes turned to Gabriel.

He swiveled around in the chair, looking at everything.

“What do you think?” she asked him.

“Just as I expected,” he said.

“Okay, here's the thing,” said Laura. “Even though you already know about Pig City, you still have to give insurance, just to make it official.”

“Right. I know that,” he said.

Laura smiled. She got the treasure chest out from under the bed. “You know what this is?” she asked.

“A treasure chest,” said Gabriel.

Laura nodded. “Inside are the Treasures of Pig City,” she said. “It's where we put everybody's insurance.” She sat back down on the bed.

Gabriel snapped his fingers. “Oh, I just remembered,” he said. “I left my insurance at home. Why don't you let me use somebody else's insurance for now, and then I'll bring my own insurance to school tomorrow.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“I pick your insurance,” said Laura. “You don't get to bring your own.”

“Right. I knew that,” said Gabriel. “I was making a joke.”

“Okay,” said Laura. She looked at the muumuu. She wondered if Gabriel would really agree to wear it. She thought about Aaron and Nathan, how quickly they had agreed to do what they were told. But Gabriel was different. Aaron and Nathan were followers. Gabriel was a leader.

“Okay, here's the thing,” said Laura. “Now you have to agree to do whatever I say.”

“I will.”

“Once I tell you what your insurance is, you can't change your mind.”

“I won't.”

“Okay, here's the thing,” said Laura. She stopped.

“What?” he asked.

“Okay, this is what you have to do.”

“What?”

She took off her cap and wiped her hair off her face. The hat stayed off.

“What do I have to do?” he asked.

“You have to kiss me.”

They remained where they were, Gabriel in the swinging chair, Laura on the bed.

Gabriel said, “What?”

“You heard me,” Laura whispered.

It had surprised her almost as much as it had Gabriel, and she was the one who said it. She was all set to tell him he had to put on the muumuu, but somehow those other words came out.

They stayed glued to their chairs.

The best way to explain Laura's change of heart is like this: Before, she had to kiss him. Now, he had to kiss her. That was a big difference.

She took a deep breath. She felt her heart beating. She imagined herself kissing him, then raising her fist to her nose and saying very sexily, “Welcome to Pig City.”

“What's so funny?” Gabriel asked.

She shook her head. She hadn't realized she was smiling.

They stared into each other's eyes.

Gabriel climbed out of the swinging chair.

Laura stood up. She felt tingly all over. “Have you ever kissed a girl before?” she whispered.

“No,” he said. “Have you?”

She laughed.

He did, too. “I mean, have you ever kissed a boy?”

She shook her head. “I never would have chosen it for your insurance,” she said, “except it was your idea in the first place.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know. What you said in the note you wrote me.”

“What are you talking about?” Gabriel's voice was an octave higher than usual. He cleared his throat.

“You know,” said Laura.

“No, I don't.” His voice was still way up there.

“You said if I didn't kiss you, you'd tell everyone about Pig City.” Thinking about it again made her angry.

“What are you talking about?”

Laura put her hands on her hips and stared at him. She recited the note from memory. “‘Hey Laura, I know all about Pig City. If you don't kiss me, I will tell the whole school. You have ugly hair. Your humble servant, Gabriel.'”

“Are you crazy?” Gabriel asked.

“You wrote it, not me,” said Laura.

“I never said you had to
kiss
me!”

“Don't lie to
me
,” said Laura. “
I
read it, remember. You put it in
my
desk.”

“You're the one who's lying,” said Gabriel.

That did it. Nobody called her a liar. “Get out!” she exclaimed. “You're not allowed in Pig City! I'll never kiss you! And you're too ugly to wear a dress!”

“Yeah, well you're too ugly to wear a suit and tie!” snapped Gabriel.

They shouted at each other, using every bad word they knew and some they didn't know.

“If you cut your hair every time you told a lie, you'd be bald!” said Gabriel.

“Get out!” Laura screamed. “Liars aren't allowed in the Dog House!”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“You're repulsive,” she said. “No girl will ever want to kiss you, not for your whole life.”

“At least I didn't kiss you. I probably would have gotten warts all over my face.”

“You are a wart.”

“You're a canker sore.”

“Get out of here! Go crawl back where you came from.”

“Oink, oink,” said Gabriel.

“That's so stupid.”

“Oink, oink,” he repeated. He stepped out and slammed the door behind him. It bounced back open.

Laura remained alone in the Dog House. She tore her sister's purple and pink Hawaiian muumuu to shreds.

Laura stared through the hole in her cinnamon doughnut. It had been three days since her fight with Gabriel. She'd hardly slept or eaten anything since. She felt like she was losing control.

As far as she knew, Gabriel hadn't told anybody about Pig City,
yet
. She knew he would. Still, she continued to write her messages on the board. On Tuesday she wrote, PIGS FOREVER! and on Wednesday, PIGS ARE WINNERS! She had to. If she didn't, the citizens of Pig City would know something was wrong. And she couldn't let Gabriel know she was afraid of him. But the more messages she put up, the more dictionary pages she'd have to copy when he finally told.

He kept almost telling. He'd raise his hand as if he was going to tell on her, but instead he'd make some kind of ordinary comment. She knew he was doing it on purpose, to torture her.

“Don't you think you should eat something a little more substantial for breakfast than just a doughnut?”
asked her mother.

“Let me make you an egg,” offered her father.

“No!” she screamed.

“Laura!” scolded her mother.

“I'm sorry,” she said quietly. “You know I hate eggs.” She was almost in tears.

All her life, it seemed, people were trying to force eggs down her throat. “I know you don't like it soft-boiled, but try it hard-boiled,” they'd say. Or, “Try my egg salad, it doesn't taste like eggs.” Or, “Have you ever tasted quiche? It's nothing like regular eggs.” No matter how you cook it, an egg is an egg is an egg.

She sighed. She knew it wasn't eggs that had her so upset. It was Gabriel, the biggest rotten egg of them all.

“Oh, I know what's the matter with Laura,” said her father.

“Nothing's the matter!” she snapped.

“Remember that boy who came by the other evening?” her father continued. “What was his name? Gabriel?”

She stared at him in horror.

“So?” said her mother.

“It's obvious,” said her father. “She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep.” He smiled. “Laura's in love.”

She screamed.

She went to school and sneaked into Mr. Doyle's
room. The number 6 was next to the rectangle under the word DICTIONARY. Her hand shook as she wrote PIGS ARE SUPREME in the center of the blackboard. There was no way she could copy six – make that seven, dictionary pages.

Everyone laughed when they saw her message. “It sounds like something you'd eat at Jack in the Box,” laughed Karen. “A Pig Supreme!”