Authors: K. Sterling
It was like the cutting of a taut cord. Reid’s control snapped and slipped from his grasp as Carter’s body clenched tight, trying to milk his release from him. He bit Carter’s shoulder as his hips began to roll and thrust frantically. Reid was driving hard and deep as Carter murmured incoherently beneath him, urging him on with slick, shaking limbs. A surge of heat and pressure pushed from Reid’s sack, into the base of his cock and he moaned against Carter’s neck as sparks of electricity shot through his body and pleasure swirled from his groin in heavy waves. He felt his nerves twist tight and he was paralyzed and blind, a scream locked in his lungs before everything exploded and his body shattered. Reid sobbed Carter’s name and he felt his soul bleeding into Carter’s body as his heartbeat became Carter’s name. Once the tremors subsided, Reid raised his head and tried to roll off of Carter but his arms locked tight around him.
“Stay.” It was a hoarse, thick plea and Reid dropped his head and nodded against Carter’s shoulder. Reid felt a bubble of laughter tickling deep in his throat and he squeezed Carter tight.
“That was… the most incredible thing ever.” He gasped. “That was amazing.” The laugh escaped and Carter’s hands clasped Reid tight against him. Reid felt Carter’s chest deflate on a long sigh.
“It was amazing.” He whispered.
Reid nuzzled his face against the corner of Carter’s neck and hummed happily as his body became heavy and his eyelids fell.
Chapter 16
It was terrible. Carter pretended to be relaxed and blissfully content as he held Reid. He kept his breathing slow and even as his fingers swept lazily over Reid’s back. Inside, he was coming undone. Everything was crashing and shattering as waves of panic and anger surged and battered against the barriers and foundations within him. He’d hung onto Reid because he was afraid he’d start to cry and curl into a ball if he didn’t.
Carter still felt like he was shaking as he stared at the ceiling. It was like an over caffeinated, anxious shake that was bad enough to make Carter want to rip his skin off but Reid didn’t seem to notice. Reid was asleep and serene, his body half draped over Carter. If they had been at Reid’s, Carter would have found some excuse and left. Unfortunately, he was in his home, in his bed. He was stuck.
Nothing could have prepared Carter for what Reid had done to him. Carter knew that Reid would make everything good. He expected Reid to be careful and generous, he knew that if there was anyone in the world that could make him enjoy being fucked, it was Reid. And if Carter didn’t enjoy it, he wouldn’t have cared because it was Reid and it would have been enough if Reid was happy.
But it had been incredible. Carter couldn’t describe it as a full body orgasm, it was like a full life orgasm. He was pretty sure that Reid had somehow changed his D.N.A.. If someone were to examine it now, part of it would resemble Reid’s. Carter scraped his tongue across his teeth and wondered if Reid had fucked the tastebuds out of his mouth. He didn’t even care. Things had happened to his body that shouldn’t have been possible.
There had only been a brief moment of pain but even that had been good. Somehow. It was laced with a warm, shimmering pleasure and Carter almost wished it hurt a little more. But all the pain evaporated and was replaced with a feeling of perfect fullness and singing, sparking nerves. Every particle of Carter’s being centered around the slide of Reid’s body into his and the heavy currents of pleasure that radiated from where they joined. Being locked with Reid, feeling their bodies meld and synchronize was amazing. Carter had never felt so complete, so alive. And when he came, Carter thought his soul had left his body and he might have seen Jesus. Which was incredible in itself because Carter was an atheist. The brilliant, electric, pulsing pleasure had been intensely joyous and astounding.
Which was just awful. He wanted to scream and cry. If there was any way he could have, Carter would have kicked the bedding away and jumped out the bed like it was on fire and run so fast, he would have been at the city limits before Reid knew what had happened. Instead, he’d had to calmly kiss and snuggle with Reid until he fell asleep.
Carter knew as soon as it was over that he’d failed. He’d drowned in every feeling he’d tried so hard to avoid. Carter was completely and totally in love with Reid. He was never going to be able to shut his eyes and not see Reid’s, they way they poured into his as Reid claimed every inch of Carter’s body and soul. Carter clenched his jaw to keep from screaming as fear and panic crested within him. There was never going to be a moment when Carter didn’t need Reid. There was no way he would ever be able to get over Reid when he left. It would never stop hurting. Carter squeezed his eyes shut and tears slid down his temples. Reid was going to break his heart and Carter had just let it happen.
Sleep came and went, in teasing wisps until the sky started to lighten. When Reid started to stir, Carter pretended again. He kept his face slack and blank and made his chest rise and fall steadily. He mumbled softly and rolled onto his stomach, thinking it would make it easier to play dead. When Reid’s body hovered over his and his lips feathered over his shoulders, Carter’s body was very much alive. It completely betrayed him when Reid’s cock pressed and slid smoothly along the cleft of Carter’s ass as Reid rocked his hips. Reid growled as his tongue traced the swirl of Carter’s ear and a soft moan rumbled in Carter’s throat.
“I want you again.” Reid whispered and the warm, moist words sent a cascade of goosebumps down Carter’s back. As if his body had completely disconnected from his brain, Carter’s hips lifted from the bed, pressing his ass back against Reid’s throbbing length. Reid groaned softly and bit Carter’s shoulder. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, right now?” His voice was rough and low as Reid ground against Carter’s ass. “You’re glowing. You look so perfect, wrapped in this soft light and I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life.” Reid breathed the words against Carter’s back and they made his heart feel even heavier. This was the sort of moment that would torture him when Reid was gone. Carter waited until a wave of fear receded before he reached for the bedside table and grabbed a condom.
“Take me.” Carter didn’t mind that his voice broke. Everything was breaking.
This time, Carter’s body didn’t need to be prepared. Reid slid in slowly, smoothly and Carter’s toes curled at the delicious, stinging and he squeezed around Reid’s shaft, making it hurt just a little more. Reid cursed and panted Carter’s name when Carter pushed back against his thrust, slamming his ass hard against Reid’s hips. Reid’s hand pinned Carter’s waist to the bed, preventing him from changing the pace. Reid kept his strokes deliberately slow as he rolled his hips, driving deep into Carter’s clenching heat. Carter pressed his face into the mattress and sobbed from the pleasure and the pain he knew was coming. Reid pulled Carter’s hips up and back and rose on his arms as he angled his thrusts so the head of Reid’s cock rode Carter’s prostate. Carter gasped as the shaking he’d suffered all night intensified and consumed his body. The end of his cock leaked steadily and warm pressure flooded his groin.
When Carter came, it was catastrophic. Reid kept grinding against Carter’s prostate, draining Carter completely before he pulled Carter to the edge of the bed. Reid stood on the floor behind Carter and grabbed his shoulders. Then, Reid let go. He rode Carter hard and fast, his hips slapping loudly against Carter’s ass as he prayed Carter’s name. Carter’s eyes rolled back into his head as another tremor rolled through his body. Reid came with a strangled yell, he pulled Carter’s ass hard against his hips as he thrust deep and writhed behind Carter. Once Reid’s body stopped shaking, he wrapped his arms around Carter and melted over him. Their chests heaved together and Carter clung to the feel of Reid’s heart pounding against his back until Reid groaned.
“I need to go let Sadie out.” He murmured against the back of Carter’s head before he kissed his hair. “Take a shower and meet me at my place?” Reid asked as he slowly pulled out of Carter’s body and stood up. Carter nodded and waited for his voice to work.
“Sure.” He muttered as he crawled back to the pillows and reached for his phone so he wouldn’t have to look at Reid.
“Don’t go back to sleep.” Reid ordered as he pulled on his boxers and pants. He went to the bed and it dipped as his knee pressed into the mattress. Reid rolled Carter onto his back and his lips were warm and tender as they teased Carter’s apart so his tongue could sweep in and tangle with Carter’s. Once again, Carter’s body betrayed him. His hand slid into Reid’s hair as he deepened the kiss and he sucked on Reid’s tongue before he released him. Reid’s grin was dazed and crooked when he raised his head. “Don’t take too long, I’ll miss you.” He pecked at Carter’s lips before he jumped to his feet and jogged toward the door. He looked back and winked at Carter before he turned into the hall and Carter waved before he pressed his hands to his face and smothered a scream.
Carter waited thirty minutes before he went downstairs and closed all the shutters and locked the door. He leaned against it as he typed a text message to Reid.
Carter
I’m sorry. Something came up.
Carter turned off his phone and went back upstairs. He got in the shower and cried until the hot water ran out, then went back to bed.
Chapter 17
Reid
Sadie found your sock. I’m wearing it. You’re never getting it back. Pathetic, right?
What else was he supposed to do? Reid twisted his body, trying to get comfortable on his shitty couch and went back to staring at his phone. He knew Carter wasn’t going to respond. But it was all Reid had. For the last nine days, all Reid could do was send text messages and take comfort in the fact that Carter was probably seeing them. Reid was at such a loss. Everything had been so
good
. Their last meal had been romantic and they’d agreed that they were boyfriend and boyfriend. After, Carter opened up to Reid and they’d gone upstairs and the best night of Reid’s life happened. Then, it was followed by the best morning. That last kiss had been amazing. Reid considered crawling back in that bed and wrapping his body around Carter’s and going back to sleep. If he’d known it was going to be the last time, Reid would have…
What? Cried? Argued? Begged?
Reid snorted.
Probably all of the above.
He admitted. He would have done whatever Carter needed. Now, his only connection to Carter was through his phone and an endless stream of pitiful messages. Reid sighed as he read through them. It was the closest thing he had to a conversation with Carter.
Reid
Julie and the guy with the mastiff at the park asked about you today. I might have to find a new grocery store and dog park. Thanks for that.
Reid
Today was the worst. My car was stolen from the hospital parking lot. It would all be better if I could feel you. I miss the way you smell and I hate that I can’t hear your voice.
Reid
I’ve had three frozen burritos in the last three days. That’s it. I’d punch every person in this room for your lobster mac and cheese.
Reid
I started unpacking but the first box was mostly movies and it made me so sad because I wanted to watch them all with you. I gave up and went back to bed.
Reid
My body hurts, I can’t stand how bad I want you. I don’t know what to do.
Which was painfully true. Every time Reid thought about Carter, he’d get sad and turned on. It was a disturbing and unfortunate combination. Whenever Reid tried to do something about it, it never went well. Just that morning, Reid woke up with his hand around his heavy morning hard-on and tried to go with it. Still drowsy and relaxed, his mind conjured a memory and Reid moaned happily as he started to stroke. Warmth wrapped around the base of his cock as Reid saw Carter’s lips sliding around him, sucking hungrily as his beautiful eyes clung to Reid’s. He stroked faster, trying to get off before his heart woke up and ruined it. Then, Reid was staring down at Carter as his hand glided up and down his beautiful erection and Reid dropped to his knees and began to lap at it. Pressure throbbed and Reid clenched his jaw, trying to hang onto the pleasure that tickled and swirled within his groin. He was sliding into Carter’s tight heat when sadness crashed into Reid and flung him from the warm haven and back into cruel, hard reality. Reid’s hand jerked away as all interest vanished and his cock started to soften. He’d groaned and buried his face in a pillow and screamed in frustration.
Reid sighed as he stretched on the couch, he was so damned frustrated with his body and so hurt by what Carter was doing.
Chapter 18
No matter how hard or fast Carter swam, he couldn’t get away from Reid. Swimming had always been like meditation for Carter, his mind would clear and he could harness it into whichever direction he needed it. But all his mind was capable of was an endless loop of Reid’s Greatest Moments. There was Reid flirting in a bookstore, Reid dancing in his boxers, Reid feeding him Vietnamese noodles with chopsticks, Reid giving him and incredible blow-job in the shower, Reid asleep on the couch in just a pair of fuzzy socks, Reid and Sadie playing on a blanket in the park, Reid looking amazing in his scrubs almost every day… He was even in Carter’s endless pool. They’d done just about everything in the pool. Every time Carter got in, he saw Reid sitting on the side, his head thrown back and moaning as Carter sucked his cock.
Carter stopped swimming and let the current carry him back and he stood and leaned against the granite tile. He ran his hands through his hair and panted, his expression grim as he stared across the room. Maybe he needed to go away for a while. It might not hurt so damn bad if he didn’t smell Reid every time he walked into a room or picture him sitting at the table or on the couch. Carter shook his head. He’d see Reid everywhere. He saw him at the dentist as he stared at the ceiling. Reid was brushing his teeth and laughing at Carter in the bathroom mirror as Carter shaved. So… any place with people that had teeth could remind Carter of Reid.
The phone rang and it was Abby. Carter reached for a towel and dried his hands before he put the phone on Speaker.
“Hey, Abby. How’s it going?” Carter asked as he hopped and pulled himself up to sit on the side of the pool.
“Everything’s the same here. How are you?” She asked. She sounded irritated. Carter frowned.
“Fine.” He lied and he heard her laugh sarcastically.
“Whatever. I just got off the phone with Reid.” Abby stated and Carter could hear her crossing her arms and giving him the evil eye. Carter stretched his neck, trying to loosen his shoulders.
“Great. Do we have to talk about this?” Carter asked as he considered tossing his phone in the pool.
“What are you doing, Carter?” She was getting shrill. “He’s miserable. For some reason, he misses the shit out of you.” Abby said. Carter bit his lip and waited for his stomach to stop churning.
“Why are you even talking to him? You’re my friend.” He complained and she let out an exasperated sigh.
“I called to check on him. I feel a little responsible, it never occurred to me that he might need protection from my asshole best friend. And he’s my friend too.” Abby argued. Carter rubbed the back of his neck.
“He’ll be fine. He’ll get over it soon. They always do.” He turned and swung his legs out of the pool and lowered his back to the cool tile. Abby made a very frustrated growl/screech sound.
“Why are you punishing him for Ben and every other dickbag you dated? What did Reid do that was so terrible? Want to have a future with you?” She kicked something and Carter covered his eyes with his arm and sighed heavily.
“It was getting too serious and it would end the way it always does. I’m just saving him from having to deal with the awkward dumping me part and myself the part where I shut down and want to die.” Carter explained. Abby laughed. Hard.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” She asked incredulously. “You’ve already shut down. You’re miserable.” Abby stated, obviously. Carter shook his head.
“It would have been way worse if I let it continue. This is more humane.” He grabbed the towel and dried his face and chest.
“This is the biggest load of bullshit you’ve every tried to sell me, Carter.” Abby exclaimed. “You realized you’re in love and you got scared. This has nothing to do with Reid. He’s perfect and you’re blowing it because you’re in love with the perfect guy and you don’t think you’re good enough.” She sounded superior and it grated on Carter’s nerves. Mostly because he was starting to worry that she was right. He might have pushed the Eject button and blown it with the best thing that had ever happened to him. Carter shut his eyes as they started to burn and flood with tears. His nostrils flared and he clenched his teeth as pain streaked across his chest.
“Look. If you really want to talk about this, call Reid. I’m sure he appreciates your meddling more than I do.” Carter knew he was being the biggest ass but he had to get off the phone before he started bawling. Abby was silent for several seconds and Carter squeezed one eye shut and cringed.
“You know, you used to be the best person I knew. Now, you’re a miserable, fucked up creep. Call me when you come to your senses.” She hung up and Carter pressed his palms to his eyes and groaned.
He knew Abby was right. Carter didn’t exactly need her diagnosis. He got scared and he’d probably fucked up a really good thing. But he wasn’t so sure he’d undo it now if he could. He could have screwed up but there was also a chance he didn’t. He already knew what this pain was like and there were realms of pain out there that he didn’t want to visit, if at all possible.