Authors: K. Sterling
He found his tight hole with the head of Reid’s cock and began to lower himself. There was intense stinging but Carter clenched his jaw and kept going until he’d taken Reid’s full length. The pressure was tremendous but the throbbing heat was merging with the pain as it faded and Carter took several slow, cleansing breaths and waited for his body to relax. Reid was shaking as his hands traveled reverently over Carter’s body and he kept telling him how beautiful he was and how he would never stop needing him. Carter’s passage began to throb around Reid and he felt his balls tightening. Carter leaned forward and pressed his hands to the mattress outside of Reid’s shoulders and he began to rock back and forth. A long, deep, slow moan billowed from Reid’s throat and he melted into the bed.
“Oh, Jesus.” Reid whispered hoarsely as his head lolled on the pillow. “Carter…” His eyelids dropped and his mouth fell open as he groaned. “You feel so good. Please, don’t ever leave me again.” Reid begged breathlessly. “I don’t want to live without you, without this.” Tears slid from his eyes and Carter shook his head as he leaned forward and claimed Reid’s lips.
“Never again.” Carter promised as he rode Reid harder. He felt so tight around Reid and every stroke sent ribbons of heat and pleasure curling through him. Carter panted and he pushed his hands through Reid’s hair. “I’ll never feel complete without you.” He vowed.
Reid’s hands wrapped around Carter’s face and he kissed him ravenously as his knees rose and he planted his feet on the bed. Reid thrust into Carter’s body and lightning streaked through Carter. He gasped into Reid’s mouth as his sack squeezed and his nerves flared. Carter raised his head and hauled in a deep breath before he sobbed Reid’s name as he came apart. He was blind as his body convulsed and arched over Reid. A heavy, rolling pleasure surged through him and Carter clawed at Reid as he continued to writhe and shake. He heard Reid curse and he froze, his eyes and mouth wide as he reached for Carter. Reid’s head fell back and he began to thrash and twist. Once the tremors subsided, Carter covered Reid with his boneless body and sighed happily when Reid’s arms wrapped around him.
“I don’t snore.” Carter mumbled when his breathing settled and his voice returned. Reid laughed as his hands glided up and down Carter’s back lazily.
“You do but I love you anyway.” Reid argued drowsily.
Chapter 21
“Hey. I’ve got a few hours later this evening. I thought I’d come by and kiss you goodnight.” Reid said softly as he leaned against his locker. Carter laughed and it caused Reid’s stomach to flutter.
“I hope you’re planning to do more than kiss.” He said silkily and Reid bit his lip to keep from groaning.
“Yeah. A lot more.” He turned and pressed his forehead to the door and willed his body to relax. Carter hummed and it only made things worse.
“Good. I can’t wait.” Carter said and it sounded like he was moving through the house.
“Neither can I.” Reid whispered. He heard a popping sound and his brows pulled together.
“I think I’ll have a few glasses of wine before I go to bed.” Carter murmured and Reid beat his head softly against the locker door.
“God, I love you.” He moaned. Carter laughed again.
“I love you too. Now, get back to work.” He ordered. Reid sighed as he turned and leaned back.
“Fine. I’ll see you in about two hours. Don’t start without me.” Reid said and tried not to picture Carter naked.
“I won’t.” Carter promised. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“All right. Bye.” Reid hung up and clutched the phone to his chest. He heard a deep chuckle and turned to find Dr. B opening his locker.
“Sounds like you finally found yourself a girlfriend.” He teased as he swung the door open and pulled off his scrub top. Reid shook his head as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“No, actually, I found myself a boyfriend.” He stated and Dr. B froze. He blinked for several seconds then shook his head in disbelief.
“Huh. I didn’t realize.” He said as he sat on the bench and untied his sneakers. “You’re so…” He gestured vaguely and Reid raised a brow.
“So…?” He looked at Dr. B expectantly. It was a little ballsy. Dr. B was Chief of Surgery. Dr. B shrugged and threw his hands up.
“I don’t know… You don’t act like you’re gay.” He tossed his shoes in his locker and stood up. He pulled on a polo shirt before he untied his scrub bottoms and stepped out of them. Reid had to give Dr. B credit. He didn’t seem too bothered by the idea of undressing in front of a gay man. Not that Reid was the least bit tempted. Dr. B was in his mid fifties and while he wasn’t a bad looking guy, he was balding and heavy around the middle. There was nothing there even remotely tempting for Reid. He laughed as he turned and pulled his locker open.
“I’m sure I act pretty gay while I’m kissing guys.” Reid joked as he put his phone in his locker and shut it. Dr. B rolled his eyes and shook his head again. “Do you think that it’s going to be a problem?” Reid asked as he went back to leaning against his locker. Dr. B shrugged.
“Aside from a few people, I don’t think most of the staff will really care.” He said as he pulled on a pair of khakis. Dr. B’s head snapped up. “Though you’ll want to watch out for Shandman. He’s a raging homophobe.” Dr. B warned. Reid’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Dr. B.
“And you don’t have a problem with that?” Reid asked. Dr. B gave Reid a hard look.
“I do but there’s not a lot I can do unless he does something. If he so much as says something to you, I want to know.” Dr. B stated. “I won't have that in my hospital.” He said as he put on his watch. Reid relaxed and nodded. Dr. B sat and pulled on a pair of loafers. “Look, all I care about is keeping this place running and competitive. You’re one of the best neurosurgeons in the country and you’re the youngest. Having a rockstar surgeon in my hospital is good for business. Plus, you put in more hours than any of my other doctors. Shandman is mediocre and hates to work. That’s what I care about, Reid. You can kiss your sister, for all I care. You’re a good doctor, you’re here when I need you to be and you make me look good.” Dr. B stood up and shut his locker. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.” Dr. B winked and strode from the room. Reid laughed softly as he went to the couch to study patient records.
Chapter 22
“That guy is staring at you.” Reid said under his breath and pretended he hadn’t noticed. Carter shrugged as he scanned carefully and his lips pulled tight.
“That would be Ben.” He saw Ben nod and he turned back to the jewelry counter. Reid’s head snapped around and then pulled back.
“Really?” He asked incredulously. Carter’s eyes flicked to the side as he gave Reid a stern look and Reid shrugged. “He’s just… kind of… Huh.” He snorted and shook his head. Carter turned and leaned against the counter.
“What?” He looked at Reid expectantly.
“He’s…” Reid’s hand waved vaguely in front of him. “He’s kind of average. And not that cute.” He took a sip of his coffee and then coughed. “Is he wearing a name tag?” Reid asked and Carter raised a brow before he looked back down at the case.
“Probably. I think he’s the store manager at Macy’s now.” Carter nodded at the saleswoman and she rushed over. “Can I see these?” He asked as he pointed at the charms. The woman pulled two trays and Carter poked at one with pink gems before a martini glass and a toy truck caught his eye. Then he spotted one with a dangling butterfly and smiled. Abby had a butterfly tattooed on her butt. “What do you think?” Carter asked as he nudged Reid with his elbow.
“He’s got a name tag job…” Reid mumbled and Carter’s brows pulled together in confusion as he looked at Reid.
“What?” He asked and Reid nodded toward Ben and Carter frowned at him.
Wait. Why is Ben still watching us?
Carter’s hands became slick as his nerves fizzed and he willed Ben to go away.
“I mean, seriously, Carter?” Reid snorted. “That’s the guy that sent you into hiding for four years?” He shook his head and laughed softly. Carter bit his lip as he turned his attention back to the charms.
“It wasn’t just him. He was the last straw.” He explained. “So?” Carter pointed at the charms he’d lined up to choose from.
“So, I don’t think it was you. I think you chose shitty guys on purpose.” Reid said as he lifted his coffee to his lips and Carter groaned.
“Forget it.” He gave the woman an apologetic look. “I’ll take all four.” Carter said as he pushed the trays toward her. She smiled brightly and began packing everything. Carter took a long sip of his tea as he watched Reid studying Ben. “What’s wrong with guys with name tag jobs?” Carter asked and Reid laughed.
“Come on! There’s nothing really wrong with them, specifically. But a thirty-something year old man in retail isn’t going to know what to do with you.” Reid rubbed Carter’s back as he leaned close and brushed his lips against Carter’s cheek. Carter knew that the display was as much for Ben as it was a simple act of affection but he didn’t mind. “You didn't seriously think he could make you happy, did you?” Reid purred and Carter shivered.
“I don’t know, maybe.” He handed the saleswoman his bank card and smiled as he casually glanced over Reid’s shoulder. Ben frowned before he tossed a cup in a trash can and hurried off. Carter relaxed. “You know, you’re a serious snob.” He said as he took his card and the bag from the woman. Reid shook his head as he followed Carter out of the store.
“I am a snob and there’s nothing wrong with working retail. Lot’s of lovely people do. But a person like Ben isn’t going to be able to keep up with you. Ben suffers from an array of personality flaws and isn’t motivated to be more than a department store manager. You’re driven and cerebral” Reid offered and Carter narrowed his eyes and fought to keep his lips from twitching.
“And you’re more cerebrum.” He said and Reid offered him a bland look.
“That was terrible.” Reid stopped in front of Armani Exchange and looked at a poster of a male model lounging in a pair of low waisted jeans and a distressed t-shirt. “Look, could you see me with an exterminator or a pool boy?” He asked as studied the display. Carter pretended to give it some thought.
“Are they hot?” He asked and Reid nodded.
“Of course.” He winked as he pointed at the outfit. “You’d look better in that.” Reid said and Carter shook his head.
“I’m too old to shop here and I’m not from New Jersey.” Carter pulled Reid along. “Are they good in bed?” Carter asked about Reid’s hypothetical boyfriends and Reid rolled his eyes.
“Please. Why else would I be with an exterminator or a pool boy?” He gave Carter an impatient look and Carter shrugged.
“Umm… Spiders?” He replied and Reid laughed.
“No one’s that irrational.” Reid put his arm around Carter’s neck and guided him into Sephora. “My point is that you can be happy with the bug guy or the guy in retail as long as you’re having sex but there won’t be anything after. I think you picked guys you knew weren’t good enough for you so you wouldn’t be disappointed when it was over. And I think they all knew that they’d never hold your interest so they didn't waste their time.” Reid scanned the perfumes as he spoke. “And they were probably all serious douche bags.” A perky, tiny woman appeared out of nowhere and Reid smiled as he pointed at a case. “Can I get a bottle of the Hermes 24 Faubourg perfume, please? Not the spray.” He asked.
“Ooh! Nice!” She gasped as she scurried about. Reid turned back to Carter. Carter shook his head.
“You don’t think it says anything about me, that I wasn’t good enough to keep a guy like Ben?” He raised a brow, daring Reid to argue. Reid laughed.
“You’re good enough to keep a guy like me and I’m better than Ben. I think that says much more about you.” He said as he leaned close and nipped playfully at Carter’s lower lip.
“Ok. You two have to stop that.” Perky Sephora girl chirped and Carter instinctively clenched his jaw as he turned to her. She laughed as she handed Reid his bag. “At least let me get my phone so I can take a picture for later.” She winked and Reid grinned as he took the bag. She sighed and shook her head. “Really. My pants might just fall off, if you keep it up. Just look at you two!” She gushed and Carter felt heat rushing up his neck. She leaned close. “If you two are on Tumblr, I need to know.” She whispered and Carter blinked in shock.
“Thank you!” Reid said as he pulled Carter out of the store. Carter shook his head and laughed softly.
“I remember when it used to be scary to flirt with a guy in public because people could be terrible homophobes. Now, I’m afraid because we might get molested.” He said in disbelief and Reid chuckled.
“Chicks dig gay men.” He stated and frowned as he looked around. “Are we done here? Let’s go someplace decent for lunch and head back to Northlake. Carter nodded in agreement.
“Yeah. We’ll grab Abby some flowers before we head to the party.” He slid his hand in Reid’s back pocket and rested his head on Reid’s shoulder as they went down the escalator. Reid’s words still bubbled within Carter’s chest, making him feel a little dizzy and warm. He pressed a quick kiss to Reid’s neck before they stepped off. He was infinitely better than Ben. He was better than everything.
Chapter 23
“Are you on your way to help Maddie Parker?” A woman’s frantic, terrified voice snatched Reid from his mental pre surgery ritual as he jogged to the OR. He was in the middle of the Josie Wales speech and was disconnecting from the world. He nodded as he turned and walked backwards. His eyes surveyed. She was covered in scratches and bruises but she appeared to be fine. He offered her a reassuring grin as he patted her arm.
“I am and I have to hurry, she’s waiting for me.” Reid said gently and he tried to turn away. Maddie’s mom grabbed his arm.
“Please, don’t let her die! She’s only had four birthdays. She wants to grow up and be an astronaut. She wants to touch the stars, doctor. Please, don’t let my baby die!” She wailed. Reid squeezed her arms and ducked his head to find her eyes.
“I’m going to do everything I can. Maddie’s in good hands.” Reid promised before he pulled away and pushed through the doors.
He rushed in and began scrubbing his hands and forearms as he started the speech over in his head. This time, he looked. Reid never looked into the OR before surgery. He never looked at the patient as a whole. He always focused on his one part of the machine and blocked out the rest. After surgery, they became people and he held their hands and smiled at them. Before and during surgery, he had to stay calm and clear. He had to keep to his lane and stay isolated.
When his eyes hit tiny Maddie on the table, his stomach clenched and dropped. Her mother had been in such good shape, Reid couldn’t make sense of what he was seeing. Maddie was a shredded heap of bloody, dirty limbs and clothes. Surgeons were already cutting and draining in her chest and abdomen and she’d been prepared for Reid.
“What the hell happened?” He asked as he began to make out tiny fingers and tiny pockets on the overalls that had been cut away from her body. There was a flash and Reid saw Kelsey, bleeding in the road.
“A driver ran a red light and drove right through her carseat.” One of the nurses explained as she helped Reid with his gear. “I don’t know how she’s still alive.” The nurse added and Reid’s eyes jumped from monitor to monitor. It was all so bad.
“Everything is… broken.” Dr. B muttered as he quickly clamped and drained, trying to get on top of the internal bleeding.
Reid cursed under his breath as he jumped in and got to work. He tried to unsee the glossy, black pigtail and red bow, caked in blood or the little speck of pink polish on a tiny fingernail. Sweat prickled along his back and he could feel it running along his spine and his stomach twisted tighter. Reid clenched his jaw and recited the speech again, blocking out everything around him. He quickly moved from fire to fire, extinguishing and repairing as he tried to forget that Maddie wanted to touch the stars. Blood filled the field and Reid swore as his eyes flicked about, trying to find the source and he jumped when monitors started beeping shrilly. Her heart was plummeting and Dr. B’s hands were like hummingbirds inside Maddie's cramped chest.
“We’re losing her!” He yelled and he called for the defibrillator.
“Clear!” Everyone let go and leaned away.
Reid raised his hands and stepped back, his eyes latched onto the monitor and he prayed. Hard. The defibrillator paddles were slapped to Maddie’s chest and her body was limp as it flopped on the table. She was crashing.
“Get her stable!” Reid screamed as a bloom of blood filled the screen he’d been watching as he tried to stop the hemorrhage in her brain.
“She’s not responding.” One of the nurses murmured and Reid rested his arms on top of his head as he stared at the monitor.
“Hurry up and get her stable! I need one more minute or there won’t be anything left of her if you do get her heart beating.” He yelled as he fought the urge to pace. Bodies were rushing around him and his brain was mapping out the steps he had to take as soon as he could get back in.
Maddie’s dying!
He wanted to push everyone out of the way and fix her himself. “Come on!” Reid roared as the paddles hit her chest again. Her body jumped, ragged and loose like a mangled doll.
“She’s gone. She couldn’t take it.” Dr. B called it and Reid squatted and hung his head.
Reid squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the pain in his chest and the nausea to subside. His eyes burned and his lips twitched as they smothered the sob that filled his throat and mouth. When he stood, Reid’s heart felt like it was ripping open as his eyes swept over the rubble of Maddie's tiny body. How could one so small have survived such a thing? She fought so hard and they failed her. Reid’s eyes lingered on the soft, chubby curve of her cheek. Somehow, it remained pristine and still looked soft and warm. Reid knew that spot had to be her daddy’s favorite thing in the whole world and he was tempted to kiss it for him. But he knew it would be a violation and his heart raged at the idea of touching something so perfect and knowing that it was already gone and fading from existence.
He tore off his surgical gear and rushed into the hall. When he crashed through the doors and looked into the waiting room he saw Dr. B reach for her parents. Reid fell back against the wall and watched them crumble when they learned that their world was over. They couldn’t even console each other, they were so shattered in their grief. Reid couldn’t blame them. He was pretty fucking done with everything too. One of the nurses called to him and he shook his head as he pushed away from the wall and headed for the lounge.
“I have to go. Tell them I’m not coming back for a while.” He said as he threw the lounge door open.
The nurse’s words never reached him as he grabbed his keys, phone and wallet. In the car, Reid’s legs trembled and his chest kept shuddering the way it did when he was a child and he’d cried too hard. He couldn’t recall even starting the car when he stumbled toward Carter’s door and pressed on the doorbell. As Reid leaned on the doorframe, his muscles ached from holding in the violent waves of anger and pain that crashed through him. The door pulled open and Carter squinted as he pushed a hand through his hair.
“Reid? It’s after midnight. I thought you weren’t leaving the hospital until tomorrow night.” Carter mumbled as he stepped aside. Reid let out a strangled cry as he reached for Carter. They fell back against the wall and Carter gasped as he wrapped his arms around Reid. “What happened?” He asked as he swatted at the door until his hand connected and it shut.
Reid couldn’t stop his body from shaking as he started to scream and sob. Carter had to slide down the wall as Reid’s weight and grief became too heavy. Reid howled into the corner of Carter’s neck, drenching his skin with saliva and tears. Carter held Reid tight, his hand cradled Reid’s head and he pulled off his surgical cap.
“Did you just come from the OR?” Carter asked gently as he breathed in deep. Reid knew he reeked of soap and disinfectant and there was a metallic hint of blood. “What happened?” Carter whispered urgently. Reid began to gasp and his body shook so hard he was afraid his teeth would fall out.
“She was so tiny!” His voice was shredded and high as he sobbed. “I tried so hard but I couldn’t save her.” Reid’s arms were brutally tight around Carter, it had to hurt but Carter ignored it as he rocked Reid and made shushing sounds into his hair.
They must have sat on the floor for an hour, Reid crying and swearing he’d never go back and Carter whispering soothing words. Sadie was next to them, her head on her paws and her eyes large and soulful as she watched Reid. When his cries and the heaving of his chest settled enough for him to move, Carter got them to their feet.
“Let’s get you in bed and I’ll bring you a drink to calm your nerves.” He said softly but Reid shook his head.
“The couch.” Reid hiccuped.
Carter nodded as he guided Reid across the room and helped him sit. Carter filled a glass with scotch and offered it to Reid. Carter’s eyes were wide as he sat on the couch next to Reid and watched him drain the glass in four large gulps. Reid squeezed his eyes shut and shivered before he slammed the glass down and pulled Carter to him and fell onto his side. His head went back to the corner of Carter’s neck and he started to cry again.
The warmth of the scotch spread through Reid’s body but it didn’t stop the shaking. It didn’t settle his nerves either. He cried until he was hoarse, dry and exhausted. The last thing Reid saw before sleep swept over him was that soft, clean patch of cheek. Then, he dreamt of it.