He’d let her get away with not looking at him, or speaking to him. But as soon as she re-settled into bed he’d put an arm around her to bring her closer. He tucked her butt against his naked crotch, enjoying the sensation.
“Are you sore?”
“Yes,” she’d whispered adamantly. “And I want to go to sleep.”
“Sure,” he’d answered amicably, wondering just what she’d have to say when they did finally talk about this.
Now it was the next morning, and he was ready to talk.
“I’m not ignoring you.” She shrugged out of his embrace and walked to get a plate down, her back still to him.
“Are you just going to ignore that we—”
“Had sex? Yes. I am.”
“What the hell is your problem?”
“My problem is you have despised me for ten years, and nearly gritted your teeth every time you’ve had to see or talk to me for the last month. Then just because we’re in bed suddenly you can find it in you to be—” she paused faltering for what to say. “You’re friendly to me for one day and succeed into turning me back into everything I hate about myself.”
He ran a hand over his face. “I didn’t turn you back into anything. I didn’t do anything to you. It happened and don’t tell me you thought I was trying to take advantage of you.”
“No I don’t think you were taking advantage of me,” she said as she sighed. “Just imagine for a second how it feels to have someone lust after you and hate everything about you all at once? It’s more than confusing to say the least. Why did you have to start anything?”
“Because you were in bed with me. We’re grown adults with a history, what did you think was going to happen?”
“You planned on it?”
“So did you. You came to my bed. Look I don’t know what happened. The same thing that happens anytime I’m around you. I lose my judgment. God, sometimes I think I lose my mind around you.”
“Great so now you have one more reason to hate me.”
“That’s not even close to what I meant.”
“I know what you meant. I’m good to screw, not good to bring home to mom. Same as always.”
A loud knock suddenly filled the house, interrupting them. John swore at the timing, but turned and walked quickly toward the door, remembering there was a whole lot more going on than just this thing between them.
He checked out the window and groaned. Cassie’s last statement hung in the air. How had she known? For there on the doorstep was in fact his parents. Retired now, they spent winters in Arizona, which is where they were supposed to be right now.
Cassie walked up behind him.
“Who is it?” Her voice shook with nerves.
“My parents,” he said as swung the door open. “Hello mom, dad.” Nancy Tyler was a tall woman, only inches shorter then John. She was attractive, with a sturdy frame, and extra pounds she kept covered with elegant clothes. His dad, Liam was as tall as John, rail thin and kept quiet. Liam spoke only when he had something to say.
“What is going on John? We were flagged down at the driveway and questioned by the police about who we are. We had to show our identification. My lord what is this?”
“Come in, mom, sit down and I’ll explain everything,” John said, while putting his arm around Nancy and trying to gently guide her into the living room.
Nancy took a step then stopped short. “I recognize you. You’re Cassie Reeves aren’t you?”
“Yes.” She’d been in the Tyler’s house several times as a teen, but always as part of a big group with Luke. Never as anything to John.
“You were classmates with Luke. What are you doing here?” Nancy continued despite John putting pressure on her back.
“Mom, there’s some stuff going on, I’ll tell you both as soon as you sit down.”
Cassie stood in the doorway awkwardly transferring her weight from one foot to the next. John explained how Cassie had shown up living with him and Luke and what the circumstances surrounding her life were. The more John told his parents the more worried Nancy looked. She kept swinging her frowning gaze back to Cassie.
“You mean to tell me you’re sitting here waiting for a known violent felon to find you?”
“It’s not as simple as that. We’re under surveillance, hence the police questioning you. There isn’t any other reasonable choice.”
“Where’s Luke?” Liam finally asked.
“Luke is with Cassie’s son and her sister, Kelly. They are staying with Shelly’s Aunt, also under police protection.”
“I knew something was wrong. I heard it in your voice when I called. I told your father there was something big you weren’t telling me. I thought Luke might have met someone or some such thing. Never could I have imagined this. Now aren’t you glad I forced you to come home early Liam?”
Liam nodded under his wife’s scrutiny.
“Mom we didn’t tell you because we knew you’d do just this. We’re fine. But Cassie and her son aren’t. You’re going to have to trust us.”
“But—”
John shook his head. Nancy looked at Cassie with a hostile glare. “Is Luke sleeping with you?”
“Mom don’t.”
“I remember her. And I want to know why my boys are putting themselves in danger for someone we haven’t heard from in ten years.”
“We’re grown men; we don’t need your input.”
Cassie interrupted the burgeoning argument. “No John, really it’s okay,” she said looking Nancy in the eye. “I have a son too and I wouldn’t want him doing this either. It would make me furious to know he’d involved himself with something like this on purpose. Please accept my apologies for bringing this onto your family. I can imagine how proud you are of John and Luke and the kind of men they are.”
Nancy frowned. Her eyes narrowed at Cassie. “Yes, of course we are. But no one’s answered my question about Luke.”
“Forget it mom.”
John glanced at Cassie. She had that look in her eye, the one she’d had when she’d first gotten to town. He wasn’t happy to see it back, nor glad to have his parents there when so much was up in the air between them.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll let you talk to your son alone. The last thing you need with all this is me interrupting.” Cassie turned without waiting for a response.
“Cassie wait,” John said, grabbing her hand to stop her. She turned startled. His parent’s eyed their joined hands. He immediately let go of her.
“You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“This time,” she said softly, then louder, “Again, I am sorry for the danger I’ve brought to your lives.”
When he turned, his parents where both watching him.
“If it’s not Luke, then you?” Nancy said, obviously wanting John to complete her thought. “Where’s Sarah?”
“Home I guess. She didn’t like all this.”
“No, I imagine not. What’s going on?” Nancy asked.
John got up and looked out the window again, his gaze scanning for anything or anyone that shouldn’t be there. What the hell was the point of hiding everything? His most private secrets and past had been revealed yesterday.
“I don’t know Mom. I can’t answer what you want to know. I don’t know where I stand with Sarah, or where I want to stand. Until this present thing is worked out, I won’t know. You have to trust me. This thing with Cassie is—”
“Sexual?” Nancy supplied.
“Complicated. It’s complicated and important. And until she’s out of harm’s way, she’s staying here with me, and Luke is staying with her son. And you two are not staying here, because Cassie’s ex is looking to find her here.”
“I can’t leave you to this John.”
“Yeah you can,” John answered.
Liam stood up. “Come on Nancy, he’s as stubborn as you are when he sets his heels in. Let’s go. We’ll go and stay with Luke. Anyway Luke will tell you more of the gossip you want to know than John ever will. You know that.”
Nancy hesitated and John could see her desire to know everything was almost as strong as her will to protect him.
“But Liam, he’s our baby,” Nancy said tears in her eyes.
“He’s not a baby anymore; he’s a grown man, a doctor. Let’s leave him to this,” Liam said pulling on his wife. He turned to John. “Be careful son.”
“I will dad.” He shook the hand Liam put out. He hugged his mom and tolerated more of her tearful pleas and clinging hugs.
Finally, he shut the door behind them and watched them pull their gray mini-van out of the driveway.
John found Cassie sitting at the computer in his office absently tapping at the keyboard. He stood in the doorway waiting for her acknowledgment. Finally he said, “I’m sorry about my mom. She gets a little pushy sometimes.”
“No, don’t apologize, she’s great. I mean she’s one of the best mothers I’ve ever met. You’re very lucky.”
“I guess when you put it that way we are. She means well and our safety is always her number one concern. You’re that kind of mother too, you know,” he said, studying her.
Now that all of their baggage had been said out loud, he no longer felt like they were a dirty secret under the rug. And to his surprise that made him let go of a lot of his anger and hatred of her. He’d been a young kid the first time he’d been involved with Cassie. Maybe she was right; he wouldn’t have been able to help her with any of what troubled her. Now he had a different understanding of her and the choices she had made. He didn’t think he forgave her, but maybe he could start to see some of the points she had made.
Right now however, she wouldn’t even acknowledge him.
He sighed and walked into the room to stand in front of the desk. “Really, you’re going to have to look at me at some point.”
She didn’t look up. She focused harder on the computer screen.
“Cassie, what happened last night was—”
“Closure.”
“Closure? You call that closure? If that’s what it was we could have left it as the nice long chat we shared in front of everyone.”
She leaned her head back on the chair, looking at the ceiling, still no eye contact.
“You despise me. You’ll never forgive me. And I can never change it. I get it, we can screw and you can still hate me, it happens all the time.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“It’s too convenient. I finally look a little decent, a little like my old self, and guess what? Physical contact with me doesn’t anger you near like the kiss we shared several nights ago. Add that to Sarah isn’t around, and guess what happens?”
His eyebrows shot up. “You think I was horny?”
“Yes.”
“If that were the case I’d find someone a whole lot less complicated to me than you. And Jesus Cassie it’s not like I’ve gone six years without having sex. So I wasn’t all that hard up for it.”
“Right, because three nights ago, you had Sarah here.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re being completely unreasonable. You knew that Cassie. You knew I was perfectly happy dating Sarah until you came along.”
“And now I caused her to leave you.”
“No. You came along and made everything get all mixed up.”
“Mixed up to what?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea. Hence, my girlfriend walking out and me not stopping her, and sleeping with you because I wanted to sleep with you.”
“Great. As I told you before it was closure. Done. We scratched that itch. All the secrets are out; all the things have been said.”
“Why won’t you look at me?”
She did finally, her lips pursed, her eyes narrowed. “I loved you once John and it nearly destroyed my life. I’m no longer that person you knew. I have no intention of ever being who I was again. I have Tim now and I won’t do anything to jeopardize my life again.”
“So what? You can’t have sex the rest of your life? Tell me Cassie, if you’re so changed why can’t you have a normal concept of sex? Why is it all or nothing? How come you don’t understand that you can have sex without being destructive to yourself. I get what you’ve done to yourself the last six years. But you’ve punished yourself long enough.”
“Look I appreciate the analysis doctor,” she said sarcastically, “but you don’t know me. You don’t know anything about who I am or how I live. You never have, and you certainly don’t now.”
“Why are you so angry with me?”
“Feels great doesn’t it?”
He nearly groaned with frustration. “Point taken.”
“I’d like to be alone.”
“What has you so entranced on the web?” he asked waving toward the computer.
“Assuming this all ends with Tim and me intact, I’m looking for possible places we could move to,” she said coldly.
Chapter Seventeen
Cassie stood in the doorway of his bedroom. He’d known she’d come. The only light in his room was the flickering glow of the TV. He was in bed. She’d avoided him all day, staying in her room. He’d gone to bed without a word to her.
All day he’d thought about what had happened between them, and what it meant to his overall life. He still didn’t know. Cassie chalked last night up to closure. Was it? Maybe. Could be. Who knew? He certainly didn’t.
His head wasn’t on straight. And he hadn’t tapped into his heart for so long he wasn’t sure he’d recognize what it was telling him if it tried to punch him in the gut. Living in this strange unreal world they were, all that dominated his thoughts was Cassie.
And here she was again. He wasn’t going to tell her to go away. He was in fact glad she was there. If this chemistry between them needed to be lived out, maybe finally, he could put the past, and her, behind him. Cassie twisted her hands absently in the folds of the robe she wore over her flannel pajamas. Her hair had been fluffed up today, and still looked attractive around her face.
“What is it?” he asked, annoyed she once again looked like a virginal college girl. “You hear something?”
“No. I had a nightmare.”
A nightmare. Of course she had. Why wouldn’t she? Her son was miles across town under police protection, as she waited here for a man she seemed to think wanted to harm her, hunted her down.
He sighed. It wasn’t like it was her fault. “Come on,” he said finally, staring at her and then back to the TV.
She walked quickly across the room, slid her arms from her robe as she neared the opposite side of the bed. She tugged back the covers and slipped into the bed. She tried to do it as unobtrusively as possible. He glared stonily at the TV. She lay back and drew the covers up around her. Then she was silent and didn’t move. He pretended to watch the show for another ten minutes before he finally grabbed the remote and flicked the TV off, plunging the room into darkness. It irritated him he couldn’t ignore her presence.