“What? So the sweats were to ward off all men? Why? I mean so one man screwed you over, why would that make you look as you did. I had no idea you were even pretty.”
“Was there a compliment in there?”
Kelly continued, “She needed time to come to terms with the fact that how she looked never made her who she was.”
“What?” Sarah grimaced.
John sighed. “She was making sure she didn’t attract another Marcus Leary.” He spoke to Sarah but his eyes were firmly planted on Cassie.
Cassie blinked, then nodded at him.
“You’re not to blame for what Marcus has done to you. You did the best you could. You’re past that. I just couldn’t stand how long it was taking for you to see that.”
“What were you like?” Sarah asked, her lips pressed together in a tight line, and her eye brows turned down.
“Bad,” Cassie said simply. She glanced at John. “Maybe you can fill your girlfriend in sometime.”
Sarah frowned as she bobbed her head from Cassie to him.
Luke smiled and winked at Cassie. “Well whatever the reason, you look great.”
What did Luke feel about Cassie? Especially now that Cassie looked like this. What if that platonic friendship Cassie claimed they had escalated?
“Anyway enough about this. I just needed to do something that reminded me that this is my life, and I’m sick of letting my past control it. I’ve hidden from all of it for long enough.” She took in a breath. “I have a plan. I know that Marcus will find me here. It doesn’t take a genius for him to figure out what town Harry is in, where he works, and from there it won’t be long before he finds me. At first I was going to run again. I was going to take Tim and high tail it out of here. But I can’t keep doing this to myself or Tim. I’m the one Marcus hates and wants revenge on, not Tim. So I want to let Marcus find me.”
“No way,” Luke said with finality in his voice. “That’s stupid and reckless.”
She smiled at Luke and shook her head. “No it’s not. I want you to take Tim and go somewhere safe. There is no reason Marcus would figure out where you are. Please Luke, I need to know Tim is taken care of, that’s all that matters. If we keep running, we’ll be alone again, and how safe is that? How long before Marcus picks up our trail again? How long can I drag a little boy around? I have no one else to go to for help. You know I’m right. I can’t keep doing this.”
John didn’t like where this plan of hers was going; or that she’d chosen Luke to take care of her son. He nodded toward her. “What about you?”
“I want to stay here and let Marcus find me. I want to use myself as bait and catch him.”
“Cassie you can’t!” Sarah exclaimed. John raised his eyebrows in surprise. He wouldn’t have guessed Sarah cared about Cassie’s safety so adamantly. She looked around the room. “You can’t let her do that.”
“For once, I agree with Sarah,” Kelly said.
Cassie put a hand up. “I’m not going to sit here all alone. I’ve talked to the police and told them everything. Before the haircut, that’s where I was. That was my goal today, to get a plan in place. A detective got in contact with Marcus’s parole officer, and Harry. They helped me figure out how to set a trap for him. They’ve agreed to stake out the house. They figure John will be the connection from Harry to me. Since Marcus never knew what John looked like, he’ll never know that the officer staying here isn’t John.”
“John? Why would Marcus Leary know anything about John?” Luke asked.
Cassie’s eyes widened. “I guess he wouldn’t. I just meant because John works with Harry maybe Marcus will make that connection.”
“You said never knew, like there is a history with John that Marcus would know about.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“You guys act weird together. I’ve noticed it from the first night you were here. Why is that?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“No there is something. What is it? Haven’t there been enough secrets?” Luke persisted.
Silence fell over the room. John closed his eyes. Shit. Luke had guessed something wasn’t right.
John sighed. “You told Leary about me?” His gaze now rested on Cassie.
Cassie’s head jerked up, her eyes stricken with regret.
“Well?” John asked.
“Sort of.”
“What is sort of?”
“He knew I was once involved with someone named John.”
“Why in the hell didn’t you mention this earlier?”
“Because all I told Marcus is that my only serious relationship before him was with someone named John. I didn’t see any way he’d find out your last name or be able to trace me through you. But now that Harry Everhart has come into the picture as my father, there is now a possibility Marcus will connect your name to me.”
No one said anything.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Sarah said finally. “Cassie and you?”
John got up and walked over to a window. “Yes. Cassie and me.”
“Have you been sleeping with her this entire time? I gather Cassie isn’t exactly who I thought she is.”
“No.”
“When? When were you two together?”
“A long time ago,” Cassie said.
“Did you know about this?” Luke asked Kelly.
Kelly shook her head, glaring at Cassie. “No. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you? I’ve been through everything with you, and you don’t tell me this? I always believed to this day you have never been in love, and now you’re telling me it was John? My school friend John Tyler?”
Cassie nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Luke asked. Then to John. “I don’t get it, why wouldn’t you have told me? When Shelly died I talked to you over and over again about being in a relationship and you acted like you never had been in one. Why would you let me go on like that?”
There was pressure over his eye. John pushed at it with his thumb. “It had nothing to do with what you were going through.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Sarah asked, her tone quiet.
“No I was never going to talk about it.”
Cassie cleared her throat. “It was my fault. All of it. Why we kept it secret and why we never talked about it. It ended badly, and it was all my doing.”
“So that’s the reason John has been so adamant against you living here?” Luke asked.
Cassie nodded. “Yes.”
“When was it?” Kelly repeated Luke’s question.
“Ten years ago.”
“Why doesn’t anyone know?”
“It’s been no one’s business, until now.”
“It’s been mine,” Sarah suddenly spoke up. “You’re a real piece of work, Cassie. Here you are living with my boyfriend, and you fail to let me know you’re his ex?”
“Take that up with your boyfriend,” Cassie said, her sarcasm thick on the word
boyfriend
. “I told John to tell you everything. But as usual, John didn’t want to talk about it. Or me. Like always, I’m his dirty little secret.”
“That’s enough,” John interrupted them. All three women glared at him.
Kelly stopped for a moment. “Oh my God it was his?”
Cassie shook her head at her sister.
Sarah looked at Cassie, then John, her eyes narrowed. “What does Kelly know that I don’t?”
John’s jaw ached from clenching it.
Cassie let out a sigh. “I was twenty-three, and John was eighteen. I ran into him and Luke one night by chance. And it started then. It was unexpected to me, and wonderful. We dated in secret for six months. No one ever knew.”
“Why all the secrecy?” Luke asked.
Cassie wrapped her arms around herself. “One reason was the age difference, especially because John was in high school, and I was not. And our siblings being the other’s age, made our relationship awkward. But mostly it was because I didn’t know how to be in a normal relationship. I was scared of it and how I felt. And I knew I’d screw it up. That’s just who I was.”
“Did you love him?” Kelly asked.
“Yes,” Cassie said softly, and then added, “We loved each other.”
John winced. He gritted his teeth. How dare she announce his feelings to a room of people who didn’t need to know about this?
“What happened?”
“I got pregnant.”
“My God this just got down right riveting,” Sarah mumbled. “What happened to it?’
“I had—”
John suddenly turned. “That’s enough Cassie. You’re not doing this. It’s no one’s business.”
Chapter Thirteen
She blinked. Then let out a slow breath. “I have to do this.”
“They get the gist of it.”
“I’m tired of all the secrets.” Cassie looked around the room. “I had an abortion, and I didn’t tell John about it.”
“Were you sorry?” Luke asked.
Cassie narrowed her eyes to John’s profile. “I was sorry it hurt him.”
John’s neck straightened as if her words had touched him with electricity.
“You didn’t tell him anything before you did it? ” Luke’s jaw was clenched, as if holding in his anger.
Still, John should be asking these questions.
“No.”
“And still you did it. How could you not even tell him? How did he find out?”
“He was eighteen years old, what was he going to do about it? Marry me? I didn’t want him to know it happened, it was a mistake he ever even found out. He found an insurance statement about the procedure.”
“That’s what you think your mistake was?” John asked quietly. His back was still turned, his gaze pinned outside.
Cassie’s heart turned to cement in her chest. John had finally engaged in the conversation that was ten years overdue.
“No, getting pregnant was.”
“You should have told me. You should have given me a chance, a say so.”
“Maybe. But I didn’t think so. It was the hardest decision I ever made. But I still think it was the right one. I could hardly even be in a functioning relationship, let alone have a baby.”
“How do you know what I would have asked you to do? You didn’t give me that chance.”
Tears filled her eyes. She thought back to that day, the pain and depression that followed it and the years that had gotten worse for her after. But she couldn’t have changed her decision. She blinked at the moisture, and said softly, “I’m sorry for how it hurt you. For how I betrayed you. It’s no excuse but I felt like I had no other choice.”
“You could have at least told me you were pregnant. I had a right to know.”
“And what would you have done? Convinced me to keep it? You were in high school. And I was a mess.”
“You did it without telling me.”
“I never wanted you to know about it. I wanted you to forget me, hate me, and move on from me forever. It was the only way I knew to let you go. I really thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“I was eighteen years old, and I loved you. You aborted a baby I knew nothing about. How could you think that would be better for me? Jesus do you know what you did to me?”
“I imagined it every day for years.”
“I will never forgive you.”
“Maybe it’s not for you to forgive.”
Cassie stopped dead. She turned to look at Sarah. So did everyone else. Sarah’s eyes were locked on John.
“What?” John asked.
“Maybe it wasn’t your call if she had an abortion or not. It really was her decision to make.”
Cassie and Sarah exchanged a look for the first time that had real warmth in it. “Thank you,” Cassie said quietly.
“Sarah?” John asked, obviously surprised to find where she weighed down in all this.
“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me about Cassie when all this took place ten years ago. I’m not irrational. I would have dealt with it and her. You didn’t give me that much credit,” Sarah said, her back rigid.
“My not telling you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with wanting to avoid just this.”
Sarah looked at him and said simply, “You’re not over her.”
“The hell I’m not. Haven’t you heard a word of this?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about her if you are over her?”
“I never talked about it then, why would I now?”
“I think that’s your problem. You’ve held it in for so long, that you can’t get over it. You got your apology, and you got an explanation, even if you don’t like what that explanation is. Accept it John, it was ten years ago.”
“I don’t get why you’re so okay about all this.”
“All that I can see about Cassie’s story is that you didn’t tell me it. She told me it. And that doesn’t sit well with me.”
John stiffened but remained silent.
“I don’t know what this relationship is between us, but I do know you need to figure all of this other stuff out for yourself. Finish this John.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying don’t call me until you figure out what you want, or more specifically, who you want.”
Sarah got up and John started to follow her as she made her way to the door. Cassie wanted to slither away rather than be a witness to this. Sarah stopped him. “No John, it’s time to decide what this is we have. You can’t seem to find an overwhelming love for me. Call me when you resolve your feelings and get your life back under your control, we all know that’s how it has to be with you.”
With that Sarah turned and walked out the front door. John leaned into the door jamb, watching her car leave.
“Well, just when I was starting to think I could like her.” Kelly broke the silence.
“Not funny,” John said, and then he turned and strode out of the living room.
Luke scowled at Cassie.
“I’m sorry Luke. You didn’t know any of this about me.”
“What right does he have to judge you? Didn’t you listen to the surprisingly intelligent observations Sarah made?” Kelly interrupted.
Luke ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe it was just a lot to take in. My brother leaving me out of an important chunk of his life, and you, well it’s impossible for me to think of you this way. And Sarah leaving, it’s a lot for one hour.”
John suddenly appeared in the entry of the room. “What’s the rest of your plan?”
She hadn’t expected him to talk to her again for the rest of her life; let alone only minutes after his girlfriend had left because of her. “I want to use your house to lure Marcus to me.”
“No.”
Cassie blinked. “What do you mean no?”
“I mean no. You can’t sit here waiting for that bastard.”