John led her up to his room on the third floor. It must have been an attic at one time, but now was a loft type of room. The ceilings were a good twelve feet up but sloped down until the sides dipped off at floor level. Two windows were cut into the gables on each end.
John’s face was expressionless. Empty. What the hell did he think about all this? She should say
something
, about this, about his help. About what she’d done to him a decade ago. But what could she say that would change what had happened so long ago between them? What could she say that would change why they were together now in the present?
Before she could speak, Tim burst through the door and stormed into the room. He stopped dead. He gaped at John’s room.
Tim swung around excitedly. “Mom there are rooms everywhere! Did you see my room? Our whole apartment could fit on the second floor! And Luke says tomorrow we can go exploring and we can put up a basketball hoop that he has stored at his parent’s house.” Tim smiled brightly. Her heart warmed when John chuckled at Tim.
Tim was starved for male attention. She could see it in how he responded to following Luke around, and now how he beamed at John. John leaned down to Tim’s level. “You like the house huh?”
Tim nodded repeatedly. “I love it! And my new room. I have to go tell Luke about it.”
With that, Tim turned and ran off down the stairs. John stood up to leave.
Cassie stepped toward him.
Okay time to say something.
“I know how you feel about me, and that makes you letting me in here with my son that much more decent of you. I know how much I’m asking of you. Even if no one else does. But I have no other choice. I’d do anything for Tim.”
“Including live with me.”
“Yes, including live with you. I’m desperate.”
“I’m getting that. Sometime you’re going to have to tell me the rest of the story.”
She shook her head. “You don’t really want to know.”
He stared at her, his eyes as black as soot. She held his gaze, willing her spine to stay straight in response to his fierce scowl. Finally he turned his back to her. “You’re right, I don’t want to know. I’m willing to have you here because of Tim. He doesn’t deserve any of this. That’s it. That’s the only reason I would ever let you back into my life.”
Chapter Four
John entered his kitchen the next morning and stopped in the doorway. Tim sat at the table, his legs swinging back and forth, his face tight in concentration while he colored furiously. Cassie’s kid sat at
his
kitchen table.
Her son.
A son that could have been—
John jerked to attention. He was not going there. Not today. Not ever. Tim looked up and smiled a wide, easy grin. He didn’t feel like talking to a six-year-old, somewhat traumatized kid he barely knew. But…Tim was just a kid, and therefore, obviously he had to be nice to him, no matter who his mother was. He finally smiled back at Tim, whose smile ignited again.
“Where’s your mom?”
“Still sleeping. You have any Lucky Charms?”
“Never. I don’t eat crap like that for breakfast. And neither should you. How about some oatmeal? Toast maybe?”
Tim scowled. “How about Frosted Flakes?”
“How about Frosted Mini-Wheat’s?”
Tim narrowed his eyes. “Okay I’ll eat those. But no oatmeal.”
John grinned when Tim made gagging noises. “Okay deal.” He grabbed bowls, spoons, cereal, and milk. He set it between them. They poured their cereal. Tim eyed him as he took a big spoon full. Tim finally opened his mouth for a big, soggy square of cereal. John nodded his head in approval.
After several moments of Tim’s loud, slurping bites John asked, “Do you ever go by Timmy?”
Tim shuddered. “Not anymore! I’m not a baby. I’m supposed to be in first grade you know.”
“No. I didn’t know.”
“But I can’t go to school. Not right now anyways. You know because of my dad. I can’t go back to school until they find him. Just in case. Know what I mean?”
John nodded. He didn’t like that Tim couldn’t go to school, happy and safe like every other first grader. He ground his teeth. Cassie should have done a better job of taking care of her son’s safety.
“Do you like school?”
“I love school! I have Mrs. Burkon. Do you know her?” Tim looked up in earnest.
He suppressed a grin. “No. Sorry. I don’t know her.”
“She’s the best! She lets us use her books in her classroom, and make a special project every Friday afternoon. I can show you sometime.” His face fell, and confusion filled his eyes. “I guess I can’t show you for a while though.”
John put a hand on Tim’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I can wait to see them. Maybe you could draw me something else.”
Tim’s eyes lit up. “I can! I’ll finish this drawing and you can take it to work while you fix sick people.”
There was no way to avoid liking the boy. He was sweet, and ran through his emotions as easily as water over a dam. John might not approve of the situation Cassie had gotten Tim into, but she had nurtured a warm, loving, sweet, funny, all around nice little boy.
They ate in silence, broken only by Tim’s slurps of milk and cereal. He finished his picture between bites. A few moments later he held it up with a big grin and said, “Done!”
John took the paper Tim had ripped from his book. On it was a blue and red polka-dotted dinosaur, standing under a rainbow, and next to a house. John stared at it, nodding as if studying it in great detail. Finally he looked at Tim with a smile. “This is one fine drawing. I’ll have to put it on my desk. Is that okay?”
Tim bobbed his head up and down, his brown eyes big saucers of earnest sincerity. “Maybe it’ll make some of the sick kids feel better when they see it.”
John’s heart pinged. “You know Tim; I think it will make sick kids feel better when they see it.”
“Hi.”
Cassie stood in the entrance to the kitchen. He frowned at her interruption.
“Mommy! I made John a picture. He said he’d take it to work to heal sick kids.”
Cassie ruffled Tim’s hair, and then looked at the drawing. “Well that’s really nice of John isn’t it?”
Tim nodded. He bounced out of his chair.
“Bowl to sink Tim. There’s no maid here.”
He sighed in exaggeration.
“Go brush your teeth, we have to get going.”
Tim dumped the ceramic bowl into the sink and ran off. Cassie winced when the bowl bounced off the porcelain. John turned his back to Cassie.
“Thanks for being nice to him. He’s pretty confused about everything. And with no school to distract him, he’s not only scared but bored.”
John turned, eyebrows raised. “Is it so hard to believe I can separate out you and him? Not his fault. Any of it. I know that.”
“Actually yes it is hard for me to believe.” Cassie turned away from him and left. He gritted his teeth. Here it starts. Seven in the morning and he was already pissed off before he even stepped out the front door.
****
This was not how Cassie expected her day to start; walking in on John, laughing, smiling, and being kind to her son as they ate side by side, while Tim beamed in happiness. And much to Cassie’s chagrin, Tim was mimicking John. When John took a big spoonful of cereal and milk, so then did Tim, watching John all the while. John, reading the newspaper, didn’t seem to notice the extent that Tim followed his lead.
She hadn’t expected John to be so nice to her son, or to take his worries over first grade to heart. She assumed he would ignore Tim. Her heart squeezed in her chest; it was painful to witness how much her son needed a father.
She shook her head and grabbed some coffee before she left the house to drop Tim with Estelle and get to work. After only a few moments at her desk, John called her into his office. He indicated for her to shut the door. Shit. Door closing wasn’t a good sign.
She waited. Her foot tapped on the floor. Tim’s drawing was scotch taped on the wall behind John’s desk. It was the only unprofessional item in his office. He leaned back in his chair and gave her a long look. Finally he said, “This isn’t going to work.”
“What’s not going to work?”
“You need protection and you’ll get that living with Luke and me. But I can’t have you at home and work too. It can only be one or the other.”
She nearly fell off her chair. He wasn’t going to let her work? “I need the money.”
“Why? You’re staying with us. So there will be no rent or utilities for you to worry about.”
“I need to buy things for myself and my kid. I’m not going to come ask you every time I need money.”
“I just told you not to worry about it.”
She squeezed her finger nails into her thigh. She held her breath and counted backwards from ten so she didn’t speak. How dare he? Order her out of the job Harry had arranged for her? He knew damn good and well she was not able to get a job somewhere else, due to the never ending theme of her current life; she had to pretend Cassie Reeves didn’t exist. Not only was her son not in school, and she had no home, now she was to have no job too? All because poor John couldn’t get over what happened over a decade ago?
She let out a long breath. “I can’t get a job anywhere else. You know that.”
“Yeah well, I can’t work with you all day then go home and live with you.”
“Aren’t you being a tad over dramatic? It’s not like we hang out together. We can and do avoid each other.”
He stared at her surprised. “You don’t think this is a problem?”
“I think it’s a problem forcing me to be completely dependent on you.”
He tapped his pen on the desk. “What is it you do when you’re not on the run from your ex-husband?”
“I own a business.”
His eye brows shot up. “You do?”
“Jesus you don’t have to look so surprised. I’m actually not all that stupid believe it or not.”
“What kind of business?”
“Cleaning business. Houses, offices, shops, whatever.”
“You’re a housecleaner?”
She glared at him. “Yes. I am. What? That business isn’t good enough for you? You try it and see how not easy it is.”
He rolled his eyes. “Relax. I wasn’t trying to insult you.”
“This time.”
“Fine. This time. What about if you cleaned this office? The house? We have a cleaning service for both of them. I’ll cancel it and we’ll pay you what we paid them. It’ll give you enough to pay for your expenses.”
She opened her mouth then shut it. He was right. If this was the only way he could live with her, then she’d have to accept his ultimatum.
“I’d rather work in the office.”
“I think this is a better idea for both of us. You shouldn’t be dealing with the public. The more out of sight you are the less chance anyone will catch wind of your presence.”
“And you won’t have to see me.”
He nodded. “Obviously I prefer that.”
“I won’t make as much money.”
“Could you please work with me here? I’m trying.”
She glared at him. “Fine. But I think you’re completely unreasonable.”
He shut his eyes. “I’m not unreasonable. I simply didn’t sign up for all this. Harry did. Luke did. I’m dealing with it because your son needs it. So could you cut me a little slack?”
****
Cassie left John’s office, tidied up her work space, and then walked out the clinic’s front door. She stood in the entrance. What was she supposed to do now? It wasn’t like she had anywhere to go, or anyone to see. She started to wander down the sidewalk to try and clear her head. She had nothing to do, and only a house that she wasn’t welcome in to go home too. How was this going to work? How was she going to stand it?
She stopped walking; her breathing hitched as anxiety filled her. She’d long ago discovered her demons, ranging from alcohol and depression, to sex and men. The only reason she’d changed her destructive ways was she became pregnant with Tim. After he was born, though clean and sober, she was full of anxiety as she learned to be a responsible grown-up and a mother all at once. Still, every so often, an anxiety attack would try to drag her back into the mass of nerves that plagued her the first few years of Tim’s life.
Cassie straightened her posture. Not now though. She didn’t have that luxury anymore to be the helpless screw up. She had a son now. Tim was the reason she had finally changed her life. And no matter what life threw at her, things like Marcus Leary or John Tyler, she was not going to fall apart now.
Shaking off the feelings of inadequacy and an unreasonable dislike of John, Cassie started back toward her car, to go pick up her son, and start settling into a man’s house who didn’t want her, while hiding from the man who wanted her too much.
****
Cassie followed the well trodden trail that cut through the sand dunes. The beach was before her. Waves rolled in, one after another to the empty beach. Cassie breathed in the cool air; it seemed to explode in her lungs. In the two and half weeks she’d been in Seaclusion, she’d yet to drive to the beach. Sightseeing hadn’t been at the top of her list of things to do recently.
She spotted Tim and Luke playing Frisbee down on the beach. Tim ran, grabbing at the Frisbee Luke had thrown. Cassie’s heart expanded with warmth. She jogged toward them, and was roped into playing. For the next half hour they ran this way and that. Luke kept Cassie running to Tim’s delight. She was huffing and puffing in exertion. Finally she begged mercy and collapsed onto a large piece of driftwood. Luke soon joined her, and they sat in companionable silence watching Tim play along the beach. He was busy finding relics and seashells left discarded by the Pacific Ocean.
Luke taught math at the high school so he was home by midafternoon and had suggested taking Tim to explore the beach. By then Tim had been bursting with energy and enthusiasm, and Cassie had gratefully let them go as she made trips to the trailer and finished unpacking.
After several moments of contented silence Cassie asked, “How did you end up a teacher? Weren’t you some high powered salesman last I ran into you in Portland?”
“I worked at Nystron back then. A lot changed for me since then, as with you I’d say.”