“Yes,” she finally said, raising her eyes. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I have no idea what to do with you. But hell if I can walk away and hell if I want any other woman.”
“Even Sarah?”
“Especially Sarah.”
“And—”
“And that’s it for now. I can’t give you much more of a commitment than that.”
“And that is what?”
“That is us, together.”
“What about Tim?”
“Tim hasn’t ever been the issue has he?”
“No. But he complicates things.”
“Yeah because everything else with you is so simple.”
“I meant because we can’t just act how we want when we want. Certain things have to be discreet and—”
“Rated G? I told you he’s not a problem to me. I like him a lot.”
“Good. But what about me? All you ever say is how hard and difficult I make your life.”
He finally started to smile. “I might like you a lot too.”
“What—”
“Cassie, shut up.”
She closed her mouth. She stood there, confused and unsure.
He stepped closer. He looked down into her eyes, then wrapped her tightly in his arms. He put a hand in her hair, letting the short strands feather through his fingers and land back on her skull. He leaned down and kissed her on the mouth.
“What do we tell everyone?” she asked when they finally parted and she’d rested her cheek against his chest.
He stroked her hair. “I don’t know? The truth.”
“Which is what? You haven’t really said.”
“That I have a new girlfriend, and only an hour after I dumped my last one. Must be some kind of record.”
“Are you sure? You’d call me your girlfriend?”
He looked down into face. The knot in her throat was suffocating. Could he really accept her? Forgive her? Date her? It seemed impossible to imagine. Not after everything she’d done to him, and brought into his life.
But… that’s exactly what she longed for.
“I’m sure,” he said quietly.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was a busy few hours getting everyone home to John and Luke’s house. Kelly took Cassie’s bedroom and Cassie spent some time getting Kelly comfortable and answering her unending questions about her and John. Kelly was miffed at him for not declaring his love; she wanted to know what the hell was wrong with him? Cassie however, didn’t need more from John than this chance he was giving her.
Cassie was half miserable and half ready to tear her hair out with fear over where Marcus was and what he was going to do next, but on the flip side, this was one of the happiest days of her life. She’d started a relationship with the man she loved. A normal, healthy, relationship, with the prospect of love being just as real and important as sex.
Tim was clingy, but happy to be back to his room. Cassie worried a bit as he went on about them being “home.” Was Tim too settled at the Tyler’s? What would happen when this Marcus Leary thing was done?
Nancy and Liam were staying in the house. Nancy had decided she had to be where her sons were. No amount of cajoling would bomb Nancy out of the house. The parents took Luke’s room, and Luke made a room for himself up in the office. Outside, the police guarded the front and back doors while squad cars stuck out as warnings to Marcus Leary.
Cassie was terrified of Nancy Tyler. Although Nancy had taken a strong liking to Tim, and Tim to her, Cassie avoided being alone with her. Cassie wasn’t looking forward to what she might have to say about her and John. Or what Nancy might have to say about the trouble Cassie had brought to her family.
Cassie had no doubt that Nancy would find her lacking as a partner for her youngest son. John was handsome, successful, stable, and an all-around catch to any woman. Cassie was the antithesis of all those things. Cassie was sure Nancy wasn’t the type to be shy of her opinions. So Cassie’s solution was to avoid her altogether. Liam on the other hand, was quiet and kind to her. He didn’t seem inclined to have any opinions of her, which Cassie was grateful for.
Tim went to bed soon after dinner. It was a magnificent affair prepared by Nancy. She was the epitome of motherhood, even a perfect cook. Kelly had skipped dinner and was sleeping. Luke chatted with them all amicably, sneaking sly looks at Cassie with a smile on his face. The obvious ease and comfort John and Luke shared with each other and their parents was something she couldn’t imagine having.
Cassie felt weird as hell. She was the outsider with no real defined role in the scenario here, except being that girl most parents wouldn’t want dating their son.
John got up after dinner and interrupted her thoughts. He leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek as he declared he was tired and ready to sleep for twenty hours. Liam talked for a few moments, before John finally turned to her with one hand, reaching out to her as he asked, “Coming Cassie?”
A blush bloomed over her entire body. She had no idea how to react. No one had ever casually asked her to go to bed in front of their parents. John had never before included Cassie in whatever he was doing as if it was a foregone conclusion.
It was weird and scary and wonderful. But what would his family think?
“Cassie?”
“John can’t you see you embarrassed her?” Nancy said, making Cassie decide falling through the floor was her preferred course of action. “It’s okay honey, we know you’re involved, John told us. Don’t worry about it.”
Don’t worry about it? Was she supposed to follow John up to his bedroom in front of his parents? John regarded her before a smile broke out on his face.
She got up stiffly and walked to the staircase without a glance around the amused room. John was behind her, his long legs taking the stairs two at a time. Once they were in his room, he shut the door, then came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her back against him, casually touching her. She wasn’t used to it.
“You’re surprisingly sweet,” he said, his mouth muffled by her neck as he kissed it.
“What will your parents think of me?”
“That we’re two adults sleeping together.”
“But my God just right there in front of them?”
“I’m twenty-eight years old, I think they know I’m not a virgin, in fact I’m sure they’re glad I’m not. Besides it’s my house.”
“Your mother is going to think—”
“You’re a normal woman going to bed with her boyfriend.”
“When did you tell them?”
“When you were up with Kelly.”
“She can’t be happy about us.”
John shrugged. “She doesn’t have a problem with you. She seems to think I’ve met my match in you.”
“Really?” No way. Cassie didn’t buy it.
“Really.” He started backing her up to his bed. “What do you say we get started with what you’re so worried they’ll all figure out we’re doing?”
She suddenly broke off and stepped away from him. “I can’t.”
“Why’s that?”
“Tim. I told you he makes things different. I can’t just stay with you.”
John paused. “There are no more bedrooms, and I want you here with me.”
“I don’t want him to think—”
John cupped his hand around her neck and pulled her forward, resting his forehead against hers. “No one thinks you’re that girl anymore. Least of all your six-year-old son. You’ve got to stop thinking that. I’m not dating the old Cassie. And furthermore there’s no reason we can’t explain to Tim in six-year-old terms that we’re together. There’s no reason he has to have any indication about what goes on with us. Stay with me.”
She fell against him. Too exhausted to think clearly or argue with him. She quickly got ready for bed. She was tucked in tightly when John joined her. He brought her closer to him.
She stilled his hand. “Please not tonight. I’m confused. I’m scared. I’m just…really tired.”
He released her. “How about you be tired right next to me?”
She smiled. “I could do that.”
****
The next morning Cassie awakened first, feeling refreshed and renewed after a long uninterrupted night of sleep. She slipped out of bed careful to not wake John. She grabbed her robe as she exited the room. She stopped at Tim and Kelly’s rooms to check that they were both still sound asleep. And there was the usual relief that both were still safe in the house. The police presence did little to reassure the voice in her head. At any point it could all go wrong. Hadn’t it already?
Cassie rounded the stairs, glad to have a few moments to think clear headed about what had happened in the last week. Like a fast moving roller coaster, parts had terrified her, parts had thrilled her, but it had gone so fast she almost didn’t know just what had happened. She felt like she had whiplash.
Cassie stopped short when she came to the kitchen. Nancy was in the process of turning away from the counter holding a steaming cup of coffee. Cassie wanted to back up and stealthily head back upstairs, but Nancy had already spotted her. There was no helping it; she was alone with John’s mother.
“Oh good morning Cassie. Would you like some coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?”
“Oh uh, coffee’s great,” Cassie answered. Did she call John’s mother Mrs. Tyler or Nancy? Cassie wasn’t sixteen so it seemed ridiculous to call her Mrs. Tyler. But then again, how appropriate was it for her to just call her Nancy? What was protocol? She was so out of her league.
Nancy got a mug out of the cupboard and poured the freshly brewed coffee that had the room smelling like a little piece of morning heaven. Nancy handed the coffee to Cassie then slipped into one of the chairs. Cassie tried to think of some way to escape politely, but she couldn’t find any reasonable excuse. So she too slid into a chair.
Nancy took a few sips of coffee as she regarded Cassie. Cassie sat there groping for something to say.
“Sleep well?” Nancy asked. Cassie started. Did Nancy mean anything by it? What should she answer?
“Yes. I was exhausted. I haven’t slept much since Kelly got hurt.”
“I can imagine. You poor dears.” Nancy sounded sincere.
Cassie fell silent, still at a loss where to take the conversation next. Nancy stared for a long while at Cassie, then asked, “Cassie dear, is it my imagination or are you afraid of me?”
“Uh…well, I just I’m not very good at this.”
“What’s that?”
“At family, and well, relationships in general.”
Nancy let out a laugh. “Well no one’s usually afraid of me.” Nancy grinned then added, “Really Cassie, there’s no reason you should be afraid of me.”
Cassie pretended taking a drink of coffee required all of her concentration. Then she spoke honestly, knowing there was no escaping Nancy if this thing with John was to last longer than a day. “I’m sure this must all seem so odd to you, how fast John ended up with me, when Sarah was just at the hospital, and now here I am. I can’t imagine what you must think of me. I’m really sorry for putting your family into this situation.”
Nancy was silent. Was she mistaken in saying anything? Had she just made it all worse?
“I don’t think any of my boys’ girlfriends ever really cared what I thought. What a nice change.”
“It is?”
“Sure. You have a son. Someday you’ll see how hard it is to get them to say more than hello to you. As for being sorry, that’s nice, but I don’t think my boys would rally around you if you were at fault. And that boy of yours, why he’s just a delight. Why would I have a problem with that? Besides, Tim being such a well-rounded little boy says a lot about you as his mother.”
“It does?” Cassie asked, sounding as clueless as she was. She’d never had a motherly influence. Everything Cassie did for Tim was by instinct or from child development books. Cassie had no example whatsoever from which to draw.
“Yes. And I admit you were a surprise when Liam and I got home.”
“It’s been a very awkward situation.”
“Believe it or not Cassie; I just want my boys’ happiness. They think I’m nosy for no reason, but that reason is I want to make sure they really are okay. But that’s like asking a rock for its name. And I’m sorry if that’s done anything to make you feel awkward with me.”
“It’s not a pleasant situation, and who would blame you for judging me?”
“Yes but I haven’t yet Cassie, that’s what I think you’re missing. I don’t judge someone until I know what I’m judging. So I might still judge you, but I’ve yet to.”
“Really? Even with what I did to him?”
“Depends. What exactly did you do to him?”
“I thought...I guess I assumed you knew.”
“Well I guess since I don’t know you’re going to have to tell me.”
Cassie cringed. She’d really put her foot in her mouth this time. Was it wise to tell her? If John or Luke hadn’t filled Nancy in, should she? Was Nancy using her to get the answers she wanted or was Nancy as sincere as she sounded?
“You don’t know about the first time?”
Nancy got up and grabbed the coffee pot, saying as she refilled their mugs, “What first time?”
“Ten years ago, John and I dated.”
Her hand jerked, coffee dripped onto the table. “That would have been John’s senior year?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re older, Luke’s age right?”
“Uh huh.”
“That’s news to me.”
“You’re not going to like this Mrs. Tyler,” Cassie warned.
“Please call me Nancy. And give me a chance. You might be surprised.”
“And you might be surprised by what I say.”
“All right then, ten years ago, you were dating my eighteen-year-old son. What happened?”
“John had been in love with me for a long while. Adolescent crush I guess. We ran into each other, Luke, John, and I, out of nowhere, when John was a senior. I had no intention toward him. But he did me. And—”
“Yes, and when John decides something, he is relentless in pursuing it.”
Surprised at her perception, Cassie nodded. “Yes, and I did eventually fall in love with him. I really did. Even though I knew he was much too young for me, and for what was going on.”
“I see.”
“No, you don’t see. I got pregnant.”
Nancy’s eyebrows shot up, and her mouth fell open. “Wow. That’s news, very big news. What happened?”
“I had an abortion. I’m sorry; I know how your family feels on that subject. John wasn’t consulted. In fact he only found out later when he happened on some of my mail with an insurance statement about the procedure. He walked out without another word to me. We didn’t speak again for ten years.”