She set the coffee cup on the counter and regarded him. “That’s not what happened this time.”
“No? Then what happened?”
“I did what I had to do.”
“And you were so sure I couldn’t understand what you had to do that you lied about it. You did all that in secret so I’d be spared didn’t you? Fine considered me spared. Consider us done.”
“You know what your problem is? You can’t take a chance. On anything.”
“I don’t take chances? Maybe I just think before I act. If you did, maybe you’d quit getting yourself in to these situations where you have to make these choices.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re blaming all this on me? It took two of us to get me pregnant the first time. And Marcus? You think that was my fault too? I should have seen it right? I should have known what was wrong with him?”
“Maybe you should have.”
Cassie stopped cold. She took a breath. “When I was young I never thought clearly. I made decisions that were wrong. I did things that hurt you and others close to me. But Marcus? I won’t take responsibility for his sickness. But I did think this through more so than any decision in my life. It wasn’t your risk to take. It wasn’t for you to decide. It was mine.”
“It never is for me to decide is it? It never occurred to you that I could share in the decision did it? Hell, I’d have settled for being notified, that by-the-way, you were planning on poisoning your ex-husband. It would have been nice to know I didn’t have to worry about you when you disappeared two different times to go meet with the man I thought was going to kill you.” Sarcasm dripped off of each word.
“You know it wasn’t like that. I didn’t tell you because you’d have stopped me.”
“How do you know that? Because you asked me?”
“I had to do it alone.”
“You left the note in my room. Did you really think I wouldn’t find it? I was there wasn’t I? No questions asked. Running after you with a gun in my hand thinking about everything that could be happening to you. So don’t tell me I don’t take chances. Did it ever occur to you maybe I’d go there myself and kill the bastard? Did you ever once give me any kind of credit for not only understanding you, but trying to help you? If anyone doesn’t understand anyone here, it’s you. You’re the one who doesn’t seem to understand me. You’re the one who won’t let me in. You’re the one who is more scared of trusting me then you are of taking on a violent ex-con who you knew wanted to hurt you. You’re the one who won’t take a chance on love Cassie. Not me.”
With that John got up, grabbed his keys and was out the front door before Cassie could even close her mouth.
And then she found his family and Kelly all coming from their various rooms, awakened by John’s yelling and slamming the door. Something John never did. Ever.
Cassie’s cheeks burned as once again her audience filed silently into the kitchen. She turned away, looking out the window as tears filled her eyes.
She’d been so sure this morning she’d done the right thing. Now, she doubted everything. What John said seemed to burn through her mind, scalding her with its fury and implications that she once again had been the sole cause of their inability to be together.
Silence was thick in the room as they moved about getting cereal and coffee. Kelly was even unusually quiet and subdued.
Finally Nancy cleared her throat. Cassie turned and waited to hear Nancy’s reprimand.
“I was wondering Cassie, has it ever occurred to you that you both are right.”
“What?”
“Well you both have some pretty good points about the other. You did wound John’s pride, going at it alone. Maybe you have treated him like he’s still the kid you’re not supposed to be dating.”
Cassie paled. Was Nancy right?
“But you’re right too. You’re the one with the son. You felt you had to go alone, and maybe you were right.”
“Yeah so I can’t trust anyone, and he can’t trust me because of my past. He’s right we were thrown together again under intense and unreal circumstances. We probably aren’t able to be together when it’s normal.”
A heavy silence followed her proclamation.
“Well, why don’t you see?” Nancy said quietly.
“See what?”
“See if you can be together under ordinary circumstances? Maybe you could chalk your differences up to you both were right, you both were wrong, and it really has no bearing on if you two have the basis of a relationship that will survive normal life. Why don’t you two give it a try without all the drama?”
Cassie surprised herself when she grabbed Nancy and started hugging her. Nancy chuckled and patted her as Cassie began to cry, having the cry that had been brewing for hours.
“Thank you,” Cassie said.
“What are you going to do now Cassie?” Kelly asked, her tone gentle.
Cassie straightened, ready to give her new life a try. One decision was already made in her head.
“We’re going to go stay with Harry and Estelle for a while.”
“Why?” Kelly exclaimed.
“Because I’m staying here. In Seaclusion. Tim loves it here and asked me if we could make our home here. And I think he’s right. I’d like to give my father a try. I’d like to make roots and a home and have extended family for Tim. And I like it here too. There’s nothing left in Portland. I have to go back and tie up a few loose ends, then I can move my business here.”
“I can give you money,” Kelly said quietly.
“No. I’ll do fine.”
“Like always,” Kelly said looking around the kitchen, “she’ll never take my help.”
“What about John?” Nancy asked.
Cassie smiled slowly. “I think I’d like to give that normal relationship a try. After, of course, I convince him to forgive me, to trust me, and that Tim and I are here to stay.”
“You don’t have to leave Cassie, you can stay here,” Luke said. “It’s my house too, and I don’t want you to leave.”
“Thanks. But I think I need to, and John needs me to right now.” Cassie hesitated then asked, “I wonder where he went.”
Luke smiled. “Work, Cassie. John went to work and is working like the devil is on his heels. I guarantee it.”
Cassie nodded. “I think I should get to work too.”
With that she went upstairs and started packing. Tim finally got up and she quickly got him dressed.
Then they left for Portland.
****
John came home exhausted. He hadn’t worked that hard since the first days Cassie had shown up in town and he’d been trying to avoid her. He thought about what he’d say to her. He pulled into the driveway and was jolted by how empty it was. All the cars were gone.
He entered the house and found it completely, deathly, silent. Not a peep or voice from anywhere. He looked around. The kitchen was spotless, with no evidence that seven people had been living there. He called out hello, no answer. He found a note from his mom saying they were back home and to call them when he felt up to it. Nothing else. He rounded the stairs and went up into Cassie’s room. It was empty, devoid of Cassie’s stuff, and the last week worth of Kelly’s mess. Kelly was gone too. He crossed the hall and found Tim’s room just as empty. They were gone. Just like that. No note. Leaving the house as if they’d never been there.
It was hours later before Luke finally showed up. John nearly tackled him as he came through the laundry room into the kitchen.
“Where the hell is she?”
Luke paused in the process of taking an arm out of his jacket. His eyebrows rose. “Gone. Isn’t that what you wanted? You certainly laid it on thick enough this morning. Why are you so upset? You got your privacy back. The house is completely empty, and no one but me will have any clue what the hell is going on in your life. And right now little brother, I don’t give a shit.”
John sagged against the counter. Cassie and Tim were gone? Just like that?
“Where is she?”
“She went to Portland. Kelly went back to Los Angeles; it looks like she’s going to heal just fine. That was a tearful goodbye I’ll tell you. And Tim told me to tell you goodbye.”
His heart skipped. Goodbye? “And Cassie?”
“She didn’t tell me to tell you anything.”
“I don’t even know her address. How could she just leave like that?”
“Because you deserved it.”
John turned to leave, wondering what he’d do for the next five minutes, the next hour, the next day, maybe even the rest of his life.
“She’s coming back.”
John halted on the stairs; he turned back toward his brother. “What? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Seeing if you cared. Apparently you do. She’s coming back to Harry’s house, not here. Tim wants to stay in Seaclusion, and she wants to give Harry a chance. So if I were you I’d figure out real quick what I wanted. And you’re crazy if that doesn’t include Cassie and Tim. This is it, your chance, don’t lose it because you’re too stubborn to see that what she did was right for her, even if it wasn’t right for you.”
What did he want? Cassie. But then…Cassie who killed a man while lying to him about her intentions. Cassie who had crushed him years ago, and had every ability to crush him again. How could he trust her? Every doubt that he associated with her name surfaced behind that name. And he was right back to not knowing what he wanted to do, and therefore he did nothing more than turn and start up the stairs.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
John arrived home early from work and pulled next to a stranger’s car in the driveway. He puzzled over it for a moment before realizing that it was mostly likely the housekeeper. He gathered his brief case and coat and went into the house. He turned for the stairs unknotting his tie and top buttons on his shirt. Coming to his room he stopped short. There stood Cassie.
He looked at her stupidly. Why was she standing there? Finally John found his voice. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you? You should be working.”
“I brought work home. What are you doing?”
“Working,” she said, then studied his face and sighed. “I thought Luke cleared it with you. He said—”
“He said what about what?”
“He re-hired me. I thought you knew that, and it was okay with you because you wouldn’t be seeing me.”
“Re-hired you? You’re cleaning our house again? Since when? Whose car is that outside?
She sighed. “It’s Estelle’s car, she likes to use mine when she’s picking Tim up from school for me. Luke had me start last week. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you.”
“When did you see Luke?”
“He drops by sometimes.”
Luke dropped by to see Cassie? When and how often? And why hadn’t Luke mentioned it to him that he’d re-hired Cassie to clean their house?
Before John could grill her on what he wanted to know; topics ranging from what they were to each other, to what Cassie’s plans were, she interrupted him.
“If you want me to leave that’s fine but I can’t come back until next week, I have the rest of the week scheduled out. If you have a problem with me cleaning—”
“Of course I have a problem. Isn’t this weird or something? I’m paying you to clean for me? Isn’t that wrong?”
“Not when it’s my livelihood. Luke was just being nice. I have to set up entirely new clients here and—”
“I’m not going to fire you. I’m just surprised to find you here, doing this.”
“I know. I’m almost done up here. And yes it is weird,” she said over her shoulder as she disappeared into his bathroom.
John hung back, deciding what to do. This was not what he’d planned on. He’d been mulling over what to do about Cassie for weeks, and since nothing seemed right, he’d done nothing; a fact that irritated him like a burr on his skin as he realized how right that made Cassie about him. Now she was in there scrubbing his damn toilet, and he was paying her to do it. Wasn’t that insulting to her? And Jesus they’d been sleeping together in the very bed she’d been making when he came in. What was he supposed to do? Help? Ignore her? Leave the house?
Did memories haunt her each time she entered a room of this house as they did him? He wanted to know. But he didn’t ask.
Instead he backed out and went down to his office hoping to ignore her presence and figure out just what he thought about her. He managed to look busy when she came down a half hour later, this time packing a bucket and vacuum. He pretended to stare harder at the computer screen as she silently began dusting and moving around the living room, which he had a direct view into. She bent over, reaching behind an end table.
That did it. There was no way in hell this was happening.
“Cassie this isn’t going to work.”
She startled, bumping her head on the table before backing up until she was on her knees and could turn and look at him towering over her from the entry of the living room. He wanted her then and there. Her short hair was caught off her face by a headband, leaving it tweaking out in disarray that somehow fit her. Her gaze held his. She was the most appealing woman he’d ever come across. Her sweatshirt was probably supposed to hide her above average bust line, but that could not be hidden, and his body responded by instinct to her slim, too well built body that was kneeling before him.
Then he reminded himself his unending attraction to her was not the issue. The issue was she was in there performing menial work he was paying her for. And there was no way he could work or even seem to function with her there.
She studied his face for several seconds before she threw the towel she held into the bucket next to her. She got up, picked up the bucket, and grabbed the handle on the vacuum.
“All right, John.” Then she started to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“Didn’t you just fire me?”
“Well…no, yes, hell I don’t know. But I can’t pay you to clean my house.”
She straightened and met his eye. “What I do doesn’t embarrass me. This is it though. This house is one of four I do this week and five other businesses. This is my business. So if you think I should have more pride than to clean your house, well I don’t. It’s just a job for me.”
“I didn’t mean you should be embarrassed. It’s just—”
“You are embarrassed.”
“Yeah I guess I am. I owe you more than this,” he said waving his hand around the house. “More than a job.”