Authors: Coco Cadence
A few days later
My supply of chocolate never went down the gutter quicker than now. Or rather, down my stomach and onto my fat ass. I’ve been drowning myself in it, as well as Doritos, coffee, and the occasional martini while sobbing with Stephanie. Every sip was another sentence to tell, and every time it got too much, I just took another sip to quell my anger and sadness.
These past few days I’ve been camping out in Stephanie’s house, not able to sleep in my own bed because it smells like him. Everything in my house reminds me of him; the laptop he snooped at, the couch he sat on, the coffee mug he drunk from, the carpet he walked on … even the fucking air smells of him. I can’t take it.
I hate him.
I hate that I love him.
I hate that he pushed me out, just like that. As if it didn’t mean a thing to him.
I crush another pencil with my hand. “Goddammit.”
“Sam … you gotta try to calm yourself down,” Steph says as she grabs the laundry basket.
“I can’t. Every time I try to write a single word, that asshole crosses my mind and he screws everything up.” I get up and throw the pencil in the garbage so I can grab a new one.
“Then stop writing,” she says.
“I can’t. I need to write
something
. This is going to be my new job. I don’t care how hard I have to work for it, but I will goddamn make it work.”
I grab a new paper and start penciling down a few keywords for my next idea. I refuse to use a laptop because it’ll only tempt me to check my email, which is filled with emails from him. I’ve gathered many since I started working for him, so much that I don’t know where to start to clean up this mess and ban him from my life forever. It’s like spiders; you can never fully get rid of them. Better to just burn your house to the ground.
“That’s fifteen pencils already. If it continues at this rate, I can go buy a new packet every day,” she says.
“I’ll pay you for it,” I say with a grumpy voice.
“Sam …” she sighs. “You can’t go on like this.”
“Sure, I can. I just have to ignore it and keep working toward my goals. I’ll forget about him. You’ll see. It won’t take long.”
“I doubt that. You’ve never been this hung up on a guy before.”
I groan, but it sounds more like a growl. “Biggest mistake ever.”
“You say that because he hurt you, but you don’t mean it.”
“Yes, I do.”
She puts the laundry down so hard, the sound makes me jolt up in my chair. “That’s not true. I refuse to believe that you hate him as much as you say you do. You would never fall for a guy if he was as much of an asshole as you say he is. You’re hurt, Sam. And that’s okay, it happens, but don’t let it stop you from finding happiness.”
“I’m not. Look. I’m finding happiness in my writing,” I say, holding up the paper.
“No, you’re avoiding what it’s really about, which is him. You’ve been avoiding him, you’ve avoided talking about him, and you’ve even avoided thinking about him. You have to face what’s bugging you, Sam.”
“No, that’ll only make it worse!” I say, slamming down the pencil.
She puts her hand on her side. “Maybe he fired you for a reason.”
“Yeah, to get rid of me.” I sigh. “I should never have put that story about us and what he did in the newspaper. God. How could I be so stupid to believe that it would make all our problems go away?”
Stephanie cocks her head. “Honey, don’t be so hard on yourself. You tried to get rid of the bitch, you meant well.”
“But I hurt him with it.” I frown, grinding my teeth. “And then he hurt me back. Fuck him. Just because I did something to help us out doesn’t mean he can just hurt me like that. Why did he have to retaliate the way he did?”
“Those we love hurt us the most, sweetie,” she says, stepping closer to wrap her arm around me and pull me in for a hug. “You both loved each other so much; you ended up hurting each other badly.”
“I just wanted to fix it. I wanted her gone. And I want him to myself … I should’ve known that he couldn’t cope with the public exposure on this. It was too embarrassing. Of course, he wanted to fire me. What boss in their right mind wouldn’t fire an assistant like that?” I sniff, hiding my tears in her shirt. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.”
“Now, now. Tell you what, I think you need some good old fashioned shopping with good ol’ me. What do you say?” she asks, smiling at me.
“If that means getting an extra-large cup of Starbucks coffee, I’m in. I need some caffeine to wash this self-pity away.”
We both laugh a little, but then her phone buzzes. She takes it out of her pocket and frowns, staring at the screen.
“What?” I ask, wiping my face with a clean towel.
She turns the cell phone toward me. “It’s from Leo.”
I snatch the phone from her hand. Now that the digital revolution is in my reach, I can’t help but succumb to it. It’s bad, no excuses, but I can’t help myself.
Like coffee, I ingest the text.
Please tell her I’m begging her to forgive me.
I love her.
Leo King
My hands are clenched around the phone, desperate for more, but there isn’t any. Stephanie literally has to pry my fingers loose one by one in order to get it back.
“How did he get my phone number?” she asks.
“Beats me. He must have gone through my computer at work. I didn’t have time to delete everything.”
“Stalker,” she says, chuckling a little.
“He’s trying, though …” I sigh.
She rolls her eyes. “I know what you need. Fresh air, away from this vicious spiral.” She grabs my hand. “C’mon.”
She pulls me to the door where we put on our coats, and she opens the door. Right when I step outside, the newspaper boy cycles by and hits me in the face with the newspaper.
“Motherfucker,” I mumble, pulling the paper off my head. “Fucking kid.”
“He always does that to me,” Stephanie says. “Sorry, I should have warned you. I never step outside without something to protect myself, but I wasn’t thinking.”
I laugh. “That dipshit does that to every girl. I think it means he likes us.”
“Aha, weird. Especially because he’s like … twelve.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I know. Men.”
We shrug and laugh, but then I look at the newspaper and my heart stops beating for a second.
“What?” Stephanie asks as she steps closer.
I read the front-page title. “CEO of
W
magazine tells his side of the story.”
“Oh, what does it say?” Steph asks.
I read out loud, trying to make sense of it, but it’s not his side of the story at all. It’s a letter.
Everything you read about me in the newspaper is true.
I am an asshole.
I asked the girl I secretly admire to pretend to be my wife just so I could keep my reputation intact. My family, my friends, my colleagues, even my clients had to be kept in the dark.
I did some pretty bad things for the sake of keeping my image clean. I thought I had a good motive. I was wrong.
The woman I was really married to had baited me into marriage for the sake of stealing everything I love, including
W
Magazine. She wanted the position I currently hold, and she wanted to ruin me. I couldn’t sit by and let her get away with it.
Which is why I’m coming forth with this.
In an attempt to rid myself of the woman who soiled everything I stand for, I hurt the woman I truly love. Samantha Webber. If you’re reading this, please know that I love you and that I am begging you to forgive me.
I want to tell you so much, but the newspaper wouldn’t allow too big of an article. That, and if I truly told them how I feel about you, half of it would be X-rated, and in a family friendly newspaper those things just can’t appear.
I do hope you read this, Samantha, and that you’ll allow me to apologize to you in person.
I owe you that much … and much, much more.
Please give me a chance.
I love you.
Leo King
My hands quiver as I stare at the paper, unable to utter even a single syllable.
“Oh, my God …” Stephanie mutters. “Did he actually write that?”
I nod, my jaw still wide open.
“What are you going to do?” she asks. “You
have
to do something, Sam. You can’t just stand here and wait.”
I look at her over my shoulder, not knowing how to respond.
“He’s begging for your forgiveness, Sam. You can’t just let this pass. If he’s not the one for you, I’m going to swallow my own fucking cell phone,” she says chuckling. “That’s how sure I am that you two belong together. All that fighting only means you care about each other. This is the proof.” She points at the newspaper, which still shakes in my hands.
“Go!” she yells. “Fucking go after him, you idiot!” She pushes me forward across the pavement. “Go get your fucking man back.”
I drop the newspaper as I walk away from her house. “I can’t …”
“What ‘you can’t’? Do you want me to come with you and hold your hand? Because I swear to God, I will. He’s worth it, and I will not let anything ruin this moment,” she says.
“No, I just … I have to get away from here. Right now. Alone,” I mutter.
My mind is going crazy, thoughts about how he fired me spinning through my head, his letter … I have to escape it all. Too many emotions punching into my gut. I need some of my favorite coffee because it feels like I have no energy left.
I just walk out of Stephanie’s neighborhood and make my way to the nearest bus stop. I don’t think I even said goodbye. I’m so confused right now; I don’t even know what I’m doing, except running. Running away from whatever it is that I’m feeling. I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I quickly catch a bus and sit down on a seat in the far corner, trying to blend in. I just want to get to the city center where all the people are and where I won’t feel so cramped. Plus, I really need my Starbucks right now. Like, I think I might die if I don’t quick-start my body with some caffeine.
Staring outside, I try not to think about anything at all. Even that is impossible because on all the bus stops we pass there is a digital advertisement … and it’s not showing an ad. Instead, it’s showing Leo’s face with the words ‘I’m sorry, Sam’ written below.
With eyes wide open and my hands in my pockets, I jump out of my seat and walk toward the exit of the bus.
“Excuse me, can you open the door? I really need to get off.”
“Um … sure,” the driver says, and the bus slowly comes to a stop.
“Thank you,” I say when the door opens, and I jump out.
I run far away from the bus stop to the nearest train station, which we luckily just passed. I buy a ticket and get on the train, thinking I’m safe here. Taking a big breath, I sit down on my seat and don’t look out the window at all. Better safe than sorry.
Except, the video on the display that normally shows the times the train arrives at the next station, suddenly shows a clip of Leo King apologizing to me in front of the world.
Shocked, I stare at the display, wanting to scream.
I don’t know what to do.
What to say.
Where to go.
So I opt to leave the train at the next station, which is not too far from the city center.
I walk the rest of the way to the mall. It’s quite cold outside, but the perpetual motion of my body keeps me warm … and all these confessions warm my heart. I don’t know if it’s a good thing, but at least I’m not shivering.
When I arrive at the mall, my first instinct is coffee, of course. So naturally, I make my way to Starbucks and order something different than usual. A Double Chocolaty Chip Crème Frappuccino; another favorite of mine, but only reserved for days I need it the most … like now.
But even
here
, in my haven, I’m not safe. The moment I take a sip from my cup, the television hanging in the corner changes channels, and on comes a guy standing on a square outside a very familiar mall. The mall I’m standing in right now. And it’s not just some guy … it’s Leo. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. Who in the world does this? How? And why?
Blinking, I stare at the screen.
“This is for Samantha. You know who you are. I love you, and I won’t let you go. Not ever. And if that means begging for your forgiveness day in and day out, even if you won’t talk to me, or even see me, I’ll do it with pleasure,” he says, staring at the camera that’s taping him. I feel like he’s watching me, and maybe he knows that I am, too.
“Sam, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I did. I want to tell you so much more, but words fall short when I try to describe what I feel for you. I want to apologize for hurting you. Please come outside the Starbucks you’re standing in.”
My eyes widen. He knows. He knows that I’m here? How?
“You must be wondering why I know where you are. I didn’t have anyone follow you, trust me. I’m not that type of guy.” He muffles a laugh. “But I know you well enough to realize where you’d go when you’re hurt. What you want when you’re sad. What you do to cheer yourself up. That, and I texted your best friend, who wasn’t all too keen on helping me … but she did it anyway. Provided that I’d beg for your forgiveness
and
accepted the consequence of hurting you again, which was a smack in the face from her.”
The people in the Starbucks laugh, but I’m the only one whose jaw feels screwed loose.
“I deserve every inch of your wrath, so please come and give it to me. I’m in the mall, right in front of the Starbucks you’re in. Will the beautiful redheaded curvy girl come outside.”
Now all eyes zoom in on me, and I can feel my cheeks heat up. My head drifts toward the window, peeking through the mass of people to spot Leo standing there in his suit with a huge bouquet of red roses in his hand.
With my lips slammed together and a whole bunch of eyes watching me, I make my way through the Starbucks crowd and step out of the door. My heart is beating like a drum as we walk toward each other. Everyone’s looking, not just the people in the Starbucks, but half of the people in the mall have stopped shopping to watch us.
As I stand in front of him, I don’t know what to say when he smiles at me without saying a word. He holds out the roses. “These are for you.”
“Thank you …” I mutter as he hands them to me and gives me a peck on the cheek.
“I didn’t want to come empty handed,” he says.
“You certainly made a big entrance,” I say, chuckling. “Everybody is looking at us.” Just thinking about it makes my body heat up with embarrassment.
“Let them stare.” The look on his face has turned completely serious. “I only care about you.”
I don’t know what to say to that. It’s all a little overwhelming.
“How …” I mutter.
“How did I find you? Well, I’ve been trying for days, but I guess you already noticed that.” He chuckles. “I’m not one to give up easily.”
“I saw you everywhere, on the bus, on the train,” I say.
“Yes. What a few advertising companies can do, huh?” He puts his hand behind his head as if even he doesn’t know quite what to say.
“Wow … all of that … for me?”
“Anything and everything, Sam. I really meant it when I said that I loved you. I even went as far as to harass your friend so she’d tell me if you were still at her place. The moment she texted me that you were out on your own, I knew I had to set the plan into motion.”
“Oh … holy shit …” I say, blowing out a huge breath.
He smiles, looking down at the floor. “Yeah, I’m quite crazy.” He glances up at me from under his eyelashes. “Crazy about you.”
I sigh, smiling and shaking my head at the same time. “Leo …”
“I know, I know what you’re thinking … that I can’t come here and just say stuff like that, but it’s the truth. And I made a promise to a certain someone that I’d stop lying for good.”
“Hmm …” I make a face because somehow I find this all a little hard to believe. I wonder what he’s up to. “So … why did you want me to come and meet you outside?” I ask.
“Well, for starters, let me just apologize for the way I behaved in my office. It was harsh and unnecessary. I didn’t want to brush off like that.”
“But …?”
“There is a reason,” he says, licking his lips and taking a deep breath. “I
had
to fire you.”
“
Had
to? Why? I thought you said you didn’t care about what anyone thinks, and that you wanted me more than anything else.”
“I did, and I still do. And yes, you’re right, I don’t care what they think. However, I was forced to fire you.”
“Who forced you?” I ask with furrowed brows.
“Marilyn did.”