Power Play: A Novel (32 page)

His next call was to his attorney, to tell him he was getting divorced. He told him he wanted to move quickly, and to bifurcate the financial matters if necessary, and he was prepared to be generous with Liz, within reason. He wanted to give Liz their houses, both Ross and Lake Tahoe, and a handsome settlement, commensurate with his fortune and his income. His attorney told him that there were charts to calculate that, but Marshall said he was prepared to go beyond that. He wanted Liz comfortable and secure for life, so his children would have nothing to reproach him for. And he told the attorney that he wanted to get married in six months, as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce, so he wanted it filed immediately, if possible that week. They could serve Liz the papers through her attorney. And when he said he wanted to get married quickly, his lawyer wondered if there was an impending baby involved. That was usually the case when men were as definite and moved as fast as Marshall was doing now.

“Is there a baby on the way here?” the lawyer asked him cautiously, not wanting to offend him, but he thought he should know.

“Yes, two,” Marshall admitted with a grin. “They’re seven years old.” He had had a lawyer in L.A. draft his last will, so his local lawyer didn’t know about the provisions for Ashley and the girls, which would have stunned everyone at the reading of his will if he had died.

The attorney promised to take care of everything as quickly as possible. And Marshall called a real estate agent after that. He told her he was looking for a large house and property in Hillsborough, or possibly in the city. He described what he wanted, and the amount he had in mind to spend. The agent said she had several possibilities and would be in touch with him in a few days.

And then he called Ashley, in the same businesslike tone. He told her he’d been busy.

“I told Liz this weekend,” he said, and there was silence at the other end. She hadn’t spoken to him since he left L.A., and she’d been wrestling with her own thoughts for days. She had decided not to see Geoff the day before, or until she knew what she wanted. It didn’t feel right to be spending time with him right now. They couldn’t seem to just do it as a friendship, without being attracted to each other, and she had too much on her mind. She wasn’t comparing the two men, she was trying to search her heart. And she only wanted to think about Marshall right now. Geoff was much too appealing, and after not seeing him for eighteen years, too much about him was unknown, and would take time to find out. All he could be right now was distracting, and when she talked to him the night before, he said he understood. He was willing to do whatever she wanted. They knew they cared about each other. For now, that was enough.

“How did she take it?” Ashley asked him finally about Liz. She had waited eight years for that moment, and now she felt sorry for her, and guilty.

“Badly,” Marshall said matter-of-factly. “I expected that. She never suspected, although maybe she should have.” But he had been careful not to leave a trail for all these years. “I told her about you and the girls. I was totally honest with her, and the children.”

“How were they?” Ashley asked, sounding far more devastated than he seemed to be. She really felt like a homewrecker now. She was responsible for destroying four lives, and he was her partner in crime.

“They’re taking their cues from their mother. I’m being treated like Public Enemy Number One. I think they’ll all calm down in time. Except maybe Liz. I’m not sure she’ll get over it.” Ashley wondered if she would have, and what kind of condition she’d be in now, if he had broken up with her the previous Wednesday as he intended. He had known someone was going to get hurt. Either Ashley or Liz. And he had decided it would be Liz. But it could just as easily have been her, at the flip of a coin. If it hadn’t been so fabulous in bed the week before, she might have been the one crying now. And it could still happen to her, if she ever became a risk to his career. She had no illusions about it now.

“I spoke to my attorney this morning. We’ll be filing the divorce this week. And I called a real estate agent about a house for us. Hillsborough would work well for me, but I think it would be nice for you and the girls too, and I told her we’d look at some things in the city. We’re going to need a rental house too, until the house we buy is ready. As soon as the divorce is filed, I think you should move up here, so the girls can start the school year here. I’ll get you some
names of schools to call, and I’m going to put the house in Malibu on the market.” He had made all the decisions without her, and Ashley felt as though she were being swept away on a torrent of river rapids with no control over her own life. That was how it worked with men like Marshall. They made decisions and they moved fast once the decisions were made. She felt as though she were part of a business deal, and she was shocked about her Malibu house.

“Can’t we keep my house down here? I love it,” she said sadly.

“You don’t need it anymore. You’ll be living with me,” he said calmly.

“We could spend a weekend here once in a while, for old times’ sake.” She had had some of the happiest times of her life there, and the saddest. And she had been living there when the twins were born. It was full of memories for her. But she had him now, and a whole new life. She tried to feel happy and excited about it, but all she felt was scared. This was how he did business and lived his life. She had never seen it that clearly before. And he hadn’t told her once that he loved her since he called. She didn’t dare complain about it. He had just left his wife for her, finally, after eight years, and maybe in his mind that was proof enough. And she suddenly found herself wondering what he’d be doing now in L.A. without her when she was in San Francisco as his wife. She wondered if one day she’d be in the same situation as Liz.

They talked for a few more minutes, but he had told her everything he had to say, and he told her he’d see her on Wednesday night.

“Marshall …,” she said hesitantly before they hung up. “Thank you … for everything you’re doing.” It seemed too little to say for four lives he had turned upside down for her, and the wife he had
given up. “I hope I’ll make you happy,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“You will,” he said coolly. He seemed to have no doubt and no regrets. Once he knew what was at stake, he had made his move. Ashley knew that it was just the way he was. Everything was a business decision for him in the end, and she had never been that for him before, till now. The board of UPI putting his job on the line had put her on his radar screen in a real way. Her heart, and their two little girls, had never been enough to do that. But she had nothing to reproach him for now. He was all about making decisions. And suddenly it was all moving very quickly. Almost too quickly for her.

“I love you,” she said softly, wishing he were there so she could look into his eyes and better understand who he was and what he felt for her. She needed to know now.

“So do I,” he answered, and was in a hurry to hang up. He was late for a meeting. And Ashley sat on the deck afterward for a long time, still holding her cell phone in her hand, wishing she could reach out and touch him. She felt as though she had lost him in the last few days, even though she finally had him. Everything was moving so fast, her head was spinning, and she longed for the days when she was sure he loved her. She wasn’t sure he loved anyone right now. He loved his job. And anyone who interfered with that would be destroyed. She felt lost when she walked into the house, and was glad she was seeing her therapist that afternoon.

Bonnie called her that night, and Ashley didn’t pick up. Geoff called the next day, and his message said he was worried about her, but she didn’t return his call. It was Tuesday, and on Wednesday night Marshall would be there, to talk and make plans, and make love to her. A real estate company had already e-mailed her about
putting her house on the market. Marshall had had his secretary e-mail her the names of schools for Kezia and Kendall, but she hadn’t contacted them yet. Ashley felt like she was swimming underwater. She was awake all Tuesday night, and Geoff called her three times, but she couldn’t talk to him now. She realized how wrong she had been to see him and then to kiss him. She had to abandon everything now, for Marshall. He had left his wife for her, and she owed him her loyalty, her life, and her future. She was going to be his wife, just as she had wanted to be. And maybe it didn’t matter how she’d won the prize, whether the board of UPI had handed it to her, or he did. She had waited eight years for this moment. And as the sun came up on Wednesday morning, she lay on the deck thinking about the man she was going to marry. She had climbed Everest and survived it. The air at the summit was so thin she could hardly breathe, but Marshall was there with her. They had done it. Finally.

Ashley took Kendall and Kezia to day camp on Wednesday morning as she always did. And she felt different this time. She was one of them now, all the mothers who had husbands and children. She was going to be married to an important man who had loved her enough to leave his wife and make her respectable at last. No one was going to feel sorry for her now, or be shocked by her, or whisper behind her back and say she was the girlfriend of a married man who only spent two nights a week with her. She had lived through all that for him and survived it. It was worth it now. When she got back to the house after she dropped the girls off, Marshall texted her that he was in town, and she started to shake violently. She wondered if something was seriously wrong with her. She sat down on the deck and put her head between her legs. And when she stood up again, she was still dizzy. And all she knew suddenly was that she had to see him. She needed to see him, and look into his eyes and know he loved her. She couldn’t guess at it anymore, or hope he did, or wonder if it was true, or trust anyone else’s judgment or even her own. She needed to see it.

She felt like she was in a trance as she got in her car and drove downtown to the building where his offices were. She left her car parked on the street in front of a hydrant. And she rode up to the offices where she hadn’t been in the eight years since she’d worked there. She was wearing a flowered summer dress and sandals, and she walked into the reception area of the UPI offices with a dazed look. She remembered where his office had been, and wondered if it was still in the same place, and she walked down the hall feeling like a ghost until she found it. No one noticed or paid attention to her, and then she saw him through an open door, sitting at his desk. He was on the phone leaning back in his chair in his enormous corner office. It was the same one he’d had when she was a receptionist there. And now she was the mother of his children and going to be his wife.

Marshall stared at her when he saw her and instantly hung up. He stood up and walked around his desk to meet her. She had a strange, vacant look in her eyes.

“Ashley, are you all right? What are you doing here?” She wanted to tell him she wasn’t sure, and didn’t know, but she didn’t say anything, and stopped to catch her breath.

“I had to see you,” she said, searching his eyes for the answers she had been looking for for days, months, years. All she saw was the CEO of UPI in his corner office. She wondered if that was all that had ever been there and she had imagined the rest, or if at first it had been different. And even now, when he made love to her, his eyes were full of desire and passion. He wanted her, but she was never sure he loved her, and she wasn’t now.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said with a worried expression and walked over to close the door while she watched him. “You can’t
come here, Ashley, I’m busy. Go home.” She looked out of control, and he could see that she was shaking. But suddenly she felt more lucid than she had in years.

“Do you love me?”

“Of course I love you. What’s this all about? Why did you come here? I just left my wife for you. I think that’s ample proof that I love you.” But she looked at him and shook her head.

“You left your wife to save your job, not because you love me. If you loved me, you’d have left her years ago, and you never did till they put your job on the line, and your ass,” she said bluntly.

“What difference does it make? You got what you wanted. Isn’t that enough?” He was starting to look angry. He didn’t like her question, or her attitude, and he wanted her to leave. She was out of line. And he didn’t want her making a scene in his office.

“No, it’s not enough,” she said quietly as she stopped shaking. “Because you almost got rid of me last week instead of her. And next time it might be me.”

“Not if you behave,” he said just as bluntly, with anger smoldering in his eyes. She was supposed to be grateful to him, and she wasn’t. She wanted more. She wanted his heart.

“And what does that mean? What am I supposed to do for you? What are the ground rules? I had your babies. I stuck by you. I loved you for eight years. That wasn’t enough to make you leave her. And Liz did everything you wanted for almost thirty years. And what did she get? You cheated on her and lied to her and came down here to sleep with me. You had two children behind her back. And now you fired her, to save your job.”

“Is this about money? Do you want some kind of financial
guarantee?” It didn’t surprise him. Nothing did. But he didn’t like it from her. And she just shook her head.

“No, it’s not about money. It’s about love,” she said, and she could see the answer to her question in his eyes. “You don’t love me, Marshall. You never did. You don’t love Liz. You don’t love our kids, hers or mine. You love you, and your career. And you know what? That’s not enough. I don’t need a house in Hillsborough, or even the one in Malibu. I don’t need your money. I only needed you. And all you’ll ever give me is all the stuff that goes with it, for as long as it’s convenient for you. As long as I don’t cost you your precious career in some way. But you don’t love me.” She had the answer that she needed now. It was crystal clear to her, and she knew it might nearly kill her, but she had to get away from him, whatever it took. “I can’t do this. I gave you everything I had for eight years. There’s nothing left. You killed it. When you came down here to dump me last week and told me about it after you changed your mind, it was over for me. I know that one day you’ll do the same thing to me you just did to Liz. I don’t trust you, Marshall. I love you. But I could never trust you again. And I can’t live with a man I don’t respect.” She was calmer as she said it than she’d ever been. And as she said the words to him, he crossed the room and grabbed her arm. He had a viselike grip on it as he looked into her eyes.