Precious Blessings (Love Inspired) (18 page)

The blue-and-red flash of an ambulance sliced through the thick snowfall, lumbering closer.

Katherine stepped back, into the darkness, into the protective veil of the storm. It was right that Jack was with Hayden, looking her over and then moving to the side to let the EMTs check her vitals.

The ghost of a memory haunted her, of her own
father when she'd called him from the emergency room, alone, so utterly alone. And how he'd driven straight through the night to make it to Seattle. She hadn't been discharged yet, she'd had a broken wrist that had needed stabilizing and some lacerations. She could still see her daddy rushing through the hospital door, her stepmom a pace behind, terror and concern and love all tangled up as they wrapped her in an iron-strong hug.

I've come full circle. Somehow the old, haunting agony left her and she knew, somehow, that it was over. If she hadn't gone through what she had so long ago, then she wouldn't have been here to help Jack help Hayden. God had taken a horrible wrong in her life and made good of it in someone else's.

She no longer saw the teenaged girl, almost the age of the daughter she'd given away that sad, heartbreaking summer. Or felt the shock of whole innocence shattering that previous rainy November night on the university campus.

Maybe this was why Jack had been brought into her life. To heal them both, and to help Hayden when she really needed it. Maybe that had been God's true design, and the falling in love with Jack, that was her own doing.

As soon as the EMTs loaded Hayden into the back of the ambulance, she emerged from the night. She closed the passenger door and circled around to her side of the car. As she folded herself behind the wheel, she caught Jack's gaze through the swiping windshield wipers.

For one brief moment, they connected. The cold, the
storm, the fear and worry, the sirens strobing faded into nothing but the beat of his gratitude. She nodded, all hope shattered, and drove out of the lot. That was the last she would ever see of Jack Munroe.

T
he hospital parking lot was packed on a night like this. Ice crisped every surface of the car. While the defroster wasn't making a dent, his wrath might. Jack had been terrified for Hayden, he'd hurt for her, he'd gone through the worst of all agonizing fear when he'd gotten Katherine's sister's call. It coalesced into red-hazed rage the instant he got her into the car. “What were you thinking?” he demanded.

“It wasn't all that bad. I don't have any broken bones.”

The top of his skull was going to blow right off. “Do you know what I was doing when Katherine's sister called me?”

“She wasn't supposed to call you.”

“I just finished helping with a family whose car had slid on black ice and hit a utility pole. The father, who was driving, was seriously injured and so was his teenaged girl, who is your age. Even though she was wearing a seat
belt, she hit her head so hard she didn't regain consciousness.”

Hayden looked down, contrite. “I'm sorry.”

“That could have happened to you. What were you doing in Jan's boyfriend's car?”

“R-riding.”

“Racing?” He'd gotten the call from a colleague, who'd found the car in a ditch. Some kids this time of year raced on the slick country roads, spinning for kicks on the ice. There had been telltale skid marks. “I checked on the status of the girl from the accident while I was waiting for you. She has a hairline skull fracture, but she should be okay. She's lucky. That could have happened to you.”

“Chill, Dad. Nothing happened.” False bravado.

She just didn't get it. “Hayden, you deceived Mrs. Garcia. You lied about being in your room. You betrayed her trust and mine the second you snuck out your window. You put your safety and your life in danger.”

“N-nothing happened.” Her chin was trembling.

A crack in her shield. “This time. What about next time? Maybe you'll break a bone. You could have been killed. I don't get this, Hayden. That's what happened to your mom.”

“D-dad.” Sheer pain echoed between them.

“And going off with Jan and her boyfriend. I don't know this kid. There was another car involved. Who was driving that car? Why did they leave you beside the road? It's a tough world out there and anything could have happened. You haven't seen what some people are
capable of. You could've been assaulted or raped.” He was blind with protective fury and heartbreak. He scrubbed his face with his hands. He shattered at the thought of his daughter hurt beyond repair. Hurt even more with a wound too deep to heal completely.

That thought troubled him. It had something to do with Katherine. But what? He heard the echo of her words.
It's not so much that you erase the wound from your heart, but that you learn to move past it.
He'd wondered over and over again how she'd become so wise in healing from deep pain. Maybe she'd been speaking of more than her mother's abandonment. Maybe much more.

“I—I'm sorry, Daddy.” Hayden's voice seemed to come from far away. She'd put her face in her hands, muffling her words. “I don't know what's wrong. I hurt so much and it won't stop.”

“Everyone has tragedy in their lives. It's a part of living. But you don't want to add to it, sweetheart. You can't erase the pain. You can't escape from it. Is that what you're trying to do?”

“I just—” She shrugged. “I don't know what's wrong with me. It hurts too much to keep pretending like everything's j-just peachy when it's not.”

“No, it's not.” He didn't think anything could hurt as much as seeing his daughter still in pain. But he was wrong. It was realizing how close he'd come to losing her forever. Realizing that anything could happen in the blink of an eye. “One wrong decision, one injustice, and life is never the same.”

Jack hesitated, feeling an odd reminder. Katherine
had said something about that. He had a hunch. A gut instinct. “Nothing bad happened this time, but that's not always going to be the case. You have enough pain, you don't want to bring any more hurt into your life. It's hard enough learning to live with the pain we have. To keep living in spite of it.”

She sniffled, tears rolling down her face.

Yeah, him, too. “Do you know how much I love you? Do you know what I went through after I got Ava's call?”

She shook her head.

“It was pure hell. It nearly destroyed me. What would I do if I lost you? You're my daughter. You are endlessly precious to me. I loved you from before you were born and there is nothing that will ever change that. You can test me, push at me with all you're worth, but you'll fail every time. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here to help you through this.”

She wrapped her arms around her middle, holding in so much pain. As if holding on. “You aren't gonna marry Katherine and forget mom, are you? Or me?”

“How could I forget you? You're half my heart, baby. And every time I look at you, I see your mom. There's no forgetting her. I promise you. We won't let that happen. I'll be grateful to her for you every single day for the rest of my life.” He felt the truth in his soul. “Are we good? Are we going to get through this together?”

Hayden nodded, bowing her head. The sleet beat against the windows, blurring the outside world, letting in only the faintest of ambient light, but Jack had never seen so clearly.

They were going to be all right. All three of them. Hayden, Katherine and him.

God had led them here, intersecting their lives, finding for them the kind of love to heal the pain. That's what this bleak night was about. Jack was far from the most sensitive guy in Montana and he might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he knew one thing. He loved his daughter. He'd never stop fighting for her. It would take time with Hayden, and he was committed all the way.

And if tonight hadn't happened, if he hadn't had time to sit in the emergency room and hear the sounds of other people's tragedies through the thin walls and not-so-private curtains, it wouldn't have gotten him to thinking. If Hayden hadn't jeopardized her safety and her life tonight, he never would have put it together. It was a cop's hunch, but he was right more often than not.

Katherine was wrong. She was the right woman for him. She was the only woman. He loved her without condition and without end. He'd do whatever he had to do to fix this. He'd show Katherine he was the right man, her man, and he was committed to her, one thousand percent.

Jack fastened his seat belt. “Let's get you home. You have some apologizing to do.”

“To Mrs. Garcia?” She gulped. “To Katherine. She came and got me. When she didn't have to because I was real mean to her. I didn't know who else to call, but she came. And she was n-nice to me. And it wasn't because she likes you. She was just…nice.”

“I know.” He heard what she didn't say. He dug the
ice scraper from beneath the seat. He kissed her brow, thankful she was here, unharmed, and grateful for the soul-deep feeling in his chest that told him they'd turned a corner. As tough as it had been, things were looking up.

He braved the icy storm and got to work clearing the windows. Maybe it was his imagination, but the stubborn winter winds didn't seem as brutal. As if everything, not just his luck, was changing for the better.

 

The sense of loneliness persisted in Katherine's condo, even with the twins asleep down the hall. As she roamed to the kitchen to reheat her cup of chamomile tea gone cold, she couldn't remember the place feeling so empty. So filled with shadows. So alone.

As she waited for the microwave to heat the tea, she had to be honest. She felt lonely. She felt empty. She felt shadows filling her up. Maybe that's what happened when you failed at what mattered most. Running away from true love instead of turning toward it. Isn't that what the Bible taught? That love was the greatest of all things, love gave worth and value and meaning to life. Maybe it was God's purpose for everyone on earth, including her.

How long had she been hiding behind the pain of what happened to her one November evening? She hadn't even realized it until she'd watched Jack and Hayden together, father and daughter, protective parent and trusting child. Somehow the ghosts of her past had been laid to rest and now there were no haunting memories to hide behind and no rationale to all that she'd been
evading. She'd been horribly hurt long ago, there was no changing it, and some wounds to the spirit never fully healed. She had learned to live again but not to wholly love.

Had she chosen to date Kevin because he was a man who hadn't demanded emotional closeness? Kevin hadn't brought up all the feelings and shadows that being with Jack did. Kevin had felt placid and kind and comfortable. Jack was not.

Jack seemed to be able to see her soul, brightness and shadows. And he might not have pushed her when she'd evaded his personal questions about the emotional wounds in her life, but he'd felt them. Why did it terrify her to be so close to a wonderful, good man? Why did it feel as if she were about to jump out of an airplane without a parachute? A long free fall and then a fatal impact were certain. That's how it felt.

That's how it felt to think about trusting Jack wholly. No holds barred.

The microwave beeped, and she opened the door. Steam rose from the nearly full cup. Absently she wandered back into the living room. In the corner on the end table, a small red light flashed furiously. Her answering machine. Jack's messages. She hadn't listened to them and hadn't intended to. It would be safer to avoid them.

I asked God for a sign, and I got one. Jack wants a perfect woman for his daughter. That's what this is about. He's right, his daughter comes first, she thought as she cozied up into a big, overstuffed chair. Just forget it.

She set her cup on a coaster on the end table. The
blinking answering machine light was like a signal beacon in the dark.
Look this way.

She turned her back, settled into the corner of her chair, curled up her legs and opened her book. Just read, Katherine. Try to unwind. It's one in the morning and you've got to get to sleep. There's church in a few hours. She focused on the words on the page and nothing happened. They were just letters clumped together and seemed to make no connection in her brain.

She couldn't see the light, but she could
feel
it flashing. Insistent. Nagging, like her conscience. Whispering, like the inner voice she kept a deaf ear to because it was safer.

What do I do, Lord?
She closed her book and bowed her head, frazzled, feeling as exposed as the jagged edges of shattered glass.
I'm too afraid to let this go. I'm too afraid to try to mend it. Maybe You could send a bigger sign, so I know. One I can't miss.

Her biggest problem was that God could drop a twenty-foot neon sign on the carpet right in front of her, and if she didn't have her eyes open to see it, then what good would it do?

The emptiness within her ached like a broken bone. She couldn't take it anymore. She twisted around and hit the play button. The machine whirred and beeped. At the first sound of Jack's mellow baritone, the hurt inside her eased. Sweet longing filled her simply from hearing his voice.

“I'm sorry. I don't know what I did or what I said. Or if it's just me you think is wrong for you, but I'm asking you to call me. Just…call.”

She heard his raw misery. She buried her face in her hands, hearing with her ears and feeling with her soul. She'd hurt him deeply, the same way she'd hurt herself.

And now with the echo of his voice in the shadowed corners of the room, resounding in the empty chamber in her heart, she did not hide from the truth. She'd never felt a bond so strong. That nearness, the suggestion of his pain, that love for him shone inside her like a sun at full zenith. What more of a sign did she need?

Her words to Jack, spoken what seemed like so long ago now, came back to her.
I don't know if I just can't let go of controlling my life, or if I can't trust even God that much.

What did that say about her faith? About her heart? She had constructed far too many shields to keep out the wrong things. A whole faith. A completing love. Belief that she could let go of trying to manage everything and it would still come out all right. Maybe better. Maybe much better.

Twin beams of light cut across the closed window blinds and disappeared. Odd, because the direction of traffic through the parking lot didn't usually send light into her front window. Was that the rumble of an idling engine?

Jack. It wasn't a thought; it was knowledge. She was peering through the slats in the blind, unaware what she was doing until she spotted a broad-shouldered hulk of a man behind the wheel of a state patrol car. The light shining within her quadrupled at the sight of him. Talk about a sign.

He looked up and his gaze fastened on hers. Across
the distance, the night, the uncertainty and hurt, she felt his love. A rare, shining devotion that nothing—not even her fears—could break. As he climbed out of his car and strode down her walkway as committed as a soldier on a mission, she felt the strum of his heart within hers.

Somehow she had the doorknob in hand, the door was open. She didn't feel the cold sleet hammering against her or the merciless night wind. All she saw, all there was, was Jack.

Taking her in his arms, he pulled her flush to his chest, cradling her against his tender strength and steel. Right where she belonged. She felt his kiss against her temple and one big hand cradled the back of her neck, holding her as if cherished. It was pure heaven.

He whispered against her ear. “I already know what you can't say to me.”

“What?” Who told? Ava, she was horrible at minding her own business. Tears welled up from those dark, soul-deep shadows.

Then it hit her. He knows. He knows and he's still here. He still loved her. Sobs broke free and she finally let herself relax into his embrace, into his comfort, into his love. Pure paradise.