Project Valentine (A Homespun Romance) (11 page)

"You haven't met Jessica, yet,"
Molly reminded.

"I know Miss Woods."
Mrs. Lucas smiled warmly at her again. Jessica had an idea the receptionist would never be short of smiles. "We spoke on the phone some time back."

Formalities taken care of, Molly reverted to the subject dear to her heart.
"Do you like my dog?"

"When Dr. Wagner brought him in on Tuesday, I almost refused to have anything to do with him, he's so huge.
Dr. Wagner tied him up and filled his dishes. I went out later to see if he was okay and he just looked at me out of those big brown eyes of his, and I was lost. He's such a lamb."

"Why did Uncle Karl bring him to work Tuesday?'
demanded Molly, "To show the kids?"

"No," trilled Mrs. Lucas. "Arthur wasn't feeling so good and Dr. Wagner, bless his kind heart, didn't want to leave him home alone.
Said he hates being alone when he's sick and it can't be much different for anyone else. In between patients, he'd talk to Arthur out of his office window.

Jessica's mouth went slack.
She pushed her glasses up. Karl had brought Arthur to work with him? The man may not know it but he'd just signed up as a dog lover.

He hates to be alone when he's ill.
Said it can't be much different for anyone else.

Jessica swallowed.
How did one measure sensitivity, caring that went beyond the call of normal kindness?

Arthur stood up at their approach, tail wagging nineteen swipes to the dozen.
When Mrs. Lucas put her hand out, he licked it. The office manager's smile threatened to split her chubby face in two.

"And how's my boy today, huh?
All better?" She tickled him under the chin. "There's a good fella."

Jessica and Molly fought to keep a straight face.
Mrs. Lucas' tone as she crooned sweet nothings to Arthur was a sharp contrast to her normal, brisk one.

Mrs. Lucas looked at them, switched tones unconsciously, "I had to call all over town Tuesday for someone to come and put up the chain link fence right away.
Dr. Wagner didn't want Arthur tethered all day. He said the dog needed his freedom. It's good to see him with an animal. They slink past your guard better than humans can."

Jessica could tell Mrs. Lucas referred to the same curtain of reticence in Karl, she was puzzling over.
She shot the older woman a look as Molly ran to the end of the dog run with Arthur. Had Mrs. Lucas sensed she wanted to remove that particular partition. The older woman's expression gave nothing away.

"Well, I guess I'd better go in."
The older woman gave Arthur one last pat. "Dr. Wagner asked me to let you know he's going to be another half hour or so. One of his patients had an emergency and I've never known him to refuse to see anyone. Works much too hard and then gives his money away as if it was water. I can't tell you how many people he treats free. Other dentists train their staff so that one of the first questions is, `Do you have insurance?' Dr. Wagner keeps reminding us that if his first priority is money he doesn't deserve to be called doctor." Jessica blinked as Molly rejoined them and Mrs. Lucas said briskly. "He said if you both want to go shopping or anything, he'll wait for you here."

Jessica and Molly looked at each other.
Molly shook her head and said, "I'd rather wait in the office if that's alright with you, Jessica. Uncle Karl's got some new coloring books. I'm going to do a picture for my Mommy."

"I'll wait too."
She needed some quiet time to sort her thoughts out.

For the last ten minutes, Molly had been occupied with the things in the play area.
Jessica flipped through a magazine briefly, then put it down. She shifted in her seat again, caught the eye of the other mother in the room.

"Dr. Wagner's marvelous with children," the woman said with a hesitant smile.
"There's absolutely nothing to be nervous about."

Jessica opened her mouth and closed it again.
The woman though she was nervous for Molly's sake?

"Your little girl will be just fine." her sympathizer continued.
"When I brought Summer here I didn't know what to expect. We'd neglected dental hygiene seriously thinking she was only a baby. By the time she was three and a half she had seventeen cavities and her pediatrician recommended we take her to a children's dentist. He suggested Dr. Wagner, said he was the best in the area. I was scared stiff when I came here the first time. Dr. Wagner spent as much time with me as he did with Summer that visit, reassuring me, explaining her treatment. As for Summer, by the time her first filling was done she would have done anything for him." The young mother laughed but Jessica could see the shimmer of tears in her eyes. "She thinks coming to Dr. Wagner is a treat. We had a hard time today, explaining to her that she wasn't going to see him today, that it was her cousin Berry who had the toothache. My sister, his mother, works on Saturday so I offered to bring him in. Well, Summer started yelling her head off when the nurse came out for Berry. Dr. Wagner came out, took one look at her face and told her she could come in and pick out a toy anyway, because she was a special friend. Every child gets to pick out a toy from a large box he has inside before their treatment. He's a wonderful human being, not just a great dentist."

Jessica swallowed hard.
She couldn't trust herself to speak.

Summer's mother blew her nose.
"Wish I'd had someone like him, when I was growing up."

"Like who?"
The flaxen haired child who had been looking at a book, pressed against her arm. "Like who, Mom?"

"Like Dr. Wagner, Summer."

The four year old scrambled on to a chair beside her mother. "He's my dentist," she announced importantly. A pause while Jessica watched the child's forehead wrinkle in thought. Her next words came out on a sigh. "But sometimes I have to share him with other people."

The door opened to let out a grinning six year old.
The wad of gauze in his mouth didn't detract from his cheeky smile.

"Dr. Wagner had to take out my tooth but he said the tooth fairy would come anyway if I keep my tooth under my pillow tonight."
The triumphant announcement earned him a sour glance from his cousin.

As her mother went to the window checkbook in hand, Summer glared at her cousin.
The tears in her eyes were real. She opened her mouth, shut it, shook her head. Finally she tried again. "Dr. Wagner's my dentist," she hissed, checking to see her mother was out of hearing range. "I'm going to marry him when I grow up 'n never let him work on your teeth, so, there!"

CHAPTER SIX

It was a balmy eighty degrees at the beach. Molly ran to the water's edge soon after they got there, Arthur on a leash beside her. Already a few children had gathered around to stare at the Great Dane. Jessica watched as Molly stopped and the children came closer to ask about Arthur. Molly's voice carried clearly to where Karl and Jessica sat, as she began. "Once upon a time Arthur belonged to another family...."

"No sign of withdrawn now."
They shared a smile before Karl returned to his inspection of the picnic basket. "I can't wait to see what Mrs. Lucas's cousin has in here." Catching sight of the surprise on Jessica's face he said. "Didn't I tell you, Edna's cousin runs a catering business? He fixes picnic baskets for me through the summer and caters complete dinners when I entertain." Jessica flinched as she thought of how special his last party had been. Maddy Brenton, kisses and all. "Ah, my favorite. Fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Want to try some now?"

"No thanks."

Karl picked up a leg and bit into it. "Just making sure they did a good job." His lighthearted smile revealed a rare glimpse of the boy in him. He seemed relaxed and happy. Evidently Molly and Karl both loved it at the beach.

Jessica sat on the blanket Molly had helped her spread and watched Karl.
It was becoming her favorite pastime.

After the last patient had left, Mrs. Lucas and two assistants had bustled out.

"Dr. Wagner's changing his clothes," Mrs. Lucas had told her and Molly on her way out. "He'll be with you in a minute."

The cut off denim shorts and tee shirt that Karl had come out in five minutes later emphasized the width of his shoulders and interfered with Jessica's breathing.

They had decided to leave her car in front of the clinic. Karl would drop her back here at the end of the day.

"Want a drink?"
he asked now, the muscles bunching under his shirt as he held one out to her.

"Thanks,"
Jessica took the soft drink can and wrapped both hands around it. Her imagination had rushed off on a different track.

How many romantic dinners a duex had Mrs. Lucas' cousin catered for Karl she wondered.
A picture of him and Maddy Brenton holding hands by candlelight made it hard to swallow.

"You're awfully quiet,"
Karl glanced at her again. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

There was so much to think about.
All the pictures she'd gathered of Karl that morning added up to warm, wonderful, kindhearted. Why was he denying himself a warmer closer relationship?

"Did Molly talk to you this morning?"

"Yes," Jessica nodded. At least this was one area she could help Karl. "Molly's beginning to resent the baby, blame it for what her mother's going through. We discussed it and Molly said she's going to talk to your sister about it."

"You're sure it's nothing more than that?"

"Yes."

"Thank goodness."

Jessica was surprised by the vehemence in Karl's tone. Surely he knew Molly's fears were natural?

Karl lifted the soft drink can to his lips and took a deep drink.
"Andy and I were never very close to our parents. I know Molly's withdrawal the past week has her more worried than anything else. She doesn't want her daughter to grow up as lonely and as uncommunicative as we were with our parents."

Jessica held her breath.
Please, go on.

Karl didn't seem to be able to stop.
"We had everything any kids could ever want. My father was a self-made man who worked at changing his millions into billions. We never lacked for anything." Karl's voice sloped off, dwindled to a whisper. "Except love."

The pain came through clearly.
Jessica's heart spasmed at the void in Karl's childhood.

"Was he too busy?"
Jessica asked gently.

"It wasn't only that.
He didn't know how to show love. He'd never been on the receiving end of any as a child and he thought expressions of love were superfluous. He worked hard, provided for us, and that was it. Andy and I grew up thinking it was the right way to live. My mother suffered the most. I remember when I was younger how hard she tried to make everything seem normal, cover for my father, but as I grew up she became more and more withdrawn herself. I was in high school before I realized how much she'd suffered because of his coldness. The amazing thing is they're still together though they don't seem to have the slightest interest in each other."

Jessica didn't say a word.
To interject anything now might stop the flow of Karl's confidences.

"I thought everyone's families were like that, till I visited a friend of mine when I was ten.
That weekend showed me a whole new way of life. I saw the way a family could be. The Garrisons communicated with hugs and kisses, as much as they did with words. It wasn't only the physical demonstrations of love that made such an impression, it was the way they cared about whatever was happening to one of them. There was laughter in that home, happiness you could reach out and touch. It was a real revelation. I didn't want to go home after that visit. I wanted to be the Garrisons' son so badly, it hurt. I never went back there. Ben Garrison couldn't understand why I wouldn't accept his invitations for the weekend after that one time." Karl picked up a shell and examined it. "I realized something then. Love isn't rationed or something that's allotted from above. It's free. People avail of it as they wish. Their use of it is shaped by their own experiences, their mental makeup. My father didn't think it was important at all. I watched my mother give up the struggle to keep things normal, withdraw from all of us, grow old before her time. She didn't deserve treatment like that. No woman does. I didn't realize how badly Andy felt the lack of harmony between our parents till she left home. She was always getting into trouble at home and at school. I was too young to know it was her way of asking for attention. She left home at eighteen, without telling anyone where she was going." Karl picked up another shell, searched the smooth surface for answers to the puzzles of human behavior. "She took off for New York, got in with a bad crowd. Luckily she met Jim before she came to any real harm. Marrying him was the turning point in her life. Jim and Molly mean everything in the world to her. I don't want her happiness endangered."

He turned to look at the little girl with the huge dog, prancing in the shallows, running ahead of the waves.
The bleakness in his eyes revealed his own unhappiness, yet untended.

"When you marry, have your children," Jessica said softly, his pain a throb in her throat.
"You'll find by loving your family you heal some of your own hurts."

Where had that come from?
Surprise prompted Jessica to close her mouth. Maybe she ought to apply for Abby Landers' job. Karl looked out at the water. Jessica stole a glance at his face. Her last remark hadn't even made a dent in the hard wall of his memories.

"Karl...."
she had to apologize for preaching.

"Jessica," he wasn't aware he'd interrupted her.
"I don't know if I will ever marry. Deep down inside is this fear there's too much of my father in me. I've never been able to really care for a woman enough to warrant marriage. I've had so many women friends. I've cared about them. I've never loved them."

He stated it coolly as if he'd already planned his life around the thought.
Stunned Jessica lifted a handful of sand, watched it dribble through her fingers. Convincing Karl he was excellent family material wouldn't be easy. But someone had to do it.

Not someone. Her. This was a challenge she couldn't turn her back on.

Karl was a wonderful human being.
The fact that no one had ever awakened that part of him to do with real caring didn't mean the part was missing.

She'd have to be careful though.
Karl hadn't been aware he was telling her anything about himself. Only concern over his sister and Molly had prompted the confidence. If she went about this clumsily she felt Karl would withdraw completely. And that couldn't be.

"Uncle Karl, Jessica, aren't you coming in?"
Molly rushed up impatiently. "The water's really warm."

"Be right there."
As his niece ran off again, Karl stood up, slipped out of his shorts and took his shirt off. His red swimming trunks accentuated his lithe physique perfectly.

He held a hand out to Jessica.
She put her hand in his, wondering what he was going to think of her misty purple bathing suit. The tug on her hand brought her up to within an inch of his bare chest. Jessica stepped back quickly. There was a great deal of Karl Wagner and there wasn't much of her. Covered or uncovered. Someone hadn't been fair distributing physical attributes.

They walked to the water's edge hand in hand.
Jessica was conscious of the thump of her heart over the swish of the waves, the screams of some voluptuous bikini clad volleyball players close by, the tangy smell of the ocean. Jessica jumped as the first wave garlanded her feet with an icy offering.

"Ooh!"

Karl's hand tightened around hers. The grin he gave her made her heart exchange wild thumping for mad cartwheels. This was the Karl she wanted to see. Carefree, happy, lighthearted.

"You'll get used to it," he promised as he tugged her further in.

It wasn't till a wave caught her chest high that Jessica realized something. Karl was paying no more attention to the scantily clad volleyball players than Arthur was. The young women had the kind of bodies that men came to the beach to ogle but his whole attention was on her and Molly as if no one else was around. Thinking of the dates who had brought her to the beach and then spent the entire time scanning the area like hungry wolves, Jessica wanted to throw her arms around Karl and kiss him for being so special.

He hadn't commented on her suit, but Molly had.

"I like you in that color Jessica," she'd yelled when they had joined her.

"Th... Thanks."
Jessica's stammer had betrayed her shyness. Aware that Karl's intent gaze was fixed on her made her tingle from head to toe.

"Uncle Karl, don't you like Jessica's bathing suit?"
Molly asked mock innocently. "Remember what you said last year when we came to California on vacation and you brought us to the beach? That you didn't know if beach wear these days was meant to cover anything or merely to draw attention to how much was uncovered. You said there was something ugly in over exposure. Jessica's bathing suit isn't like that."

Jessica stood stock still and stared at Karl.
His skin turned red as he glared at his niece.

"Were those remarks addressed to you, young lady?"
he asked angrily.

Not a whit abashed Molly looked straight at him.
"No. You and Daddy were talking and I heard."

"As you manage to hear everything else, you're not supposed to," he snapped.

Suddenly Jessica felt very very lighthearted. It was fun to be at the beach on such a wonderful day. She no longer felt awkward about her demure one piece bathing suit. In fact she felt very good in it. Maybe she had a fairy godmother after all.

"Look out you two!"
Karl's shout made her look up in time to see the wall of water coming toward them. With a purely reflex action she huddled into his chest. The wave drenched all three of them from head to toe. Karl seemed in no hurry to let her go. Jessica wondered if she'd imagined the slight tightening of his grip.

Karl appeared to have gotten over being annoyed with Molly.
"Let's see how your swimming's coming along, Molly," he told her, letting go of a wriggling Jessica slowly.

They lingered in the water till Molly complained of hunger.
The picnic lunch was more than enough for all three of them. Arthur got a few tidbits as well. They repacked every bit of trash then Molly ran off to build a sandcastle with Arthur. Karl suppressed a yawn and apologized. "I'm sorry. I was up at five to take Arthur for his morning run and the ocean air always makes me sleepy."

"Why don't you take a nap?"
Jessica suggested comfortably. "I'll watch Molly."

"Are you sure?"
Karl hesitated, his eyes growing heavier with every passing second.

"Positive."

He stretched out on his stomach, buried his face in his hands.

Jessica let the magazine she'd been reading fall, and studied Karl's prone figure thoughtfully.
The conversation they had earlier returned to haunt her. Her eyes lingered on every visible sinew of his brown body as she thought of a way to help him. It was so unfair. There was really no reason the scepter of his past should throw it's dark shadow over the present and the future. She thought of him a as a young boy, lonely and sad, and her heart spasmed with pain.

Molly's laugh carried back to Jessica.
The group she'd teamed up with had abandoned the sand castle and instead were burying a patient Arthur in sand.

It didn't make sense that someone as loving and as patient as Karl should doubt his abilities to be a good parent.
But these days psychologists spoke of deep traits buried in people that only emerged with their immediate families. Jessica thought of the television series she'd watched on famous people and abuse. There was the judge who abused his wife. The teacher who beat her own children. The doctor who was an alcoholic. None of those families had talked about their abuse. Loyalty, shame, and a misplaced sense of duty were powerful silencers.