Promise Me Light (18 page)

We stopped eating to listen. One word stuck in my mind;
seize.

“I repeat, reports are that the U.S. government is seizing all
livestock for rationing purposes.” The transmission disappeared into
static, the rest of the news garbled.

Brody reached over to hit the side of the handheld, his version of
fixing it. This time, though, it didn’t work. The thing was dead.

Gavin sat his fork down, the small amount of food on his plate
forgotten. “Dad?” he asked, looking to his father for
instructions.

Roger put some canned tomatoes in his mouth, chewing for a moment. I
could see the gears turning in his head, going over our options. After
he swallowed, he sat his fork down quietly. Folding his hands on the
table, he looked at each of us.

“When I was a boy, my great grandmother told me stories of the
Depression. She said the government took cattle from ranches in Oklahoma
and Texas to drive the price of beef up. When they heard the news, my
great grandparents butchered every cow they had. Darn government
wasn’t gonna git their cattle. So they canned the meat and hid it.
Come to find out, that’s the only thing that saved them from starving
that year.”

He scratched his chin, thinking over his next words. “Time’s
ain’t changed so much, kids. Thanks to darn thieves we got five cows
left. I think we need to start butchering them tomorrow. I say we keep
two hidden for milking. My grandbaby will need the milk
eventually.”

Since that night, I helped them from sunup to sundown. It was awful,
bloody work. I would never forget the image of cattle being killed,
skinned, and cut up into pieces for us to can. The men did the
butchering. Eva, Janice, and I did the final cutting and canning. Thanks
to Janice’s knowledge of preserving food plus Roger’s passion for
stockpiling survival items, we had a pressure canner and enough canning
equipment to save the meat and any other food we could find. It was a
long, drawn-out process but at least we wouldn’t starve.

That’s what I kept telling myself as weariness made standing almost
impossible. Taking a deep breath, I climbed the porch steps, holding
onto the railing to pull myself along.
I am so
tired.
My eyelids felt heavy and my legs felt like Jell-O. I had
never been so tired in my whole life, even when we had walked home after
the EMP hit.

Besides helping with the canning, we took turns caring for Ryder. He
was still unconscious. Still fighting a nasty fever. Today I had drawn
the shorter straw; I had to help with the butchering.

Opening the door to the house, I dragged myself inside, wanting to
find a change of clothes and a soft place to rest my head. Maybe a bar
of soap too. What I didn’t expect to find was a voice yelling, booming
through the house.

“Where the HELL is she? I’m going to crawl out of this goddamn
bed if you don’t tell me where Maddie is!”

Ryder. He’s awake!

Forgetting about my exhaustion, I took off running down the hallway,
my booted feet leaving muddy footprints behind. My scarf trailed behind
me, the knitted threads bouncing against my back as I ran. Within
seconds, I was standing in the open doorway, staring at the scene before
me.

The warmth of the small makeshift heater surrounded me as I stood in
the threshold, warming my frozen nose and chin. Eva stood beside the bed
with her hands on her hips, glaring at Ryder as he eased his legs over
the side of the bed. He held onto his injured side, agony twisting his
face.

“He’s awake, Maddie,” Eva quipped. “And he’s back to being
his perfect Prince Charming self. Lucky us.”

Ryder’s eyes immediately found mine. I saw relief rush across his
face, his worry disappearing.

“Maddie,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. His eyes ran
over my body, making sure I was okay. His fingers spread wide in his
lap, palm out, somehow begging me to come to him.

I saw his hand and heard the pleading in his voice but I couldn’t
move. I just wanted to stand there and stare at him. I needed to soak in
the sight of Ryder.

His hair was longer. New streaks of blonde were interwoven with the
brown, making me think he had been outside for long periods of time.
Wispy curls lay against his neck, giving him a look of innocence that I
knew was just a façade. A thick beard covered most of his face, making
him look like a stranger. It was the bright blue eyes staring back at me
that told me it was really him.

“Hell, Maddie, say something. Please. You look like you’ve seen a
ghost. You’re fuckin’ scaring me,” he said hoarsely.

I knew then that he was truly back. Cuss words had never sounded so
sweet.
My imperfect man was home.

In seconds, I was in his arms.

“I thought I lost you,” I said, burying my face in his neck. His
scent swirled around me, encasing me in comfort.
I want
to stay here forever. In his arms. Against his body.

His hands moved around my ribcage, gathering me close. Tears ran down
my face as his fingers spread wide, encompassing my sides and pulling me
closer, needing to hold me as much as I needed to be held.

Spreading his legs, he fitted me against his body, hardness against
softness. His hands ran up and down my back, feeling every inch of me.
His thighs rested against my hips, keeping me hostage between his
legs.

“Shit, Maddie, I missed you,” he said, hoarsely. His hands moved
to the sides of my head, his fingers threading through my hair. “You
okay? Eva wouldn’t tell me where you were.”

I nodded. “I’m fine. More than fine,” I said in a whisper.
Through the tears running down my face, I stared into his eyes. Eyes
that were clear of fever.

“I was so scared, Ryder. I thought you were dead.”

“Don’t cry,” he said, his thumb wiping a tear off of my cheek.
“I came home to you, just like I said I would.”

I brushed the tears away, probably leaving a smear of dirt on my
face.

His hands dropped down to the front of my jacket. Holding the lapels
tightly, he pulled me closer. His eyes dipped down to my mouth, a moan
escaping him.

At first, I thought the moan was from desire but then he grimaced.
Letting go of my jacket, he touched his side. I heard a small intake of
breath as pain shot through him. The flannel shirt he wore was left
unbuttoned, leaving his chest bare. I could see the tattoos that
decorated one side of his body, trailing down to disappear beneath the
white bandage wrapped around his waist. A bandage that wasn’t white
anymore.

“You’re bleeding!” I exclaimed, taking his hand away from his
side to look at the small drops of blood on the bandage.

When he didn’t say anything, I glanced back up at him, afraid I
would find his eyes full of fever-raged unawareness again. Instead, he
studied me with clear eyes that seemed to see inside me.

“And you weren’t here when I woke up,” his deep voice rumbled
softly.

“I’m here now.”

One of his hands cupped my chin. His thumb ran over my lower lip, his
cracked skin feeling rough against my lip.

“I can’t believe I’m really here, touching you,” he said in a
strained voice, watching my mouth.

“I know. I’ve missed you so much,” I whispered, tears filling
my eyes again.

Gently, I removed his hand away from his side. He sucked in a breath
as I started to pull the bandage away. I bit my bottom lip, fighting the
urge to weep at the agony I saw on his face.

“You need to lie down before you pull your stitches apart,” I
said, tucking the bandage back in place.

“How bad is it?” he asked, his eyes on me.

“Your mom got the bullet out but you lost a lot of blood.”

“We almost lost you,” Eva interjected, moving to stand beside
me.

Ryder’s gaze moved to her, his hands never letting go of me. “You
okay, Eva?” he asked.

She shifted to one foot then the other, looking at the ground then at
the ceiling. Suddenly, she rushed Ryder, throwing herself at him.

“Thank you,” she said, hugging him close. “I’ll never forget
what you did for me. Never.”

He patted her back awkwardly. “I’d do it again, Eva.”

She pulled away and sniffed loudly. “I love you in some kind of
twisted, love/hate way. As friends only, you understand.”

Ryder cleared his throat. “Yeah, back at you.”

Looking satisfied and a little bit love-struck, Eva stepped away.

“How long have I been out?” he asked.

“Almost two weeks,” I answered.

“Shit,” he swore under his breath. Cuss words exploded from him
when pain hit his side again.

“Why don’t you lay back down?” I suggested, stepping away to
give him room.

Before I got very far, his hand snapped out, grabbing my wrist. The
heat from his fingers traveled up my arm then down the center of my
body.

“Eva, you might want to leave,” Ryder said, his eyes burning into
mine.

“Why? What are you…”One corner of Eva’s mouth lifted in a
grin. “Oh.”

Ryder ignored her as his eyes ran up my body, skimming over my
breasts. My four-month pregnancy was hidden behind the layers I wore to
keep warm. I still wasn’t showing very much but the time had come to
tell him the truth.

Eva left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. This was the
first time Ryder and I had been alone together without a fever coming
between us, making him unaware of everything. Now it was just the two of
us. I felt nervous, excited, and scared all at once.

“Ryder, please lay back down. I can’t watch you get stitched up
again,” I pleaded, placing a hand on his chest.

“Not yet. There’s something I need to do.” He yanked me toward
him. I wasn’t prepared for the strength behind his hands.

My breath left me in a whoosh as I fell against him. His strong
thighs captured me, keeping me in place.

“Ryder, what are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself,” I
said breathlessly.

He didn’t answer. One of his hands moved to my hip, holding me
steady. The other moved beneath my braid, grasping the back of my
neck.

“It’s hurting me not to do this,” he said.

Before I realized what he meant, his mouth lowered to mine. His thick
beard brushed against my chin, feeling rough against my smooth skin. His
lips captured mine, taking what he missed and needed. Feelings coursed
through me. Heat, need, fire, and passion. They were all there, building
from somewhere down low and moving up my body.

For the first time in months, I felt alive.

I groaned as his mouth slanted across mine, demanding more. My lips
parted, giving him what he wanted.

I let out a moan of disappointment when his hand left me. But I
didn’t have long to wait for it to be back on me. With one jerk, he
yanked my knitted cap off of my head and tossed it across the room. As
soon as my hair was freed, his fingers dived into it, tangling in the
strands.

When his tongue plunged into my mouth, I went crazy. My hands moved
to his naked chest, feeling the warmth of him against my fingertips. I
could feel the outline of his muscles, reminding me that he might have
lost weight in the prison camp but he was still strong, built to
fight.

“Take this off,” he rasped against my mouth, tugging at my
jacket. “I’ve got to feel you. Touch you. God, I’ve got to make
sure you’re real and I’m not dreaming.”

I froze.
He wants my jacket off. This was it. The
moment of truth. The moment he found out he was going to be a
dad.

His mouth covered mine again, more urgent this time. As his lips
kissed mine, I reached between us for the buttons on the old jacket I
wore.

“All I could think about was you, Maddie. You were on my mind day
and night. I could see your face.” His mouth dipped down to my
jawline, leaving a trail of dampness behind. His thumb ran beneath the
collar of my shirt, brushing across my collarbone and sending a tingle
through me.

I pushed a button through its hole, trying to concentrate on what I
was doing. But with his lips on me, the desire was building to dangerous
levels.

“And your hair. I could feel it in my hands. I could remember it
wrapped around my fingers as I drove deep inside of you,” he rasped
against my neck, slipping the rubber band from the end of my braid.
Achingly slow, he unwound my hair from the thick braid. When it was
loose and hanging down my back, he plunged his fingers into it.

My head fell back as his mouth left a warm path down my neck. His
fingers tightened in my hair, holding my head in place for him to taste
my skin.

I breathed heavier, my eyes closed. My hands were shaking now,
leaving my jacket to run along his thighs.

“And your lips.” His mouth moved back to my lips, brushing his
mouth across mine. “Shit, Maddie, memories of your lips kept me hard
at night.”

His mouth savagely took mine, forcing my lips apart. I moaned,
meeting his tongue with urgency. He slipped another button through the
buttonhole, taking over the job.

“Thoughts of you are what kept me alive,” he whispered.

As soon as the last button was undone, Ryder pushed the jacket off of
my shoulders. It fell in a puddle at my feet, covering my boots and
tangling around my legs. Nothing but layers of shirts covered me
now.

His fingers reached for the top button of my shirt as his tongue
darted inside my mouth, filling me. I couldn’t resist. My hands went
to his hair, tangling in the long strands and dragging him closer.

When he groaned, not with need but with pain, worry cooled my
overheated skin.

“We can’t do this, Ryder,” I said, pulling my lips away from
his.

He followed, leaning over the edge of the bed to follow my mouth.

“Like hell, we can’t,” he growled, grabbing the back of my head
and yanking me toward him.

His mouth landed on mine as his hands went to my shirt again. Within
seconds, he had it unbuttoned completely.