Promise to Cherish (28 page)

“
Meah sin en schvetzah
.”

“
Ja
, I know we are talking, but I have to go. You heard him. Christine’s not feeling well.” Was it the baby? Was it that she just wanted to get away from the church members, was it becoming too much for her?

Tears welled in Matilda’s eyes.

“Will I see you tonight? We need to talk.” Her voice reminded him of how his mother used to speak to him and his brothers when she expected something from them.

“Maybe,” he said, still wincing at her confused pronouncement that she was his girlfriend. “Listen, Matilda, we aren’t together like that.”

“But now that you’re back?” she said, smiling at him coyly.

“No, Matilda.” Without thinking, he said it too loudly. “Listen to me: we are not a couple.”

Matilda set her jaw as he told her that he had to go.

He didn’t look back as he walked away. He would have to deal with her later. All he could think about now was Christine. By the time he made it to the Dearborn the horse was already hitched and Christine and Aunt Annie were waiting for him. Christine looked waxen and tired.

“What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do?” Eli asked, hopping up into the buggy.

“It’s nothing.” She waved him off.

“Nothing?” Annie piped up. “She’s turning green. Look at her.”

“Your stomach?”

“It was the ham.” She eyed Eli, not wanting to reveal more in front of Aunt Annie.

“The ham?” he questioned.

“Sorry, I could see you were in the middle of something.” Christine cleared her throat and pushed her glasses up.

“I told Enos it didn’t matter. Matilda has been assuming too much ever since I moved here.” Annie snorted. “Did I tell you that she started visiting me and asking about how long I planned on staying? She was looking around my cottage like she was planning to move in.”

“What?” Eli scowled.

“And I don’t think she was thinking of moving in alone.” Aunt Annie crossed her arms in a huff.

“Well, everyone knows that she’s Eli’s girlfriend,” Christine said over her shoulder to Aunt Annie, then caught Eli’s eye, smirking.

He forced a smile back, more frustrated than humored.

Eli’s grip on the reins got tighter. How had this happened? Matilda had marriage on her mind and was plotting to get the cottage for the two of them. With his exasperated energy fueling the horse, they were home in no time.

CHAPTER 22

H
ow is Matilda doing?” Sarah Brenneman asked. They arrived at the farm within minutes of each other. “Her
mem
told me she cried for two days after you returned.”

“
Mem
, I’m not dating Matilda.”

“Well, you definitely have made her feel that you are through all those letters you wrote her.”

“She wrote me. I wrote her back every few weeks because I didn’t want to be impolite.” His voice rose. “In one of my first letters I told her that I appreciated her friendship, that’s it. I told her that all I wanted was a friendship.”

“She’s a nice girl. A good girl. You really need to think about settling down. She would make a fine wife.”

Enos and Abe were listening and started chuckling behind their hands. Eli rolled his eyes. He wasn’t humored by the conversation but he couldn’t do his usual thing by making a joke and waving off his parents’ comments. It wasn’t that simple anymore. He had to face this issue with Matilda.

“I saw her just before we left and she’s expecting you tonight.”

“I told her maybe.” He didn’t want to tell his mother he also told Matilda that they were not a couple.

“So the CPS made you too
hohe
for Singings now.” His father did not say this as a question but as more of a declaration. The use of the dialect word for
high
that they used when referring to the English was a slap across the face.

“Of course not. But I’m not a young boy who wants to play all those silly games and be chased by ridiculous girls anymore.”

“It wasn’t that long ago that those silly games and girls were exactly what you liked. Too much, I might add. We may have stayed quiet, but we’ve heard plenty of stories about your ways, Eli. Mark also feels that you’ve put your morals and those of the family into question. I would suggest that you make up for lost time and start showing the proper behavior from now on.” His mother’s voice was as firm as he’d ever heard it when she returned to the room without the twin girls. “How else do you think you are going to find a wife? Tell me.”

Eli ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t realized how short his hair actually was until today, when he had been around all his friends who had much longer hair than his own. He knew his parents were disappointed in him with the way he’d avoided settling down, but they’d never talked about it.

“You’ve made some very questionable choices for years, Eli,” his father began. “We’ve stayed quiet about them—as your mother said—and just prayed you’d come back ready to finally get on track. Then you bring that girl home.”

“That girl?” Eli was dumbfounded. They had been so accepting of Christine since she saved Mark’s life.

“Why can’t you just stop playing around with that English life and just settle down like a proper Amishman? Matilda would be an excellent wife for you. That Christine’s a nice girl, but she’s not one of us. She’s not right for you.”

“I didn’t bring her here to marry.” He was yelling now. His heart was pumping fast and he couldn’t believe that after all the work he’d done on his temper that here he was again, yell
ing and getting angry. He breathed evenly, trying to compose himself.

“Then why did you bring her here?” his mother asked. “Why can’t she go home to her own parents?”

“Because she’s going to have a baby, that’s why! Her mother wanted to send her to a home where they take your baby away after it’s born. She has no one else that could help—no one but me.”

Eli was breathing heavy by the time he was done, and he looked back and forth between his mother and father, their eyes round and shocked.

“Boys, go outside to play,” his mother said to Enos and Abe.

“But it’s Sunday,” Abe said.

The look their father gave them brought instant obedience. They left the living room and Eli imagined they were likely standing on the porch near an open window, listening to everything being said. He couldn’t believe he had just blurted out Christine’s secret.

“Is it your baby?” his father asked.

“Of course not,” he said. “Do you think so little of me?”

“It happened to Mark and he was never as wild as you,” his mother said. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“The baby is not mine,” he said so forcefully the muscles in his throat tightened. When his parents didn’t say anything for several long moments it was clear that they didn’t believe him or at least needed more of an explanation. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t believe me. I know the truth. Christine knows the truth.”

Eli walked to the front door then turned around. “I’m not the same as I was before. Leaving for the CPS and being away for so long changed me. I don’t want to be that wild son you had before, but I also can’t be who you want me to be and just marry Matilda. When I marry—if I marry—it will be for two reasons. Because I will be ready to love the woman for the rest of my life
and because I know God has set her apart just for me.”

His parents looked at each other then looked back at him again. Eli realized he didn’t think he had ever mentioned God in any conversation before. He had always been looking out for his own happiness, the futile, immediate kind, but he knew better now and he meant what he said.

After his parents didn’t respond for several long moments he decided to leave. He didn’t stomp off or slam any doors like he’d done many times before. He would show them he had grown. He would show them he was different.

Moses arrived home and unhitched his horse just as Eli pulled out his own horse and hitched him up to the same buggy.

“What are you doing?” Moses asked.

“I’m going for a drive and then—I don’t know.” Eli didn’t look at his brother. He had told Moses he could use the buggy while he was away since he hadn’t saved enough money at the time to buy his own.

“What am I going to use? I have a date tonight.”

Eli shrugged. “You’ll have to take the open Dearborn I guess. That’s what I had to use this morning. I’m home now, Moses, I need my buggy back.”

He heard his younger brother let out a frustrated sigh and kick the dirt. He mumbled something under his breath but Eli didn’t care. He just needed to get away.

Several hours later he found himself walking into the house that was hosting the Singing. Eli couldn’t believe he was there. It was really the last place he wanted to be. He couldn’t help but wish Christine had come with him. But she wasn’t there. She was still at home, maybe still feeling sick. He did know that attending the Singing was what his parents wanted from him. And getting their acceptance and approval was what he wanted.

Attending a Singing after so long gave him the sense of getting younger. Joining in the singing portion didn’t bother
him much—he actually enjoyed singing. His harmonica was in his pocket and he wanted to pull it out, but thought better than to draw more attention to himself. He didn’t, however, want to play the games. He gripped the bench where he sat. Walk-a-Mile, Love in the Dark, Pleased and Displeased—there were several others that their district played regularly. It gave them all the chance to mingle and be social. Tonight thankfully there was only time for one game and he had almost made it through the entire game of Pleased and Displeased until he was called on.

“Matilda,” Simon, who was running the game, said. “You and Eli will have a date tonight. Pleased or displeased?”

Matilda’s eyes nearly fell out of her head. Eli started groaning, then turned it into clearing his throat. It wasn’t unheard of for whoever was running the games to set up a date without permission. Up until now, just like church, the boys and girls had been kept separate. He hadn’t had any interaction with Matilda, except for avoiding her eyes on him.

“Pleased!” Matilda hopped up like a piece of popcorn.

“Come on, Eli,” Simon waved him up. “Games are done.”

He stood, grabbed his hat, and stuffed it on his head. Eli knew it would be too hurtful to turn Matilda down in front of everyone, and it wasn’t the way the game was played. Matilda was at his side, reminding him of a barn cat that wouldn’t leave him alone. She grabbed his hand and wrapped her arm around his. She led them down the porch stairs and around to the side of the house where the lineup of horses and buggies were hitched up at the fence near the barn.

“It’s so nice to have you home, Eli,” she said. Her voice made him wince. She was using a childlike voice that irritated him. “There’s no one else in there that I would have been
pleased
with like I am you. But you already know that.”

“Matilda, this is just a game. We are just friends.” If he
pushed too hard, everyone in the community would know their business by morning. He didn’t need more rumors spreading around about him.

He pulled his hand away. The dull thud of the horses beating their hooves against the spring-soaked ground mixed in with the sound of distant thunder. Like a flashlight, the sky filled with lightning and the breeze picked up. The chilled draft blew through his loose shirt, refreshing his sweaty skin. He hadn’t realized how hot the
haus
had gotten. The crisp air brought some clarity to his situation with Matilda. He looked down at her. She looked at him with sparkling eyes.

“Listen, Matilda, I know that I’m supposed to take you home because of the game.” He stuffed his hands in his pocket and walked slowly to his buggy, trying to avoid looking at her. “But, like before, this isn’t a date. We are just friends.”

“Eli, I just do not understand you.” Matilda’s voice shook. He could see from the corner of his eye that she had wrapped her arms around herself. “We can talk about it on the drive.”

He turned to face her only to find that she was jogging toward the house. He backed out his horse and buggy and Matilda was ready to hop in by the time he had it on the drive behind a few others. Without a word or a smile she got into her place on the buggy. He got in next and they both remained uncomfortably silent even when they reached the road and the horse started to canter all the way to her house a few miles away. Still neither of them spoke. Eli hadn’t even known it was possible for Matilda to stay quiet for so long.

“Here we are,” he said, pulling into her driveway. He could see an oil lamp in the front window, but otherwise the house was dark.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“I think I should go home. I really don’t want—” He stopped talking when he could see her eyes glisten even in the darkness
of the buggy.

“I didn’t date anyone the entire time you were away. I was waiting for you. And now you just want to go home?” Thick with emotion, she hiccupped when she spoke. She turned her face to look through the front of the buggy. “I have your favorite pie waiting.”

Another rumble of thunder rolled above them. Eli looked up and though his eyes only met with the buggy ceiling, he imagined the black clouds turning over the navy blue sky.

“I can’t, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea,” he said. “Besides, I have an early morning now that we have to pick up Mark’s chores, too.”

“Everyone’s already in bed. So we’ll have time to ourselves.”

“No, Matilda.” His voice was harsher than he’d planned. “I’m sorry.”

Repeating what he’d told her from the beginning, that they were just friends, seemed useless. Small pellets of rain dotted the windshield and drummed atop the buggy. She choked on her emotion and Eli turned toward her. As soon as their eyes met in the darkness she started crying and left the buggy.

His lungs squeezed in guilt as he watched her walk through the rain to her front door. He sighed when she struggled to open the door and looked over at him as she finally stepped through. When he was sure she was safely inside he left.

Eli pulled up the windshield as he pulled out of the drive then paced his horse. Eli loved the fast, smooth gait. The rain hitting him was refreshing and brought a smile to his lips.