Promise to Cherish (32 page)

Eli shoved Mark—not hard enough to hurt him, but enough to appease his frustration. Mark put his hands up in surrender.

“Some things never change, Eli.”

Eli turned to the man and his children. They stood further back then, and the father had his hand stretched out in front of his children. Their eyes were round as they looked at him.

“Sorry about that,” Eli said.

“We don’t mean to cause a fuss.”

“Why don’t you go sit over there and I’ll have bread and milk for you in a few minutes.”

Eli went to the house and got a loaf of bread from the breadbox and a glass bottle of milk. A moment after he handed it to the man the children were devouring the food and milk. He couldn’t stand to watch and walked away. Less than an hour later the family was gone and the milk jar was sitting empty next to the milk house.

“You might think this makes you such a good guy, but I know the truth about you, Eli. Especially about you and that English
frau
. I told
Dat
that you’ll probably leave with her any day now. So if you want to be a man of your word, you better follow through.”

Eli hadn’t seemed like himself for weeks. After Mark had caught them in the barn together, he avoided being alone with her. Christine understood, but missed him. He wore his customary brilliant smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. What was going through his mind? Was he even happy in his community?

Despite missing time with Eli, she was happier than she had been in months. In the past few weeks she and Aunt Annie had grown closer and the community around her began to reach out and befriend her. Sylvia visited almost daily and they received company several times a week just to sit and have tea. Though most of these visits were from other widows or elderly women in the district, she welcomed them. With Aunt Annie’s encouragement, she even attended their every-other-week church services. She still couldn’t understand what the preacher was saying. Annie interpreted enough of it for her on a notebook during the service, writing out key phrases and verses.

The world’s glow is a mere blur in comparison to the radiance of the Lord Jesus. Be firm in your commitment. Be steadfast in the hope He brings. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Christine relished the peacefulness she experienced while sitting there. Spring was in full swing and summer was around the corner. The windows would be opened so that the congregation could catch a breeze and the scent of flowering trees. The music of birds whistled through the houses they met in.

Though she didn’t help with the noon meal after service, she was greeted with smiles. The young mothers with their babies and the women who were very visibly expecting would invite her to chat in the large bedroom where some of them would sit during the church service. They spoke in English and chatted amongst one another about what new thing their babies were doing and what was going on around the community.

While they didn’t ask her any personal questions, she imagined they wanted to. She respected the restraint they practiced in an uncomfortable situation. Annie had made her three new dresses; a yellow one, a blue one with lighter blue polka dots, and a tan and cream one. She’d made them with simple patterns and did her best to make them work for now and later as her stomach continued to grow. Christine was fascinated by the design, the way it wrapped around her waist and could adjust to her size. They weren’t as unadorned as the Amish dresses, but they were simple enough and she liked them a lot.

The baby continued to kick, getting stronger and stronger. She wrestled with the guilt over trying not to love him—or her—but found herself wrapping her arms around her belly and poking back when the baby kicked. She’d giggle and poke again. Often she would fall asleep comforted with the baby moving around, feeling less alone.

June approached and Christine found herself running through the cow’s pasture like a young girl. She had a letter in
her hand and a smile on her lips. Joyful news came so unexpectedly these days. Eli had to be the first to know.

“Eli?” she called into the barn’s opening. “Eli.”

“He’s out in the back field. A few cows got loose,” Moses told her.

“Thank you,” she said. She hadn’t spoken to Eli’s brothers much over the weeks since Moses had ridiculed her. Mark had begun working again in the last few weeks, though he was still taking it easy and not putting in a full day’s work. He continued to let Christine check his leg but made no move to be friendly to her. Sylvia remained pleasant and sweet, however. Her belly was larger than Christine’s even though Sylvia wasn’t due until a month after.

“I look like a dairy cow next to you,” she said once and turned bright red. They had both giggled over it.

Christine walked through the barn and made her way into the field. Since living at the farm she’d learned that the Holstein cows ran from her if she walked through the field. They were far more afraid of her than she was of them. She didn’t run, afraid she’d step in manure, but she wanted to. Eli’s large frame was up ahead, and he was pulling a few cows through a downed-fence area. In the distance she could see how his hair had gotten even lighter—though she hadn’t known it was possible. The sun was orange and hot; Christine wished she’d brought a glass of water or lemonade for him.

As she got closer she could see that his shirt was stuck to his chest and back with sweat. His skin had begun to bronze and she’d never seen such strong hands. When he turned to look at her, her heart leapt, shocking her. He gave her a real smile and the sensation stirred through her as they walked toward each other.

“I don’t want to disturb you.” Christine pointed at the cows.

“They are all in now.” Eli’s chest rose and fell from the hard work. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand, sending his now-longer hair off to the side. His beard had also grown and
was as white-blond as his hair. They were silent as the few stray cows ran toward the group deep into the pasture.

“I should’ve brought you something cold to drink,” Christine said. Why was she nervous? She was sweating more than she should be and all she could think about was his smile and the way he lit up at her presence and, for the first time, the way her heart raced at seeing him. What had changed?

“I’m okay. Just a little hard work.” Eli waved her over to the downed fence. She watched as he nailed an extra piece of wood to hold the pieces together. “Looks like I’ll need to rebuild this soon, maybe before it gets hot.”

They laughed as he grabbed his tools. They walked together toward the barn. Christine didn’t want their time to go quickly.

“I got a letter today,” she said after walking in silence for a few moments. “That’s why I came out to find you.”

Eli’s head jerked over to look at her. She saw fear in his eyes just before he looked away. He was trying to hide it.

“Oh yeah, who from?”

“From Jeanne.” Christine saw relief cross over his eyes. “She and Byron are getting married in a few weeks.”

He smiled at her. His eyes twinkled. “That’s wonderful. She’s a nice girl.”

“She’s been my best friend for years. I was at her first wedding and with her when she had her memorial for her husband after he was killed in the war.” She ached inside, wishing she could go to the wedding. “I can’t believe I’m going to miss this wedding.”

“Why don’t you go to the wedding?”

“You know why. I can’t go like this.”

“Let’s go together,” he suggested. “I wouldn’t mind some time away.”

“But look at me.” Her hands were splayed over her abdomen and her eyes grew larger. “This is when I realize how sheltered
you’ve been in your community. Women like me don’t just go out in public where people can see them. Not without a ring on this finger.”

She wiggled her fourth finger at him.

“Where’s the wedding?”

“The hospital courtyard. They want all of the children they work with to be able to attend.” Christine opened the letter and glanced over it. “She didn’t invite the usual high school crowd since this is her second wedding. But I just know I’d feel so ashamed to walk back onto that property and see the nurses and the aides.”

“There’s so many children at the hospital we could easily get lost in the crowd. Let’s go together.”

“I would love to visit with my ma.”

Christine looked up at him and they held their gaze for several long moments, and Eli even moved forward before he pulled back, remembering their visibility. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. He dropped his hand from her arm and continued walking. They walked side by side the rest of the way and discussed how it would be possible for them to go.

Two weeks later she was packed and ready to go. She smiled when she saw Eli walk to meet her in the field.

“I like your hat.” He smiled into the bright sun behind her.

Her gloved hand went to her yellow hat.

“Thanks.”

“You look so different. More like the Poughkeepsie Christine than the one that’s been here in Sunrise. It’s been nearly two months, you know.” He winked at her.

She was glad to see her hair rolled nicely again, feeling more like herself. The length of her hair swam in waves around her shoulders and her neat rolls framed her face, which was slightly more rounded than usual. Her lips were bright and she was wearing earrings. Even Aunt Annie had commented on how pretty she looked.

Their hands touched when he took her suitcase from her. The electricity between them coursed through her. She couldn’t let this go further. She’d imposed on his family and his life long enough. She would have to make a decision. It wasn’t just a decision about whether or not to keep her baby but also about Eli. If she stayed there was a strong chance she would ruin any chance of him having a relationship with his family. Her presence wasn’t fair to him.

CHAPTER 26

R
iding the bus together brought back memories of when they left Poughkeepsie. Christine couldn’t believe they were going back. Like the gray exhaust of the bus, the chance to change her mind was behind them.

Eli pulled out the newspaper he’d grabbed in the station. Christine glanced over, catching a few article topics: a US Supreme Court ruling on segregation on buses, the first one-day transcontinental flight between California and Maryland, and the prison sentence for a Dutch Nazi. She didn’t want to be reminded of the war and turned away. Instead she got lost in the passing landscape only clouded by the cigarette smoke coming from the Hollywood-looking blonde behind them.

They arrived after supper and Freddy, who had returned to work at the hospital after his service, gathered them from the bus station. He was proud driving in his black Mercury. He looked smaller than normal behind the large steering wheel. It was strange to see the Kirkbride building again. Its green, pointy hoods cut into a perfect summer sky. It appeared more menacing than she’d even remembered.

Jeanne hugged Christine in the parking lot and then rushed
her away to her new home. Christine would be staying overnight in Jeanne’s new house on the grounds of the hospital while Eli was with Freddy.

Annie had made a dress for Christine that would hide her burgeoning midsection. She made the waist higher and added fabric that would float right over her front. Since she was only six months along, this hid her belly almost entirely. The following day was filled with curt nods and hellos from the staff. Some were cold enough to usher back the winter weather and others were warm and friendly. She wasn’t sure whether or not people noticed her small bulge, but everyone was shocked at her arrival with Eli. In the chairs near the courtyard gazebo sat Jeanne’s parents and siblings and what looked like Byron’s parents. Behind them was the crowd of hospital children that Byron and Jeanne cared for. Christine stayed around the edges of the patients during the wedding, and even though she couldn’t enjoy it like she would’ve liked, she was glad Eli had talked her into attending.

Jeanne was every bit as beautiful a bride as she was the first time. The desire to be like her—as happy—and rid of this scandal burned her heart. She took it in as if it were the last of all joys she would see in her life.