Promise to Cherish (35 page)

“I am going to miss you, Christine,” Sylvia said, wiping her laughing tears.

“But it’s so hard to be around everyone like this.”

“I remember feeling so self-conscious when Mark and I were first married. I know how people stare.” She leaned against a buggy and cradled her belly.

Christine nodded. Sylvia had never brought up the fact that she’d been expecting before she was married. They’d accepted her like family and she was starting to feel like a part of the community but that was exactly what she couldn’t let happen.

“I know if anyone understands how I’m feeling, it’s you.” Christine found Sylvia’s hand and squeezed it for a moment.

“You’ve been avoiding Eli ever since you came home from your friend’s wedding.”

Christine leaned against the opposite buggy from her friend but didn’t look at her when she spoke again.

“I’ll be leaving in August.”

“What? Where are you going? Aren’t you due in September?” Sylvia’s brow was laced with concern.

“There’s a home that my ma has wanted me to go to since
the beginning.” She started walking toward the garden and Sylvia fell in step next to her.

“A home?”

“For women like me. Women in trouble. They’ll have room for me in August. I think it’s for the best.”

“For who?” Sylvia asked quietly.

Christine didn’t answer.

“I just want to make sure my baby has a proper Christian home.”

“You just told us that Aunt Annie was going to deliver your baby. But you’re leaving?”

“If I don’t hear back from the home Aunt Annie will deliver the baby. I won’t have any other options,” she said, narrowing her gaze at her friend. “But the director of the home said they will let me know in August. I think that being at this home might just make it easier for me to move on with the rest of my life.”

She looked past the perfect rows of the large garden to the red barn beyond, past the field of black and white cows even farther away. She found comfort in the vision in front of her. How would she leave this, when had she grown so attached to country life—
Amish
life?

“Eli told me he loves me.” Christine kept her eyes trained on the distance.

“
Vas
? I mean, what?”

She nodded her head. “He did.”

“I’ve known a lot of the girls he’s dated, I don’t think he’s ever said that to anyone. You’re telling me the truth that he said he loves you?”

Christine could hear his voice in her ears and the way her heart pumped harder and faster when he was close. “He did, and it breaks my heart. I can’t be around him. It’s too hard to bear.”

“Why? Because you don’t love him?”

She didn’t answer right away but let her eyes roam until she found a place far off in the distance, past the buggies, barns, the small pond ahead of the fields, all the way to the horizon with a lining of evergreens, their tips like arrows pointed to the heavens. She inhaled before she spoke. “No, because I do.”

They heard the laughter from the porch filled with ladies behind them. They both turned and began walking back.

“But there is one thing maybe you haven’t thought of,” Sylvia said.

“You’re right—I haven’t had the courage to talk about it yet.” The words Christine was about to say made her stomach lurch.

Sylvia stopped and looked at her, almost like she knew Christine was about to say something important.

“Would you and Mark consider adopting my baby?” It was an idea Christine had been pondering, but hadn’t voiced.

“What?” Sylvia’s eyes were large and round.

“Wasn’t that what you were going to say?”

“No,” Sylvia said, her voice carrying the shock as obviously as her mouth which remained open until she spoke again. “I was going to suggest you marry Eli and stay here.”

Eli couldn’t bring himself to face Christine. But he still didn’t want her to leave. It was August and he was afraid the month would fly by as fast as July had, then September would bring the baby and she’d be gone forever. He’d done his best to focus on finishing Mark’s house, then starting his own, and forgetting his love for Christine. The first two seemed almost effortless, but the latter was impossible.

He crawled out of the loft and walked to the milking barn. It was still dark at only four o’clock. Even without the moon’s glow his feet knew the way to the barn. His prayer this morning was the same as every morning.

Lord, give me the wisdom and patience You promise in James. The faith you show in Hebrews. Show me how to abide like John fifteen. Help me love like First Corinthians thirteen. Forgive me for failing with Mark and help me not hate him. Give us reconciliation. And Christine.

That’s where the prayer always abruptly ended. He never knew how to pray about Christine.

Why hadn’t he understood the importance of depending on God before his time in the CPS? His communion with God had become real and comforting. But now, as he forged ahead with life, probably alone, the peace in his prayer was all he could hold on to.

“Did you hear that your girlfriend Christine told that snippet Sylvie off at the quilting?” A cow mooed after Mark spoke and Eli chuckled. He decided that was enough of a response.

“She told Sylvie that she’s going to let our old aunt Annie deliver that baby. That is, if she stays.”

Eli ignored him, remembering what he’d just prayed for.

“You going to be pacing the kitchen outside her room when it happens? Or did you want to pretend that none of it exists anymore now that you have your piece of land?”

When Eli didn’t respond Mark baited him further. “I guess you lost your tongue as much as you lost your girl?”

“I’m not going to argue with you. Say what you want.”

Mark began walking away.

“Calving season is coming soon. Do we have everything we need?” Eli asked, changing the subject and following after him.

“
Ja.
I might only be
Dat
’s second choice, Eli, but I know how to run this farm better than you. Of course I’m ready for calving season.”

Eli’s broken relationship with Mark bit at him like the horn flies on a cow’s ears—unrelenting and diseased.

“
Dat
’s second choice? Are you sure about that? You’re the
one he put in charge now that he’s only working a few days a week. You got the land he promised me, and then for your birthday he gives you his best hunting rifle. The one we all learned on. The one he knew I wanted.” He strode toward Mark and was close to his face. “You don’t think that it would’ve meant a lot to me, his eldest son, to have gotten something like that from
Dat
?”

Mark shrugged and lifted his chin.

“I got a pat on the back and a new shirt,” Eli said. “Who do you think is
Dat
’s second choice?”

CHAPTER 30

Dear Christine,

We have a bed available for you. You may come at any time. The family at the top of our waiting list has been contacted and knows that they may have their baby very soon.

When you arrive, please call yourself Edna. This will keep your real identity confidential. Please call us at the number listed on the letterhead to let us know when you will arrive. We will send a car to pick you up at the train or bus station.

Sincerely,

Linda C. Mathers

Christine folded the letter and tucked it under her pillow with the other one from the Stony Creek Ladies Home. It was already the third week in August. It was time for her to gather her wits and decide what to do, and she couldn’t do that without Sylvia and Mark. She would talk with them later tomorrow.

Annie walked into Christine’s room.

“Why don’t you lay back and let’s check on that babe of yours,” Annie said, motioning to the bed.

Christine did as she was told and Annie hovered over her. Her small hands touched and pressed over her now very large, round belly. Annie’s face was serious with concentration when she sat down next to the bed.

“All is well,” Aunt Annie said, smiling. “You have a strapping baby boy in there.”

Christine looked down at her belly and she resisted smiling at the thought.

“I know you don’t want me to give him up, but do you understand why I have to?”

Annie sighed.

“All I can imagine is giving up one of my own—willingly. If any of them had lived I don’t think anyone could’ve ripped those children out of my arms without killing me first.”

“But you were married.” She paused and changed the subject. “I heard from Stony Creek Ladies Home. If Mark and Sylvia decide they can’t take the baby I’ll be leaving soon. The home has a family ready.”

“What if the baby was his?”

“Whose?”

“Eli’s. I just mean, what if the baby was Eli’s? Would you give him up?”

Christine couldn’t answer that aloud. Of course, she could never give up Eli’s baby. But Eli would never have forced himself on her, and she wouldn’t be doing this alone. He would never have belittled and violated her. If she were in this condition with a child of his, it would be because they were married. The mere idea of that was like something out of a fairy tale.

“Eli isn’t the father. I cannot be an unwed mother on my own. If Sylvia and Mark don’t say yes, I have to go.”

“But you could stay.” Aunt Annie raised her eyebrows. “If you married Eli.”

“I don’t want him to give up this life.”

“He wouldn’t have to. You could give up yours.”

“Syl?” Christine knocked on the door.

“Come on in,” her friend said. “I’m in the kitchen.”

Christine walked through the mud room and through the living room and into the kitchen. It was hotter than normal. She was baking bread.

“Can I help?”

“Why don’t you grease those pans?” She pointed at the bread pans on the counter.

“How are you feeling?”

“Huge.”

The two giggled.

“Besides that.”

Christine shrugged. “Annie said that everything looks good and considering how hot it is, I feel fine.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes.

“So, have you and Mark made a decision?” she asked quietly.

“Christine.” Sylvia turned from kneading the dough to Christine. She grabbed a towel, wiped her hands, and let out a long sigh. “I don’t know. Mark is real reluctant and I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. I just don’t think I could take your baby away from you.”

“It wouldn’t be like that.”

“And what about my baby? I’m due a month after you.”

“You’ve had twins before. If you can’t take the baby, I have to leave right away. The home is ready for me.”

Christine’s lungs squeezed her. This conversation wasn’t going as planned. Everything she said sounded like she was try
ing to force her baby on Sylvia like it was a stray dog. It wasn’t right. This meant only one thing. She would have to leave. There was no other option.

“I’m sorry, Christine,” Sylvia said. “I just don’t think I could take someone’s baby away from them.”

The farm work was done for the day and Eli ate his supper quickly, leaving his family still sitting at the table so he could go out to his property. Moses and his dad helped him a few times a week, but the progress seemed slow and endless. There was, however, such reward in it. This was his home.