Protect and Serve (11 page)

“She called me Mommy a few times. I guess finding me passed out on the floor scared her. She didn’t want me to die.”

“Did she always call you Carla?”

“No, she started that when she was about four or five, around the time she started calling my mother ‘the big mama.’ She would call out for her mama and I’d come running and she’d say, ‘Not you! I want the big mama! Not you, Carla!’ The big mama became Big Mama, and I stayed Carla.” She turned her head, because she felt a tear trying to escape.

There was no time to be crying over past foolishness, but the memory still bothered her. She realized that was around the time she’d started calling Penny Brat. “I guess even as a kid she knew I wasn’t much of a mother.”

“She loves you.”

“I suppose.” Carla thought about the scared look on her daughter’s face. “She probably just didn’t want to have to deal with more funeral arrangements so soon after Mama passed.”

“I’m not leaving you, Carla. I’m going to be here. I love you still. I always have and I always will.”

Carla couldn’t figure out for the life of her why he had to go and say that for. Why did he have to be all the right things at the wrong dang time? If he had only shown up before C-Money got out of jail, then she would be able to have him, to enjoy his love. Even though her body felt racked with pain, she still felt tingly thinking about the things he’d done to her in his room.

“It’s too dangerous. And it’s not just me. It could get dangerous for you and Penny, too.”

“This person threatened my child?” Gerald leaped up from his chair, and all of his calm and easygoing nature was gone. The look on his face was a mask of anger and outrage.

“Gerald—”

“Tell me his name, Carla. Let me handle this.” He started to pace the floor.

She wanted to tell him so bad. Oh, boy, did she want to lay down the burden and put it on someone else’s shoulders. But she knew how dangerous C-Money could be. She had felt his fists. She had also seen him do some pretty horrendous things.

No, she couldn’t risk what he might do to Gerald. She already knew C-Money hated Gerald. That was why C-Money had come after her so strong in the first place and made her sever all ties with Gerald all those years ago.

“Like I told that Hightower cop, I don’t know. My memory is foggy.” She closed her eyes and faced the wall, but not too late to see the look of disappointment crossing Gerald’s face.

Oh, well…

“L
ook, Penny, either you can spend the night at my place or I can spend the night at Big Mama’s house. But trust me, I am
not
leaving you alone tonight. Someone attacked your mother in your house, and she won’t tell us who it was. That person is still out there, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.” Jason tapped the steering wheel as they sat parked in front of Big Mama’s house.

Penny nibbled on her lip and eyed him wearily as she rubbed the tiny scar on her right eye in concentration. She wasn’t stupid; she realized it probably wasn’t safe. But did that mean she really had to spend even more time with Jason? The same Jason who was treating her so kindly right now? The same Jason who’d stood up to his aunt for her this afternoon? The same Jason she’d lied to, who’d probably never forgive her if he found out the truth? The same Jason who was probably using this whole nice act as some sort of “good cop” routine to wear down her defenses and get her to finally tell him the truth about what happened all those years ago?

She turned and faced the window. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She could see his Hightower stubborn streak bubbling at the surface.

“Why is it such a big deal to you if I’m safe or not? Why do you care?”

“Are you serious? Do you even have to ask?”

“Yes, I have to ask, Jason. I mean, given our history—”

“Given our history, you should know I wouldn’t allow you to be hurt…that I’ll always be here for you.”

Penny took a sharp intake of breath. She remembered the first time the eleven-year-old Jason had said those words to her.

Penny, Jason and Terrill had been racing down a steep hill on their bikes when she took a bad fall, skinning her knees and elbows in the process. Jason had turned around to help her, and she’d teased him about letting Terrill win the race. Jason had told her it didn’t matter, because she was hurt and needed his help. The eleven-year-old boy had stated firmly that he would always be there to help her if she needed it, because she was his best friend.

And then there had been the time when she decided she was tired of being friends with boys, just after she turned sixteen. Jason had been very vocal about why she shouldn’t be hanging out with the older girls she had met at her job in the mall. When she went with the girls to a club in Newark, Jason had been the one who let her know he thought it was a bad idea. And when she ended up stranded in Newark, with no way back to Paterson, it had been Jason who begged his oldest brother, Patrick, for his car to go and get Penny. He had given her the silent treatment the entire ride back, before reading her the riot act and then surprising her with an atmosphere-altering kiss. If the kiss hadn’t already blown her away, his confession of his feelings for her would have toppled her. That night had been the beginning of their move from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend.

She started to remember all the times he’d been there for her. When he’d been her friend…When he’d been her first love…

It hurt to think about all she had lost…all she had destroyed.

“I can’t do this, Jason.”

“Why not, Penny? What are you afraid of? Look, I promise I won’t hassle you about the past. We can call a truce. For now…At least until we find the person who attacked Carla.” He held out his hand.

Penny sighed. She placed her hand in his, and as soon as they touched, she felt a jolt pass through her body, clear down to the depths of her heart.

It was
such
a bad idea to allow Jason to stay the night. But…maybe she’d have an advantage if they stayed at Big Mama’s house. At least she would be in her own territory.

“Well, since you seem to be determined to do this, you can stay here. But I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Jason smiled at her, and her heart stopped. This was the second time today she’d seen his smile. Why did it still have the power to make her swoon?

She needed air, so she opened the door and got out of his SUV. She took a big gulp and kept walking toward the house. She heard him put the alarm on and knew he was right behind her.

She could feel him.

Once inside the house, she started to rethink her brilliant plan to keep things on her own turf. They had too many memories in this house. They didn’t have any memories at his new place.

She should have gone to his home.

How many times had they made out in the den? How many stolen kisses and sweet caresses had they shared here?

She turned to him. “I’m going to change out of these church clothes and heels. I’ll bring down some sheets and blankets for the sofa bed. It’s not comfortable, but we—”

“It’ll be fine. I probably won’t sleep much, anyway. I need to be alert.”

“Right…Well…I’ll be right back.”

After putting on some sweats and a T-shirt, she grabbed the linen and went downstairs. Jason was already sitting on the pleather sofa that would serve as his bed for the night.

He looked up at her when she entered the room, and she just stood in the entryway like a dork. He squinted and studied her for what seemed like an eternity before patting the spot next to him on the sofa in invitation.

She sighed and sat down, holding the bed fittings on her lap. “Thanks, Jason, for staying here with me tonight. I know it must be awkward. It really means a lot to me to have you here.”

More than you will ever know.

“Why did you leave with Terrill today?”

She turned and stared at him. “What do you mean? You were there. Your aunt was tripping, as usual. And I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have to sit there and take her abuse.”

“I know that. I just want to know, why did you have to leave with
him?
”

“Umm…because I didn’t have a car and I needed a ride.” She knew her voice must have sounded a bit flip and sarcastic. But she couldn’t understand where he was going with his questions.

“I would have taken you home.”

The calm and earnest nature of his voice made her pulse quicken. She knew he would have taken her home. She knew he would still protect her in any way he could.

What she didn’t know was what it meant and how it would change once he found out the truth.

“Jason…I couldn’t ask you to leave your family dinner just to take me home.”

“
Yes,
you could have. But you wouldn’t, and I just thought I’d ask why. I mean, technically, you had two ex-boyfriends there, and you decided to leave with one. So I just wanted to know why you picked him.”

Oh, brother.
“You said we weren’t going to rehash the past. We have a truce.”

“This isn’t the past. This happened today.”

Semantics.
“Yes, it happened today. But don’t you think following this line of conversation will lead us down a slippery slope right down to the past?”

Jason’s eyebrows scrunched up, and his eyes closed slightly. “I guess my real question is not so much why you left with Terrill, but are you still involved with him? I need to know if you guys are still a couple.”

The first thought that came to her mind was, why on earth would he need to know that information? Then she made the mistake of looking in his eyes, and the desire and longing she saw there almost took her breath away.

She couldn’t form words, knowing he still cared for her when she’d deceived him the way she had, when she made him believe the worst in her. All she could do was shake her head.

“Is that a no?”

She nodded.

He leaned in and covered her mouth with his.

She took a sharp intake of breath and opened her mouth to his kiss. The jolt she’d felt earlier, when she shook his hand for the truce, became amplified, and the charge spiraled from her heart to each of her erogenous zones. Her nipples tightened and her sex clenched in anticipation. A soft sigh escaped her lips, and she leaned farther into the kiss.

Jason’s hands began to trail her body, lifting her T-shirt and teasing the hardened peaks of her nipples.

“I’ve missed you, Penny.”

Oh, my God, I’ve missed you, too. So much. More than you will ever know. I’ve missed you and I’ve missed this
.

Instead of voicing how she felt, Penny thought it would be best to go with gestures.

She could show him how much she’d missed him. And then they could both go their separate ways. Maybe they could find a way to bring some closure to things.

She moaned and let her hands explore his body. Could she have this moment with Jason and still be able to walk away with her heart intact?

Probably not…But could she really pass up the chance to be with him again, to feel his touch?

She broke away from the kiss. “This is probably not a good idea.”

He smiled. “Oh, I don’t know, Pen. I’m thinking this is just about the best idea I’ve had in a long time.”

Her heart cracked wide open at his devilish grin. That dimple and those perfect teeth would always be her undoing.

Oh, God, please don’t start acting like my sweet, silly, sexy Jason. Bring back the jerk with the one-track mind who only wanted to rehash what happened fifteen years ago. I can deal with
that
guy.

“Don’t do that.” She found her breath enough to speak, but she was sure it sounded more like a pant.

“Don’t do what?” He smiled again.

She sighed. “You’re making this hard. We can’t go back to the past. There’s too much baggage there. So the two of us hooking up right now is not a smart move.”

He leaned back on the sofa. “So, tell me about your life in L.A. What has it been like for you all these years?”

“It’s been fine.”
Except for the part where I never really got over you
. “I ended up going to UCLA. I did some music videos to pay my way through school and got a small taste of celebrity through my own calendar.”

Her life post-Jason had hollowness to it that she found difficult to talk about. It might have something to do with how she dealt with—or rather didn’t deal with—loss.

When she lost her mother to drugs, it had been her first major loss, and she’d never really recovered. Losing her baby and her first love in one fell swoop because she’d messed everything up had left her numb for years. She must have cried continuously the first two years she lived in Los Angeles. Poor Terrill had been so worried about her. But she’d gotten it together. Earned a degree. Earned an advanced degree. Started a business. She’d done what she had to do. She’d functioned. She’d survived, in spite of the loss.

And now Big Mama was gone and she had almost lost Carla again and Jason was here, but he would be gone in a heartbeat if she told him the truth.

Shaking her head, she pushed her anxiety to the back of her mind and begged it to stay put.

“Ah, yes, the calendar. Can I just tell you, when I saw that calendar hanging on the wall of some of the guys in my dorm at Pace, I wanted to hurt somebody?”

“Hey, that calendar paid the tuition my junior year. But it was all a means to an end. I had no desire to be the top video
model.
” She stressed the word
model
because that was what she’d been in spite of Sophie’s attempts to besmirch her with the label
ho.

She’d never had sex with directors or rappers to be in videos. And after being loved by Jason, she hadn’t been easily impressed by the men she met on the video shoots. Who could have competed with the love of her life? So she hadn’t had to worry about falling victim to the groupie syndrome that a lot of the video girls ended up succumbing to.

“All I wanted was my degree. But I made a lot of friends during my short stint. One of them, Maritza Morales, was another video girl who was finishing up her degree at UC Irvine. We clicked and started our own image consulting and publicity firm, Keys and Morales. She’s a wonderful partner—a real cool Latina who acknowledges her African heritage. She calls herself a
Blacktina.
And she’s from the Bronx, a
Nuyorican
, so we had the whole East Coast connect happening. We got each other. We clicked.”

“Yeah. I’ve heard a lot about your company. You’re doing big things. I’m proud of you, girl.”

The sincere expression on his face, along with the adoration in his tone, made her nervous, because it weakened her resistance almost to null. The fact was, all his pride would go away once he knew what a truly horrible person she was, so there was no need to bask in the ill-deserved praise.

“We do okay. Enough about me. What about you? You joined the police force instead of becoming a fireman. I always figured you’d be one or the other, given the Hightower family legacy. But what made you choose the police?”

“I’ve always been interested in figuring things out. So becoming a police detective just seemed like the way to go. A degree in forensics and a minor in criminology pretty much made it a given.” His nonchalant manner of talking about his accomplishments only served to make her swell with happiness and pride for him. He had done what he set out to do, and he was continuing the wonderful rich legacy of service of the men in his family.

“Does your family still have those summer softball games, firemen versus the cops?”

“Yeah, but the younger guys decided to add basketball to the mix.” He placed his arm on the headrest of the sofa, and his hand touched her shoulder.

Another jolt of electricity passed through her. “Basketball. That…that…must be fun.”

“It is fun. I love beating the firemen in my family at basketball.”

“So the cops always win, huh?”

He frowned. “Well. Not always…Actually, we’ve been having a losing streak. But we’re coming back up.”

She laughed. He smiled. And her heart stopped and restarted like clockwork.

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed your laugh, Pen.”

You don’t know how much I’ve missed your smile. Dang. Does the sexy gleam in his eyes have to surface every time he shows his teeth?