Psyche Honor (Psyche Moon) (3 page)

The meeting’s over, and everyone’s gone. Want to
come over?
Billie sent a mental invitation to Sadie as soon as the others
left. They’d grown accustomed to this new way of communicating, and spoke mind
to mind with ease.

Sadie sensed her emotional need embedded in the message.
I’d
love to. Be there in an hour.

See you soon,
Billie replied. The meeting in the
aftermath of an extremely difficult week left her emotionally and physically
exhausted. She’d taken two lives, nearly been killed herself, discovered her
mate was a Mage, healed from a knife wound, and now this. She wanted a
vacation. With an hour to wait, she decided to rest.

Climbing the stairs to the second floor, she began stripping
her clothes off before reaching the top step. She usually placed her expensive
business suits directly on a hanger to be dry-cleaned, but in that moment she
didn’t care. Dropping clothing to the floor in her bedroom, she shifted into
wolf form. She craved to feel her fur and ignore the rest of the world for a
bit. As a wolf, her wildness emerged and her human side dwindled a little.
Still fully herself, she nevertheless found it a little easier to set her
problems aside in her other form.

Her divided loyalties escalated further with each
confrontation about Sadie. She felt a chasm widening between the people she
held most dear. For the first time in years, uncertainty ascended on her. A
Wolf’s mate always came first, the one she’d stand beside to love and protect
forever. As Beta, she held a clear and absolute obligation: protect the Pack,
support the Alpha, cherish and teach the Wolves. If her mate were Wolf or Human
the two would line up easily.

Sadie was Mage. To her knowledge no Wolf had ever befriended
a Mage, let alone become mates with one. Her pack didn’t trust Sadie, and many
wanted her dead. Any mate, by Wolf tradition, was automatically Pack as soon as
the matebond appeared between them. Any mate but hers.

Richard and the others feared that Sadie would collar her
and force her to kill her packmates. As the second most powerful Wolf in the Pacific
Northwest and Beta of the largest pack in the region, she could understand the
fear. But their lack of trust insulted her and wounded her pride. Worse yet, it
risked everyone’s safety, including Sadie’s.

Of all the times for Mages to show up! Their timing couldn’t
have been worse for Pack politics. Sadie could help them with this situation,
of that she had no doubt. She might even be in danger. Who knew how these Mages
would feel about one of their own living among Wolves. Keeping this secret from
her mate clashed with every instinct in her. So did defying the Elders and
disobeying her Alpha. Her inner conflict rose by the minute.

Hopping into bed, she curled around herself and tucked her
nose under her tail. She thought of Sadie, remembering her sweet earthy smell
and the feel of her skin touching her own. The thought calmed her frayed nerves
a little. Without expecting it, she fell asleep.

* * *

I hadn’t left the house since the attack. Billie’s
distraught invitation gave me the courage I needed to walk out the door.

I had been fortunate not to break anything worse than my
nose, and I knew I looked like the victim of a brutal attack. Standing in front
of the mirror the next day, I’d inspected the damage through an eye swollen
nearly shut. Cascades of deep purple marks spread from my left eye down my
cheek and across the bridge of my nose. Unmistakable hand-shaped bruises on my
arms revealed how and where the boys had restrained me. Other bruises appeared
on my neck, torso, and legs, many of which I didn’t remember receiving.

I
was
the victim of a brutal attack, but no one could
know. My employer believed I had pneumonia. I could only talk about the
horrifying night with the Wolves, and most wouldn’t come near me. Amy and
Kathryn had visited every day, and their company made the days more bearable.
Billie had been distracted, first by a severe knife wound and then by Pack
needs. I knew very little about what happened in the pack around me. Billie and
the others conveyed unspoken concern, but I’d stayed out of Pack minds as
promised.

The nine teenage boys Billie and I killed already had
everyone on edge. Just the thought of those boys and what I’d done brought bile
to my throat. I hated myself for taking seven young lives. Even though I knew
from their thoughts they wouldn’t stop until they’d raped and killed me, I
couldn’t justify my actions.

Once again I reminded myself of the knife flashing and the
blood flowing down Billie’s leg. I reminded myself that those boys were killing
my love, and I’d reacted to that not knowing the consequences. I hadn’t known
what would happen when I drew on that power. I didn’t know I could kill with a
thought before that night. It just happened. Reminding myself of all this kept
me sane, but it didn’t assuage the guilt.

I’d killed seven young men in the space of a heartbeat, and
the seduction of the power had engulfed me. I’d enjoyed feeling like a god. For
a few moments after they fell lifeless to the ground, I’d looked at their
lifeless bodies with satisfaction and joy. Only after the power dissipated
could I see clearly what I’d done. Guilt hadn’t left my side since.

The idea of using Mage abilities at all made my stomach
clench and hands shake. So I’d called in sick to work, spinning a story that I
could draw out for a few weeks if necessary. I hadn’t left my home and kept the
windows tightly covered. I could easily turn someone’s notice away from the
bruises. I’d learned to do that with my first pimple. That kind of power didn’t
seduce, but I didn’t want to use even that much.

Amy had visited frequently, keeping her promise to watch
over me. I’d chosen not to go to the hospital and face police officers and
their questions. As Pack Medic, Amy had the training to oversee my injuries and
ensure I made a full recovery. Her bubbly personality and early 1900’s speech
cheered me with every visit. A friendship was forming, and sometimes she came
by just to see me.

At the last visit, Amy had encouraged me to go somewhere.
“You can’t stay cooped up in here forever. You’ve got to pick yourself up and
walk out those doors. The world isn’t going to go away just because you’re
scared. And it isn’t going to end because you found out you’re a Mage.”

“I killed seven people. Boys,” I had gasped. “How do I go
out there and pretend I didn’t?”

“Girl, you got to remember they were trying to kill you and
Billie. They almost did kill Billie, and you saved her life. You saved your
mate’s life. If you were a Sensitive like we thought, you’d both be dead right
now. So I’ve decided to be glad you’re a Mage. Killing isn’t something to be
proud of, but don’t put yourself in the electric chair for it. You did what you
had to do. Now you deal and move on.” I could see the wisdom in her words. When
Billie invited me over, I knew it was time.

I brushed my girlfriend’s sleeping mind while walking across
the lawn. Billie could hear even minute sounds from upstairs, so I slipped
inside as quietly as I could. Strangely, she did not wake. Tiptoeing up the
stairs, I opened the bedroom door to find a grey and black wolf asleep on the
bed, the tip of her tail lying adorably over her nose.

I sensed how anxious Billie slumbered and found it odd that
she slept through someone entering her home and bedroom. Concerned, I climbed
into bed beside her, tucking one hand under my head and avoiding the
still-tender bruises. The other hand I curled in Billie’s fur. Instead of
waking, Billie shifted her body closer to mine and rested her head on my bent
elbow so that my breath fell across her nose.

Her anxious slumber eased somewhat, and lying quietly beside
her calmed my own spirit. I couldn’t sleep, but it didn’t matter. Watching
Billie’s furred chest rise and fall under my hand fulfilled all my needs in
that moment. I wondered what happened to cause such distress. Tension and fear twisted
within her mind, and once she even whined. I wanted more than anything to
banish those thoughts, to soothe her troubled soul.

Watching over her, I let my mind drift into non-thought.
Through closed eyes, I enjoyed the mental bond between us, sharing my love with
her through our connection. Time stilled, and when I sensed Billie waking, I
opened my eyes. My gaze fell directly into the wolf’s crystal blue eyes,
sadness rising from their depths.

I wish I could take your grief away.
I greeted my
girlfriend.
I’ve never seen you this upset. What happened?

Billie huffed and tucked her head a bit, breaking eye
contact uncharacteristically.
You should be Pack and you’re not. I’m not
even allowed to tell you what’s going on.

My chest tightened.
They don’t trust me.

No.

Do they think I’m going to hurt them? Or hurt you?

Billie tucked her nose in my chin, filling herself with my
scent and finding comfort in it.
Yes.
They don’t know anything but
horror when it comes to Mages.

I didn’t want to ask the next question, but I couldn’t help
myself.
Am I safe?

Billie growled, a low rumbling sound erupting from her
entire body and penetrating my chest and ears.
I won’t let anyone hurt you,
love. They’re wrong to distrust you. They’re wrong to keep this from you.

What serenity I’d found while watching my girlfriend sleep
disappeared, replaced by a new source of anxiety.
What do we do?

I don’t know. I always know what to do, but not this
time. I don’t want to choose between you and the pack, and I’m afraid that’s
where this is headed. I don’t want to lose my pack.

“
No!” I exclaimed. “That’s not a fair choice. I can’t
ask you to leave your Pack.”

You’re not the one who’s making me choose.
Bitterness
wove through her mental voice, and her eyes narrowed angrily.

“I won’t let you make that choice. If you’re worried about
telling me what you’re not allowed to tell me, then I don’t want to know. I’ll
stay in the dark.”

Billie’s tense body relaxed a bit at my offer, but anxiety
still filled her thoughts.
Gods I love you. I still don’t like it. I want to
tell you what’s going on so badly. Jason even instructed me to tell you to stay
out of my thoughts.

“
It’s okay. I promise I won’t go digging.”
I don’t
want you to feel like you have to choose between us. That’s not a fair choice!

Billie didn’t reply, shrugging closer to me. I dug my
fingers into thick neck fur, weighing the situation within her. Careful to keep
the thought to myself, I wondered if I could leave Billie if I had to.
Can I
walk away from the woman I love if that’s what’s best for her? What kind of
person am I if I can’t? Apparently I can kill to protect her. Maybe I am the
monster they think I am.

I felt her mind shift as the fur beneath my fingers receded.
The transition between Wolf and Human happened too rapidly to follow, leaving
an impression of a magical transformation. My fingers, however, could feel the
fur un-growing and muscles and tissues realign. It was weird and I drew my hand
back. Suddenly a gorgeously naked redhead replaced the magnificent grey wolf
beside me. Her green eyes held the same sorrow the wolf’s blue ones held
moments before. “I don’t know what to do,” she repeated.

“Is there anything to do?” I asked practically.

“No. That’s the problem,” she admitted with a huff.

A wicked grin grew on my face spontaneously. “Then let’s
ignore it for a while.” I leaned forward and nibbled lightly on Billie’s
earlobe, trailing my fingers down the naked woman’s arm.

“I like the way you think,” she murmured, canting her head
to give me better access.

Pressing light kisses down the side of Billie’s neck, I drew
a line back up her arm and down her shoulder blade. She shivered beneath my
touch. When my mouth reached the curve of her breast, she moaned lightly. I
guided her onto her back and straddled her waist, wanting a clear view of her
breasts. Slipping my tank top over my head, I gave her a good look at mine. The
wraparound skirt I’d chosen drifted around me and left only thin fabric between
us.

Bruises littered my body still. Some, like the line across
the back of my neck and the splotches on my ribs, had faded to yellow. My face
looked worse than ever having deepened and spread until most of the left side
of my face sported a deep purple and blue bull’s-eye. The bruises no longer
shocked Billie, but she oftentimes looked at them in pain or anger. Fading
yellow fingerprints on both upper arms and one breast drew her sharpest
attention. Despite being some of the least pronounced of all my bruises, they
angered her the most.

The reminder killed my mood. “Billie, please look at me, not
my bruises,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, love. It’s still hard for me to see you injured,”
she apologized, crinkling her face.

“I know it is. It’s harder for me when you’re staring at
them. I’d like to forget for a little while.”

She did as I asked. We gazed at each other for a few
moments, letting our arousal grow through anticipation.

Her soft hand stretched to my leg, caressing above my knee.
I could feel my breath deepen under her touch and wetness grow between my
thighs. Her other hand reached towards my belly, but I had other plans.
Grasping both wrists in my hands, I pushed them beside her shoulders and into
the bed. Her breasts swelled towards me in this position, and she grinned. I
could feel her pleasure warring against her instinctual need to be in control.
She’d come to enjoy those conflicting desires.

Starting with her right nipple, I grazed it with my lips
until it hardened. Gently grasping her tit between my teeth, I pulled until she
gasped enthusiastically. Her back arched in bliss, the last shred of stress
leaving her mind. Kissing my way to the other nipple, I repeated the activity
with even greater response.