Psyche Honor (Psyche Moon) (6 page)

“Billie’s future is uncertain if you choose to save our
pack. She may die or she may live depending on your actions. She will die if
you do nothing.”

I let the weight of his words settle into me, and it
coalesced into determination. Only one choice existed in my heart. “How do I
save the pack?”

“You must discover the Mages’ plan and find a way to stop
it. Find them, speak to them, be as if one of them. You must deceive everyone,
even your mate. Let no one know of our meeting. Keep all of this from Wolves
and Mages alike.”

I considered his words heavily. “Mages can read Wolves. I
have to lie to Billie. I have to break my promise to her and my promise to
Jason.”

Kato nodded solemnly. “The danger is great. Honor must be
kept in spirit while broken in action. I do not wish for your death or for loss
of your mate. I know no other way. The choice is yours alone to make and must
be made freely.”

“May I ask you for one favor first? I sense truth behind
your words. But I am not the only person who can make a lie feel like truth.
May I look into your mind so that I know without doubt that I’m not being
tricked?”

Kato smiled widely, approving of my request. “See what you
must so you may choose freely. I give you permission.”

I touched his mind gently at first and gasped at what I saw.
In him I found the most honest and straightforward individual I’d ever
encountered along with unusual power and wisdom. Seeking only what he foresaw,
I entered deeper into his mind and found my answers. Retreating from the
invasive act, I nearly vomited from the vision. I spoke with conviction. “I’ll
do it.”

He bowed deeply. “You have my gratitude and my respect.”

“Can you teach me to use my abilities?” I asked urgently. “I
know I can keep my thoughts from Humans and Wolves, but I don’t know about
Mages. I’ve never met one.”

Kato stretched two fingers and touched my cheek. “You are
powerful even for a Mage. You are capable of the task ahead. Know this in heart
and mind. Trust your instincts. They will guide you more clearly than I in
this.”

“Do you know how to find them?”

“The Pup is the beginning. Look into his mind, discover his
purpose. His owner will find you.”

“Nathan is collared.” I shivered. “Do the others know?”

“They do not follow their instincts.”

I understood. “They know but they don’t want to believe it.”

“I must go, and you must find peace with this before your
mate returns. We will speak again. Do you seek any other counsel at this time?”

I thought and shook my head, too stunned to formulate any
questions. “I’m sure I will as soon as you leave. Will you make me a promise?”

He cocked his head in a very wolfish gesture. “Without
knowing the promise, I cannot say. If I can and should I will; otherwise I will
not.”

“When this is all over, if I’m not able to explain my
actions, will you tell them why I lied? Will you tell Billie I love her too
much to make any other choice?”

He bowed deeply and pressed a hand to his heart. “On my honor,
if I live to see that day, I will tell them.”

I lowered my eyes in relief. In Kato’s mind, I saw that he
would almost certainly survive. If I died, Billie would not live the rest of
her life believing I’d betrayed her and the pack.

Kato stood. “I thank you for the meal and hospitality. I
will return when needed. Do not call unless you must, for others may hear you.”

I stood and hugged the old man impulsively, remembering his
nudity only afterwards. No words could express what I felt. Since he knew anyway,
I left it unsaid. A reddish wolf replaced the man and ducked out the doggie
door.

“I’m going to take that bath,” I decided aloud.

I had no idea how long I soaked. The bathtub’s
strong jets soothed my tense muscles and eased the still-aching bruises.
Several times it cooled, and I replaced the hot water, diluting the
lavender-scented oils until I couldn’t smell it. The conversation with Kato had
left my head spinning, and I knew better than to let Billie see me like that. A
bath had been the perfect solution.

First I'd mulled over the new information, trying to come up
with a plan and worrying whether I could pull it off. Abruptly it hit me. I
didn’t doubt I could deceive the Wolves, and according to Kato’s vision, I had
a good chance of success. I felt guilty about deceiving Billie and breaking my
promise to Jason. I needed to come to terms with lying to them. Kato's vision
left me with no doubt that I had to do this.

I'd never been interested in seeing the future, so I'd had
no concept of a precognitive vision before entering Kato's mind. Scenes of
potential futures had flashed before me, intermixed with knowledge of those
possibilities. It was like a download of information laid out in a complicated
cause-and-effect pattern, coalescing in an understanding of what needed to
occur to avoid the disastrous possible futures and create the desired one. In a
single word … overwhelming.

One consistency bled through every possible scenario - if I
let a single person in on it, I would fail and people would die or worse. I
would not let Richard's nightmare repeat itself in the present.

Determined to do anything necessary to keep Billie and the
pack alive and well, I accepted the necessary deception. I’d grown accustomed
to keeping a piece of myself hidden from others, and I'd only begun to drop
that barrier with Billie. Walls were simple with Humans and Wolves, but I
needed to figure out how to keep other Mages out.

Instinct, Kato had advised.
Follow my instinct.
Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply and rhythmically. Stress and worry fell away
slowly, and after a while the answer came to me. I knew what to do. Erecting a
wall in front of the dangerous knowledge came easily. It felt like a wall, a
red flag to any Peeping Tom.

Inspired, I placed memories and fears in front of the wall.
I hid it with the most painful memories of my life including the most recent
one. The pain of killing seven kids woven with trauma of the attack camouflaged
the wall nicely, and I added others until satisfied. In front of these memories,
I settled the wall I usually maintained with others. Anyone who poked beyond
the first wall would see a wounded person instead of a deadly secret. With
luck, they wouldn’t look deeper.

Kato had named me powerful even for a Mage. I knew I could
penetrate walls like the ones I'd erected in myself, but not by accident. I
couldn’t be sure, but I believed this would fool another Mage into believing I
had nothing of importance to hide. At worst, I’d know they were digging, and
could do something about it.

It would easily work against Billie. I wouldn’t shut her out
completely, and this way I could continue to let down my barriers with her
without risking discovery.

“Honey, I'm home!” Billie called as she walked through the
front door, her mental tone amused at the cliché.

I'm in your bathtub,
I replied silently, offering a
mental image of myself covered only in bubbles.

Without a word, she climbed the stairs, her movements
undetectable by ear. Opening the bathroom door wide, she smiled down at me and
leaned against the doorframe comfortably. “I don't see any bubbles.” Her
roaming eyes showed how much she approved.

“I didn't find any bubble bath. You're in a strange mood.
How'd it go with the Pup?”

She cocked her head in thought and evaded my question. “He's
a handful. I like training newbies, even when it's exasperating.”

“That's an evasive answer.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not
clear what is and is not taboo with him.”

She nodded, choosing her words carefully. “There’s a lot
about Nathan that I can’t talk about, and I have to ask you to stay away from
him too. I'm sorry.”

“It's not your fault,” I replied sympathetically. “They'll
come around.” I avoided a direct promise to stay away from him, knowing I would
break that promise soon. Instead I swirled a hand in the bathwater invitingly.
“The water's still hot.” She needed no further encouragement to strip out of
her clothes. Stepping into the tub behind me, she spread her legs on either
side of my body. I leaned back against her chest and closed my eyes contentedly.

“How long have you been in here? You've turned into a prune,
and you're a lot more relaxed than when I left,” she commented, beginning to
massage my shoulders and arms.

“I don’t know, but I might be growing fins. Maybe I’m part
fish.”

She chuckled and her voice rumbled, “I like eating fish.”

“You like eating,” I replied, and she bit my shoulder
playfully.

I had to be sly about dipping into her thoughts. She could
feel my presence in her mind, so I needed a reason to be there. As her fingers
plied my muscles, I focused on the sensitive skin below her left ear, imagining
my lips grazing it softly. Soon I heard her gasp and knew she felt it as if I
physically kissed her neck. Mentally multitasking with her hands on my body
took more focus than I'd imagined. She sensed me in ways no other Human or Wolf
ever had, so I treaded softly through her mind. The improvised distraction
worked, and soon I dipped into her thoughts without notice.

Starting with the Pup, I searched her memories and
knowledge. As I did so, I understood everyone’s edginess about Nathan.
Instinctively they didn’t trust him, and for good reason. I reached memories of
the Elder Meeting and heard Richard's words about me. Hurt by his accusations,
I let my focus slip. Billie sensed the emotional change in me.

“Are you okay?” she murmured. Her hands wrapped around me,
softly caressed my belly.

“Yeah,” I sighed, letting a different memory surface for her
to recognize. “I think I went thirty minutes without thinking about those kids.”
I shrugged into her. Wrapping her arms protectively around my chest, she hugged
me close.

“You didn't do anything wrong,” Billie insisted again.

“I'm not so sure about that. Maybe I didn't do anything
wrong, but it didn't have to happen. I could have done things differently, and
if I had, no one would have died,” I replied truthfully. “I could have made one
of the neighbors look out the window. I could have forced them to stop without
killing them. I could have done a lot of things. First I froze, and then I went
straight for the jugular.”

“Hindsight. It takes experience to have that kind of clarity
in a fight.”

I didn't answer. We'd been through this several times. I
still questioned my actions, but I’d only switched to the topic as a decoy. I
wanted to change the subject. “I'm going to start training again. The 10K is
coming soon. Want to train with me tomorrow morning?” The announcement made her
happy.

She shook her head and told me what I’d already discovered.
“I'll be working with Nathan. We're meeting at dawn, and I don't know when I'll
be done.” Her thoughts drifted to Nathan and her suspicions. I followed her
darkening mood, still invasively in her mind. She wanted to know for sure, and
she wished she could ask for my help. I had what I needed and retreated.

Twisting around so that I faced her, water splashed onto the
floor from my quick movements. I didn’t care. Draped over the top of her, my
arms resting behind her neck, I enjoyed the feel of her body in hot water. Her
sober green eyes animated instantly. “Is he sexier than me?” I teased,
lightening the mood.

“Hell no!” She rested her hands on my hips and settled me
into a more comfortable position. “What's more emphatic than 'Hell no!'?”

Show me!
I replied, taking her mouth in mine and
savoring her.
Have I told you yet today how much I love you? And your hands?
I asked as her fingers grazed my back and ass.

She chuckled and pulled my wet hair to one side. I couldn’t
reach much of her from my position, so I tangled my fingers in her hair and
enjoyed her touch. Resting my head on her shoulder, she kissed my ear and
lazily stroked my body. Her mind softened into pure gentleness, something she
did only with me. Even with me, the bad-ass Beta disappeared only occasionally.
I liked both sides of her and cherished these moments of absolute softness.

You are the most precious thing in my life,
She said.

Ditto. I never thought I’d have what we have. I never
dreamed it was possible,
I told her as I played with her hair.

Our mental bond is amazing. I wouldn’t trade it for the
world, She replied thoughtfully. I always feel you with me, and it feels right.
You’re always a thought away, and I’m never alone. Sex is more intense with you
than I’ve ever experienced. You are the most amazing part of my life, and life
as a Wolf is filled with wonders.

Billie left shortly after sunrise to spend the
morning in training with the Pup, kissing me goodbye in the kitchen. Still
sipping my first cup of coffee, I mulled over my options. According to Kato, I
first needed to invade Nathan’s mind, effectively announcing myself to his
Mage. I didn’t know what I’d discover in a collared mind, but I would find out
soon.

According to Billie's thoughts, she planned on picking
Nathan up from John and Phil's home. At the dojo she would begin his training
in hand-to-hand combat. She wanted to familiarize him with his newly heightened
strength and speed. In teaching him how to use it, she'd also teach him how to
hold back and not hurt anyone.

I'd never met Nathan, and I needed some kind of connection
to reach into a mind. I could piggyback from one mind to the next, using a
familiar mind to connect to an unknown one. Billie and the other Wolves knew
Nathan, but they would sense my presence. Even Billie would feel it if I jumped
through her mind to Nathan’s. Remembering the stories of how Mages collar a
Wolf by planting suggestions over time, I realized how they did so undetected.
The Mage must remove the memory of their presence each time.

I didn't want to coerce anyone if I could help it, and
particularly not my mate or my friends. Even the simple task of removing the
memory of a piggyback disgusted me. Plus I would need to draw on the seductive
aspect of my power to succeed. The risk of losing myself in that still scared
me. I would do it if I had to, but only if I had no other choice.

 An idea came to me. This time I had another option.
Finishing my coffee quickly, I dressed for a morning jog. By the time I'd
finished stretching, I could sense Billie at her destination. Conveniently, the
dojo Billie owned lay only a few miles northwest of her home. The jogging route
to reach it took me through quiet neighborhoods. Nothing would appear out of
the ordinary if someone saw me, and I didn't plan to be noticed anyway.

I still hadn’t left the safety of home and friends since the
attack. Training for the upcoming 10K had seemed unimportant for a while. If I
wanted to do well in the race, I had to resume my training regimen. I’d use it
as a way to accomplish the task Kato had set for me. Besides, jogging helped me
decompress, and beginning the day with a brisk run had been my primary stress
management technique for years. Taking several deep breaths, I stepped out the
door.

Brisk morning air washed over my skin and filled my lungs.
The morning sun shone gently on my face, promising uncomfortable heat by
afternoon. I missed this morning routine more than I’d realized. Tranquility
eased my earlier trepidation as I ran along the side of the road. For the first
couple of miles I simply enjoyed stretching my muscles and watching the world
wake up around me.

As I ran through peaceful North End neighborhoods, I
automatically deflected the attention of anyone looking my way. They could see
me of course, but they didn't notice me, like viewing something out of the
corner of the eye. If asked later they might remember passing a jogger but
wouldn't be able to give any details.

An SUV pulling out of its driveway revealed a complication I
hadn't considered. The driver saw me jump out of the way at the last minute,
and both hands flew to her cheeks in horror. I waved and continued without
looking back. Curious, I poked into her thoughts. She could only remember me as
a shapeless figure with no distinctive characteristics and couldn't understand
why she didn't see me. I grimaced and vowed to be more careful.

I'd used this kind of disappearing trick before, but never
to this extent. Despite the near trip to the Emergency Room, I congratulated
myself at how well it worked. With a closer watch on vehicles, I continued on
my way.

The dojo lay a street north of the route I'd chosen, and I
cautiously sensed the area as I neared it. I avoided Billie’s mind and the dojo
entirely. Nothing felt out of the ordinary. Three blocks past, I turned north
and began to circle back. Nervousness began to build in me, and I tamped it
down. Strong emotions would draw Billie's attention, and getting caught would
be disastrous.

The dojo came into sight a few blocks away, and I slowed to
a walk. Breathing heavily from the brisk run, I struggled to catch my breath.
It appeared to be a small renovated church with a nearly empty parking lot and
small yard. With a sigh of relief, I realized I'd come upon the back of the
building. Boise's tendency to plant trees and bushes anywhere they fit worked
in my favor, shielding me from direct view. I stopped, considering my options.

Without knowing the layout, I'd had no way of planning
ahead. Humans didn't pay much attention to sound or smell, and they usually
ignored their instincts. Their attention could easily be diverted. A Wolf, on
the other hand, had heightened senses and used all of them. I'd seen for myself
how uncannily Billie noticed the most insignificant details in her surroundings
- she impressed even other Wolves. Spying on Billie without getting caught was by
far the most daunting challenge I’d ever faced.
If I pull this off, I'm
going to brag about it for the rest of my life.
I told myself.

A large window set in the south side of the building looked
like the best option. I only needed a momentary line of sight. Glancing at the
row of buildings across from the window, I chose an empty house for a lookout.
The house to its rear, also empty, gave me a clean approach through the
backyards. Luckily I encountered no dogs, and I reached a good spot unnoticed
by anyone and without coming into view of the dojo.

From my vantage point, I could see Billie's Jeep in the
parking lot. A sign in the front yard read “BC School of Martial Arts” in
unpretentious script. The window gave a direct but partial view into a room
lined with mirrors and mats. I couldn’t see well from such a distance, but the
room appeared empty. I wondered where Nathan and Billie could be. Moving closer
would be reckless, so I waited.

Before long a figure flew backwards through the air into
sight, disappearing again as it fell to the floor. Startled by the aeronautical
entrance, I leaned closer as if a few inches would improve my view. Billie,
dressed in a gi, strutted into view and offered her hand to the person lying on
the floor. A stocky man with short hair, also in a gi, grasped her hand,
leaping easily to his feet.

It had to be Nathan. Cautiously, I touched his surface
thoughts and knew without a doubt I’d found him. As soon as I reached my mind
out, Billie turned. Quickly I pulled back and ducked, hiding from my mate. She
looked out the window intently, hunting for the observer. I didn’t watch, but I
felt her searching gaze in my direction. Stomach clenching into knots, I
waited. Finally I felt her attention shift away, but she wouldn’t let her guard
down. I knew her too well to feel secure after that. I had what I needed with
no further reason to stay. I'd touched Nathan's mind, so I could read him from
anywhere. Backing away, I left the vicinity as quickly as I could without
drawing attention.

 The jog back to Billie's home, thankfully uneventful,
soothed my frazzled nerves. By the time I arrived, I felt much calmer. I knew
not to read Nathan while in her presence. My best chance was during her drive
home. After her reaction at the dojo, I didn’t even dare watch Billie’s
movements to know when she left.

Are you going to be home for lunch?
I sent a playful
image of a roasted pig complete with an apple in its mouth.

If that's what we're having for lunch, I'm on my way,
she chuckled, still a little on edge. I replied with a more accurate image of
tall sandwiches and pickles. I'll be a little longer. Go ahead and eat without
me.

Are you sure?
I countered with a third image,
substituting the roast pig with an image of me naked on the table, the apple
strategically placed.

Now that's what I call a good lunch!
I could tell she
laughed out loud at the image and wondered self-consciously what she'd say to
Nathan about her sudden outburst.
If I could, I'd run home to you right now.
I'll see you soon, though.

I smiled, enjoying our playful banter. It served a second
purpose as well. I'd know the instant she headed home and would have a few
minutes to read Nathan before she arrived. It worked exactly as planned.

Is lunch ready?
She purred after a while.

That depends. Do you have any apples?
I replied
coyly.

There's a tomato in the fridge. Will that do?

Hmmm. It doesn't have the same effect. I'll make do
without. Are you on your way?

I'll be there in ten.

Ten minutes gave me plenty of time to read Nathan.
Withdrawing from Billie, I focused on the Pup, entering his mind easily. His
surface thoughts swam with confusion over being Wolf. He relished the strength
and speed that came with it but had difficulty with other new skills. Sounds
and smells still overwhelmed him, and he found most of the other Wolves
intimidating. He blatantly feared Billie.

I sorted quickly through the superficial thoughts and
penetrated deeper into his psyche. His deeper mind felt like someone had
reached in and twisted the very threads of his beingness. Nathan was no longer
Nathan. Even on the surface he bore little resemblance to the man he once was.
I’d never felt anything like it. Completely compromised, he had no will of his
own. Trapped within his mind, I could almost hear him screaming.

I sensed the Mage behind it and felt the puppet strings
between slave and owner. The Mage could feel my presence in her Wolf's mind, as
I knew she would. She would come to me, exactly as Kato predicted.

Wanting to know what she had planned for Nathan, I poked through
the tangled cobwebs. He was a plant, a Trojan horse for the Pack. Her
intentions became clear as I navigated the Wolf's mind - she wanted the entire
Pack for herself with the Alpha and Beta as the biggest trophies. Bits and
pieces of the elusive details came through, but Nathan didn’t have the details
I needed.

I had all I was going to get from him. Coming back to
myself, I took a few deep breaths. I pitied the Wolf trapped within a mental
cage. His agony pierced through me, and I vowed to do something about it when I
could. Bile rose in my throat.

I met a Mage. For the first time in my life, I met one of my
people, my flesh and blood. The enormity of that realization hit me and the
room spun. She could be my cousin or my sister or mother. No matter how much I
wanted to ponder what that meant to me, I didn't have time. Billie would arrive
in a few minutes, and I had to compose myself before she walked through the
door. I could hide my mental tone with greater ease than my physical response.
She'd see my distress the moment she saw me.

Deep breaths. In. Out. Calm in. Panic out. Breathe. A brief
interest in yoga during my youth proved useful. Miraculously I pulled myself
together in time. When she opened the front door, I was putting the final
touches on the sandwiches.

“I see you found the tomato,” she grinned wickedly as she
entered the kitchen, smelling the toppings on her sandwich. She looked
gorgeously invigorated after her workout.

“There's another one in the fridge,” I offered, sliding a
plate towards her. We ate casually at the counter. As usual, she consumed
enough to feed several Humans. She still had her guard up. “Are you okay? You
seem on edge.”

She shook her head, choosing her words carefully. “Someone
was spying on me today.”

My eyebrows pulled together, and I frowned in concern,
deceiving her blatantly. “Do you know who? Or why?”

“No. That's what bothers me.”

“Strange,” I replied neutrally.

“I didn't see, hear, or smell anything. I could feel them
watching me, and it felt like they were hiding. People don’t hide unless
they’re up to something.”

I shook my head as if clueless. “Maybe you have a stalker.”

“I hope it's that simple.” She let out a huff of air,
noticeably calming as she exhaled. I admired her ability to relax
instantaneously. “How did training go this morning?” she asked about my jog,
changing the subject pointedly.

“It was just what I needed. I can tell I took a week off,
though. My butt's sore.”

“I can help with that,” she suggested with a smile.

“Twist my arm.”

“I can do that too.” Her smile widened.

“You're fun after you spar.” Impulsively, I threw a pickle
at her face, which she caught easily. I watched it disappear into her mouth in
dismay. “Hey, I was going to eat that.”