Authors: Mandy Baggot
‘Hey, it’s OK.
I
t’s OK
.’ He took her in his arms, cradling her body, enveloping it in his.
‘
He can’t be my brother, he just can’t be
.
I loved him. I loved him a
nd we…
we did things together and that
’
s sick!
I
’
m
s
ick! What must you think of me?’
‘
None of this is
your
fault
.
N
one of it
,
Freya
.
I don’t think anything
.’ He stroked her hair.
‘
My family
’s
twisted, completely twisted
.
I can’t have come from them, I can’t have! I mean
,
if I
’
m going to find out anything else I
’
m begging
I find out I’m
adopted
.’ She swiped at her eyes with her fingers.
‘
I admit that would be good
.’
‘
Why is this happening? Why is everything going wrong?
’
‘
I don’t know
.
Y
ou sure as
h
ell don’t deserve it
.’
Freya took her head out of Nicholas’ embrace and looked up at him, her eyes wet and her face tear
-
stained.
‘
Dr
.
Stone thinks I’m pregnant
,’ she blurted out.
‘
What?
’
‘
I don’t think I am
.
I mean we
’re
careful and I’m not even sure he’s a real doctor
.
I mean
,
he doesn’t look like a doctor does
he
?
’ She watched Nicholas absorb what she’d told him.
‘
You’re pregnant
?’
he
repeated.
‘
I might be
.
B
ut probably not
.
Because I would know
,
wouldn’t I?’
‘
Well
,
how do we find out? Have you done a test?
’
‘
No
…
I
…
well Dr
.
Stone wanted me to have a scan but there’s no point
.
I mean I would know
,
wouldn’t I?
’
‘
Come on, we have to go back
.
W
e have to know
,’
Nicholas said, taking hold of her hand and
pulling her
towards the
hospital
entrance
.
‘But I can’t be pregnant.
I mean
…’
‘
Freya, if you
’
re pregnant this is absolutely the best news I
’
ve ever had
.’ A smile spread across his face.
‘
Really?
’
She still felt so uncertain.
‘
Why do you sound so surprised? We talked about how we felt about children when we first met
,’
Nicholas reminded her.
‘
Yes and do you remember what I said?
’
‘
You said something about not being able to look after your houseplants
.’
‘
Exactly
.’
‘
Come on
.
L
et’s go and find out
.
What are you afraid of?’
He squeezed her hand.
‘
That’s what Dr
.
Stone asked me
.’
‘
And what did you tell him?
’
‘
I made some stupid comment about
Mary
Poppins
,
’ Freya told him.
‘
Well
,
I’m sure he won’t hold it against you
. C
ome on, we could be on the verge of becoming parents
.’ There was thick excitement in his voice.
‘
On the verge of bringing a poor innocent child into this warped, twisted, creepy, weird circus of a
life we live
.
Is it any wonder
I’m terrified?’
‘
This will be a chink of light in the craziness though
,
wouldn’t it?
’
‘
It would mean we have a damn good case for suing
Durex
.’
‘
Freya, you could be having our baby
.
A
baby I didn’t really believe I would ever have
…
no matter what the doctors told me
.’ He let out a breath.
‘
I know
.’ She could see the expectation in his expression.
‘
So
,
let’s go and see if we have something to celebrate. What have we got to lose?
’
‘Nine
months of alcohol and all the dignity I ever had
?’
‘
But eating for two
.
C
ome on, that has to interest you
.’
‘
You’re right
,’
she
agreed with a nod
.
‘A valid excuse to eat takeaway for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Take me back.’
Nicholas smiled at her, leading the way back into the hospital.
The alarm clock was showing 6.34am and Freya lay in bed, staring at the piece of paper in her hand. It was a small black and white picture of
a
grey blob
. There was
just a faint outline of four stumps attached to the
blob.
It was a picture of their baby
.
She was ten weeks pregnant.
She
still found it impo
ssible to believe. She
knew the practicalities of how it got there but
,
even
looking at it now
, seeing what they
’
d both seen
on the monitor at the hospital…
it still didn’t feel real.
She was going to become a moth
er. That fact alone scared the h
ell out of her. The majority of the time she had trouble looking after herself
.
W
hat was she going to do when she became responsible for someone else
?
And not just
someone else
,
someone small and helpless
.
S
omeone who was going to look to her for everything.
It was an enormous task and something she hadn
’
t given full and proper consideration to at any time in her life before. Now
,
she only had just over six months to prepare herself.
She felt Nicholas stir
and he turned over in the bed
to face
her.
‘
Hey
,’
he greeted.
‘
Morning
.’
‘Still looking at our baby?’
He
lean
ed up on his elbow and joined
her gazing at the picture.
‘
Do you think its head
’
s OK? It looks kind of square
.’ She held the photo closer to the bedside lamp.
‘
Then he or she must take after you
.
H
ave you never noticed your slight corners?
’
‘
Not funny
.’
‘
It looks perfect to me and Dr
.
Stone said everything was normal
.
T
he heartbeat was fine and that’s all you can ask for at this stage
.’
‘
I can’t believe I have the responsibility of carrying it around for the next six and a half months
.’
‘
I’ll do you a deal
.
Y
ou carry it around for the next six and a half months and I will do more than my fair share for the
next eighteen years or so
.’
‘
You think I
’
m going to forget to feed it, like my houseplants
.’
‘
No, I just want you to know that I’m all in. I
want to be there for everything. The
feeding,
the
diapers
…
you name it
.’
‘
They’re called nappies
.
P
lease call them nappies
,’
Freya begged.
‘
OK, nappies. So, how do you feel about it now
? I mean
in the cold, almost light, of day?
’
‘
How do I feel about what?
The baby?
The fact my
ex-fiancé
is
apparently
my half
-
brother
?
O
r the fact someone
’
s breaking into our home and chopping me out of photographs?
’
‘
How do you feel about the most important of those things?
’
‘
Eric is a no-no for a boy
’s name
.
A
nd Jane
is definitely out for a girl’s
. I wouldn’t
want to give up work completely.
B
ut if we have a nanny I want to personally interview them all
.
O
h and I’m not breastfeeding
.’
‘
I’m fine with all of that
.’
H
e leant forward
and
kiss
ed
her.
Freya put her arms around him, still holding the photograph
.
She
held him close to her, breathing in the scent of him.
‘
Let’s get married
.
L
et’s just go and do it
,’ she whispered.
‘
Not this again
.
W
e decided on a date
,
didn’t we? This wonderful news doesn’t change anything
.
W
e have six and a half month
s to make sure you’re a
Kaden
before he or she is
,’
Nicholas reminded her.
‘
I’m not saying it because of the baby
.
I’m saying it because I don’t want to wait a minute longer. I
want to get married now, today.
W
e can do that
,
can’t we? There must be ways of arranging it
.’
‘
If this isn’t because of the baby,
then
this
is because of Jonny
.’
Freya stiffened at the mention of his name.
‘
I think maybe you should talk to him
.’
‘
Talk to him?
!
Right now
all
I want to
do is
throttle him!
All these years and not a word
.
A
ll these years believing my father paid him off when, in fact, the truth was much worse! What we did was disgusting
. N
ot to mention illegal and what if I
’
d got pregnant
or something
?
W
hat then?
We could be talking eleven fingers and a face like the Elephant Man
.’ She got out of bed, grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her.