Pushing Up Daisies (7 page)

She hadn’t called home since their last argument, almost a year before. She’d wanted to apologize, to kiss and make up, but she had refused. She was stubborn, and so was her mother. The ordeal hadn’t been Daisy’s fault. Her parents hadn’t agreed with her wanting Lani back and didn’t allow her to have her say. When she tried to speak out, her words fell on decidedly deaf ears as they sung her mistakes to her like spirituals. “You’re not Lani’s mother anymore, Daisy. How could you be? You gave her up. Do you honestly think it would be wise to step in and be her mother now?” her mom had said without hesitation or remorse. “But I am a mother. Damnit, I am
her
mother,” Daisy’d spat back. As angry as she’d been, she now wanted to hear her mother’s voice. Daisy wrapped her arms around her middle and cuddled herself. She needed someone to say that they loved her and mean it.

Daisy held the phone, staring at the lighted numbers. Her hands were sweaty, trembling as she dialed. She swallowed hard as she waited for someone to answer.

“Hello?” It was her mother, Ms. Christine Parker.

“Hey, Mom. How are you?”

“Daisy?”

“Yeah, Mom. It’s me.”

“Daisy, is that you? Thank God, honey. I thought something had happened to you. You had me worried after the last time we talked. You okay?”

Daisy blinked back the tears and tried to blink back the memories of the fight they’d had over where her daughter should live. “I’m okay, I guess.”

“How’s Jay? And Jasper? Is he still treating you good?”

Daisy shook her head. “Jasper’s dead, Mom.”

“Oh, Lord. When? How? Are you and Jay okay?”

“I’m handling it the best I can. He’s been gone over a month now. Shot to death. I think his family is going to try to take Jay away.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. Why didn’t you call sooner? I know you must’ve needed me. I would’ve flown out there—”

“I know, Mom, but that’s not why I’m calling. I’m moving. I have to clean out my closet, and I can’t. I want to, have to, but I can’t.”

“What’s in the closet, baby? Why can’t you?”

Daisy wiped her eyes. “The papers. All those damn papers. I can’t do it, Mom. Please help me. I need you.”

“Stay put. Your father and I will be on the next flight out—”

“Just you, Mom. Just you, okay?”

“Okay, baby. Just me. Hold on. Be strong now. Call Gigi and your other girlfriend and have them come over and keep you company until I get there. I’ll be there as soon as I can. And call an ambulance if you feel one of those breakdowns coming on, okay? Daisy?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you. No matter what’s happened between us over the years, I love you. You’re my baby girl.”

“I love you too, Mom.” Daisy cradled the phone to her chest and cried until she had no more tears.

Knowing that her mother was coming, Daisy felt stronger. She willed herself up on her feet.
I can do this. I can.
She repeated her mantra. Preparing herself for what lay ahead, Daisy decided to clean house.

D
aisy poured steaming water into the coffee cup and dunked the tea bag until the water became the color of mud. She held the mug under her nose, allowing the rising steam to tickle her nostrils and open her nasal passages. Too much crying had made her stuffy. She inhaled the peppermint aroma, held it in, then released the minty coolness through her mouth. She smiled and did it again.

She gazed out the window at the swimming pool. The aqua-colored ripples shimmered under the moon’s glow. The weeping willow swayed in the breeze. She’d forgotten about the pool in the midst of her turmoil. She promised herself that if she didn’t do anything else before she left the house, she’d have one final swim, one last moment to immerse her body in twelve feet of heated water.

Slipping out of her shoes, Daisy walked along the edge of the pool. Every other step she took, she’d dip her toes in the lukewarm water until tiny circles appeared on the surface. She thought of Jay. “Almost done, baby,” she said as she rolled up her jeans, sat down, and put her feet in the water.
The house is almost empty; most of the furniture is in storage, and our clothes are packed.
She closed her eyes and said a short prayer. She needed strength—they all did.

“Am I disturbing you, baby?” Ms. Christine walked toward Daisy holding two goblets of iced tea. “I figured we’d need these.”

“No, Ma. Come join me,” Daisy said, patting the spot next to her.

Ms. Christine handed Daisy the glasses, eased down, and stuck her feet in the pool. “Whew! Squatting gets difficult when you get older. Everything isn’t as easy as it looks, I guess.”

“You got that right.” Daisy handed her mother a glass. “Thanks for coming, Ma. And for helping me get it all together. I know you don’t like to fly alone. I appreciate it.”

Ms. Christine took a sip of tea and looked at the sky. “My, it sure is beautiful out here at night. You see that star right there, Daisy? That bright one?” Ms. Christine pointed. “That’s ours: mine and yours—our connection. When I was younger, around your age, your great-grandmother Ma Dear showed me that star the very night she died; the brightest star. She said it was our family connection, between the living and the dead. Kind of a stairway to those we love who are gone, and a meeting place for those of us who live far away from one another. I’ve watched that star for the past year or so, and I knew that you could see it too.”

Daisy nodded and blinked back the tears. Ms. Christine’s love had always been her weak spot.

“The point is, I’ll never be too far away for you to reach me. Whether I’m home in L.A., or up there in heaven with Ma Dear, I’m always going to be here for you. Don’t ever do this to me—or yourself—again. Don’t try to go through something so painful without me. I’m your mother. I’m here to help you.” Ms. Christine reached over and hugged Daisy. “Now go ahead and cry, baby. Get it all out. We can talk about the past—and the future—later.”

Daisy awoke, twisted her body in a stretch, and yawned. She was still tired, and her head was ringing. She groaned, turned over, and rolled her eyes. Who had set the alarm? Forcing herself to sit up, she turned it off.
Had to be Ma.

“You up yet, baby?” Ms. Christine said, knocking on the bedroom door.

“Unh-uh,” Daisy lied.

Ms. Christine opened the door. “What did I tell you about lying? Come on, Daisy. It’s after nine. I’m going downstairs to make some coffee. I’ve already drawn you a bath, and I ironed two different outfits for you…didn’t know which one you’d want to wear. You’ve always been picky, just like me.” Ms. Christine closed the door, chuckling.

“Tea, Ma. Tea!” Daisy yelled.

Daisy could her Ms. Christine mumbling as she went down the stairs. “I swear, coffee one day and tea the next. These kids.”

Daisy smiled as she walked into the kitchen and saw Ms. Christine seated at the breakfast table. “I’m glad you’re here, Ma,” she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“I know that’s not coffee in that cup, is it?”

“I’m sorry I had you make tea, Ma. I just remembered how nice it was when we used to drink coffee together.”

Ms. Christine giggled. “I didn’t make tea. I knew you’d change your mind.”

“So, where are we going? I know you want to go somewhere.”

“That’s my baby. You know me, don’t you? Well, I thought we’d do a little shopping, then grab a bite to eat and talk.”

Daisy gulped her coffee and slammed the cup on the table. She stuck out her tongue, waving her hand over it.

“Burnt your mouth, baby?”

Daisy nodded, still fanning.

Ms. Christine snickered and went to get her some water. “Still my Daisy. Next time, sip it. You have to learn to take things slowly, otherwise you might get hurt.”

Daisy filled her mouth with water and ice chips. She knew her mother was referring to her history of moving too fast with men. “Thanks. I needed that. Listen, Ma, we can shop if you want. But honestly, I don’t have any money.”

“I know. We’ll take care of it.”

“I don’t want your money, Ma.”

Ms. Christine raised her eyebrows. “You’re not getting my money. There’s another way. Trust me.”

Daisy sat inside the Sea Grill restaurant in Rockefeller Center and wolfed down her jumbo lump crab cakes, avoiding the tip of her tongue, which was still stinging from the coffee. Ms. Christine was in the powder room. Daisy closed her eyes with each bite, enjoying the succulence.
Heavenly.
She hadn’t tasted anything since Jasper’s death, had eaten only because she had to.

“I’m back,” Ms. Christine announced, plopping back down in her chair. How’re the crab cakes?”

“Ma, there’s just no word for them. Too good. Let’s leave it at that.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed them. Finished?”

Daisy nodded.

Ms. Christine pushed her plate back. “I know you need to talk to me. But first let me talk to you, okay?”

Daisy smiled. “Sure, go ahead. There’s no way I’m going to forget my subject.”

“Well, what are you going to do about Jay? Are you going to be his guardian—adopt him?”

Daisy looked down. “I don’t know. I want to, but I don’t know the legalities, or how I’m going to take care of him. But I will, somehow. Whatever I do, I have to do it quickly. Summer’s almost over. Jay starts school in a month. And Jasper left everything to his wife, nothing to his son—or me, for that matter.”

“Is his family that bad? You couldn’t trust Jay in their care?”

“Ma, they don’t know him, were never there for him. Please, they didn’t even know he existed. But I’m sure they do now. I told you Jasper’s wife came over to confront me. She saw Jay, and she had to have known that he was Jasper’s. Who wouldn’t know? He’s the spitting image of his father. Still, she put us out.”

Ms. Christine sat quietly for a moment, staring into space. “I got it,” she finally said, to no one in particular. “I’ll take Jay home with me for the rest of the summer while you get yourself together. It’ll be good for both of you. Besides, he’s always enjoyed his visits—”

“Wait, Ma—” Daisy started to protest.

“Don’t interrupt me, Daisy. Listen. Jay can come home with me, and you can get his paperwork together. Jasper may not have left you two any money, but he worked the majority of his life, and he made good money. Jay’s eligible for Social Security.”

“Damn. You’re absolutely right. That never crossed my mind.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Sorry. But I can’t let you take Jay. He’s already confused and hurt. He needs me right now.”

“Yes, he does. But what are you going to do when they come to take him away? And believe me, they’re going to come. You don’t have the money to whisk him away and hide him. Let him come home with me, get a few weeks of stability in his life. He and Lani can play together. Let the boy learn to laugh again.”

Daisy nodded and smiled on the inside. She fantasized about her children playing together and longed for the day that it wouldn’t be temporary. She knew Jay’s going would be best for both of them. She could use the time to get on her feet, and he could enjoy himself, finally—hopefully.

Ms. Christine reached into her purse. “Now, about what you wanted to talk about. I have a feeling I know what else is bothering you, besides Jasper. Once you cleaned out the closet I knew your memories would come back to haunt you again.” Ms. Christine slid a picture across the table in front Daisy. “Lalani. You want Lani back, right?”

Daisy stared at Lani’s picture and picked it up gently, as if it might break.

“She looks just like you,” Ms. Christine went on, “but I guess you can see that. Answer me this: How come you haven’t seen your daughter in almost seven years?”

Daisy held the picture and traced Lani’s pretty smile with the tip of her nail. She couldn’t believe how much her daughter had grown. She was even missing a couple of teeth. Daisy grinned at that, wondering if anyone teased her at school.

“Well?” Ms. Christine leaned back and drummed her fingers on the table.

“Well what, Ma? Well, do I want Lani back, or, well, how come I haven’t seen her?” Daisy laid Lani’s picture on the table.

“Don’t get cute, Daisy.”

Daisy’s mouth was dry. She reached for her glass of water but found it empty. Ms. Christine slid her glass of water across the table. “Thanks, Ma.” Daisy gulped the water. “Ooh, I needed that.”

“I know. My mouth gets dry too when I’m nervous.”

“I’m not nervous. Okay, so I am. It’s just hard for me to explain about Lani.”

“I know, Daisy, just like I know you. You do want Lani back, right?”

Daisy nodded.

“Well, I don’t understand—”

“She’s my child, Ma.”

“Okay, I’ll grant you that. You did birth her. But Lani is Brea’s daughter.”

“No, she’s my daughter, Ma. And I’d have her, if you guys—”

“We what? Say it, Daisy.”

Daisy looked around the restaurant. She didn’t want to cause a scene. “If you guys hadn’t made me give her up.”

“Oh, really? You think we made you? Daisy, look at me. No one made you give Lani to Brea. You know that. Do you remember how you cried about school? You’d call me and say, ‘Ma, how am I going to do it? I have to graduate. What am I going to do?’ Do you remember all that? I do. I remember it plain as day. I was the one you’d wake up at three, sometimes four in the morning.”

“Yes, I remember,” Daisy mumbled.

“So how can you sit there and accuse us of making you give Lani away?”

Daisy looked into her mother’s eyes. “Ma, you came up with the idea.”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t know what you’ve talked yourself into believing, but you’re wrong—dead wrong—and you know it. What I suggested, baby, is that you come home for the remainder of your pregnancy. But you refused. You took Brea up on her offer to live with her.”

“I know, Ma. I thought that’s what you wanted. You said I was an embarrassment to the family.” Daisy wiped her tears with a linen napkin.

“Oh, Lord, Daisy. I may have. If I did, I apologize. I didn’t mean to. I was just so upset about it back then.
My baby
was having a baby. It’s just that you—all of my children—always made me so proud. I used to brag all the time about you kids. To me, you all were perfect. We’d never had a problem before that. You children never gave your dad and me any trouble. You went to school, helped out around the house, graduated, and went to college.”