Authors: Richard Wiseman
Quirkology (23 page)
Why should these latter types of lines be so successful? The answer was revealed by an unusual experiment involving drinking straws and funny voices.
In 2004, Arthur Aron (of the 1974 bridge study) and Barbara Fraley, a psychologist from the State University of New York at Stony Brook, randomly paired strangers and had them carry out one of two sets of slightly strange behaviors.
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In one condition, one stranger was blindfolded and the other was asked to hold a drinking straw between his or her teeth (which made that person’s voice sound funny). The two then carried out a series of tasks designed to make them laugh. The blindfolded person had to learn a series of dance steps by listening to instructions read by the straw-holding colleague. In another example of laboratory-based hilarity, they were asked to act their favorite television commercial using a made-up language.
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In one condition, one stranger was blindfolded and the other was asked to hold a drinking straw between his or her teeth (which made that person’s voice sound funny). The two then carried out a series of tasks designed to make them laugh. The blindfolded person had to learn a series of dance steps by listening to instructions read by the straw-holding colleague. In another example of laboratory-based hilarity, they were asked to act their favorite television commercial using a made-up language.
The other, more straight-faced condition did not involve drinking straws. Here, the dance steps were learned without the blindfold and the silly voice, and the commercials were acted in English. Participants were then asked to complete a questionnaire about how much fun they had had. The results confirmed that the blindfold, drinking straw, and silly language had resulted in significantly more hilarity. Then came the crunch question: All the participants were asked to draw two overlapping circles to indicate the degree of closeness they had felt with their partners. The results revealed that those who had participated in the shared humor experience felt significantly closer to their partners, and also found them more attractive.
The successful pick-up lines in our study were the speed-dating equivalent of putting a straw in your mouth to make your voice sound silly: They elicited a shared funny experience that promoted a sense of closeness and attraction.
Imagine that you are going to write a personal ad. What choice of words do you think would prove most successful and attract the largest number of replies? This was exactly the question tackled in another aspect of our journey into the science of seduction.
We asked everyone involved in the speed-dating experiment to write a short personal ad containing about twenty words. We then showed these to more than a hundred men and women and asked them to indicate which ads they would be most likely to answer. The results provided important clues into a hitherto unexplored aspect of ads.
Previous work into personals had examined the type of person most frequently sought by men and women.
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The results haven’t yielded many big surprises. Men tend to look for women who are physically attractive, understanding, and athletic. In contrast, women are searching for someone who is understanding, humorous, and emotionally healthy. I decided to take a different tack.
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The results haven’t yielded many big surprises. Men tend to look for women who are physically attractive, understanding, and athletic. In contrast, women are searching for someone who is understanding, humorous, and emotionally healthy. I decided to take a different tack.
I looked through the ads we had received and noticed something odd. There was a large variation in the number of words that people used to describe themselves compared to the number of words used to describe the person they were looking for. Which type of ad would attract the greater number of replies—the one that describes you in greater detail or the one that describes the person you are looking for?
To find out, I counted the number of words the advertisers used for themselves and for those they sought. I then used these two numbers to derive a “self versus other” percentage. At one extreme were the “it’s all about you” people, who obtained a near 0 percent score by saying very little about themselves and instead focused almost entirely on their wish lists:
Brunette, 27, looking for someone kind, romantic, spontaneous, caring, and who is willing to take a risk. We can always tell them we met in the supermarket!
In the middle of the range were the “it’s about the two of us” people who split the wording more evenly, describing themselves and their potential partners, and who obtained a 50 percent score:
Laid-back guy, good sense of humor, into sport, travel, lethal coffee, eating out, seeks creative, funny, sunny, happy, charismatic girl to while away long summer nights.
Then, at the other end of the spectrum were the “it’s all about me” people who obtained a 100 percent score by focusing almost entirely on themselves:
Bright, fun, gym-loving, nonsmoker, singer-songwriter, into detective novels, funny films, American comedy shows, and long walks on sunny beaches.
I then looked at the relationship between the score assigned to each ad and the number of people indicating that they would reply to that ad. The results were revealing. Only a small number of people indicated that they would reply to “it’s all about you” ads. The “it’s all about me” ads fared a little better, but still didn’t attract many replies. A balance between the two extremes turned out to be the winning formula. The results showed that a 70 percent “this is me” versus 30 percent “this is what I am looking for” balance attracted the greatest number of replies. It seems that if you devote more than 70 percent of the ad to describing yourself, you look self-centered. Less than 70 percent and you look suspicious.
Our two top ads fitted the pattern, and contained the rough 70:30 split. Around 45 percent of men said that they would reply to the winning female ad:
Genuine, attractive, outgoing, professional female, good sense of humor. Enjoys keeping fit, socializing, music, and travel. Would like to meet like-minded, good-natured guy to share quality times.
Similarly, almost 60 percent of women indicated that they would be attracted to the top male ad:
Male, good sense of humor, adventurous, athletic, enjoys cooking, comedy, culture, film, seeks sporty, fun female for chats and possible romantic relationship.
Our study also provided another top tip for those wishing to write winning ads. We asked our group of one hundred people to indicate which ads they thought members of the opposite sex would be likely to answer. The results showed a remarkable difference between the sexes.
First, let’s have a look at the ads written by men. We compared the percentage of women who said that they would reply to each ad with the percentage of men who
thought
that women would reply. So, one of the ads read:
thought
that women would reply. So, one of the ads read:
Tall, slim, athletic, fashionable male with a good sense of humor looking for slim to average girl with good sense of humor interested in cars, music, clothes, and cuddles.
About 11 percent of women said that they would reply to the ad. Interestingly, men said that they thought 15 percent of women would reply—a remarkably accurate prediction. Another ad noted:
Tall, energetic male with his head in the clouds and feet on the ground. Would like to meet a woman who is fun, positive, and isn’t afraid of a challenge.
This time, 39 percent of women checked the “yes” box. Again, men’s predictions were remarkably accurate, predicting that 32 percent of women would answer this ad. And so it went on. For ad after ad, men were able to predict accurately which ads women would find attractive and which they would avoid. Overall, men’s predictions were, on average, 90 percent correct.
A very different story emerged when women predicted men’s behavior. Look at the following ad, written by a female:
Cute and quirky professional with a passion for good food, wine, and company looking for the proverbial tall, dark, and handsome with cracking wit and fit body.
Only 5 percent of the men said that they would reply to the ad. Women were convinced that this would act as a man-magnet, predicting that about 44 percent of them would reply. How about:
Relaxed, upbeat, friendly woman who enjoys relaxing, laughing, exploring the world, and wants to dance the night away!
Once again, women thought that this would attract the majority of men, but they were wrong. Only about 22 percent of men indicated that they would respond.
The pattern repeated itself across the ads. Women simply had very little idea about what actually attracted men. So why are women so inaccurate? Perhaps the unsolicited “questionnaire graffiti” that women thought men were interested only in the physical attributes of women is a clue. Time and again, we came across comments such as “They are just interested in one thing,” and “They are only interested by two things.” Our research suggests that perhaps men are not quite so shallow. Regardless, the implication for women using personals is simple: If you want to attract lots of beaus, get a guy to write your ad.
Take a quick look at the two images shown in
figure 7
. Do you prefer the image on the left or the one on the right? Your decision may feel like little more than guesswork, but in reality there is a considerable amount of psychology at work, and I recently used this task to understand more about that most curious of human experiences: love at first sight.
figure 7
. Do you prefer the image on the left or the one on the right? Your decision may feel like little more than guesswork, but in reality there is a considerable amount of psychology at work, and I recently used this task to understand more about that most curious of human experiences: love at first sight.
Fig. 7
Which image do you find more attractive?
Which image do you find more attractive?
The study was initiated by an e-mail from a middle-aged woman called Jenny. Jenny had been one of the participants in the speed-dating study, and she was writing to let me know that she had since met the man of her dreams under somewhat unusual circumstances. Her e-mail described how, a few months before, she had arrived at a friend’s party and immediately noticed a man standing on the other side of the room. Their eyes met for a split second and Jenny had the sudden, and surreal, experience of instantly “knowing” that this was the man she was going to marry. The man smiled, walked over, and the two of them started to chat. A few hours later, he admitted to having felt the same instant attraction toward Jenny, and the two of them arranged to meet again. Jenny ended her e-mail by explaining that they had been together for six months now, and were planning to marry.
Jenny’s e-mail made me curious about the idea of love at first sight. A search through psychology journals and books revealed that there had been no academic work into the topic, and so the area seemed ripe for some quirky research. A month later, I launched a two-part online experiment to take an initial look at the phenomenon.
The first part of the study tackled several questions. What percentage of people have experienced love at first sight? Do more women than men report the phenomenon? Did the experience lead to a romantic relationship and, if so, how long had those relationships lasted? More than six hundred members of the public agreed to take part, and the results were fascinating.
Almost 70 percent of respondents said that they had indeed experienced love at first sight, with roughly equal numbers of men and women reporting the sensation. These are not once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Forty percent of respondents said that they had experienced the phenomenon more than once, one in ten people having experienced it several times. The results also suggested that there is far more to these experiences than just wishful thinking. In 40 percent of instances, people reported that the objects of their desire had experienced exactly the same feelings, 60 percent of the experiences had led to romantic relationships, and one in four of these relationships had lasted longer than ten years.
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