Authors: Barbara Peters
He had said the building was going to be in one of the old districts of town, which was being renewed. He must have been laughing behind her back at that joke. It had been her own district she had been working on with him and it made her feel sick to even think about it. Such deceit was just beyond words.
Then I told her about this morning. The discovery I made in the supermarket and the other discovery I made when I got back. She just sat there on her bed as I cried out my eyes and gaped at me.
“I am so going to kill him. And this time you won’t hold me back.”
She was furious, not just about our apartment, but even more about me. She was like a sister to me and extremely protective
.
“I don’t really care if you kill him at this point, but it’s not really worth the effort. I just want to move on and forget about him.”
She had been on her way out the door when my words stopped her.
“Oh, honey,” she said in sympathy and walked back over to me and through her arms around me. “I’m always here for you.”
“I know
,
you’re my best friend.”
“
Hell ,yes
I am,” she pulled back and grinned at me. “Maybe if you really are pregnant, we can be like those lesbians who adopt children and raise them. We would be the best moms ever.”
Even that couldn’t get my spirits up, although I found it hilarious and fitting.
“I just don’t want him to know should I really carry his child. He doesn’t deserve to know and he’s sure as hell not fit to be my child’s father.”
“I understand you completely, sister. Putting up a nice facade and then stabbing the knife in your back. He doesn’t deserve anything good in his life.”
She hugged me again and then asked, “Better?”
“A little.”
I gave her a brave, if still a little wobbly, smile. I could do this.
“Good, then let’s get you something to eat. Your stomach has been growling for the last half an hour.”
We went back down the stairs and made ourselves snacks in the kitchen. Then we went outside to the yard and joined the kids, playing Hide and Seek. I hadn’t done that in years and felt like a child all over again. It was fun and distracted me from my worries for a while.
That night I couldn’t sleep, although I was beyond exhausted. I was tossing and turning and couldn’t find a comfortable position
on the
living room couch. Jess had offered me her bed, but I had adamantly refused to take away her own comfort.
But it wasn’t really the uncomfortable couch that kept me up all night. It was thoughts of Ethan Rowe. I had only been gone for a day and was still mad as hell at him, but somehow I also missed him like crazy.
I missed his arms around me, how he held me tight in my sleep, his soft and passionate kisses. I didn’t think you could miss something you only experienced for such a short time. And before I knew it the tears were running again.
When the sun started to
rise
I finally fell into an exhausted sleep.
I dreamt about Ethan, holding our baby in his arms and beaming at me like a proud father. In the morning my eyes were swollen from all the crying I did in my sleep. I craved that scene with all of my heart, but I knew I could never have it.
A week went by in the same manner. I think I was starting to affect the whole family with my depressing attitude. Jess tried her best to get my spirits up, but it didn’t help anything.
I was acting like a robot. I slept, ate, talked when talked to and slept some more.
In the second week I started to get morning sickness and when I didn’t get my period at the end of the week it was final for me. To make sure Jess dragged me to the local pharmacy and we bought a pregnancy test.
She was determined to raise this baby with me no matter what. And she wouldn’t even hear about adoption. She said it was my baby and that I would definitely regret it later. This way I at least had something good from the man I loved.
As expected the test showed that I was pregnant. Unexpectedly, my spirits lifted with the prospect of watching my baby grow inside my belly. I couldn’t wait to finally meet him or her and hold it in my arms.
At the end of the third week a sleek black, little sports car came up the driveway. Jess and I had been sitting on the porch, basking in the sun and talking about my dreams for the baby, when we were startled by a blaring horn. Horror filled me as I saw the car. I didn’t want to see that lying, betraying bastard.
Quickly I got up and rushed into the house before he could get out of the car. Jess was right behind me, but made a beeline for a cabinet and grabbed the shotgun hidden there.
With the gun in hand she made her way back to the porch and I didn’t stop her. On the contrary I watched in morbid fascination as she got ready to protect me with her life. I was so thankful for my best friend at that moment that I could only smile and speak a silent thank you to the heavens.
The door closed behind her again and I stood there in the middle of the living room, listening.
“What’s going on?” Jess’ aunt asked.
She had seen her niece grab the gun and stalk out the door.
“Don’t worry. It’s nothing serious. She just wants
to scare off my ex-boyfriend.”
It wasn’t exactly true since
Ethan and I had never really been in a relationship. We had just had a very short affair that had resulted in me getting pregnant.
She relented, though, and didn’t ask further questions. She had seen my behavior over the last three weeks and obviously agreed with us that he deserved this.
Loud voices came from the front porch as auntie disappeared in the kitchen.
“Turn around, get back into your car and drive away. You aren’t welcome here.” I could make out Jess’ threatening voice very clearly.
As Ethan’s voice came muffled through the door my already thudding heart skipped a beat. “I came to see if Rachel is here?”
“Oh, she’s here alright, but she sure as hell won’t talk to you?”
“Why? What happened? I woke up and she was gone and nowhere to be found. I asked around the university campus if anyone had seen her, but no one knew anything. And then yesterday I heard that you had gone to stay at your aunt’s place, so I got the address and came here as soon as possible. Why did she disappear all of a sudden?”
He sounded tired.
Jess laughed dryly. “Well, you’re the one who should know best, shouldn’t you?
Since it was your doing that got us into this situation in the first place.”
“If you’re talking about the apartment eviction, I didn’t know about that until Rachel called me that day. I knew we were redeveloping one of the old and run-down districts, but I didn’t know it was yours.”
“Well, tough luck. You’re still the one responsible.”
“That’s just it. I’m not. I’m just the architect. The one coordinating it all is my brother, Zach.”
“
Your…
brother?”
It all sounded so convenient for him. Let’s put the blame on the probably nonexistent brother.
“Yes, we’re co-owners of Rowe Reconstruction, Inc., but he’s the CEO and I’m the head architect. Most of my work I do from home.”
“And?
What exactly does that tell me?”
“It means I don’t really have a say in this project apart from the design of the new building. Even if I did, there’s nothing I could do to stop it. The project is commissioned by the magistrate of the city to make the city’s image more beautiful.”
“Making it more beautiful doesn’t mean you have to throw hundreds of people out on their asses and make most of them homeless. Does it?”
“No, you’re right.”
“Then fix it. Otherwise there won’t be any future for you and Rachel.”
“Is that what she said?”
I could only assume that Jess was nodding since I couldn’t see either of them.
I didn’t explicitly say it, but that was essentially what it came down to.
“I want to talk to her.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to you, though.
”
“Rachel!”
h
e
shouted.
I
jumped a bit, startled
at the sudden
noise
.
“Rachel, please come out and talk to me!”
I kept completely still, not making a sound. If I gave in now, it still wouldn’t change anything. I would still be in the same situation as hundreds of other people, thrown out of their homes. And I couldn’t live and raise a child with a betraying bastard like that.
“Please, Rachel!”
He
shouted even louder. “I know you can hear me. Please, talk to me.”
Tears were now streaming down my face and I had to tell myself over and over again that he would never be the father my baby needed.
“Do you really want her back that much?” I could hear Jess’ voice asking.
“
More than anything
.”
It was barely above a whisper, but I swore that’s what he said.
“Then you have to show her that. Words don’t mean anything.
They are just hot air.
You have to show her with actions what she means to you.”
I wanted to go to him so badly, to feel
his strong
arms around me, but I just couldn’t do that to myself or the baby.
If he lied to me again, I wouldn’t be able to get over it. I didn’t even know
,
if I could get over it the first time. I was still so hurt and heartbroken.
After a few minutes in silence I heard the engine of his car rev up.
He had given up then. He didn’t really want me back. It was probably just the thought of me breaking it off first that had his panties in such a tight twist.
It was clear as day he didn't care about other people at all. All he cared about where his own selfish needs. He thought he wanted what was rightfully his now, but I wasn't an object to be owned by anyone. I was a living, breathing human being with feelings of my own and as an adult I had the right to make my own damn decisions.
I wasn't going to be walked all over by any man ever again. Not the bosses at my future jobs and certainly not the man, who claimed to want me back at all costs.
As the sounds of the car driving away faded the door opened and Jess walked in with the shotgun in one hand. She looked at my tear streaked face and immediately enveloped me in a tight hug.
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
“No, it won’t,
” I sobbed into her shoulder. I realized that I
was getting her shirt all wet and snotty
, but I just couldn’t stop clinging to her
. “He just thought I was like one of his projects or something. He just didn’t like the idea that I left first. He would never fight for me.”
“I wouldn’t be so rash to judge. He had a pretty determined expression on his face as he left.”
I couldn’t say anything more to that. I wouldn’t have known what. I just stood there and sobbed my eyes out until there were no tears left.
During our fourth week we finally found another apartment in the city. After searching for the last three weeks I was stunned we found anything at all in our pay rate. I had a little of the money left that I had earned working for Ethan, but if I didn’t find another j
ob soon we would be in trouble.
Jess was in the same situation since she had been fired when
we were evicted.
Now we had an apartment that looked even worse than the last one and were completely jobless with a baby on the way. I really hoped our situations would get better because I didn’t think raising a baby in this situation would be ideal.
On top of that we had to catch up with everything that we
had
missed at university
over the time we had stayed at auntie’s place in the middle of nowhere, America, where no internet could reach you.
It was another exhausting two months until I had finally caught up with the lectures. Of course, in all this chaos I had missed the date of the exam and had to take it in another month. It was even more grueling because I knew had I had Ethan as my tutor again I would have been able to master the course material in about half the time that I alone needed.
When we weren’t studying or looking for jobs Jess accompanied me to doctor’s appointments or we went shopping for baby things. She even went to gymnastics classes for future mothers with me. She was the best friend any one girl could ever wish for and I was most certainly grateful for that.
Our new roommate, Trevor, was just the sweetest guy. He was the one whose ad on the black board we had answered. From day one he was always happy to help us with anything we needed. He held doors open for me and helped me carry groceries or things for the baby.
Apparently, he was gay since he never showed any interest in any girl or brought them home with him. At least I thought so and was completely shocked out of my mind when I found him
and
Jess
in her
bed
together
one day, draped over her in a very revealing pose.
I just wanted to borrow a shirt from her and didn’t know she was home, so I just barged into her room without regard for
her privacy. I rummaged around her cupboard for a few minutes until I found the shirt I was looking for.
Suddenly I heard someone moaning behind me and turned around to look. I squeaked in total surprise as I saw them there completely intertwined with each other. You couldn’t even tell where one ended and the other began.