I hear my phone ringing again and I sigh, staring down at the screen. It’s John. He needs an answer by tomorrow
noon, he needs to know if I’m racing. I haven’t found it in my heart to tell him I’m not yet. After all he’s done for me…I just…I don’t want to hurt him but I have no choice. I couldn’t do it to Slade, not after what he went through. He had his dreams ripped from him, I can’t shove a win in his face and make him watch me do the one thing he strived half his life to do.
When my phone rings again, I sigh and answer it. I know
it’s Slade and I also know he’ll drive everyone at the hospital mad if he gets in a worse mood. So I know I have to answer.
“Slade.”
“You gave up the race, didn’t you?”
I sigh. “I haven’t yet, but I’m going to.”
“Why?” he whispers.
“Why?” I gasp, “Because
you nearly lost your life. You lost your dream. I won’t flaunt this in front of you Slade, I won’t do it.”
“I haven’t lost my dream, Dashy. It’s on hold but I haven’t lost it. You can’t give this race
up, you can’t give it up for me.”
I close my eyes and whisper. “I can’t do it Slade, I’m frightened.”
That’s part of the reason I don’t want to race anymore. It’s deep down in my soul, and I haven’t admitted it to anyone until now, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll crash. All I can see is Slade’s car flipping and burning. Then seeing him with blood…
“Dashy,” he says in a gentle tone. “It’s ok…you’re a good racer.”
“I just don’t know…I don’t know if I can do it.”
“You have to do
it, you’ve worked your whole life for this.”
“Maybe, but I’ve also seen so much pain come from it.”
“Dash, you can’t give up on this.”
I swallow. “Can we talk about this later? I just….can’t make a decision right now.”
“Dash, don’t give it up. Promise me you won’t give it up.”
“I can’t promise you that Slade.”
He sighs. “I’m coming home tomorrow, don’t make a decision until then. Please?”
I swallow, whisper an
ok and then hang up. I don’t know how to do this. I just don’t.
~*~*~*~
Slade’s homecoming is something I’ve been waiting for, for weeks. When I get him in our unit, I feel such relief wash over me it almost hurts. I settle him on the couch, and he watches me with a narrowed gaze as I flit about, making sure everything is easily accessible to him. My phone begins ringing, but before I can snatch it up off the coffee table in front of Slade, he’s gripping it and staring at the screen.
“John.”
He answers it before I can get to him.
“Slade!”
I cry.
“John,
it’s Slade.”
Slade listens, nodding and holding
me back as I try to leap over him to get my phone. Of course, I’m not trying too hard because I don’t want to hurt him. He holds my chest, and continues to listen.
“She’ll be there.”
He hangs up and I snap. “What did you just do?”
He stands, using his crutches. He leans against them and looks over at me.
“Get in the car, we’re going to the track.”
“Slade, no…”
He reaches across and grips my face. “Dashy, we’re doing this.”
“I can’t,” I whisper, looking away.
“You can, I’ll be with you.”
I lose it then. “How can I do that to you? Make you watch me take something you have been beaten up for half your life to get. You’ve sacrificed
Slade, you deserve it, not me.”
He grips me and
jerks me until we both fall back onto the couch. I cry out as I land with a thud and he flips me, flattening his body over mine.
“You dare say anything like that again, I’ll flog you Dasha Jewel. Don’t y
ou tell me I’m the only one whose sacrificed for this, because you know it’s not true. You lost your mum, your dad went crazy and you lost me. You’ve lived through pain and heartache just as much as I have and you’ve fought. You deserve this. You deserve it and you’ll do it because if you don’t, I’ll kick your ass.”
I shove his chest and he chuckles.
“I hate you, Slade Devaroe.”
“No baby, you don’t.”
His lips graze over mine and I whimper. His aqua eyes search my face, before he presses another smoldering kiss to my lips.
“Slade,” I whisper. “We can’t.”
“Why?” he murmurs, running his hand down my side.
“You’re hurt.”
“I’m fine, we’ll go easy.”
“Slade!”
“Shhh baby, don’t say no. We need this.”
I whimper when his warm lips slide down my neck, slowly. I grip his shoulders and wrap my legs around his waist. I don’t push too hard, knowing it’s probably going to be a little
awkward for him. His fingers slide up underneath my shirt and he kisses me softly as he finds my aching nipples. He gently rolls and pulls them until I’m crying out and arching up for him. When his fingers slide down under my shorts, my whole body sparks to life. I groan and kiss him so deeply he’s panting by the time we pull apart.
“I need you now,” he rasps. “I don’t want to wait.”
He lifts my hips and slides my shorts down, then he jerks his jeans down, not taking them fully off. Then he’s inside me, and oh god, it’s perfect. I groan and arch, the mixture of pleasure and pain such a delicious combination. I grip his shoulders, meeting each of his thrusts with my hips. His ragged breathing spurs me on, and I slide my hands up underneath his shirt and drag my fingernails down his back. He groans deep and low in his throat as his pace becomes harder, faster.
“Slade, oh god!”
“Dash, you feel so….good,” he grates out.
His arm muscles bulge as he holds himself off me and thrusts with determination. Our bodies heat as he moves harder and faster. When I explode around him, I hear his own ragged cry as he finds his release. His body drops onto mine and we lay panting, content and hot. His lips slide across my neck and my fingers slide up and down his back. When he finds my lips, I let him kiss me, let our tongues explore, let his teeth nip at my swollen bottom lip. Before I know it, he’s pulling me up so I’m straddling his lap and he’s sitting, leaning against the couch.
He’s ready once more, and my body comes alive at the thought of how much he needs me right now. I rock my hips and he groans, cupping my breasts and finding my mouth once more. I move again, loving the sensation of him filling me completely. I move gently, slowly, our bodies in the perfect rhythm. His groans spur me on and I pick up the pace, gently tilting and working my hips until I’m crying out once more. Pleasure shoots through me as I find my release. My head falls back and Slade’s lips find my throat as he rasps my name into my neck, finding his release once more also.
With a content sigh, I slump against him and inhale the smell of sex, Slade and me combined. He wraps his arms around me tightly, holding me flush against his body until our breathing has gone back to normal. When I slide off him, he’s smiling at me, and god he’s gorgeous. I reach out and stroke his cheek, and he grips my hand and kisses the back of it before pressing it to his heart and looking me right in the eye.
“I love you Dash, I want you to do this for me.”
I frown and close my eyes. “Slade…”
“Please, at least try…”
“I’m afraid,” I whisper.
He grips my chin, tilting my face up so I am looking at him.
“I know you are, but you have to do this Dash. If you don’t…”
“I know,” I say in a tired voice. “I’ll never get in a race car again.”
“Take me to the track Dash, now. We both have some fears to
conquer.”
With a sigh, I do exactly that.
“Come on baby.”
I hear Slade’s words behind me as I start my car. A sick feeling swells in my stomach and my hands become sweaty. I can’t do this. I can’t. Slade reaches in
to the car and he takes my hand, pressing it to his lips.
“You can do this, just go nice and slow.”
I clench my eyes shut. I can do this. I can. I open my eyes and meet Slade’s encouraging stare. He doesn’t have to be here, I know somewhere deep down in his soul he’s hurting right now but he’s keeping it together for me. He’s cheering me on when he doesn’t have to be. If I don’t at least try this, I know part of him will be let down.
“Ok,” I whisper.
“I believe in you, baby.”
Slade kisses me once more and then closes the door. I stare at the track in front of
me, I know it like the back of my hand. I know it and I can do it. I just have to go back to the place I was at before Slade’s accident. I slowly release the clutch and the car surges forward. I putter around the track at sixty, my breathing heavy, sweat slides down my forehead. By the time I’m on the second lap, my breathing is a little easier and I’m up to eighty.
By the time I hit the
twelfth lap, I am up to a hundred and feeling the anxiety leaving my body. What is it they say? If you fall off a horse, you have to get back on again. It’s correct, the whole concept is entirely true. I manage to go up to one twenty and I do a few laps. When I finally come to a stop, my heart is pounding and adrenaline rushes through my body. I get out of the car and Slade comes rushing over, well, as fast as he can rush with crutches. I run towards him and at the last minute he drops his crutches and wraps his arms around me.
“You did it!” he cries. “Dashy, you fuckin’ did it!”
“I did it!”
John claps and comes rushing over, my father is close behind. They both swing me around and we all cheer and laugh.
When I look back at Slade, he’s staring at the car with a new determination.
“Give me the keys.”
“Slade son, your leg,” John says.
“It’s healed enough for me to press an accelerator
, now give me the keys.”
Slade’s eyes are on mine, even though he answered John. It’s my father that speaks next, and his words surprise me.
“Give him the keys, he needs this. I never got back in a race car and I regret every minute I let pass, now it’s too late. Give him the keys Dash, let him do this.”
I stare at my
father, and then turn back to Slade and slowly my hand stretches out to hand him the keys. He takes them from me and then leans in and whispers, “I believed in you, now you have to believe in me.”
“I do,” I whisper back.
“Always.”
Slade dominates the track, he literally kills it. I thought he’d falter, I thought he’d crumble before he even got in the car but he didn’t. He started it up and put his foot on
the accelerator, taking that leap. It was a way to release himself from the past and start again. He did that, he did it and he owned it. I’ve never been so proud of him in my entire life. When he gets out of that car, I run towards him. When we connect, his arms wrap around me and tears tumble down his cheeks.
“I did it Dashy, I did it.”
“Baby, you did it. I’m so proud of you.”
Our lips meet and our tears combine. I know one thing in that moment, and that is that his tears aren’t because he got in that car, or because he accepted that he would have to start again. Those
tears, were that of freedom. Slade was free. Finally.
“You can do this Dash, I know you can.”
I swallow, staring at my car and the racetrack, then turning back to Slade.
“I don’t know Slade, I’m so nervous…”
“We’ve been over this, we’ve been practicing. You can do this, you were born to do this.”
“And you?”
He grins and leans against his car. “Oh you know, I’m going to do the before races but that’s fine by me. One day I’ll be where you are, but right now, you deserve this moment and you’re going to kill it.”
“I couldn’t have done this without you
Slade, you know that right?”
He tilts my chin up and brings his lips down onto mine in a sweet, deep kiss. When he pulls back, I’m panting and staring up at him through hooded lashes.
“No, baby, you did this all on your own.”
I grin at him and stroke his cheek. “This’ll be you
soon, you’re free to do what you need.”
He grins. “Oh I know, this time I’m going for it my way.”
I frown a moment and then whisper. “Have you seen Michael?”
He shrugs. “No…and I’m good with that. He’s tried to call, but I don’t think he’d dare come back here Dashy, not after what Colby did to him.”
I smile and kiss him again. “Well, my dad is pretty scary when he wants to be.”
Slade laughs and rubs his hand. “I know, I think he just about broke my hand when he shook it earlier.”
“Oh? Why were you shaking my dad’s hand?”
Slade grins, “That’s for me to know…”
I shove his chest and grin, but before I can answer Payton and Lucas come rushing over. I beam when I see them, and I rush over to give them a hug before the race.