Mick pulled Ceri along to the bedroom, but then hesitated. He loved that Ceri had helped to create this new man who knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to take it. Ceri sat on the bed gazing up at him.
“Being with you makes me happier than I thought I could be. You’re a good man, Mick Flanagan, but now I want you to be a very bad man!”
“Oh you do, do you? And how would I do that then?” he asked. With his confidence returned, he couldn’t help smirking as he began to undo his belt. Ceri fell to his knees in front of him. Sometimes Mick still needed to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. This gorgeous man followed his every move and licked his lips in anticipation. Slowly, he pulled out his cock and shook it in front of Ceri’s beautiful mouth.
“Is this what you want then?” Mick asked.
“You know it is.” Ceri opened his lips eagerly, took the now erect shaft in his hands, and guided it into his mouth. Mick groaned as soon as Ceri’s tongue got going. He knew he shouldn’t want to cry watching Ceri move up and down, taking him all in, and then revealing him again, but his feelings were all over the place. He clutched Ceri’s shoulders to steady himself.
Ceri kept his attention on Mick’s cock, sucking and stroking. He ran the fingers of his freehand up Mick’s chest. Mick had always felt self-conscious about his hairy body, but Ceri didn’t seem to mind, by the way he was winding the auburn hair on Mick’s chest around his fingers. Mick moaned when Ceri tweaked his nipple.
“Feeling a bit on my own here,” Mick managed between moans. The sensation of Ceri’s soft mouth on his cock was beginning to be too much to bear, and he didn’t want to come like this. He reluctantly pulled himself out then leaned down and kissed Ceri’s upturned face. The longing he witnessed there shook him to his core. In those eyes, he saw love and desire, but above all, trust. That Ceri trusted him to make decisions was, for him, the most amazing part of this, and he loved it. He pulled Ceri up onto his feet then kissed Ceri’s forehead, his nose and then his mouth, just gently at first and then harder. He kicked off his trainers, trousers, and briefs, turned his lover around, and pushed him down onto the single bed. For a little while, he lay with Mick on top of him, face to face, trying to catch their breath.
“Too many clothes,” Mick said. He buried his face in Ceri’s neck and kissed him so hard it would leave a mark. Next, he reached between them and tugged at the button and zip that held up Ceri’s jeans. He could feel him wriggling, trying to shrug off his clothes over his feet, which created a beautiful friction as their cocks rubbed together, lubricated by pre-come.
Ceri groaned and thrust his pelvis up to meet Mick’s movements. “Feels so good,” he said. “The things you do to me.” Mick needed more skin on skin. He pulled his t-shirt off then pushed up Ceri’s shirt, raising his arms above his head and holding them there for a minute, with the cotton fabric tied around them. He thrust upwards again, trying to maintain the contact as their cocks slid against each other.
“Keep going,” Ceri muttered. Mick still had one hand holding Ceri’s arms above his head. The other, at his side, stopped him falling completely as he continued to move up and down. They established a rhythm, and Mick could feel his orgasm gathering in his balls, like something alive and desperate to escape. He knew he could think of any list he liked to try to prolong these sensations, but he wasn’t going to be able to stop this wave of feeling overwhelming his senses. Mick kissed Ceri hard, plunging his tongue into his mouth just as Ceri thrust his cock up against him.
“With me,” Mick whispered. “Come with me?” He screamed, “now,” and both men let themselves go, releasing hot liquid between their bodies until Mick rolled off and lay next to Ceri, idly running his fingers through the mess they’d made together. He put his fingers in Ceri’s mouth and watched as he sucked them eagerly.
“Ngghh,” Ceri said, until Mick withdrew. He removed the shirt from his hands and reached down to wipe his own finger through the now cooling liquid. “Wow, we taste good.” He placed his fingers in Mick’s mouth. “Taste.”
Mick twirled his tongue. His cock stirred immediately. Perhaps he could manage another round after all.
“We need to tidy up, or you’re going to get very messy. Will Sally’s shower take both of us?” Ceri asked.
“If we stay close together,” Mick said, smiling.
Ceri took his hand. “I love you,” he said simply “I know we’ve only known each other for a few months, but sometimes that’s enough, isn’t it?” He sat up. His serious expression made Mick wonder what was coming next.
“I’ve decided that I’m going to apply to Leeds. Seeing Megan again helped, but I don’t want to have to leave you. Would you come with me if you can?”
“Sounds like you’re asking me to marry you,” Mick said without thinking.
“What would you say if I was?”
Mick thought for a moment. “There’s a lot to discuss, but…”
“Sorry, I know. I don’t know where that came from. It’s okay. You don’t have to answer,” Ceri said, backtracking.
Mick sat up and took his hand. “Shut up, you idiot. See this grin. Answering you is the easy bit. Ceri Llewellyn, I would love to marry you, but we need to deal with my mum and everything else first. Is that all right?”
“Of course it’s all right. You do realize you’ve just accepted my proposal, don’t you?”
“I suppose I have. Shit! I’m getting married.” He pulled Ceri over on top of him and held him close, kissing every part of his face he could reach. “Let’s get that shower now,” Ceri said winking at him. “I think I could go a second round.” He got off the bed and ran out of the room. “Don’t forget the supplies,” he shouted happily. Mick took what he needed from the drawer and chased after him.
CHAPTER 18
A few days passed before they could get back to see Tommy again. Every day, Mick rang the hospice to check on his mother. He knew it was only a matter of time. It hurt thinking about her. He’d been devastated when she’d rejected him the first time. Naively, he’d imagined her coming round to the flat to have dinner with him and Alfie, and that they would get on well because both of them loved him. And now he had Ceri. More than anything, he wanted her to meet him so she would know he was happy. He thought she’d at least want to know that. She was his mother, after all, and that should mean something, shouldn’t it?
The roar of Ceri’s bike outside the house caught his attention, so he grabbed his helmet from the rack in the hall. Ceri was taking his own helmet off when he got outside.
“Shit, sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t wake the baby, did I?”
“No, you’re all right. They’ve taken her to the park as it’s a nice day. She’s actually been very good and only screams when she’s hungry or needs changing. She sleeps for hours at a time. I don’t think that’s usual with babies, is it?”
“It depends,” Ceri said. “Mum says I was a demanding baby, whereas Megan was pretty good and could amuse herself. Fortunately, she could also amuse me. My brother’s kids are pretty good, except for Jack, who is a nightmare according to my brother, Tom. Have you ever thought about having kids?”
“Me! Not really. I mean I’m gay, and well…” He stopped suddenly, aware of Ceri’s intense gaze.
“That doesn’t matter nowadays. There’s lots of ways. Look at Elton John or Neil Patrick Harris, they’ve got kids.”
He could tell this mattered to Ceri. “I suppose so, but they’re celebrities. Do you want kids? I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Maybe… I’ve never met anyone who I wanted to have kids with until now and, as we’ve talked about getting married, it’s a possibility, isn’t it? Have I freaked you out? I have, haven’t I? Sometimes I just open my mouth without thinking.”
Mick put his hands either side of Ceri’s face and kissed him. “No, you haven’t freaked me out. Things are moving a tad too fast for me perhaps, but it’s good. It’s like I’ve only been pretending to live for the last few years, and now I’m like some butterfly who’s emerged out of a chrysalis, or should that be a moth, given I’m a bit hairy?”
Ceri smiled with obvious relief. “You’re definitely a butterfly as far as I’m concerned. Come on, we told Tommy we’d be there at two this afternoon and he said that he had some news.”
§ § §
Tommy was waiting for them in the conservatory when they arrived. A woman was sitting playing cards with him. “I hope you won’t be too warm in here, boys,” he said. “The sun warms these old arthritic bones of mine. Sit down. This is Emily. I hope you don’t mind, but I told her about your problem with your mum. I thought it might be easier if Emily talked to her, given her opinion of us queers.”
Ceri flinched. It was odd how that word got to him. Tommy caught the movement. “Sorry lad, I suppose it’s not politically correct to use that word these days, but it’s how we used to refer to each other. I’ve never really used the word gay. Times change, and words that you can and can’t use do as well. I’ve been called a lot worse than queer over the years.”
“It’s okay,” Ceri said. “I know some men use queer to describe themselves, and you’re right, being PC is a minefield these days. I suppose it depends how the word is used and by whom. I’m sorry, my mother would be asking where my manners are by now. It’s nice to meet you, Emily. This is Mick, and I’m Ceri. Mrs. Flanagan is Mick’s mother.”
Emily smiled at them both then turned towards Mick and patted his hand. “Your mum isn’t very well, but I had a chat with her yesterday. She’s beginning to get a bit confused now. She thought I was your grandmother. This isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but I think it’ll help you to understand many things. You know your mum’s family has lived in that house for a few generations?’ Mick nodded. “Well, from what I could gather it seems your great-grandmother lived there with her husband and your grandmother, until he ran off and left her for another man. They ran away to France because it wasn’t illegal there. Your mum kept apologising for letting her down and producing a man like her father. I guess you were supposed to be a girl. As far as I could work out the plan was for each generation to find someone to get them pregnant and carry on the line, but then she had you and not the girl she wanted, and even worse you turned out to be gay like your great-grandfather. She was crying and asking for forgiveness for failing her. I tried to tell her it was all right, but she got very distressed, and I had to call for the nurse.”
Mick swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears. “That would explain something. When I started working for the security firm, I needed my birth certificate.” He tried to hold himself together, but he could feel himself shaking and his mouth had gone very dry. He tried to swallow and then continued. “I thought it had been a mistake, and I got it changed, which wasn’t easy. I had to show I hadn’t had a sex change operation. On my certificate it stated I was a girl and my name was Michaela. Now, with what you’ve just told me, I think mum may have done it on purpose and lied to her mother about me being a girl so she wouldn’t let her down. That’s why she kept my hair long, to help convince her. Gran died before I was old enough to go to school. Mum would have had to tell the truth then, and now she feels guilty for lying about me. I must have been such a disappointment to her.”
Ceri put a hand on his arm. “She might also think she made you gay by treating you as a girl to begin with. Guilt is a powerful emotion, Mick. Seeing you, she has to admit all the mistakes she made and all the lies, especially if she’s getting confused now. It’s not your fault; it’s hers. She let you down. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“That’s easy to say, and deep down, I know that it’s true, but she’s still my mum and, despite everything, I still love her and need to talk to her. I suppose I’m looking for some sort of closure, though I hate that term. We need to talk, no matter how painful it’s going to be for both of us.”
None of them spoke for a little while, taking in what had been said. A woman in a wheelchair came into the room. One of the helpers positioned her so she could look out of the windows at the gardens. It was a warm day, but the air conditioning was on, and the conservatory had roof blinds, so the room was a pleasant place for anyone who felt the cold as many of the occupants of the hospice did. “I’ll get you a cup of tea, Mrs. Flanagan.”
Mick heard the name and turned around. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to cause difficulty in this place. He leaned into Ceri and whispered into his ear. “What do we do? If she sees me, there could be a scene.”
“You can both get out through the doors if you are quick,” Emily said. “We’ll try to talk to her again, depending on how she is. She’s probably dosed up with painkillers. They can make you a bit funny.”
Mick looked at Tommy. “It’s all right, lad. I’ve got a bit of time left to me before I’m completely gaga, so you can come again and listen to my ramblings. You need a bit of time to digest what you’ve heard today.” He looked at Ceri. “And you look after him, you hear me!”
“I will, and we’ll be back. It was lovely to meet you, Emily.”
Mick followed Ceri through the conservatory doors and they made their way around to the car park. “Come on,” Ceri said. “We’ve got a little time. Let’s go for a ride and get out of town for a little while.” Mick nodded; he needed some fresh air.
§ § §
Ceri took them up Leckhampton Hill until he found a spot where he could park the bike and they could sit looking over the panorama of fields and forests in from of them. He pulled Mick down onto the grass. “I’m sorry,” Ceri said.
“What for?” Mick asked. “My crazy childhood had nothing to do with you. I don’t remember much about the early stuff, just some images of long hair and dresses. I remember being given dolls to play with. Living with Mum was hard, but I never understood why. I thought she didn’t want me out of her sight because she loved me and wanted to protect me. She tried to home school me for a while, but they wouldn’t let her. I thought she worried about me, but really she was ashamed of me, wasn’t she? Ashamed she’d produced a boy rather than the girl she wanted. I’ve got it all wrong over the years, haven’t I? Do you think she ever cared for me?” He brushed a tear from his cheek. “I feel like I’ve been nothing but a disappointment to her from the moment I was born.”