There were no words to describe the feelings within her. This didn’t just involve her body, but her heart, mind and soul. All of her felt joined to all of him. Just Damon, only Damon. She moaned as the sensations wound tighter inside her. As if waiting for that signal, Damon’s movements became firmer.
She lost herself in him. In the intense exultation of his body moving within hers, in the slightly salty taste of his skin as she pressed her lips to his shoulder. She could see only him, smell only the scent of their arousal in the air. Neither of them was capable of forming actual words, but the sounds he made, the sounds she heard coming from her own mouth, pushed her to the edge. Everything conspired to bring her to fever pitch.
She rode the swell of excitement as it continued to build. Then the wave broke, bringing her into a shore of such intense pleasure that all Ravyn could do was hang on to Damon and moan his name. Even lost in her own sensations, she felt him thrust harder. Once, twice, a third time and then he, too, reached the paradise he’d brought her to.
For a long while, they both remained still, gasping for breath. Ravyn mumbled a complaint when Damon separated their bodies, but she subsided as he pulled her against his side. Her head rested on his shoulder, his arm firmly around her waist, keeping her close. His hands were gentle, stroking her with such care that she smiled. Her fingers slipped from his chest to his stomach, but she didn’t have the energy to move them any farther.
“Damn, sweet pea,” he said, his voice low, “that was incredible.”
Lost in lassitude, Ravyn slowly opened her eyes. “Yeah,” she agreed, her voice still husky, “it was.”
He kissed her then. A kiss so soft, so gentle, so full of feeling that tears of emotion welled in her eyes. Slowly, almost reluctantly, he pulled back and silence enveloped them again as they continued to hold one another. His hand absently stroked up and down her arm and Ravyn sighed and settled herself more comfortably against him.
“I can’t believe your brother could frighten off all the guys. Not as beautiful and passionate as you are,” he said a long time later.
“Believe it,” she assured him calmly. “I almost never got asked out, and when I did, there was never a second date. Somehow, Alex always managed to be outside when they’d come to pick me up. I guess there was something about him dressed in fatigues with a knife strapped to one thigh and wearing his Spec Ops beret that scared the boys off.”
“Your brother is Spec Ops?”
“Sure, I told you that.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Ravyn shrugged, her shoulder sliding pleasantly along his skin. “I meant to. I was curious if you knew each other.”
“I don’t remember meeting anyone named Verdier.”
“Verdier is my dad’s last name. Alex is a Sullivan.”
Ravyn felt Damon stiffen and she circled her fingers lightly on his stomach to soothe him.
“Your stepbrother,” he finally said in a tone she couldn’t decipher, “isn’t Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Sullivan, is he?”
“You
do
know Alex,” Ravyn said, thrilled.
Damon carefully freed himself, sat up and dropped his head into his hands. “Shit,” he muttered, “I’m a dead man.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Of all the people in all the world, why did Ravyn have to be related to the colonel?
Without much effort, Damon visualized the man’s reaction when he found out about the two of them. It might be a blessing to be killed outright. It would be a damn sight better than being made a eunuch. He winced at the thought.
Somehow Damon couldn’t quite reconcile Ravyn’s beloved brother with the man he knew. The colonel made an arctic winter feel warm. It seemed beyond comprehension that the Alex who doted on Ravyn and the rigid, remote Lieutenant Colonel Alexander M. Sullivan were one and the same.
Movement caught his attention. He turned in time to see Ravyn crawl under the blankets and pull them up to her chin. She appeared more than a little ill-at-ease and uncertain. Damon immediately put his worries about the colonel’s reaction out of his mind. He’d deal with that when the time came. Ravyn was more important. Getting under the covers himself, he shifted so he faced her. “Come here, sweet pea.”
She hesitated and his heart skipped a beat. He wanted to close the distance between them himself, but refused to force her in any way. She didn’t move, just looked at him and his pulse rate picked up. With a stunning burst of clarity, he realized he felt something akin to desperation.
When he didn’t think he could stand it any longer, Ravyn eased over until she lay beside him. Damon couldn’t help it He reached over and touched her. He put his hand on her hip and ran it down the back of her thigh to just above her knee. His fingers continued to gently knead her flesh as she stared at him. Apparently she reached a decision. Ravyn smiled tentatively and cuddled into him. Something inside Damon relaxed and he wrapped his arms around her. He kept his hold loose even though every instinct he possessed urged him to clasp her tightly to him.
“You don’t like Alex,” she said, sounding sad.
“I don’t dislike him, but it’s hard to be friendly with someone who hates you.” Damon held his breath. Please, he thought, don’t let her pull away because of this.
“Why would Alex hate you?”
“For one thing, my brother married the woman he was seeing.”
“Your brother is the poor sap who got stuck with Lara?” She looked abashed as what she said appeared to sink in. “Um, sorry, I didn’t mean it quite that way.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “To be honest, I’m not sure what Royce sees in Lara myself.”
“You can’t? She’s very beautiful.”
“No, she’s not. Well, I suppose she’s attractive enough if you don’t notice how cold her eyes are.”
Ravyn rested a hand on his chest just below his dog tags. “I didn’t think things like that mattered to a man.”
“They do to me.” Damon had been chased by too many women who were interested in his family’s money, not in him. Avarice had marred the beauty of more than one woman in his view, but he didn’t share that with her.
“Why else do you think Alex doesn’t like you?” Ravyn asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.
Damon grimaced. Well, hell, he’d known the time would come when he’d have to tell her about his greatest failure. He let go of her and rolled onto his back, unable to watch Ravyn’s regard for him seep out of her eyes. He put an arm behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. His other hand fisted at his side.
“Before I joined Spec Ops, my first assignment,” he told her, without inflection, “was under Major Sam Benning.”
“Sammy is Alex’s best friend.”
Damon braced himself at the obvious affection he heard in her voice. He knew it was going to hurt when Ravyn hated him too. But maybe he deserved it. It was his fault. All of it.
“During a real ugly battle in the Third War, five of us were cut off, separated from the unit. Me, Major Benning and three privates. The major was injured. Not severely, but he lapsed in out and of consciousness, so I had command.”
“How long had you been commissioned?”
“Long enough,” he said. He didn’t want her to think he was excusing himself in any way.
“How long, Damon?” she demanded.
“Two months.” Ravyn didn’t say another word. He didn’t have to close his eyes to remember the chaos, the roar of weapons being discharged, the screams and moans of the injured. The smell of gunpowder still burned his nostrils. Get on with it, he told himself when he realized he’d been lost in thought. For a moment he wanted to forget about telling Ravyn and pretend it had never happened, pretend it wouldn’t make a difference.
“The first bad decision I made was when I opted to rejoin our unit. There were other Alliance forces close by that didn’t have as many enemy soldiers in the way. The second bad decision was putting Conway on point. She had more time in than the other two privates, so I thought she could handle it.”
“But she couldn’t.”
“No,” Damon said. “We ran into a little trouble. She should have helped us. We would have been okay if she had.”
He forced himself to back up, to explain everything in sequence. “We took cover while Conway went ahead to collect information on what was in front of us. A group of enemy soldiers practically stumbled right into us. I don’t think we even took a breath until they started moving away. Major Benning had been unconscious for a while and I didn’t think he would come to right then. He kind of made a grunting noise, just enough to call attention to us. Then all hell broke loose.”
Carefully, he unclenched his fist. His knuckles ached. He ran his hand over his mouth, wiping away some of the perspiration above his upper lip. It had been eight years and his body still reacted to the memory. He had a feeling if he lived another eighty years, he’d still be sweating when he remembered that day.
“We exchanged fire. I thought there were six of them and we took them all down. There were eight. Two of them came up on our flank. A twig snapped or something, but it gave us a couple seconds of warning.”
Damon took a few deep breaths. He wanted to sound calm and reasonable when he related the events of that day. He could feel Ravyn’s eyes on him, but he didn’t look at her. That she stayed so silent didn’t bode well, he decided. He took another breath.
“I could see Conway standing beyond the two men,” he continued, his voice steady. “She had a clear shot without endangering us. Because it would be easier for her, I didn’t shoot. Almost as soon as I made that decision, I realized she was terrified. Instead of helping us, she turned and ran. The enemy opened fire and her cowardice cost two men their lives and the major his career and his mobility.”
Ravyn made a small noise and Damon closed his eyes tightly for a moment. He’d known his actions were unforgivable. He lowered his arm from behind his head and stroked the mark furrowed high across his biceps.
“You’ve had your other scars removed,” Ravyn said, sounding subdued, “but you kept that one. Why?”
“So I never forget that bad choices cost lives. This is the only hit I took, a minor flesh wound. The two men who died had more than a dozen bullets in them. Major Benning, who was on the ground, took three bullets. I received one little graze. My mark of shame,” he finished, his mouth twisting.
“What happened to Conway?”
“She ran right into a full-scale engagement. She took so many bullets from both sides that she was nearly unidentifiable.”
Another life lost for which he was responsible. He’d gone to her funeral. “I went to all three funerals. I watched their parents and families grieve. All of them thanked me for coming. Thanked the man who had gotten their child killed.” Damon swallowed hard to clear his voice. “So that’s why the colonel hates me. I caused his best friend to be permanently disabled.”
“Tell the rest of the story, Damon.”
He looked at her then, too startled not to. She appeared sad, but not accusing. “There’s not much to tell,” he said with a shrug.
“Tell me how you and Sammy got back to our side.”
“We walked back.”
Ravyn shook her head. “Sam couldn’t walk. You put him over your shoulder and carried him. Kilometers from what he’s said. And that graze on your arm, your
mark of shame
, caused you to lose enough blood that the doctors all agreed you should have been unconscious yourself.”
“It wasn’t kilometers,” Damon said, not quite sure what to make of the information Ravyn had. How much had she known before he’d said a word?
“I didn’t know it was you,” Ravyn said, as if picking up on his thoughts, “and I didn’t know much of the story. Both Alex and Sammy tend to shield me, but I overheard them arguing when Sam was staying with us right after his discharge. He credits you with saving his life.”
“Major Benning is a generous man. If I had made other choices, things would have been different.”
“Maybe,” Ravyn conceded, “but maybe not. You can’t know what would have happened.”
He started to turn away, unable to accept her absolution. She touched him then, tangling her fingers in his hair and holding him steady so that he had to look at her.
“You were twenty years old, Damon, and as green as the grass in Ireland. You did the best you could.”
“I should have done better,” he insisted. It was hard for him to meet her eyes. She didn’t know, she hadn’t been there. He should have gotten everyone out alive and healthy.
“The army doesn’t agree. They gave you a medal. I bet you never wear it though, do you?”
He couldn’t contain a small, mirthless chuckle. “You know me too well.”
“I know you care too much, take too much responsibility for things you have no control over. Events have a way of happening, people make decisions you can’t predict. Tell me, do you blame yourself for what happened to your team at the CAT facility?”
“No.” He’d gone over this time and again in his mind.
“Why not? Why is what happened here different?”
“This time I made the right choices. I’d make them again in the same situation. They just didn’t work out right.”
“So you made the best decisions you could at the time.” She waited for his nod before continuing. “Eight years ago you did the same thing. There is no difference. You just have more experience now.” Ravyn moved until she leaned over him. He suspected she did it for emphasis, but it didn’t have the intended result. He found himself distracted by her nakedness.
Her hand hit his shoulder hard enough to get his attention. “Stop staring at my breasts when I’m trying to make a point.”
It surprised him to feel his mood lighten. He even managed a real smile for her. “Sorry, sweet pea. I can’t help it. You might want to cover up if you plan to continue with your point.”
With a half laugh, half growl, she pulled the blankets around her. And ended up baring him, which seemed to distract
her.
Her battle with the covers continued solo until she glared at him and said, “You could help me here.”
When the blankets were more or less fixed and they were more or less covered again, Ravyn unexpectedly straddled him. Shock held Damon still and her hands captured his wrists, imprisoning them next to his head. For a moment, he tensed; then he relaxed as another part of him began to tighten. She kept the lower half of their bodies separated, but he swore he could feel her heat. It made him crazy for that touch of her.