Raw: The Ultimate Mc Collection (105 page)

Pearl lay at my feet, cozy and warm in her new bed in our new home, four puppies nursing at her breasts.  When I found out that Two Dog Dave’s pit bull had gotten her pregnant, I had been terrified.  Dogs weren’t supposed to give birth at her age.  But right after we moved to San Diego, I found a good veterinarian that nursed her through the birth and fortunately, Pearl and the babies had pulled through just fine.

I still wasn’t sure how the puppies would turn out looking considering their odd DNA mix, but they were adorable right now.  Pearl had been a trooper and turned out to be a loving, attentive mother.  I couldn’t have been more proud of her.  I still felt guilty for putting her in this situation at all, so I spoiled her as much as I could.   The vet had insisted on spaying her, and even though I knew she would never get out of my sight again, I agreed.

After fleeing Joshua Tree with Hawk’s truck, I drove all the way to Los Angeles, left his truck two blocks from the clubhouse and took a cab to my apartment.  I packed as much as I could into my car, cleaned out my bank account, added it to the ten thousand dollars that was still in my purse from my date with Drake, and left Los Angeles as fast I could.

I hadn’t looked back or talked to anyone since.  No Hawk, no Genevieve, and certainly not my father.  He had lost the election, and I knew the last thing he wanted was to hear from me.  So, instead, I just disappeared.

Luckily, I had the money from Drake to help me start over.  I rented an adorable studio apartment with amazing light right by a park in the middle of the city.  Done with the high-heel lifestyle, I found a small open space in a trendy part of town, leased it and opened an art gallery.  In addition to networking and finding artists, I concentrated on decorating my new home, taking care of Pearl, and resuming my sculpting.  I had left most of my sculpting supplies and finished art back in my apartment in L.A. and I had to start from scratch, but after two months of doing nothing but working on it in my spare time, I had replaced everything.

It felt great, for the most part.  I couldn’t help but wonder about Hawk and Genevieve and the girls.  I wondered what Genevieve told the girls about my disappearance, if they missed me, and if my family wondered where I was. By the time Genevieve had me kidnapped, I already hadn’t spoken to them for six months.  I was sure my father thought I had dreamed up the kidnapping.

I was trying to move past it as best as I could.  Hawk’s golden-green eyes haunted me day and night, and part of me felt a twinge of guilt for bailing on him the way I did, but I just couldn’t bear to listen to him for those two hours back to town.  I knew no matter what he had said that day, it wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Sometimes, words just don’t work that way.

So, I had immersed myself in work.  After just a few months, I had six pieces completed, and I was ready for my show.  It was tonight, in twelve short hours, and I was beside myself with exhaustion and excitement. 

Mostly excitement.  I was excited because I had finally done something all on my own, with no help from my father or Genevieve.  I made the money, bought the supplies, created the pieces, and organized the show all by myself.  Sure, it helped that the show was at my own tiny gallery, but it was still because of me.

And that felt amazing.

I spent the rest of the day at the studio, making sure everything was tidy and in its place. I couldn’t afford an employee, and this was the gallery’s third art show.  I had found lots of interested artists, and they each showed their art for two weeks.  So far, so good.  Every piece had sold, and the artists were ecstatic, as was I. 

The gallery had gotten busier with each showing, and tonight proved to be more of the same.  Only this time, the artist was me. 

Nervously, I walked around the studio for the millionth time, examining every detail and placement of my sculptures.  They were all women, four of them inspired by the girls and Genevieve, although I would never tell anyone that fact.

I missed them.  I missed the camaraderie of having women to confide in and laugh with and just hang out with.  I knew I would find that again, I just needed to work on building some friendships, and I would do it - as soon as I found time.

Most of my time in San Diego had been spent alone and working.  To be honest, I liked it.  I needed the time to heal, to come to terms with the fact that my entire life had been upended and destroyed.

The most difficult thing to come to terms with was Hawk.  I missed him terribly.  I would wake up, tangled in my sheets, sweaty, my heart racing, my head full of dreams of him holding me, kissing me, his eyes shining in laughter.  I went from waking up in the morning and wishing he was there to going to bed at night and wishing I had never met him.  

It was excruciating, but I did my best to push all thoughts of him aside.  Especially today.  Today was a big day.

I turned on soft jazz music, made sure the self-serve bar was fully-stocked, and unlocked the door to my gallery, Captured.  I thought the name was fitting, and while it referred to the art you would find inside, it had a private meaning that I didn’t share with anyone else.

The other three showings were very successful, and tonight was no different.  Shortly after opening the doors, people began streaming in slowly, talking softly, drinking wine and milling around my sculptures admiringly.  I couldn’t have asked for a better night.  The full moon hung outside the window, shining in and reminding me that everything comes full-circle.  I could finally breathe a little as I strolled around the gallery, answering questions and talking about my favorite thing in the world - my art.

I was on cloud nine, and by the end of the night, I had sold all but one of my pieces.  I hadn’t worn high heels since I left Hawk’s place in Joshua Tree, but since tonight was a special occasion, I had made an exception and wore a black velvet dress with intricate black lace around the collar and wrists with a pair of black suede Manolo Blahnik’s.  After hours of wearing them, I couldn’t wait to get home and take them off.

It didn’t help that wearing them kept bringing back memories of being with Hawk all day.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get that man out of my head.

After the last person left, I locked the doors and walked around the gallery one last time before leaving, caressing my sculptures lovingly, feeling that wistful feeling of being happy they sold, but not quite ready to let them go either.

It seemed my life was a big lesson in letting go lately, and as I winced with every step, I reminded myself that there was one person I still needed to let go of.

I closed up shop, and drove to my new apartment.  With visions of bare feet, pajamas, and a tall glass of wine running through my head, I didn’t notice the bike when I pulled up.

As I unlocked my front door, Hawk stepped out of the shadows behind me.

“I can’t believe you named your gallery Captured,” he whispered behind me, and I jumped in terror.

“Fuck!” I screamed, my heart jumping into my throat.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Hawk!”  I said, staring at him in awe.

I didn’t think he could have gotten hotter, but he was.  There he was, the man that had haunted my every waking moment for two months, standing in front of me.  

“Hi, Princess. You look good.”  His gazed traveled up and down my body before finally resting on my lips.  Without thinking, I licked them, trying to think of something to say to him.

“Um…thanks.  I guess.”  I was shaking.  I never expected him to show up on my doorstep like this.

“What about me?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“What about me? Do I look good?” He winked and I melted inside.

“Hawk.”

“Aren’t you going to invite me inside?” he asked.

“I - um - well, I…”  I was at a complete loss.  Should I invite him in?  Should I run inside, lock the door and tell him to never contact me again?  Why was he even here?  

“Are you here to kidnap me again?” I asked, the thought slowly forming in my head.  

“No, Princess.  I only want to talk to you. You weren’t easy to find.”  He held up his empty hands, waving them in the air. “Look - no chloroform.”

“I see that.”  I tried to smile at him, but I was such a mess that my lips weren’t obeying.  I turned and unlocked the door, trying to successfully put one foot in front of the other without falling down.  My legs were shaking, hell, my whole body was shaking and once again, I recalled the effect this man had on me.  

Not much had changed.

I kicked off my shoes as soon as I turned on the lights, and held the door open for Hawk.  

“Come in.”

“Nice place.  It’s a lot different than your other place.”

“Yes, well.  I’ve downsized.”

“You’ve disappeared, is what you’ve done,” he replied.

“Apparently, I’m not very good at it if you found me.”

“I’ve been looking for you for months. Ever since you stole my truck, actually.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.  Did you find it?”

“Sure did. I was hoping you would be in it when I found it, but you were long gone.”

“I left as fast as I could,” I said, lifting my chin defiantly. “I didn’t have any reason to stay.”

“No?” he asked, his eyes clouding over with pain.

“No.” I said coldly, turning away from him.  I couldn’t handle seeing that.  It was the last thing I wanted to see.  “So how did you find me?”

“I put a google alert on your name and an ad for the show at the gallery came up.  Again, that’s an interesting name you’ve chosen for the shop.”

“What do you want from me, Hawk? Why are you here?”

“Why am I here? Seriously, you’re asking me why I’m here, Vanessa?”

“Yes, I am.”  The only thing I could do was keep my defenses up.  This man had gotten under my skin, and I needed to keep my heart caged up and cold or he would just break it again. “I don’t see the point.”

Hawk looked at me for a long time, his golden-green eyes peering at me, staring right through me.  I tried to break his gaze, but he pulled me in and I couldn’t tear myself away. 

Suddenly, he walked across the floor, stood in front of me and grabbed my face in his warm hands.  I shuddered at his touch, the electricity of his fingers burning me, igniting my body with desire, the passion exploding between us.

“I’m here for this, goddammit.”

He mouth captured mine in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced.  My apartment melted away with the world, and I dissolved in his arms as he wrapped them around me, his mouth tearing at mine, possessing me once again in the heat of his embrace.

How could I have resisted?  There was no possibility of me walking away from him, there was no way I could reject his kiss.  He pulled me into his body, his yearning hard against my thigh and I sighed against him as I felt his familiar throbbing heat against me.

I threw my arms around his neck, arching my back up, opening my mouth to allow his tongue deeper, wanting him as close as he could possibly get.  

My intentions of being cold and hard flew out the window as he grabbed my ass and pushed his hard cock against me as he pushed me against the wall.  His kisses turned harder, more urgent as he devoured my mouth, his groans waking up a part of me I had buried months ago.

I shivered against him, and he pulled away from me, sinking to the floor in front of me.  His soft lips trailed kisses up my inner thighs, nibbling and sucking at my flesh as he made his way up higher under my dress.  His mouth reached my black lace panties, and I sunk my fingers in his soft hair as he licked them softly, his heat burning through them to my quivering center.  

“I can’t believe you’re wearing panties…” he murmured as he quickly reached up and pulled them over my hips and down my shaking thighs.

I was about to reply, to tell him I wore them all the time actually, but the words wouldn’t form and before I could try again, his hot mouth was sucking at my clit, nibbling and licking me expertly.  I cried out in ecstasy, pushing his head deeper into me as I threw my head back and begged him not to stop.

“Hawk, oh, yes, oh, Hawk….” I babbled incoherently, his mouth bringing me to the edge of releasing weeks worth of pent-up desire and yearning for him.  Just as I was about to spill over the edge, he slowed his pace and then stopped altogether, standing up and capturing my mouth in his again as he pulled my dress over my head, unclasped my bra and throwing them to the ground, he picked me up swiftly and carried me to my bedroom.