Reaching Rachel (19 page)

“Rachel,” he breathed. “You’ve been through a lot. We have so much to talk about, but I want you to know something.” He rubbed his nose with hers, then pressed his lips to hers briefly. “Absolutely nothing you can tell me about what happened will make me leave. I’m not going anywhere. Not ever again. We’re going to get through this, work everything out.”

She wished that was true, she really did. But when he asked, which she knew he would, about that night, the night that she just couldn’t go back to, especially not now, he would go. Again. And this time, she would die. She knew it.

“You saved me, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question. She already knew.

“Well, me and my team,” Devin answered.

“Did you know it was me in there?”

“No. But the moment I saw you, I swear all of my training went out the window. All I could think of was killing the guy that was hurting you. Thankfully my team was there to take him down and secure the scene. I could’ve gotten us all killed. But all I cared about was you—you scared the shit out of me. You were so still, so lifeless … and I thought …”

“You’re my knight, aren’t you, Devin? There with your white horse to save the day.” There was a slight gleam in her eye, and it made him laugh.

“Well, I don’t see any white horses around, but I’m sure as shit glad I was there. I can’t believe that this,” he indicated around them, “is what brought us back together after all this time.”

“Last I heard, you were in Miami,” she admitted. “What brought you here?”

“You knew I was in Miami?”

Rachel blushed, hiding her face. “Yes. I found out from Millie at the station. I didn’t stay long either. I moved here not long after you left.”

There it was again, that pit in his stomach. “Rach, why aren’t you a therapist?”

She looked away, but he gently moved her face back towards him. “I quit, Devin. I quit school and left town. There were just too many memories. Too much loss.” She couldn’t get in to the rest with him right now. It just wasn’t the time or place. She yawned, noticing that the sun seemed to be coming up outside. “He hurt me.” She wasn’t sure which
he
she was referring to at this point.

“He made me do things … with my mouth, while the cops were checking his information. I knew I had to do something, or he was going to kill me. So, I bit him and then ran from the truck. But of course, somehow Justin, Mark whatever his name is, got away after shooting at the cop, and took me back home. That’s where the rest happened.”

“Did he rape you?” Devin didn’t know if he could handle this answer, but he pretty much already knew. He had just been hoping she had at least had consensual sex with the bastard.

Tears leaked from Rachel’s eyes as she began shivering again. “Yes. I can’t even tell you how many times. I have no idea how long I was even tied up, but he would alternate between beating me and raping me, all while calling me horrible names. He would even call me other women’s names.”

“Do you think you could remember the names? It may be other victims that he had. You know the cops are going to want to talk to you once you are up for it, right?”

“I’ll do whatever I can to put that bastard away for life.” He loved that the spitfire Rachel was there, just under the surface. She rested her head against his chest again, and before he knew it, she was asleep. He watched the rise and fall of her chest, and felt her warm breath against his shirt. He knew that the calm she showed tonight was a farce, and she had quite a road ahead of her. And he would be there. Every step of the way.

“How are the nightmares?” Dr. Troast adjusted his glasses, peering at her over the rim. This was her first outpatient visit with him. He had seen her several times while she was in the hospital. She had been out only two days. She had adjusted to using the arm in the cast for most things, since the other one was still stuck to her side until it healed fully.

True to his word, Devin hadn’t left her side. It still floored her that he had been part of the SWAT team that had rescued her. She had found out since then that he had taken the job there because he wanted a new, more challenging position. He had never known where she was, even though he had wanted to look many times. But, they still hadn’t talked about their past at all. She was trying to block what would happen once he knew out of her mind.

She was barely functioning. As much as she told herself she was being utterly ridiculous, she couldn’t stop the overwhelming fear from taking over. When she closed her eyes, all she saw and heard was Justin. She couldn’t sleep for fear of the horrid nightmares that would wake her up screaming and crying. Devin had been lying in bed with her, his arms wrapped around her, every single night. But it didn’t matter. Noises that she heard would make her shake, even if it was something normal like a dog barking or a car horn. She was constantly on edge. She couldn’t step foot into her house, wasn’t even going to try, so she had been staying with Devin.

“I’m not sleeping. Everything scares me. I realize how ridiculous it is, and I try to tell myself to stop it, that I’m fine, but I can’t. I’m afraid to sleep because of the nightmares. I have flashbacks at any time of the day. I can’t eat. I’m sick and tired of letting him rule me.”

“Rachel,” Dr. Troast’s voice was warm, soothing. “You’ve been through a lot. What you are going through is completely normal for someone who has gone through all that you have. I know you expect to just snap your fingers and forget what has happened, but you can’t. It just isn’t going to work that way. What we need to figure out is how you can calm yourself down in the moment. You have all the signs of PTSD.”

“PTSD? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Are you serious?”

“Yes. It’s more common than you may think, especially given the trauma you have been through. It doesn’t have to stick around forever, and it won’t. I would like to add an anxiety medication to your regular therapy. I think it may help you get through the worst of it.”

Rachel blinked. “Medicine? You want me to take medicine? I’m not crazy!”

Dr. Troast shook his head. “No, you aren’t crazy. You are a normal person who has endured something that many people would struggle to come back from. You’re a fighter, Rachel, and that’s what has gotten you where you are today. And your support system,” he indicated the waiting room, “your own personal bodyguard, your friends, your parents, they have all been here for you every second. Not everyone has that kind of support. From what I understand, you’re also going to have to testify in court against Mark, is that right?”

Mark. The name crossing the doctor’s lips made her shudder. Immediately she was back in the house, tied to the chair while he smacked her, punched her, then ripped her panties off and entered her, not caring that she didn’t want it.

“Rachel.” His voice broke through. “Where are you right now? Let’s work through it.”

“When we got to the house, he was so mad that I had bitten him and told the cops who he was. He had yanked me from the truck so hard, he snapped my arm,” she indicated her cast, “and I was screaming in pain, it hurt so bad. He smacked me so hard across the face that I passed out. When I woke up, I was tied to a dining room chair, and I was wearing only my shirt and panties. When he saw that I was awake, he walked over with a nasty look on his face. He started taunting me, calling me names, smacking me. Then, he got this look on his face, and I knew. He was excited. I started begging …” Rachel covered her mouth with her hand, not containing the sob that snuck out anyway.

Dr. Troast handed her a tissue, but stayed silent. “I begged him, please don’t. Please. But it didn’t matter. He ripped off my underwear, made me take him in my mouth, then he … he …” She looked to the door. She needed Devin.

“Finish it,” the doctor prodded her gently. “The more you bottle it up, the worse the flashback will be next time.”

“He raped me. I thought it would never be over. He just kept going and going and going. Once he was done, for that time, he punched me in the face.”

“Good, Rachel. You processed through that perfectly. This isn’t going to be easy for you, or for your boyfriend. But, he needs to be there to listen every time one of these things pops up. You need to come at least twice a week for therapy, and I want you to start this prescription tonight. If you have any weird side effects, let me know, but this is a very small dose so it should just let you rest and relax while we work through the issues in therapy. And if you need me, at any time, I’m going to give you my cell phone number. If Devin can’t calm you, have him call me. Or you call me. You will get through this, Rachel. If I’ve ever seen a person that could, it’s you.”

Rachel was still stuck on her calling Devin her boyfriend. Was he really? He hadn’t let her out of his sight at all, but they still hadn’t addressed the elephant in the room. The past. She knew it was only a matter of time before he would want to know about that, too. She didn’t have to be a doctor to know that this was adding to her stress, as well.

“One more thing, before I go,” she forced the words from her mouth before she talked herself out of it. Dr. Troast focused his eyes back on her. “I … Devin and I have a past. We actually hadn’t seen each other in over 5 years when he just happened to be on the SWAT team that helped rescue me from … from … Mark. He hasn’t left my side since.”

“But?”

Rachel looked at the door, her heart squeezing. “I’m afraid that once I’m better, he will want to know what happened when we broke up.”

“And you don’t want to tell him.”

“I didn’t tell him the truth back when we broke up.”

“Why not?”

“Because he had found something out, and if I would’ve told him the truth, he would’ve lost his job going after the guy.”

Dr. Troast frowned. “I’m not sure what you are even saying, Rachel. What I’m going to tell you is this. You have a long way to go to heal from what you’ve been through. If being with him is going to hinder you, then you need to let him go.” He must’ve seen the horrified look on her face, and he cleared his throat. “Well, if you don’t want to let him go, then talk to him. Nothing good is ever going to come by continuing the deception.”

Devin stood up as Rachel opened the door to the doctor’s office. Searching her face for any sign of her emotional state, he was relieved when she smiled that breathtaking smile of hers. He stepped up to her and kissed her gently. The bruises were fading, almost completely covered by makeup now. But, the scars that were inside her were another story altogether.

“Ready to go?” He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her gently towards him.

“Yes. Let’s go home.” Home. Hearing her say that one simple word made his heart thrum wildly in his chest. God, he wanted to be her home again. She had been staying with him since she was released from the hospital. The investigation was finished at her house, but she couldn’t go back there, and he didn’t blame her. He and her parents had moved her things out of the house while she was still in the hospital, and her parents had put the beach house back up for vacation rental. When Rachel was ready, he would help her find her own place. What he really hoped, however, was that she would want to stay with him. Forever.

Devin carefully helped her into the car, then walked around to the driver’s side, stifling a yawn. He was exhausted after over two weeks with little to no sleep. But he wouldn’t trade one moment of it. He couldn’t believe his boss had been so understanding, but he had to break the news to her tonight that he had to return to work in two days.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said softly as soon as he started the engine. Devin looked at her in surprise as tears filled her eyes.

“Honey,” he reached over and caught a tear rolling down her cheek. “What are you sorry for? What’s the matter?”

“Y—you didn’t ask to have to deal with a fucked up me,” she sobbed. “W—we haven’t seen each other in years and now you’re taking care of me. I—I don’t want you to think that you have to do that, Devin. My parents are still here, I can go stay with them.”

He cupped her face with both hands, rubbing his thumb over her lip, still slightly split from her attack. “Rachel Elise Dawson. Listen to me. Are you listening? Really listening?”