Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5) (10 page)

After lunch, they sat in Ruthie’s room and stared at cartoons on the television while she napped on and off. Lydia wondered if the medication was supposed to make her tired so she would sleep to help her heal or if it was a side effect.

At a quarter to four,
Dat
stood, and Lydia felt queasy. Although sitting in the hospital room was both tiring and dull, she wasn’t ready to leave.

“It’s time to go,” her father said, his expression grim. “The driver will be here to pick us up very soon.”

“I think I should stay here,” Irma said, holding
Mamm’s
hand. “
Mamm
needs us to stay and help take care of Ruthie.” She looked at her mother. “Right,
Mamm
?”

Lydia also wished they could stay and keep their family together just a little longer.

Mamm
touched Irma’s prayer covering. “I wish you could stay and help, but your
dat
needs your help at home. Can you help your
dat
for me?”

“And I need your help too,” Lydia chimed in.

Irma nodded, but her eyes sparkled with fresh tears. “I’ll be
gut
and help Lydia and
Dat
. I promise.” She wrapped her arms around her mother. “Ich
liebe dich, Mamm
.”

Irma hugged
Mammi
and told her good-bye, and then touched Ruthie’s hand and told her to get better.

Having just recently woken up from another short nap, Ruthie yawned in response. Lydia couldn’t help but think that they should go back home and let her sleep in preparation for her upcoming treatments.

Titus said his good-byes and then waited at the door with Irma.

Lydia hugged her grandmother, again promising to do her best. Then she also touched Ruthie’s hand and told her to feel better.

When Lydia hugged her mother, she felt
Mamm
grip her tightly.

“I’m so proud of you,”
Mamm
whispered through her mask. “You’re doing a
gut
job with the
kinner
. I promise I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“Okay,” Lydia said, her voice trembling. “Don’t worry about anything at home. You just take care of Ruthie. Everything will be fine.”

Mamm
touched Lydia’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Ya, you will.” Lydia turned to her father. “I’ll take the
kinner
down to the lobby so you can say good-bye. Take your time.”

“
Danki
,” her father said.

She picked up the empty cooler, took Irma’s hand, and then looked back at her mother and grandmother. “Geb
acht uff dich
,” she said before leading her siblings out of the room.

They deposited their masks in a trash can by the door and started down the hallway.

“She looks
grank
,” Titus said as they approached the elevator.

Irma beamed. “
Ya
, but she liked my card.”

Lydia looked around the hallway of the hospital, wondering how the nurses stayed happy and positive while surrounded by the patients’ illnesses and families’ sadness.
If I were
English,
I don’t think I could work here and keep a positive outlook day after day
.

Irma mashed the button and clapped when the elevator door opened. She grinned and held onto the hand railing during the ride down to the lobby. They sat quietly in a sitting area and watched the people mill around. Lydia wondered how many of the people in the lobby had ill family members at that hospital. Did they feel helpless and lost like Lydia did? Or were they preparing to take home a family member who had been healed? She hoped she would see her sister come home very soon.

Her father appeared several minutes later. “Let’s go,” he said without stopping his trek to the doors.

Stepping out to the driveway, Lydia saw the van sitting at the curb. While her father climbed into the front passenger seat, Lydia helped Irma get in and buckle her seat belt before she took a place beside her in the center seat. Titus found a spot in the very back of the van and stared out the window.

During their silent ride home, Lydia listened to the low hum of the van’s engine and the comforting rhythmic melody of the road noise. She closed her eyes and thought about their visit with Ruthie. Lydia wondered if she was as strong as her mother and grandmother thought she was. Could she possibly keep up with her house chores and continue working her two jobs? It seemed so unfair that all of the adults around
her were expecting her to keep it all together. Didn’t they know how much she was struggling to keep it all together?

Looking out the window, Lydia saw a car containing two teenaged girls, who appeared to be singing along with the radio without a care in the world. She wondered what it would be like to be happy and free of responsibility like those girls. What would it be like to enjoy a life of leisure and fun with her friends? Lydia had no idea. In fact, Lydia wondered if her friends even thought of her today while she sat at the hospital. Did Joshua even care about her anymore?

With a sigh, Lydia closed her eyes and swallowed a lump in her throat. The pressure her family had placed on her was almost too much to bear. And she’d never felt more alone in her life.

O
n Monday, over a week later, Lydia lifted one of her brother’s blue shirts and pinned it to the clothesline that ran from the back porch to the barn. She glanced up just as Anna Glick, Joshua’s mother, emerged from the house with another basket full of washed clothes from the wringer washer located in a small room off the kitchen.

“
Danki
for coming over to help me today,” Lydia said. “I truly appreciate all of your assistance with the laundry. It’s a big job to do alone.”

“Don’t be
gegisch
,” Anna said while placing the basket on the porch. “It’s only right to help a
freind
in need.” She lifted another shirt belonging to Titus and held it out to Lydia. “How are you doing?”

Lydia took the shirt and pinned it to the line as she spoke. “I guess we’re doing okay.” She swallowed a yawn. The truth was that Lydia was so exhausted she felt as if she were sleepwalking through the day. Some days she wondered if she would make it through another hour without hitting the floor and snoring. She pushed on, however, and hoped that life would return to normal sooner rather than later.

“We went to see my
mamm
and Ruthie on Saturday,” Lydia said in an effort to change the subject. “It was our second visit since they left.”

“How did that go?” Anna pulled out another shirt and began to pin it after moving the line along.

“It was a little difficult to see
mei schweschder
so
grank
.” Lydia thought back to the hopeless feeling that had engulfed her when she saw her sister, who’d looked so dwarfed in the huge hospital bed and by the machines that surrounded it.

Ruthie still looked so frail and pale. Her hair was even thinner, and her braids looked like they belonged on a cloth doll and not her little pink head. She’d even gotten sick in front of Lydia and her family, and her mother had held the little dishpan while she vomited. The sight was so upsetting to Irma that she’d burst into tears, and Lydia took her out to the hallway. It was a nightmare come to life for the whole family.

The whole situation remained the most overwhelming Lydia had ever experienced.

“I’m sorry, Lydia.” Anna frowned while handing Lydia another shirt. She then pulled out one to pin herself. “Do you know when they’ll be home?”

Lydia shook her head. “We don’t know.”

Anna patted Lydia’s shoulder. “You don’t need to worry. God will take
gut
care of your
mamm
and Ruthie, and they will be home just as soon as he sees fit.” She held out a frock. “Until then, the community will take
gut
care of you and your family. In just a little bit, a few of the ladies from the church will be over with some food for you all. We’ll make sure you don’t have a thing to worry about.” She handed Lydia the last shirt and then disappeared inside the house.

Lydia stared up at the laundry flapping in the gentle afternoon breeze and sighed. She was so sick and tired of receiving

dismissive pats on the shoulder from well-meaning friends and family members. And if she heard one more person tell her that her mother and Ruthie would be home in God’s time, she would scream. It seemed so easy for them to offer empty reassurances and send her on her way when they weren’t the ones staring at the ceiling late into the night and wondering if her sister would come home at all.

The clip-clop of hooves drew her attention to the driveway where two buggies rattled toward the house. She met the first buggy in the driveway, and her lips formed a big smile when she saw her aunt Kathryn, her uncle David, Amanda, and Kathryn and David’s other children in the buggy.

“We brought supper!” Amanda announced with a smile. “Hope you’re hungry.”

“It’s so
gut
to see you!” Lydia said. “I’m so
froh
you came.”

The second buggy came to a stop, revealing Nancy, her mother, Sadie, her father, Robert, and Nancy’s siblings. The crowd climbed from the buggy and carried covered dishes into the house. Lydia grabbed a dish of warm noodles and followed her family into the kitchen, where her aunts began arranging the food.

Anna appeared from the laundry room and greeted the aunts and children. “Everything smells
wunderbaar gut
! I’m going to go gather up my family and dishes.” She glanced at Lydia. “I’ll be right back.”

“
Wie geht’s
?” Amanda asked, sidling up to her.

“Fine.” Lydia opened a drawer and began pulling out serving utensils. “Anna helped me with the laundry today. How are you?”

“Gut.” Amanda grabbed a stack of napkins from the counter. “I missed you at the bakery today. It’s not nearly as much fun when you’re working at the schoolhouse.”

“Let’s have a blessing,” Robert announced. “Everyone bow your head in silent prayer.” After a few moments, Robert cleared this throat, announcing that the prayer was over. “
Aamen
,” he said. “
Danki
to everyone for this
wunderbaar gut
meal.”

“Let’s eat,” Sadie announced. “Everyone, help yourselves.”

Lydia helped her brother and sister fill their plates with potato salad, noodles, potato chips, cold cuts, chow-chow, and homemade bread. Once Irma and Titus were eating with their cousins at the table, Lydia prepared a plate for herself and followed Amanda out to the porch, where they sat side by side on the swing.

Lydia pushed her spoon through the hot, buttery homemade noodles and her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten much all day. “This looks
wunderbaar
. Whose idea was this meal?”

Amanda grinned. “My
mamm
and I wanted to do something nice for your family since we know you’re going through so much.”

Lydia ate a spoonful of noodles and sighed. The food was delicious and felt so good going down. She’d been starved and not even realized it.

Amanda recounted her run-ins with the customers at the bakery while Lydia ate. The hum of an engine caused her to look at the driveway where her father’s van driver steered toward the barn. Once the van was parked, her
dat
emerged and looked startled. “Is there a party tonight?” he called as the van backed out of the driveway. His boots crunched on the rocks leading to the porch.

“Apparently so,” Lydia said. “They surprised us with a
wunderbaar
supper.”

“Isn’t that nice.” He smiled at the girls. “How are you, Amanda?”

“Hi,
Onkel
Paul,” Amanda said with a smile. “I hope you like our supper. We thought you might like something different.”

“
Danki
,” he said as he climbed the steps. “I bet I will.”

He disappeared into the house, and Amanda leaned over.

“He looks
gut
,” Amanda said. “How is he doing?”

“He’s working very hard,” Lydia said. “Most days he’s very tired and he hardly speaks. I think he’s having a difficult time without my
mamm
.”

Amanda frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“So, the bakery was busy today?” Lydia asked.

Amanda continued her conversation about her day. Soon Nancy emerged from the house and joined them, sitting in the chair next to Lydia. She chimed into the conversation, adding her own thoughts on the customers at the bakery. Her cousins droned on about their day, and Lydia enjoyed escaping into a conversation where the most serious problem discussed was a woman who spent twenty minutes deciding between macaroons and an apple pie. It felt good to sit and relax with friends after working at the schoolhouse that morning and doing laundry in the afternoon.

Lydia’s heart fluttered when she spotted Joshua’s family, including his father, Mel, his mother, Anna, and his twelve-year-old brother, Joey, crossing the pasture. Each was carrying a covered dish. She tried her best not to stare as Joshua sauntered across the pasture, but her eyes kept focusing on him.

In an effort to stop staring, Lydia turned back to Nancy and tried in vain to focus on her story about a rude customer while the Glick family continued toward the house.

“That smells
gut
,” Anna said with a smile as she climbed the porch stairs. “I brought some hot dog surprise, pickles, and baked beans.”

“
Danki
.” Turning to Joey and Joshua, Lydia smiled. “
Wie geht’s
. Did you come here to eat our food?”

“That’s why I’m here!” Joey announced, causing everyone to laugh. “Where’s Titus?”

“Inside,” Lydia said. “Eating with his cousins.”

As Anna and Joey disappeared through the door, Joshua smiled. “Good evening. I’m going to put this hot dog surprise on the counter, and then I’ll be back to join you.”

Amanda leaned over. “Do you want me to move so he can sit by you?”

Lydia swatted her cousin’s shoulder. “No. Wouldn’t that be horribly obvious?”

“Sometimes
buwe
need obvious,” Nancy said while scooping more potato salad into her spoon. “I thought Andrew would never ask me out.”

“How’s Andrew doing?” Amanda asked between bites of her cold-cut sandwich. “You two looked
froh
Sunday night. I thought you might burst at the seams while you sat with him in the barn.”

Nancy’s cheeks blazed a bright pink. “He’s doing fine. He’s been working hard at his father’s saddle shop. They’re expanding and adding on a whole new section to the store. It’s going to be very big when it’s complete.”

“Is that so?” Amanda wiped her mouth with a paper napkin. “That’s really
gut
news. How’s his
mamm
? I heard the flu was making its way through his house.”

While Nancy discussed the details of Andrew’s family and their health status, Lydia moved the remaining chow-chow around on her plate. She wondered what it felt like to have a sweetheart like Nancy’s. Andrew seemed like a very nice boy, and his parents were always friendly at church services. A tinge of envy nipped at Lydia. She knew being envious
is a sin, but she couldn’t help the emotion from bubbling forth in her.

Lydia wished she could have a relationship with Joshua like the relationship Nancy had with Andrew. She’d been disappointed on Sunday when she only shared a passing hello with Joshua. While Joshua seemed to keep his distance from Lydia, Mahlon had come over three times to talk to her. He’d asked how she was, if she was going to the youth gathering, and if she wanted to get a ride home with him from the youth gathering if she decided to go. Why was she getting more attention from the boy she hoped to avoid than from the boy she hoped to date?

The door opened and banged shut. Joshua stood holding a plate almost overflowing with food in one hand and a plastic cup in the other.

Amanda shot Lydia a look that asked,
Are you sure you don’t want me to move
? Lydia replied with a warning glance.

“What are you ladies discussing?” Joshua asked, moving past Lydia and her cousins.

“Andrew’s family,” Nancy said. “They’re all getting over the flu.”

“I’m sorry to hear they’ve been sick.” Joshua settled into a seat beside Nancy and placed his cup on a table between them. “But they are better now?”

“
Ya
,” Nancy said, picking up a potato chip from her plate. “Thankfully. His
mamm
was really sick for a few days.”

“How are things on the farm, Joshua?” Amanda cut in. “Have you been busy?”

He nodded while biting into a sandwich. He finished chewing and wiped his mouth before responding. “It’s been really busy. My father purchased a few more cows, so the
barn is now full. Milk production has been gut, which is a blessing. We’ve also been helping out my grandparents a bit.”

“That’s nice,” Amanda said, popping a chip into her mouth.

Amanda looked directly at Lydia as if to encourage her to talk, but Lydia was at a loss as to what to say. She didn’t have much to share, except that she was exhausted and frustrated. Why would they want to hear about that?

“Did you have fun last night at the youth gathering?” Nancy asked Joshua. “I saw you and Andrew beating the other team at volleyball. They didn’t seem to know how to play.” She laughed. “Andrew said they spend more time retrieving the ball than hitting it back to your team.”

Joshua snickered, and Lydia silently admired him. He shot her a warm smile and warmth filled her. Even though they hadn’t talked much lately, Lydia was glad Joshua still had his special smile just for her. But she couldn’t help wondering where he’d been for the past couple of weeks. Didn’t he care about her?

“They weren’t as good as usual,” Joshua said as he again wiped his mouth with a napkin. “But I guess we all have our off days.”

“That’s for certain,” Lydia muttered. She lifted her plastic cup and sipped the freshly mixed meadow tea, which her mother always picked up at the Amish bulk food store. The spearmint flavor was refreshing after hanging out the laundry.

Joshua seemed concerned. “How are you, Lydia? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

I’ve been working nonstop, have gotten almost no sleep because I’m worried my sister might die, and have been wondering why you haven’t come near me in several weeks. Other than
that, I’m fine
. Instead Lydia said, “I’ve been busy taking care of the family.” She gripped her cup. “I don’t seem to get out much, but I’m thankful that people are helping me. Your
mamm
was a big help with the laundry. I appreciate the time she spent here today.”

“How’s Ruthie?” he asked.

“I guess she’s okay. I don’t really know.” Lydia placed the cup on the little table in front of her so she wouldn’t crush it in frustration. “My
mamm
left a message last night and said things are okay. I’m not really sure what that means. Ruthie didn’t seem okay on Saturday, but I don’t think my
mamm
wants to worry me more than she has to.”

“We missed you last night,” Nancy said. “You’ve missed the last two youth gatherings.”

“I know,” Lydia said quietly. “I heard it was at Lizzie Anne King’s house last night.”

“That reminds me.” Nancy looked at Amanda. “Did you see Mahlon Sunday night? He and his group took off alone again. I am starting to wonder if they are doing drugs. Lizzie Anne said she smelled something funny behind the barn when she went out there to look for her cat.”