Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5) (8 page)

Mamm
held her close and kissed her head. “You will be fine,
mei liewe
. We’ll talk on the phone, and you can even write me letters. It will be just fine. I’ll be home before you know it. I need you to be strong and to behave for Lydia and
Dat
. You need to do your best in school and help out with the chores at home. Can you do that for me?”

Irma looked up at
Mamm
and nodded while sniffing. Tears splattered her pink cheeks.

Lydia wished she could wake up from this surreal nightmare. How could she possibly take the place of their mother?
She’d never be able to comfort Irma like their mother could. Her mother was the woman who kept the household running without any flaws. She knew just what to do in any situation. Why would Lydia’s parents put this pressure on her? It was just unfair. It was impossible for Lydia to achieve that at sixteen.

“We’re going to be okay,”
Dat
said, and Lydia wondered if he was trying to convince himself as much as the rest of them.

Irma wrapped her arms around
Mamm
, and Lydia hoped her mother wouldn’t cry. Seeing her mother shed tears would make this situation even more painful.

Unable to take any more of this sadness, Lydia stood. “I’ll take care of the dishes while you all talk.” She carried the plates and glasses to the sink and started the hot water. Her parents continued to reassure Irma and Titus that everything would be fine, and she hoped they were right.

After she finished the dishes, she prepared lunch for herself, Irma, Titus, and her father. Glancing at the clock, she found she had ten minutes before she had to leave for school. Since her parents were still deep in conversation with Titus and Irma, Lydia slipped through the family room and up the stairs.

Lydia rushed to her room, grabbed something off a shelf in the corner, and dropped it into the pocket of her apron. She walked down the hallway and gingerly pushed open Ruthie’s door. She found her sister sitting up in her crib while hugging her favorite cloth doll that she’d named Hannah.

“
Gude mariye
,” Lydia said with a smile. “How are you and Hannah today?”

“We’re
gut
,” Ruthie said, her voice small. “I smell breakfast.”

“
Ya
.” Lydia lowered herself onto the rocking chair across from the crib. “I made breakfast this morning.”

“You did?” Ruthie giggled. “I bet you burned the eggs like you did last week.”

“That’s not nice.” Lydia laughed. “And I didn’t burn the eggs.”

“May I have some?” Ruthie moved to her knees. “I’m hungry.”

“Of course you may,” Lydia began. “But I’d like to talk to you first.”

Ruthie looked surprised.

“You and
Mamm
are leaving on a trip today. You’re going to see some really smart doctors who can help you.”

“I am?” Now Ruthie looked confused.

“
Ya
.” Lydia stood and walked over to the crib. “You’ll be gone for a little while. I have to go to school in a few minutes, but I just want to tell you that I love you.”

Standing, Ruthie pulled Lydia into a hug. “
Ich liebe dich
.”

Lydia closed her eyes, trying in vain not to cry. She then pulled the small, worn stuffed orange cat from her pocket. “I want you to take this with you.” She handed the toy to Ruthie. “This is Snuggles.
Mammi
gave it to me a long time ago.”

Ruthie’s eyes widened as she hugged the cat and her doll. “
Danki!
I’ll take
gut
care of her.”

Lydia smiled through her tears. “If you ever get scared, you just hug Snuggles and Hannah, and they will take away all your fears.”

Ruthie smiled. “I’ll hug them all the time.”

“
Gut
.” Lydia touched her sister’s nose.

“Lydia!” Her mother’s voice sounded from downstairs. “It’s time to go.”

“We better get downstairs.” Lydia hoisted her sister into her arms. She silently marveled how light Ruthie was as she carried her down the stairs. After depositing Ruthie on a bench at the kitchen table, Lydia brought her a cup of milk. She sat with Ruthie while Irma and Titus kissed their mother good-bye.

When her siblings moved over to say good-bye to Ruthie, Lydia retrieved the lunch pails from the counter.

The crunch of tires in the driveway alerted her that her father’s ride to work had arrived. Keeping with tradition, her father paid a non-Amish driver to take him to work every day.

“It’s time to go,”
Dat
told
Mamm
, a frown turning down his lips. “I will try to call you later from the shop.”

“
Ya
,”
Mamm
said. “I’ll leave you a message with my phone number.” She cleared her throat, and Lydia saw tears in her mother’s eyes. “I’ll take
gut
care of Ruthie. You take
gut
care of the rest of the family.”

“You know I will,” he said.

They embraced and kissed, and Lydia felt as if she should leave the room. She turned back to her siblings and touched Ruthie’s arm. “You take
gut
care of Hannah and Snuggles,
ya
? Promise me?”

Ruthie’s little face beamed. “
Ya
. I’ll take
gut
care of
Mamm
too.”

“
Danki
.” Lydia kissed her head. “I’ll see you soon, Ruthie.”

“
Kinner
,”
Mamm
called. “You’re going to be late for school. You have to leave now.”

“Let’s go,” Lydia said to her middle siblings. “It won’t look too good if I’m late since I’m the assistant teacher.” Lydia motioned for Irma and Titus to hurry along. She hugged her mother good-bye. “I’m going to miss you, but I promise I’ll do my best to take care of everyone.”

“
Danki
,”
Mamm
said. “
Ich liebe dich
.”

“I love you too,” Lydia said. She handed out the lunch pails and said good-bye to her father. She waved to her mother and Ruthie one last time before stepping out onto the porch.

As Lydia eyed the van waiting for her father, she sent up a prayer that her life would be normal very soon and that she could go back to living like a normal teenager, not a surrogate mother for her siblings.

D
anki
,
Aenti
Rebecca,” Lydia said Friday evening. “I appreciate all you did for us today and yesterday too.” Her aunt touched Lydia’s cheek and smiled. “It’s the least I could do,
mei liewe
. I wish I could do more.” She pointed toward the stove. “I think you may have enough chicken and dumplings for leftovers tomorrow.”

The aroma caused Lydia’s stomach to gurgle, and she realized she’d hardly eaten anything since an apple at lunchtime. “You know that’s my
dat’s
favorite supper,
ya
?”

Rebecca nodded. “Irma shared that your
dat
wasn’t in a very
gut
mood last night, so I thought this might help.”

“
Danki
.” Lydia touched her hand, resisting the temptation to ask her aunt to stay. It was a silly notion, since Rebecca had young children of her own to care for. “Give my love to Daniel Junior and Emma. I hope to see you again soon.”

“You will.” Rebecca hefted her tote bag over her shoulder. “I’m certain I’ll see you Sunday. Bring me news of your visit to Hershey.”

Irma and Titus entered the kitchen after washing their hands.

“
Danki
for supper,” Titus said as he sat down in his usual spot at the kitchen table.

Irma hopped into the kitchen with a smile turning up her pink lips. “It smells
wunderbaar gut
.”

“
Gern gschehne
,” Rebecca said with a wave as she opened the door. “Gut
nacht
. Tell your
dat
hello for me.”

Once Rebecca was gone, Lydia and Irma set the table and served the meal. After prayers, they began to eat the chicken and dumplings, homemade bread, and green beans Rebecca had prepared. The women in the community were taking turns bringing meals and helping Lydia’s family through this difficult time. Kathryn had come by Tuesday and Wednesday to lend a hand, and Rebecca had helped the past two nights.

“This is
appeditlich
,” Irma said while shoveling more chicken into her little mouth. “
Dat
will love it.”

“I hope so,” Titus said.

“How was school?” Lydia asked before stifling a yawn.

While Irma rambled on about every incident that had taken place during the school day, Lydia nodded and feigned interest. Her thoughts instead wandered to the Hershey hospital and her mother and Ruthie. She’d wondered about her mother all day. Although she tried to reach her by phone, she’d only been able to briefly speak to her grandmother, whose cheerfulness sounded forced when she declared that things were going just fine.

“I’ll help with the dishes,” Titus said when their plates were clean.

Lydia looked at him with a confused expression. “What do you mean? I need you to go feed the animals.”

Titus piled up the dishes and headed for the sink. “How about we switch up our chores tonight? You can take care of the animals, Irma.”

Irma laughed while gathering up the glasses. “You’re
gegisch
.”

“I’m not joking,” Titus said as he turned on the water and poured in dishwashing detergent. “Tonight I want to help out in the kitchen and you can take care of the barn.”

“No!” Irma bellowed, pushing him away from the sink. “I want to do the dishes!”

“But I’m sick and tired of raking out the horse stalls and feeding the animals by myself,” Titus snapped. “It’s not my fault I’m the only
bu
. You can do the barn work and get dirty too. You’re capable even though you’re a
maedel
!”

“You two need to stop it right now,” Lydia hissed. “You know better than to behave this way. I may not be
Mamm
, but you will treat me like
Mamm
beginning right now.”

Lydia looked at Titus and Irma, who both stared at their shoes. Taking a deep breath, she counted to ten and touched the ties to her prayer cap while trying to get her temper in check. She’d survived a busy day at the bakery dealing with impatient
English
customers only to come home to squabbling children. She missed her mother so much her heart ached, and she also longed for the comfort and guidance of her grandmother’s talks at the bakery. It didn’t seem fair that Lydia had to deal with all of this stress by herself. At a time like this, she needed her mother … and her grandmother.

Frustration surged through her, and she silently prayed for God to guide her words.

“Now, we will complete our chores without any further discussions,” Lydia began, shaking a finger at each of them for emphasis. “Irma, do the dishes. Titus, get out into the barn before
Dat
gets home. He told you you’d better have your chores done or he is going to take you out behind the barn for a whippin’. You know how tired and upset he was
last night and your blatant disobedience rankled him even further. Let’s not have a repeat of that scene,
ya
?”

“But I’m sick and tired of doing the same chores all the time.” Titus gestured toward the sink filled with soiled dishes and frothy soap. “You two get the easy work inside the house, and I have to do the real dirty work!”

Lydia rubbed her temples where a headache brewed. “Lord, give me strength,” she whispered. This behavior was so out of character for her siblings that she was baffled. She’d never known them to argue or complain about their chores. In fact, she’d even witnessed Titus whistling while cleaning out the horse stalls in the recent past. Where had his sudden combativeness come from?

She glanced at the clock and realized their father would be home soon. He would most likely lose his temper if he walked into this scene, and she’d already experienced more than enough stress for one day.

Lydia needed to take control and make them mind. Mustering all of her emotional strength, she frowned at her brother and sister. “Titus,” she began in her best authoritative voice, “this is how it works when
Mamm
is here, and it’s how it will work while I’m in charge.” She pointed to him. “You take care of the animals and the barn, and Irma does the dishes.”

“You’re not
Mamm
, you know,” Titus seethed, anger in his eyes. “She’s gone to Hershey with Ruthie. She’ll probably stay away from us as long as she can. It’s probably easier for her to just take care of one child. We all know Ruthie is the favorite.”

“Is
Mamm
ever coming back home?” Irma asked with tears in her eyes.

The worry in both of their eyes stunned Lydia. She
touched Titus’s arm, and he blanched. “Ruthie is not
Mamm’s
favorite. She loves all of us equally, but right now Ruthie needs her the most.” She turned to Irma and touched her little hand. “Irma, you know
Mamm
is going to come back.
Mamm
and
Dat
explained to you that this is only temporary. We just have to be patient.”

“I know, but it’s been so long.” Irma sniffed and swiped her hand under her nose. “She’s been gone since Monday, and now it’s Friday. She needs to come home now. It’s been too long.”

Lydia blew out a sigh and then pulled Irma into a hug. “I miss her too, but she’s taking care of Ruthie. The doctors are doing their best to make Ruthie well so she can be like us and live a normal life. Right now she’s so sick that she can’t go to school. Don’t we want her to go to school when she’s six? Don’t you want her to help with the chores too?”

Irma nodded, and her long, blonde braids bounced on the shoulders of her blue frock.

Lydia touched Irma’s head. “We have to trust God that the doctors are giving her the right medicine. And we have to do our best while
Mamm
is gone. That’s what
Mamm
asked us to do,
ya
?”

“When is she coming back?” Titus asked, his expression softening.

Lydia realized why her siblings were so out of sorts—they missed their mother too.

“I don’t know,” Lydia said. “She said it may be a few weeks. We’ll just have to make the best of it and try to get along. That’s what she expects us to do. She would be very disappointed if she heard us arguing like this. We don’t want to disappoint her, do we?”

Titus shook his head and sighed.

“Does she still love us?” Irma asked.

“Irma,” Lydia said with impatience radiating in her voice. “You know the answer to that. Of course
Mamm
loves us. She’ll never stop loving us. You need to stop asking
gegisch
questions.”

Headlights shown through the window and an engine hummed outside, announcing the arrival of her father.

“
Dat’s
driver is dropping him off,” Lydia said as her heart pounded in her chest. “
Dummle
! Get to your chores now.”

Titus rushed outside, and soon she heard his muffled voice greeting their father. Irma busied herself at the sink while Lydia pulled her father’s dinner plate from the oven, where she’d kept it warm for him. She then wiped the table and straightened the counters.

The door opened with a bang, and
Dat
came through the door with a frown on his face. “
Wie geht’s
,” he said before placing his tool bag on the floor. “Supper smells
appeditlich
.” He crossed to the table and studied the plate Lydia had heaped high with food.

“
Aenti
Rebecca and I made your favorite. She had a
gut
recipe I thought you’d enjoy.” Lydia had hoped that perhaps the special supper would bring a genuine smile to his face, something she’d longed to see for the past few weeks.

“
Danki
, Lydia. That’s very thoughtful of you.”
Dat
turned to Irma and kissed the top of her head. “
Wie geht’s
, Irma? How was your day?”

“
Gut
.” Irma smiled. “I have to tell you about school today. I had a really
gut
day.”

“Okay.”
Dat
started toward the doorway. “Just let me wash up, and I’ll listen to your stories.”

Relief flooded Lydia at the nice exchange between her father and middle sister.
Maybe things can be somewhat normal
after all
. Once her father disappeared toward the bathroom, Lydia looked at Irma, who was stacking the dishes on the counter. “I’m going to go check on Titus. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Irma said. “I’m going to talk with
Dat
while he eats.”

Lydia stepped outside to the barn and gazed up at the crystal clear blue sky.
Is Mamm looking out the window
,
watching this beautiful sky as well?
She sank onto the porch swing and sucked in a deep, cleansing breath. She shifted and the swing moved back and forth while she rubbed the arms of her green dress. The early evening air was crisp, and she wished she’d fetched her sweater from the peg by the door on her way out to the porch.

She enjoyed the solace outside, which was a stark contrast to her day spent working in the busy bakery and the evening of dealing with her siblings. She longed for some time to herself, and hoped this situation would only be temporary — just as she’d promised Titus and Irma it would be.

Titus emerged from the barn, wiping his hands on his trousers as he walked toward the porch. “The animals are fed and watered,” he said while climbing the stairs.

“
Danki
,” Lydia said. “Please go get your bath so Irma can take hers.”

“I will.” He started for the door and then stopped in front of her and frowned. “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled, and I don’t mind my chores. I just — I just wish
Mamm
and—” He bit his lower lip and his eyes filled with tears.

“I miss them too,” Lydia said with a gentle smile. “But we’ll get through this.”

He stepped toward the door, opening it with a loud creak. He looked back at Lydia once more. “Are you coming in?”

She yawned and hugged her arms to her chest. “In a few minutes. I just need some quiet.”

“I’ll tell Dat.” He disappeared through the door.

Lydia rubbed her arms and moved back and forth on the swing. The sun was getting ready to set and the shadows were shifting on the dirt road, heading for the street. Her gaze moved across the pasture toward the Glick home. She wondered why Joshua hadn’t come to visit this week. Was he too busy working on the farm? It seemed odd that he hadn’t made time to come and check on Lydia and her family, especially since she’d told him of Ruthie’s illness. She hoped he would stop by soon. An easy conversation with Joshua would do wonders for her frayed nerves.

Something out of her peripheral vision at the end of the driveway caught her gaze. Her eyes focused, and a figure on a bike moved swiftly up the drive. Since it was a real bike and not a scooter, Lydia knew it wasn’t an Amish person. The figure was tall and lean and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. It had to be an
Englisher
. She had
English
acquaintances that frequented the bakery, but not one had ever visited her at home. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time an
Englisher
had visited at all.

She stood and walked toward the door, ready to get her father outside in case the visitor had unethical intentions.

“Lydia?” a voice called.

Turning, she saw Tristan coasting up to the porch with a wide smile on his face. “Tristan?”

“Hey.” He stopped short of the steps and hopped off the bike. “How are you?”

“I’m doing okay.” She gave him a surprised smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I haven’t seen you all week, so I thought I might take a
ride to try to find you.” He hesitated. “Is it all right if I visit with you for a few minutes? I won’t take up much of your time. But if it’s better that I don’t —”

“No, no. It’s fine.” She gestured toward the porch. “I can talk with you for a few minutes and then I need to get my sister ready for bed.” Lydia sank back onto the swing.

Tristan parked his bike by flipping down the kick stand. He then sat on the top porch step while leaning his back against the railing. “How’s your littlest sister?”

“She … She has leukemia.” Lydia drew in a shaky breath. “I would have told you, but I’ve been so busy, since my mother went with her to Hershey for chemotherapy. My grandmother went with them too, and when I talked to her, she said things are going well. We’re going to visit them tomorrow.”