Redemption (12 page)

Rebecca raised
her eyebrows, but didn’t comment.  Isaac grinned.  “My old Irish granny told us
all kinds of stories when we were little.  She’d be so disappointed that after
all her warnings I fell prey to one of the forest sprites.”

Rebecca stood
and held out her hand, a bit of a smile playing about her bowstring mouth.  She
looked like she wasn’t sure if she should go along with his humor or smack
him.  If she only knew how much he wanted to kiss those lips she would probably
decide on the latter.

He took the
proffered hand and she pulled him to his feet.  “That’s a pretty lame excuse,” she
said, brushing off his fairy explanation.  “Though search me if I know why you
suddenly decided to take a nap in the woods.  In a rainstorm.”  She shrugged
and refused to meet his eyes.  “Besides, I kind of… followed a cat to find
you.  So I can’t really say anything.”

They sat on a
fallen log near the edge of the path, the overhanging trees sheltering them
from the last bit of light, missing rain.  “I thought you had left me,” Rebecca
finally admitted.  “I thought you got sick of all my baggage and just walked
off.”

Isaac looked at
her, surprised.  “Never.”  He snorted.  “Besides, your baggage is nothing
compared to mine.  I don’t know why you put up with me.”

Rebecca shook
her head.  “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”  She nodded her
head toward the other side of the path.  “Do you see that little sapling over
there?  The sky is all overcast and the weather is terrible, but look at
that.”  The little tree had translucent white leaves, remnants of the previous
fall, still clinging to its silvery branches.  Little droplets of ran clung to
it like diamonds.  “Even in your darkness, there’s this…beauty.”

Isaac stared at
her, dumbfounded.  A terrible feeling was starting deep in his chest.  There
was no way she could have the same feelings for him that he had developed for
her.  “Rebecca,” he said softly, forcing her to meet his eyes.  “Promise me
something.  If you’re ever alone again- if you can’t find me or…something-
promise me you’ll keep going and get out of here.”

She tilted her
head, her brown eyes delving into his.  “We’ll get out together.”  She stood
and pulled him up.  “It stopped raining.  Let’s go see what else ‘ol Dusty Robes
has in store for us.”

He forced a
laugh and followed her as she led him out of the woods.  He couldn’t bring
himself to tell her what he’d just experienced.  He barely understood it
himself- and yet he understood it perfectly.  He had to get her out of here as
soon as possible. 

Because all the
time he was out of it, she had been looking for him.  When he had disappeared,
she had stayed right here. 

~~~~~

Rebecca’s feet
and legs ached.  She found it completely unfathomable that she could feel pain
and exhaustion in a dream.  But there it was.  Her feet were raw, and her
calves were throbbing from the quick pace they’d kept up for hours over uneven
terrain, hoping to make up for Isaac’s little detour and the time spent
sheltering from the rainstorm. 

She sat on a
rock and rubbed a knot out of her leg.  Isaac was walking toward her, lifting
his hand to gesture at her leg.  She thought he was probably going to offer to
help.  The thought of his nimble hands on her skin gave her a pleasant
sensation in her stomach, which she quickly squelched.  But Isaac’s lips never
formed the words he was about to utter.  There was a crashing in the woods to
the left of the path, and zombie Raman stumbled out onto the path a few yards
away.

Rebecca stared
at him, transfixed.  She wasn’t afraid.  She was beginning to get desensitized
to the sight of his horrid form.  Besides, they had experienced much, much
worse.

He let out a
pathetic moan and a bit of his cheek dribbled down and hit the ground with a
soft plop.  Rebecca shuddered.  He looked worse than he had before.  Dirtier. 
More decomposed.

Isaac had
shifted his weight to the balls of his feet, but he relaxed when he saw what
was coming.  “Poor bastard,” he breathed as Raman tripped over a tree root and
did a face plant. 

Rebecca tried to
maintain the anger and desperation that had gripped her the previous times he’d
shown up.  She was surprised when she couldn’t manage it.  Before, she had been
afraid that he was after Cloe, bent on taking her away.  But, there was no Cloe
anymore.  She took a shuddering breath as she realized that part of her life
was truly over and gone.

Isaac looked
down at her for a moment as Raman slowly shuffled toward them.  “You aren’t
going to run away this time?”

Rebecca shook
her head.  “No.  I’m getting tired of running away.”  She watched Raman
stumble.  “Besides, he’s been trying so hard to catch me.”  She was nonplussed
at the feeling of pity that had somehow replaced the anger and fear.

Isaac patted her
head and turned to walk away.  Rebecca stared after him.  “Where are you
going?”

He lifted one
shoulder and let it drop, then pointed down the path.  “I think this one is
yours.  You have to figure this out on your own.”

Rebecca took a
deep breath and let it out in a slow sigh.  “I suppose you’re right.”  She glanced
at Isaac’s beautiful face, then looked at the ground.  “But…just don’t go far,
okay?”

He gifted her
with a faint smile.  “Sure.”

She watched
until Isaac disappeared around a bend in the path.  Then she turned her gaze
back to Raman.  He’d made quite a bit of progress, but a tree root tripped him
up, and he face planted again.  Sighing, Rebecca pushed herself to her feet and
paced over to where the disgusting thing was struggling to stand back up.

He regained his
feet and stood swaying, blinking in surprise when he found Rebecca much closer
than she had been.  Rebecca peered into his eyes- once a clear, vibrant hazel,
now cloudy and unfocused.  He made a pathetic sound and lifted a dirty hand as
if to touch her face.  Rebecca couldn’t stop herself from flinching away, but
she didn’t go far.

“Did you…” she
cleared her throat.  It was hard to look at him up close.  That look in his
dull eyes was just too painful.  “Did you want to tell me something?”

“…cca…” he
moaned.  A little bit of lip fell off on the first syllable.  She watched as he
fought to form words.  Whatever it was he was trying to say was
unintelligible.  But he was trying so hard.

She remembered
the man he had once been.  He’d been smart, focused, and professional.  Great
at what he did.  She had thought, once, that under that smooth façade there was
a secret soft side.  He’d thoroughly tricked her into thinking that he cared. 
And then, when she needed him the most, he’d just walked away to leave her to
struggle with her grief. 

That was what
she believed.  Until now.  “Ggg…gbb…”  He was still trying to work out whatever
it was he had to say. 

“I’m sorry.” 
Rebecca hadn’t meant to say it, hadn’t even thought about speaking.  But the
words tumbled out.  “What kind of monster have I turned you into?”  Tears
tumbled down her cheeks.  “Look what I’ve done to you.”  She gestured at his
emaciated form, covered in dirt, deathly, rotting.  She’d turned him into some
sort of villain, a disgusting, rotten thing, in her mind. 

A tear somehow
formed in his glassy eye and traced a path down his greenish cheek. 
“Ggg…gggdbb…”

Memories flooded
Rebecca’s mind.  His quick laughter and gentle teasing.  His joy as he laid a
hand on her swollen belly, and felt their child kick.  His tight,
expressionless face when she awoke from surgery, telling her that the baby
hadn’t made it.  The way the tears had poured from him like a river.

How had she
forgotten?  How he’d been by her side constantly when she came home from the
hospital.  How he’d held her when the pain seemed like it would pull her apart,
helped her remove all traces of the baby.  How he’d told her he loved her,
tried so hard to keep her together.  But nothing he did ever healed the rift in
her heart.  She’d grown more and more distant.  He’d started to blame himself. 
Maybe it was the sight of him that was causing her such pain.  And she started
to believe that too.  That maybe it was his fault…

“Oh God, Raman,
I’m so sorry!”  She wrapped her arms around him, ignoring the filth and rot
that she had caused.  “It wasn’t your fault.  You tried.  You tried so hard.”

He lifted an arm
to awkwardly thump her on the back.  “Ggg…bbby?”

She stepped
back, finally getting it.  “Yeah.”  She wiped the tears from her eyes with the
back of a hand.  “I’m sorry I’ve kept you here so long.  Sorry I’ve made you
suffer.”  She touched his chest.  “I forgive you.”

There was a
blooming sort of sensation in her chest- release.  Raman’s eyes widened.  He
gasped softly and dropped to his knees.  Rebecca cushioned his head as he slumped
to the ground.  She was finally putting him to rest. 

He found his
words at last.  “Ggg…good… goodbye.”

Rebecca smiled
tremulously through her tears and brushed the lank hair from his face. 
“Goodbye Raman.”

When  Isaac
returned some time later, Rebecca was kneeling on the ground, her eyes closed
and her face lifted upward toward the sky.

~~~~~

“Are you okay?” 
Isaac’s voice was hesitant as he stood looking down at her. 

She took his
proffered hand and stood, wiping a hand under her eyes.  “I think I will be,”
she said quietly.  She felt shaky, unsure after having seen things from another
perspective.  And even more guilty for the things she had done.

“I…”  She took a
deep breath.  “It was my fault our marriage ended.”  Isaac glanced at her
curiously as they walked, but didn’t probe for more.

Finally, Rebecca
screwed up her courage.  If anyone could understand the scars and sins on her
soul, it would be Isaac.  She clenched her hands and kept walking.  “I blamed
him.  For Cloe’s death.  I never realized it before.  But on some level…I guess
I just wanted someone to blame.  I wanted a reason.  I wanted something to make
sense.”

She swallowed
hard.  “I…cheated on him.  With some guy I picked up at a bar.”  She couldn’t
look up, couldn’t meet Isaac’s face as shame washed over her.  “I just…for just
one moment, I wanted to be someone else.  I wanted to forget…”  She gave up the
attempt.  It probably sounded trite and whiny.  There was no way she could
explain the desperation and guilt she had felt.

Isaac’s deep
voice was soft.  “I spent every day being told that I was worthless.  But the
bored wives and rich divorcees, they all thought I was beautiful.”  Rebecca did
look up then, to find the same sort of guilty pain on his face that she felt in
her heart.  Isaac knew what it was like to want to be someone else- anyone but
yourself.  “I was surrounded by food, and thousands of dollars worth of
drugs.”  He gave a self-deprecating laugh.  “I felt like a boss.  Even though
none of it was mine.  I was just a whore.  A decoration.”

Rebecca plucked
a stem from a weed growing near the edge of the path, and twirled it in her
fingers as she spoke.  “It worked for a little while.  But then it was over and
the emptiness came back.  And I hated myself.”

Isaac nodded.  “I
tried to think of it as a job.  That way I could avoid thinking about how
Maddie’s new shoes and school books cost a blow job and a few grams of coke.”

Rebecca didn’t
flinch at his words.  “I couldn’t look at Raman anymore without feeling
guilty.  He wanted to forgive me.  But I knew I was worthless.  Dirty.  I
started wanting him to leave so I didn’t have to feel that way anymore.”

Isaac ran a hand
through his hair, setting it into silky disarray.  “The kids… I couldn’t meet
their eyes anymore.  Because I was too dirty.  I had to leave, as soon as they
didn’t need me anymore.”

Rebecca
hesitantly reached out and grabbed his hand, drawing courage from the fact that
he didn’t flinch away.  “They forgave us a long time ago.”  She took a deep
breath, trying to find some sort of inner strength, remembering that feeling of
freedom when she had finally said goodbye to all of the blame she had placed on
Raman.  “Do you think…do you think it’s possible to forgive yourself?”

Isaac pressed
his beautiful lips together and looked out at the landscape before them.  “I
don’t know,” he said with a sigh. “Maybe.  Someday.” 

Rebecca’s eyes
followed his to the intricate purple door that had appeared in the middle of
the path.  A thick tangle of trees and monstrous vines had grown up around it
on either side.  Their only option to keep moving forward was to step through
the doorway.

T
hey walked along
in silence for some time.  Rebecca, lost in her thoughts, didn’t notice the
subtle changes to the environment until she shivered.  The breeze dancing over
her skin had a sharp, chilly edge.  Her eyes scanned the horizon, taking in the
low-hanging clouds in the steel grey sky.  What was with the weather lately? 
With the sun hidden, it was as if the color had leached out of the place, and
everything seemed dull and muted.  She turned to Isaac to ask him when it had
become so cold, but her words faltered when she got a good look at him.