Rediscovering Peace (Military Love Book 1) (17 page)

“It’s a long story. We went through a lot and I am scared that if I leave she will do something to harm herself. She isn’t very stable.”

I had heard that story before too. I can’t leave my wife – she is mentally ill, blah, blah, blah. Why do men have to suck so badly? But for some reason I knew Seth wasn’t lying. I couldn’t explain what it was but we connected on a deeper level.

“Look, Seth. I am not going to hook up with you. Honestly, I don’t even know what I am doing here. I saw your ring right when you came up in the bar.”

“I am not asking you to hook up with me, Faith. There’s just something about you. I can’t describe it. It’s like I NEED to get to know you better.”

I didn’t know what to say. I knew there was something between us, but he was married. I had promised myself never to get into a relationship with a married guy. It always ended in heartbreak. Why was I so damn drawn to this guy? He was handsome. He had blue eyes and short brown hair, and by the build of his body I could tell he worked out a lot. He was wearing a pair of washed out Wranglers and a blue dress shirt with sleeves rolled up. It clung to his tattooed muscular arms and my imagination was running wild with how he would look underneath his shirt. It wasn’t only his looks that I was attracted to. I could feel the air charging with electricity between us and I didn’t know how much longer I would be able to resist him. I needed to get out of here before I did something stupid.

“Seth, I have to go. It’s better that way. You’re married and I am not going to put myself in that position.”

“I understand. But... Can I call you sometime? We could hang out. As friends of course. I wouldn’t want to put you in that position. There’s a lot going on in my life and the last thing I want to do is burden you.”

There it was again – that look. That defeated look that told me just how much he was hurting on the inside. I fought the urge to wrap my arms around him and turned to leave. Before I closed the door behind me I looked back.

“You can call me anytime. I can do friends.”

His beautiful blue eyes lit up and I knew then, that I was in deep trouble.

I called a cab and while I waited for it to get to Seth’s apartment, I called Jordan. Jordan was my current fuck buddy. That’s exactly what I needed right now, someone to screw the pictures of Seth out of my brain. Lucky for me Jordan was still up and after I told the cab driver where to go I relaxed in the seat, trying my best not to think about the guy who vowed to spend the rest of his life with another woman.

When I got to Jordan’s house I let myself in with the spare key he had given me. I found him on the couch watching some action movie I didn’t know the name of. I stripped out of my clothes and walked over to him. He looked up from his movie. He had obviously not heard me come in.

“You in a hurry, babe?” He smirked at me.

“You could say that. I need you to fuck me hard, Jordan baby.”

Jordan and I had a no strings attached relationship and it was great. I didn’t do relationships but a girl still has needs. He was the perfect guy to fulfill those needs. If I wasn’t so screwed up from my past I could see myself being with Jordan. He was sweet and caring, and amazing in bed. But that wouldn’t happen. Dating and I don’t go in the same sentence.

Jordan and I fucked all night but even then I couldn’t shake the images of a tall, brown haired guy with the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. Fuck. I needed to forget about him.

The next couple of days went by slowly. Work was slow since I had worked plenty of overtime to get caught up on all the current projects. I worked for a well-known publishing firm and I loved my job. I had always dreamed of making other people’s dreams come true by helping them get out there. I worked with some pretty amazing artists. From authors to musicians even producers. My job was fast paced and I enjoyed it. So these slow days weren’t for me. Especially when thoughts of Seth invaded my mind. I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since I walked out the other night. I was lost in thought when my phone signaled an incoming text.

Seth: Hey. Are you up for dinner tonight?

I didn’t know what to answer. One part of me longed to see him, but the other part told me to stay away as far as possible. Who was I trying to kid? I knew I would say yes.

Me: Sure. Why not? I get off at 6pm. Pick me up at 7:30pm?

Seth: Awesome! See you then :)

I wondered what he told his wife where he was going. The thought of his wife made me cringe. I would never admit it but I was jealous. I barely knew the guy and yet the thought of him being with another woman made my blood boil. Why hadn’t we met earlier? Then again, it wouldn’t have made a difference. I didn’t date and I never would.

Six p.m. came early and I was on my way home. I wondered where he was taking me for dinner, so I could figure out what to wear. Whatever. It wasn’t a date. Why would he care what I looked like? We were friends not lovers. No need to go all out.

I got home and took a quick shower. When I got out Skye was sitting on my bed reading something on her Kindle. I swear that girl was always reading when she wasn’t getting her brains fucked out by Braden. I smiled at her. I was so glad that they finally found their way back to each other. Skye deserved the best and Braden made her happy.

“Hey. Did Braden lock you out of your room or why are you hiding in mine?” I grinned at her.

“Ha-ha. No he didn’t. I heard you come in and realized we haven’t really talked since the weekend. I feel like I never get to see you anymore.”

“’I’m sorry. I’ve been busy at work. But it’s slowing down now so I should be around more. I do have to get ready though. I’m meeting Seth for dinner.”

She looked at me surprised. I could tell she wanted to say something but knowing her she didn’t want to hurt me.

“Take that look off your face. I know he’s married. We are just hanging out as friends. You have nothing to be worried about.”

“I saw how you looked at him. It’s the same look I have when I look at Braden. I worry about you – you shouldn’t be some married guys side chick.”

“I feel like you don’t even know me. I do have morals, you know. I don’t sleep with married men.”

She was playing with her hair, which was her sign that she was nervous. I always made fun of her because she didn’t even realize she did it.

“I know you wouldn’t. That’s not what I am worried about. I am worried that you’ll start falling for him and have your heart broken. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Girlfriend, you know I don’t fall in love. I don’t date. Never have, never will.”

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

“One day in the future the right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet, Faith Livingston. And I can’t wait for that day. I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” I explained. Heck, even I knew that was lie. Happiness didn’t exist in my life. My father had made sure of that. No, I couldn’t go there, I wouldn’t think of him. I wouldn’t give him the power to haunt me anymore. He was gone and in the past.

Skye got up and wrapped me in a hug.

“I love you, Faith. I will always be here for you. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, it’s okay to let other people in and let them pick you up for once,” Skye said as she let me go and walked out of my room leaving me to get ready.

I plopped on my bed thinking about Skye’s words. She knew about my past but it hadn’t been easy to open up to her and I knew I wouldn’t be able to open up to anyone else about it again. I wasn’t pretending. I
was
strong. It had taken a lot of therapy, but I had come a long way. I moved past my demons and was able to live a normal life. I just didn’t believe in love and everything that came with it. Other people picking me up? Yeah, that’s a negative batman. I was a grown woman and I could handle my shit myself. I didn’t need anybody to be my shoulder to lean on.

I got ready and looked at myself in the mirror. I had decided on a red skirt that stopped right above my knees and combined it with a black short sleeved blouse. I finished the outfit off with a pair of black sandals and a red pearl necklace. I kept my makeup to a minimum and let my long blonde hair fall in waves. I looked good. The blouse hugged my curves in all the right places.

I headed downstairs and as I walked through the door Seth pulled up in a black Tahoe. What was it with guys and big cars? Oh well. I walked up to the car just as he jumped out and came around to open the door for me. A gentleman, huh? Too bad he was taken. I really needed to stop thinking like this. I wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship anyways.

“You look beautiful today,” he said while he backed out of the parking lot.

I felt my face heat up, I was blushing. What the hell? I never blush.

“Thanks. How was your day?”

“Meh. It was long. We did some stupid preparation training. The guys are deploying soon.”

“The guys? What about you?”

“I am not going. I only have eight months left then I am out. So I am staying behind with Braden. I am happy about that too. As much as I hate that the guys have to go, I am done with war. I have done two tours. I think I have served my time. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a soldier. But it’s time to get out and find something I love even more.”

“And what would that be?”

“I am not sure yet. I think I will find out when I get there.” He chuckled and damn if the sound of it didn’t turn me on.

We pulled up to The Boulevard and I looked at him surprised. This restaurant was for dates not a casual dinner with friends.

“I heard a lot of good things about this place so I figured we could try it out.” he stated.

I pushed my thoughts away and flashed him a smile.

“Sounds good. Skye always talks about this place.”

He came around to open my door again and was holding his hand out to help me out of the car. When I reached for his hand I was feeling the electricity shoot through my body. Our eyes locked and I had to fight the urge to kiss him. Fuck. What was I thinking agreeing to this?

I gathered myself and jumped out of the car. As I slowly walked towards the restaurant, I heard his footsteps behind me.

The waitress inside greeted us with a wide smile that was directed at Seth. I instantly felt the anger building inside of me. Who did this bitch think she was basically eye fucking my man? Wait... My man? Fuck... Get a grip, Faith.

We were led to a table in the middle of the restaurant and I was grateful for the lack of privacy. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of him if we had a more private table.

We ordered our food and drinks and talked the evening away. I found out that he grew up in Ohio and joined the army right after his eighteenth birthday. He said he needed to get away from his childhood house. I knew that feeling all too well. I wondered what past he was trying to hide. I didn’t ask though, I knew firsthand that pushing someone for answers was the wrong way to approach something. I did, however, want to know why he was still married when he obviously wasn’t happy.

“So tell me, why are you still married if you aren’t happy?” I ask him.

His expression changed and that sad look was back. He sighed and put down his fork.

“Krystal and I met right after my first tour. I went through some really rough times and she was there for me. She endured my moods, held me through my nightmares and listened when I needed to talk. I loved her, but I always knew I wasn’t in love with her. I figured if she put up with me then she was a keeper. So after a year I asked her to marry me. She said yes. Fast forward six months.

“We are married and I am getting ready to deploy again when she tells me she’s pregnant. She had been begging me for months to get out of the army so we could start having babies. I loved what I did, so I extended my contract. Halfway through my deployment I get a call from her family that I needed to come home. Krystal had gone into labor three months early and the baby, our baby, didn’t make it. I found out later that it was a boy and that Krystal had been taking medication for depression without consulting her doctors. To this day I don’t know where she got it from. It killed my child. I wasn’t ready to be a dad but losing my boy was like a punch in the gut. Krystal blames me. She says if I would have gotten out then she wouldn’t have been depressed and the baby would still be alive. She refuses to sleep in the same room with me, but every time I mention divorce she has a meltdown and threatens to kill herself if I leave her. So now you know why I can’t leave her. It’s my fault the baby died. I couldn’t live with myself if she did something to herself too.”

I sat there stunned. His wife was a bitch and she was obviously playing him. Hell she wouldn’t even stay in the same room with him, so why was she holding on to this marriage? I had get to the bottom of this.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened. She knew what she was getting into when you guys met. Military relationships aren’t easy. You aren’t to blame for her actions. She should have known better than to pop anti-depressants while she was pregnant with your child. You shouldn’t have to stay with her because she threatens to kill herself. You know you could probably have her admitted for being suicidal.”

“If only it was that easy. Her dad is some big wig here in town and it would be a scandal if his precious daughter would be admitted to a mental hospital. Trust me, I have tried. Can we change the topic, please? I really didn’t want our dinner to go that way.”

“Sure.” I wasn’t going to push the issue, but he needed to see that he wasn’t at fault on his own time. I knew what it meant to overcome something like this. I hated that he was hurting.

“The fair is in town, would you like to go over there and indulge on some funnel cakes?” he asked with a smile.

“Umm... duh! Funnel cakes are my favorite!!!”

He laughed and waved the waitress over for the check. After he paid for our food we drove to the fair. It was a Wednesday so it wasn’t crowded. We walked through the fair and rode the Ferris wheel. We finally found a funnel cake stand and I ordered a plain one with lots of powdered sugar. I would have to work out extra hard at the gym in the morning but it was so worth it. We sat on a bench and talked while we ate our sweet sins.