Authors: Sarah Thorn
*****
THE END
A Hard Choice – An Amish Romance
Mary had just finished her chores for the evening and walked back to her house. Her sister, Ruth, was playing in the front yard, running around and chasing butterflies. Mary admired her carefree nature, without a thought for tomorrow, unfettered by the concerns of the world. That was how it used to be for Mary as a child, for everyone really. But growing up is a necessary part of life, and with it comes responsibilities. Not that Mary’s life was altogether horrible. But when she watched her sister, she definitely knew she missed the days of blithe unconcern about the world, where the only responsibility is to have as much fun as possible.
In truth, Mary’s life had only become encumbered by responsibility recently. Her father had died of a heart attack not long ago, leaving her and her mother in charge of the house, the farm, and the rest of the children. It meant that she had to grow up fast. Mary had faith in God, but the struggles that she had gone through made her feel distant from Him at times. It was hard for her to talk about it with anybody. She especially didn’t want to talk about it with Samuel, the love of her life.
He was as respectful and as good as a boy could be. He was only a few years older than her, and the way Mary saw, likely to propose soon. She had known him her whole life. And this to this day he kept gifts that she had given him when they were children. Such a romantic. But she feared talking to him about her pain and responsibility would be too much to put on him, for he had fallen in love with the happy carefree girl that she once was, the one she pretended to still be.
“Help me with supper, Mary,” yelled her mama, Deborah. “Don’t worry we are making something simple. I know how hard you are working now. How hard we all have to work.” Her mother looked wistfully out the window and onto the farmland, as if wondering how it would be possible to reap the fields before the harvest. She shook her head.
“Mama, you don’t have to worry about me, I will always be here to work hard for our family,” said Mary. She meant it with all her heart.
“I know child,” her mother said with affection. She put her hand on Mary’s cheek. But I don’t want your life to suffer because of the accident with your father. I want you to live your life, to be free. He would want that for you. I have a blessed home here. God has his hand in all of this, you will see.”
Mary helped her mother diligently. She loved her mother with all of her heart, and didn’t like to see her sad. But mama spent many hours every day in mourning. It broke Mary’s heart.
*****
“This is not going to work out between us,” John told his now ex girlfriend, Jessica. “We are just two different people. I met you when I was young and rebellious, but I can’t keep living this lifestyle. It is unfilling and going nowhere. I’m sorry, it’s over.”
Jessica had cried, and begged for him to come back. But John knew he had to move on. He had been able to find a good job in the world of the englishers and amassed a good fortune. But it left him empty and with no direction in life. After breaking up with his girlfriend, he went to the local bar to think about his life.
“Dude, you have it all, money and freedom, girls. I don’t know what you are complaining about,” said his friend Jake. John had known him for eight years now, ever since he had left the Amish community of his youth. He had been a good friend.
“It’s not that I don’t know I should be happy, it’s just that I’m not,” replied John. “Look around, Jake. See that table over there, with the group of girls. Right now they are evaluating you, me, and every other guy that walks in here. I’ve been watching them. They compete over who can get the best guy. That’s who Jessica was when I met her, and still is.”
“So then get another girl,” replied Jake. “There are plenty of fish in the sea. Like you said look around, girls everywhere.”
“Maybe there are girls out there that aren’t so superficial, just looking to compete for the best guy with the best job and the fastest car. But they aren’t here. This city, this life, there is something in the air that I can’t breathe. I don’t know.” John shook his head in frustration.
“So what are you saying?” Asked Jake. He looked puzzled, for he rather enjoyed the rat race and the chasing after girls.
“I grew up different than this, Jake. I don’t think that you would understand. Ever since I left I always felt alien, like I was living a lie. Sure it was fun at times, but never fulfilling. There has to be more to life than this right. I mean, you get a good job, you get money and nice things. The pretty girls are easy to get when you have all that. But what’s next. Isn’t there more?”
“Right now you seem very ungrateful, man.” Jake was getting angry at his friend. “I think that you should be grateful for the superficial women that you get. They are more than what most guys get. I don’t get you man.”
John closed his eyes. He imagined things being different. But his imaginations turned into memories. Memories of his youth, of singing songs in church, of playing outside with his friends, of doing chores until his whole body ached. He slept like a baby then. His mother used to tuck him into bed and tell him stories of a God who loved him. He smiled ever so slightly.
“Here you go in your little dream world again,” said Jake. “What you need is to find another girl. That will get you out of your funk.”
John snapped back. “I don’t need another girl, he said. I need another life.” John walked out of the bar. It was cold out. He looked up and could see the clouds moving out of the way, revealing the stars. They were beautiful, but he remembered seeing them as a kid, even as a teenager, and thinking they looked so much better back then.
He continued to walk the night alone. John felt like a man against the world, by himself in a city full of millions. He knew he didn’t fit in, that there was nothing left for him. More than anything he desired belonging, a community. But he didn’t know if the belonging he desired was in front of him or behind. John hailed a cab.
When John told the cab driver where he was going, he got a strange look. Apparently he didn’t take too many people to the Amish community outside the city. “What business do you have in Amish country,” asked the cab driver.
“It’s where I belong,” said John. He thought it strange how easy it is say things to a stranger that you would never stay to someone you knew. “I grew up there, but one the eve of my 21st birthday I left to set out on my own. But now I feel something pulling me back, I don’t know what it is.”
“Are you a religious man?” Asked the cab driver.
“I’m not sure, I think I used to be. I grew up that way.” John thought about the question more.
“I am,” said the cab driver. “And it doesn’t seem strange to me that you want to return. Have you not heard the parable of the prodigal son?”
John just nodded his head. The comparison struck too close to home. He had left his family when they needed him, when he had become a man to help around the house and on the farm. But he left them. He thought that when he returned they would welcome him with open arms. But that would make the pain even worse. How does one put back the pieces back together of a broken life? Or mend the pain of searing loss? John was now thirty, and finally ready to face his life for the first time.
It was just ahead, and John could see the familiar sites from his youth. He recognized the one room school house he went to as a child and the church where he went to every Lord’s day. He saw familiar hills and trees and even the night sky seemed friendlier. “Over there,” he said to the cabbie, pointing to where his old house was.
The cab driver dropped him off. He would have to walk the rest of the way, as the roads in town were made for buggies, not for cars. But he didn’t mind. He welcomed the opportunity to be outside and to feel the night air that was so familiar to him. There was something different about it here. It felt cleaner, more pure and crisp. It almost felt innocent on his skin, as if the lack of pollution made the air more vivacious and alive.
The night was teeming with the sounds of life. he heard the crickets chirping and frogs croaking. As he walked, fireflies took flight and illuminated the path in front of him. John had left the city so that he could find all of the action and excitement that the world had to offer, and yet before his eyes was something far better, more real. With each step the memories of the past felt palpable, so thick he wanted to brush them away. He hoped to see his little brother playing in the front yard. Maybe he would be so excited to see him that he would run to greet him. His little sister would probably trip and fall when she tried to run, because she was so clumsy. But she would at least be there, because she was always dependable. Something he was not.
Tears welled up in John’s eyes as he thought about all of the memories that he had blocked for so long. Why had he left? So that he could try to make more money than the next guy? It sickened him. He had been gone for nine years, and wondered if his family could ever forgive him. Could God ever forgive him? John hadn’t thought about God in a long time. But he knew that it was God who had been tugging at his heart to return, to become the man he was meant to be. The type of man that would face his problem and overcome them. John knew he wanted to support his family the best he could now. He wanted to contribute, and not just look out for his own pleasures.
This is it,
he thought, as he walked up to the front door of his old home. He was disappointed that nobody was out front playing. But they would have been all grown up by now anyway. He knocked on the door, and waited for longer than he expected it. It was late, and he knew everyone should be home, and his family was usually eager to welcome a visitor.
*****
“Mama, look, I see Samuel,” said Mary. She was pointing out the window in the kitchen. Samuel was above average in height and appearance. There was nothing extraordinary about him though. But because Mary had known him since she was a little girl, to her he was the prince, the knight in shining armor. She adored him.
“You really are smitten, aren’t you my child,” said her mother. Mama loved Samuel, and knew that he loved her daughter very much. The only thing she worried about was Samuel taking her away from the family and the farm.
“Oh mama, you know I get embarrassed easily,” laughed Mary. The two women hurried up in the kitchen. They wanted supper ready for when Samuel got there.
“Welcome Samuel,” said mama.
“Deborah, always a delight,” responded Samuel. He was always proper and courteous and kind. “Mary, you look wonderful this evening.”
Mary’s heart leaped. Though she saw him often, each time seemed better than the last. “Why thank you,” she said, smiling. Samuel had always known her to be fun loving, because she was always smiling and looked delighted while she was around him. She hoped that he didn’t just love her for that.
“And how are you, Ruth. You know I come here just to see you,” said Samuel.
Ruth smiled, but was too shy to respond.
“Supper smells delightful as usual,” said Samuel as he took a seat at the dinner table. “You know how much I love your cooking, Deborah. It feels like home cooking to me, after all of these years.”
Deborah’s heart was warmed. “And cooking for you feels like cooking for my own family,” she responded. “It is great to have you around the house. It is good to have a man around here.” She was referring to the loss of her husband.
“Yes…” Samuel didn’t know how to respond in light of their recent tragedy. “I am glad that I can help bring some comfort.” He hoped he had said the right words.
Deborah and Mary looked like they wanted to change the subject, as the pain was clearly too fresh for polite conversation. “Well, are you going to the get together tomorrow night?” Asked Mary. She cringed inside. It was a very awkward time to ask the question. But, she assumed he probably was, since most of the community would be there anyway.
“Of course,” replied Samuel. “Now, enough talk about personal matters. Let us dig in and enjoy this great feast.” He began to pray. “Lord in heaven, we thank you for bringing all of us together. I thank you for the strength of this family to carry on in in the midst of tragedy. But we know that you have a plan. In your name we pray, Amen.”
“Thank you, Samuel,” said mama.
The dinner was duck and mashed potatoes. It was good as always and everyone enjoyed it and got their fill. Mama served dessert after, cherry pie. Ruth was too full to have more than a small piece. Samuel and Mary were too modest to want to eat a lot of it in front of each other, and mama didn’t want to gain weight. They all talked, and laughed and enjoyed the evening. Mary treasured these times together.
“You do still intend to stay the night, right Samuel,” asked Mary. The plan was for him to stay since he was now officially courting her.
“Yes, Mary, of course. I don’t have to be back to the farm too early either.” Samuel was clearly excited. He had stayed over before, bundling with Mary. They were here favorite nights.
Mama led them to Mary’s room, which had the bundling board in place. “Now you two enjoy the night together. I remember when I was your age, and I tell you it goes by quick.” Mama gave Mary a kiss goodnight and hugged Samuel. Mama left the room.
“Samuel, we have known each other since we were kids, and I just think that it is so good that we don’t grow tired of each other,” said Mary. She was hoping to probe Samuel’s mind more. To see how much he really liked her.