Regina (12 page)

It came in an ugly yellow envelope in June of
1963. By order of the Armed Forces, Frank was to report to his
local service agency to serve in the war. His mother shed a river
of tears while his dad shook his son’s hand firmly and wished him
luck. Pride and fear covered his father’s face. Evelyn, on the
other hand, begged him not to go. She pleaded with him to leave
like some of the boys were doing and flee to Mexico. Not being one
to run away, Frank asked her to forgive him because he was going to
fight for her and for his country.

In the summer of 1963, Frank Color left
Evelyn and his family behind. He stayed till the fall of Saigon in
1975.

When he returned home for Christmas at the
end of the war, he found a very different home than the one he left
behind. His parents were much older for time had taken its physical
toll on them and their farm. Shortly after his return, his parents
passed in their sleep. It was rumored they died on the same day
with a smile was on their faces because they saw the day when their
son came home safe.

Evelyn had married Thompson Wiederhold and
was expecting her fifth child next spring. The disappointment and
sadness stayed with Frank for a long time for he never married or
sought for the family he once desired. These days, Frank lives in
the homes that use to be his parents and only comes into town when
needing supplies. His white Cadillac with gold trim can be spotted
easily when he comes down Main Street.

Not one to be bitter or spiteful, Frank would
generously donate his Cadillac to the town for parades, let anyone
use his tank as long as they keep his property clean, always gave
his money to the City Council and has a kind word for every person
he meets. I met him at Grandmother Lydia’s funeral. He seemed like
a sweet elderly man like Grandpa, my heart went out to him. We
talked for a few minutes about the town, its history and his
property. On days like today, Frank is usually outside tending the
grounds he loves so much like a wife. I didn’t see him today or
smell the newly cut grass.

While my friends played in the tank, I moved
to the shade under a cedar tree, which wasn’t much but it was the
best view of Steven. I don’t know why I was looking at him. It was
as if my brain stirred when watching him. Never did I notice how
tan he was or the cute way his eyebrows lifted when he didn’t
believe someone. The way his jeans cupped his legs made me feel
hot. His blue and white striped shirt was covering his black belt
that ran smoothly thru his waist. Relaxing with a playful smirk on
his face, he seemed to sense my eyes on him.

Large sunglasses covered my eyes, hiding my
little observance of Steven. I felt my breath come faster as Steven
easily put the apple to his mouth and take a bite. He looked happy
that I was watching him, rather drooling over him. Suddenly, I felt
powerful, as if I controlled this situation. Feeling wonderful and
knowing exactly what I was doing, I got up and walked over to
him.

‘What the hell was I thinking?’ I felt myself
scream with every step I took.

I didn’t want Steven, I wanted Jeff. Jeff is
the guy I wanted, I chanted inside my head. So why do I feel this
way about Steven? In the past couple of weeks I’ve spent a lot of
time with him and Katie, it must be natural when you spend so much
time with someone. Steven is a likeable guy but not for me. Yet, I
feel such a rush of desire and longing when I look at him. I can
see myself letting Jeff go and curling up inside Steven’s heart. I
could literally hear jazz music when walking towards him. Just the
thought of being Steven’s girl sent a rush of ecstasy thru me.

I walked confidently to Steven and looked up
at him.

“What’s up Regina?” He said, but I heard
something else behind his words, a smooth line of disgust. I felt
my heart react as if burned; pain seemed to float thru my head like
a tiny cloud.

I felt as if some sort of spell had been
broken. I gave some flippant excuse to Steven without remembering
what I said and ran into the tank. Rod lifted me up on his
shoulders.

“Oh no! Regina’s in the game!” Rodney
shouted.

Chapter Sixteen

Later that day, I was speeding thru Main
Street, desperate to get away from Steven. What was wrong with me?
Why couldn’t I stop the thoughts about him? I couldn’t talk to
anyone about this, not Jane or Renee. I’m sure I could’ve talked to
Katie but she went to dinner with her mom after we left the tank. I
only had my thoughts to torture me. I didn’t want to break up with
Jeff but if I mentioned seeing other people he would know I like
someone else.

“Okay,” I told myself, “I guess that’s one
decision down. I do like Steven.” I said with a giggle. How could I
not like him? He was so cute with that smile, those cheeks and that
amazing body. I knew it was more than that. Steven was exactly like
me, but a guy. I could look into those blue eyes and see myself.
All my pain, desperation and confusion were reflecting at me thru
him. Every time he hugged me, I wanted it to be more, to have him
feel more for me than just a friend. Did I feel that way about
Jeff?

No, I told myself, I didn’t. Jeff was a
temporary boyfriend and I knew it. I wasn’t going to marry him and
I certainly didn’t see myself being anyone special to him. So why
was I fighting so hard to ignore Steven and my feelings?

By this time I was deep in the back roads.
Laughing, I didn’t notice I had gone this far. It felt good to
laugh. Lately, the only laughing I’ve been doing is alone or with
my Lee friends. I still can’t reach Jane or Renee. They are so busy
with their lives and family vacations that they don’t call, text or
Skype. They don’t respond to my Facebook postings too often either.
I can’t tolerate being cut off like this from my home, a.k.a. my
world!

Something was still different about my
parents as well. Aunt Rachel had been a total surprise. Why hadn’t
mom told me about her sister and her possible married life before
my father? The same went for her college days here and not in Las
Vegas? Why did they deliberately tell me something different? It
all seems like such important items and the fact she never
mentioned any of it was very big. After all, I had two cousins whom
I never knew of! What else is she hiding?

And my grandfather! He certainly wasn’t the
man my mother portrayed him to be. I understand people can change
after a certain period of time, but nothing about him exhibits the
traits mom described. I never saw a cross or Jesus anywhere in the
house or in his bedroom. Don’t religious people keep religious
stuff in their house? With the exception of my jerky cousin
Michael, I like my family and wish I had grown up with them. And
though I haven’t grown to love it yet, Lee might’ve been a cool
place to spend a summer or two.

On the plus side, mom and dad were far
happier here than in the city. They kissed more, gazed into each
other’s eyes often and touched each other way more than they did
before. Love was circulating around them in a large halo. I was
happy that they renewed their relationship, but it seemed so
strange. In all our other vacations and time together, I never saw
them like this.

The house was another story. What the hell
was happening there? Many nights have passed and I’ve felt someone
watching me. Many days have passed and I feel someone with me.

One morning, I was cleaning the breakfast
dishes. Everyone went to go shopping, except for me. I didn’t have
a desire to be with my parents. Plus, I wanted to go driving again
on the roads. I only had a permit but Dad said I could go without
them. I was in a little rush and closed all the cabinet doors
pretty hard after I dried the dishes. As I turned around to leave,
one of the cabinet doors opened all the way. It annoyed me a little
bit and I shut it again.

After I closed the door and started
walking away, two cabinet doors opened. I turned around to confirm
the sound. Sure enough, two upper cabinet doors were open. Now I
was angry. I went back to the cabinet and heaved the doors shut.
They met the closing end with a loud
bang
! Satisfied, I gave my head a happy nod and
walked away, but the doors opened again.

I just kept walking. I had to! I couldn’t
acknowledge it was there or existed. Research on the internet said
to try to ignore it. If I ignore it, then it won’t have energy to
keep manifesting itself. It was a pretty shitty idea but I figured
it was best to follow, for now.

My thoughts and desire ran back to Steven. I
began picturing the look on his face when I would tell him I’m
single. I continued my little fantasy when I thought about our
first date. We would go to a movie, somewhere far out of town.
Dinner and a moonlit stroll thru downtown sounded perfect. Maybe
Steven would kiss me at the end of the night!

I trembled with excitement and took out my
phone to call him.

“Hey Jeff, its Regina!” I said and took a
deep breath.

-----

Still in the back roads I couldn’t go home
yet. The sun had gone down and I had half a tank of gas left. The
conversation with Jeff didn’t go well at all. In fact I think he
was hurt or mad, I couldn’t decide. Probably both, I thought.

“Baby, I’ve been thinking,
a lot. It isn’t fair to us to carry on with this long distance
thing
.” I began. I knew it wasn’t smooth but I
couldn’t think of anything else.

“I’m fine Regina. I can
wait for you to come home. Don’t worry about me, I’m worried about
you. What’s going on there
?” Jeff asked. This was
going to be difficult.

“Everything. The world here
is topsy-turvy.
” I said quietly.

“Why?
”

“My grandfather is kind, my
mother is a liar, my father hates me and I don’t know what the hell
is going on with me!”
The tears began building as I
said this.

My headlights flickered in the darkness as I
drove deeper into the country. Tears streamed down my face and I
sobbed relentlessly.

“Don’t tell me you’re
breaking up with me to date those rednecks
.” He asked
at one point in the conversation, I heard his voice start to
rise.

“No baby
!” I
shouted. This was going to go horribly wrong if I didn’t do
something drastic. “
I’m a mess over here
and my mother has lied to me about everything! I don’t know who or
what to believe or if I’m ever coming home to New
York
!”

I heard Jeff take a deep breath over the
phone. I didn’t want the conversation to end because I dropped my
service, so I pulled over onto the side of the road.

“Sorry babe. I wasn’t
trying to make things worse. You know I would come to see you but I
have college apps, football and to be honest, I don’t want to go
somewhere where the town shuts down at dusk
. “He said
with disgust.

“And you don’t want to see
me? Is that it
?” I asked

“No! …..But Lee isn’t
exactly a vacation spot
.” He said
defensively.

“I know that Jeff! But I
thought that since I was here, you would want to make an effort to
at least visit me once!
” I shouted at him. I couldn’t
stop it now; this conversation was going to be bad.

“Did you really think I was
going to come to that town? Come on Regina! Besides you’re coming
home next month
!” He said trying to plead with me. I
heard the snotty tone in his voice though he tried to hide
it.

“I thought you cared about
me enough to help me thru the toughest time in my
life
!” I shouted back realizing a fight would be the
best way to go.

“’
The toughest time in your
life’? Really Regina, I think you’re being dramatic
.”
He said with disdain.

“No I’m not, and if you
really cared about me at all you would come see for
yourself
!”

Yes, I thought, please come see me. Please
come see the ‘new’ me and save me from this place.

But the phone was silent. Did he hang up?

“
I’m not
coming to Lee, Regina
.” Jeff said firmly.
“
Football practice starts next month, I
haven’t started working out yet, I want to have some fun this
summer while I can and I’ve got my parents on my back
too
!”

“
Well, maybe
you could come this weekend
?” I pleaded, changing my
tone and attitude. “
Jeff, I’m sorry I’m
acting crazy but I need to talk to you, to really talk to you. I
can’t do it over the phone and that sounds so stupid, I know it.
But please come. If you really care about me like you always told
me, then you will come. Please
.” I begged. He had to
come. Once he did, he would see the spell I was under and free me
from it.

Silence again. I was getting used to it. What
was he thinking?

“
Regina….
” He stammered. “
I can’t. I don’t know how to explain it but I can’t.”
His voice was soft, like silk. For some reason, it freed the
rage inside of me and I busted.

”Fine.” I replied coldly.
“Then don’t come but if you don’t, consider us
over
.”

Silence.

I was driving down Old Towne Road when I
began noticing something about the scenery. There were plenty of
crazy trees, as Katie had once said. The barbwire fences stretched
for miles in front of me. But there was something else. Had I
driven this road before? No, I didn’t think so.