Authors: Bernard Langley
“
Are…
”
“
See he’ll never get it
,”
said Slip.
“
Immaterial, because you’re not wearing any
!”
he finished
triumphantly.
“
By Borz, he’s right
!”
s
tated Slip aghast, he then dropped his trousers and quite definitely proved it.
“
What’s wrong with you people?
!”
s
aid Pete, desperately trying to shield his eyes.
“
No time for that
,”
said Fendel, turning to leave
,
“
zip up Slip, it’s time to get Crinkle
!”
“
Yeah
, can we go now please
?”
a
ppealed Pete, who thought that anywhere other than where he currently was, would have to better then watch Slip do more star jumps.
“
18, 19, 20! Okay done, let’s go
,”
said Slip pulling up his trousers.
“
Now
,”
continued Fendel
,
“
if I’m not mistaken, C
rinkle is just over this hill.”
So they made their way to the top of the hill, and
to Fendel’s
secret amazement, found a fifty
foot Crinkle on the other side.
EARLIER
Crinkle made her way through the forest, with the sole intention of reclaiming the sacred shears of Salamaloo from a chap named Ben. After a while she decided she was quite lost, that is until she bumped into a sign reading
“
Chap named Ben, forty yards
”
.
“
What a fabulously fortuitous sign
!”
s
he remarked to no one in particular.
“
Why thank-you
,”
replied the sign.
“
Wow, a talking sign
!”
“
No
,
no, I’m Ben, I’m talking to you from my hut, there’s a little speaker in the
“
B
”
in
“
Ben
”
and a camera in the
“
o
”
of forty, see
.”
She
looked closer and could indeed make out a tiny speaker and camera.
“
So, what can I do for you young lady, presumably, I am the one you seek
?”
“
Erm, yes, I was wondering if I could speak to you about something
?”
she asked, suddenly remembering
that she had forgotten to come up with any kind of convincing plan.
“
Did the caterpillar send you
?”
h
e asked all of a sudden, a note of panic evident in his voice.
“
The caterpillar
,”
she replied
, trying to act natural
,
“
why in Seventh Heaven, would a caterpillar send me?
!”
“
So you definitely weren’t sent by a pipe-smoking caterpillar, who lives amongst the mushrooms on the other side of the forest
?”
h
e questioned sternly.
“
Nope
,”
she answered in a small voice.
A moment passed, and Crinkle could feel the camera scrutinizing every inch of her.
“
Okay then
,”
he went on
,
“
come on down
.”
That said, a whirring noise started up and steam started pouring out of the plant
s and fauna around her. She
looked beyond the sign, and to her amazement, watched two massive trees gently slide apart, revealing what could only be Ben’s hut.
“
Okay, here goes nothing
,”
she said to herself, making her way down towards the unassuming hut.
Crinkle stepped up onto the porch that surrounded the hut and discovered that it was certainly no ordinary forest cabin. Hanging from the roof around the hut, were empty bird cages, all that is except for one at the far end, which seemed to contain an animal of some kind, though she was too short to see for sure. There was one window which had been boarded up, and the door to the hut had been replaced with a supra-steel one, with flazer security measures installed. Ben was certainly one who appreciated privacy, and she thought that such a door would be tough to get through, even if she had all the technology aboard the Humdinger to help her. Returning her attention to the one locked cage, she found a crate and moved it to below where the cage hung. Standing atop the crate and teetering on the top of her very
tip toes, she could
make out a hairy creature, apparently asleep in the cage. She raised her hand carefully toward the cage and gently rapped against the bars. The creature stirred and unfurled itself, s
o that it was now facing her. She
gasped, for the small hairy creature in front of her, had the face of Fendel.
“
Crinks! Is that really you
?”
a
sked the creature.
“
Fendel?! What in Borz’ name happened to you?
!”
“
Long story Crinks, suffice to say, that the chap who owns this cabin has some kind of advanced pruning device that bends space-time, and he used it on me
,
quite unreasonably
I should add
, when he caught me breaking into this hut here
.”
“
The Shears of Salamaloo
!”
“
Yeah
, something like that
,”
confirmed the creature with Fendel’s face
,
“
all I remember is that he came at me snipping, I recall watching reality dissolve in front of me, and when I awoke, I found myself trapped in this cage here, with the body of a... a… well, this body anyway
!”
“
Okay, let’s say I believe you, you’ve gotta help me get those shears, agreed
?”
“
Agreed
,”
said the Fendel creature
,
“
now get me outta here
!”
She
carefully unlocked the door to the cage, which enabled the Fendel creature to climb out onto her shoulder.
“
Quickly
,”
she ordered
,
“
get in my pocket, he’s coming
.”
The huge supra-steel door was beginning to open, and as a large robotic hand clawed its w
ay around the door edge, she
was relieved to see the Fendel creature finally disappear into her pocket. The door was now fully open, and in it, stood a large, powerful robot. The size of the
thing could easily incorporate two grown men, or indeed four
Crinkle-sized persons, and she instantly recognized it as a type of bio-cybernetic suit, which was worn by a person, rather than being a fully autonomous robot. She presumed its wearer was most probably Ben, and she did not have too long
to wait before he confirmed it.
“
Hello, I’m Ben
,”
said the robot suit.
“
Er
hello
,”
she replied, a small crack in voice betraying her concern.
“
Don’t be alarmed, the outfit I’m wearing is called a hermetic
,”
began Ben
,
“
it’s purely a security measure see
.”
She
watched as the giant robot suit initially stretched out its robot claws, then brought them together in way that reminded her of two solar flares smashing into one another
creating
exciting new patterns in the night sky.
“
You can never be too careful these days
,”
that said, the visor
on the suit dropped, revealing Ben’s
wizened old face within.
“
No you can’t
,”
she readily
agreed, her eyes still locked on those massive metallic claws.
“
Just the other day, I caught a bugler trying to break into my home
,”
he continued
,
“
was forced to use my shears on him, and now I’ve got him trapped in that cage over there
.”
“
Goodness
,”
she replied
,
“
what is the afterlife coming to, when you can’t even leave your own home, without some dastardly fiend attempting to break in and steal your things?!
”
s
he finished, shoving her hands quickly into her a pockets, so that one hit the Fendel creature squarely on the nose.
“
Yes
,
yes
,”
he
agreed
,
“
tell me young lady, what should I call you
?”
“
You can call me Crinkle, that’s my name anyway
.”
“
Crinkle
,”
he repeated slowly
,
“
what an interesting name
,”
he remarked without any convincing emotion
,
“
now, tell me what it is exactly I can do for you
.”
“
Er
,”
she paused to consider her blag.
“
No not that!” b
ellowed the Fendel creature as though it was perched on her shoulder again, just inches from her inner ear.
“
Shut
up you
,”
she said reaching down inside her pocket and finding the creature there where it belonged.
“
I beg your pardon?
!”
s
aid Ben, obviously offended.
“
I’m speaking to you telepathically
,”
said the Fendel creature inside Crinkle’s mind
,
“
only you can hear me. Tell him you said shattered ewe, and then do an impression
.”
“
Er
, shattered ewe
,”
she repeated without thinking
,
“
meeerhp, zzzzz
,”
she then did an impression of a tired sheep.
“
Oh I see
,”
said Ben looking entirely perplexed, before adding politely
“
that’s really very good
.”
“
Oh thank you
,”
she replied
,
“
something of a party trick I do
.”
“
Now don’t speak to me using your mouth
,”
said the Fendel creature telepathically
,
“use your mind instead.”
“
Seriously
?”
she asked
aloud.
“
Why yes of course, certainly worthy of a repeat performance, encore
!”
e
ncouraged Ben.
“
Meeerhp zzzzz
,”
she said telepathically.
“
Out loud Crinks, that one’s for Ben
.”
“
Meeerhp zzzzz
,”
she repeated out loud.
“
Bravo, bravo, a rare talent you are
!”
p
raised Ben.
Crinkle smiled awkwardly.
“
How are you doing this Fends
?”
s
he asked
,
telepathically
this time
.
“
Can’t be sure, but I think it’s a by-product of having been turned into the weird, hairy creature that is currently in your pocket. Doesn’t matter now anyway, we need to get those shears
!”
“
Agreed
,”
she said.
“
Somewhat lacking in modesty though
,”
said Ben under his breath.
“
Sorry
?
”
she responded
, not quite catching what was said.
“
Oh nothing
,”
he replied
,
“
cup of tea
?”
“
Yes, that’s our in
,”
said the Fendel creature excitedly in her mind.
“
Yes please
.”
“
Well follow me then, do excuse the mess, I was
not expecting guests
,”
he said,
turning to go back inside.
“
This is our chance Crinks, I know exactly where he keeps the shears, you go on a charm offensive, and when his guard is down, I’ll grab them
!”
“
Okay Fendel, just remember, he’s got those massive claws, I really don’t want to get on the wrong side of this fellow
,”
she answered nervously.
“
Chill Crinks, what’s the worse that could happen?
!”