Renewed Faith (CSA Case Files 3 / Military Romance) (10 page)

“Emily, it’s fine.” Elle felt like she finally had some footing in what was being asked of her. CSA wasn’t just a team of members doing their job. They were family, similar to how she felt about the girls at Reformation or those still on the street. Sort of. She wouldn’t call them family, but that didn’t mean she didn’t understand the concept. “I appreciate your honesty, Jax. I’m not too proud to admit that sometimes I view kindness as charity. And I’m not one to turn that down, as long as I’m working for it. Hearing some of Kevin’s history gives me assurance that he doesn’t feel sorry for me, but that doesn’t give me the right to have access into his personal grief.”

“If you’re too chickenshit to be there for someone who’s been there for you, so be it. But let’s call a spade a spade.” Jax stood up and surveyed the room. Guilt attacked her from every vantage point, just as he’d intended. He took his time putting his skullcap back on and then sighed as if in acceptance. “You do an exceptional job here, Elle. Connor and I couldn’t ask for a better manager. But this isn’t a life. You have qualities in you that all of us see, but no matter how much we extend our hand, you only see charity when what we’d really offered you was our friendship. Not everyone in your life is angling for an advantage.”

“Jax, would you give Elle and me a minute?” Emily asked, all the while Elle gritting her teeth against the brutal honesty of Jax’s words. Talking with Emily might not be such a bad idea, seeing as how she might understand where Elle was coming from. “Alone?”

“I’ve got to call the office anyway.” Jax brushed a kiss on Emily’s forehead, but instead of walking out into the entryway, he paused and looked at Elle once more. “You’ve always been upfront with me. I’m just returning the favor.”

Elle and Emily watched as Jax meandered through the club and out into the entryway. He kept the door open while placing his call, not letting Emily out of his sight. Elle didn’t blame him and although she knew there was more to Emily than met the eye, it was her business.

“Is he right? Do you hold yourself at arms length from the rest of us because you feel we view you differently?”

Elle sighed in resignation, knowing that Emily wasn’t going to let this go. The woman was like a dog with a bone and had somehow tamed the wildcard pacing back and forth in the entryway. What had started off as a reasonably okay day with four hours of sleep had slowly disintegrated into muddled crap.

“We’re different.” Elle tried to formulate her words right without hurting Emily’s feelings. “It’s not that I don’t like you, Lauren, Taryn or Jessie. You’re all very kind and have always treated me with respect. I—”

“We’re not so different, Elle.” The way Emily spoke the words gave Elle pause, for she heard the underlying pain in the woman’s voice. “I may not have sold my body for money, but the choices I made affected my soul just the same. We all have some kind of guilt to assuage from our actions but no one says we have to do it alone.”

Emily slid off of the stool, albeit not gracefully as were her usual movements. She placed one hand on her lower back and slowly pushed the empty glass toward Elle with her other. For a woman who appeared to have everything and lived life to the fullest, Emily seemed to be full of secrets.

“Kevin needs a friend.” Emily glanced to where Jax was waiting for her before finishing what she wanted to say. Elle remained silent, not knowing what to add to the conversation. Between Jax and Emily, they were making her arguments seem selfish. “Would it really be so bad if that friend was you?”

“It’s complicated, Emily.” Elle struggled to find a way to explain it, but in the end, all of her excuses sounded petty. Her heart started to race and her breathing became a little shallow as her mind accepted the only decent decision that could be made. “I – shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

Elle looked at Emily to see a small smile playing on her lips. The woman knew a victory when she saw one. Even though Elle knew it was inevitable, she still grasped at the last straw that was left.

“What about the club?”

“What about it?” Emily asked with a shrug. “It’s closed for the next two nights. Jax and I can handle it for a couple more if need be.”

“So…that’s it?” Elle wasn’t sure exactly what to do now. What was the protocol for something like this? “I’m just supposed to show up at his place, which I don’t even have the exact address, and declare that I’m going with him?”

“You’ll figure it out,” Emily replied, her smile as large as the one Jax usually displayed. “And maybe, when you return, we can grab a bite to eat and share some stories. I’m not opposed to having a new friend either.”

Elle’s chest tightened as she felt her barriers being tugged on all sides. She straightened her shoulders to try and relieve the pressure. She wasn’t at all too proud to admit relief when Jax finished his call and started to walk across the club. Emily nodded her head slightly and when Jax arrived at her side, he snatched a napkin and jotted down something in ink. Elle realized it was Kevin’s address.

“If either of you need anything, just call.”

Elle nodded her head, as there was no need for words. She watched them walk out and heard the outer door close behind them. Slowly crossing the floor to the entry door, she shut it and wished it were as easy to close out the emotions they’d left her with. Elle turned back and faced the club, the white napkin practically glowing underneath the lights of the bar. How the hell was she going to deal with this?

Chapter Eight

K
evin finished packing his duffle bag and zippered up his best suit in his Valpak. He used his helmet bag for those items he might need access to before he got a chance to unpack. He did this all the while doing his damndest not to think about his grandfather. It wasn’t as if Kevin hadn’t been expecting the call, but all the same it was difficult to hear the news. His mother had sounded devastated. He could hear the rest of the family in the background, asking to speak with him. There was no need and when he’d hung up, he’d taken a moment in Crest’s empty office to gather his composure. There would be time to deal with the grief later. Right now, his family needed him and the five hour drive would clear his head. Just as he’d grabbed the canvas handles of his bags, the doorbell rang.

Cursing under his breath, Kevin decided to lug his belongings through the bedroom and down the stairs anyway. He had everything he needed for his trip and time was of the essence. He dropped the heavy load at the door and then swung the thick oaken frame open. It took a moment to register that it was Elle standing out in the cold.

“What happened?” Kevin barked, looking behind her to see if anyone else was around. To his disbelief, a taxi was driving away. Looking her over, there didn’t seem to be a hair out of place. She was bundled in her white jacket with the infamous scarf wrapped around her neck. White gloves encased her hands and while denim covered her long legs, her black boots covered the material up to her knees. There was an edge to her that had him immediately on alert. He took her by the arm and pulled her beside him, shutting both of them inside. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine and nothing happened.” Elle’s brown eyes drifted away from his, as she seemed to be fascinated by his home. Her eyes fluttered from one object to the next. He was more concerned about what the hell brought her here to begin with. “I have to tell you this is not how I pictured your place. It’s stunning.”

“Elle,” Kevin said, drawing out her name so his impatience would register, “you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t important. If you’re fine, then is it Rachel? Do I need to touch base with Taggart?”

“Oh, you think I’m here about the case?” Elle was leaving him exasperated, which was unusual. She was a bright woman, but at the moment all intelligence seemed to have fled. She had pretty much already turned to face the living room, seemingly enamored with the two long panes of glass on either side of the fireplace that went from ceiling to floor. Any other time he would have taken pride in the fact that his home impressed her, but this wasn’t the moment and he needed to be on his way. His touch on her shoulder finally stole her attention and when her eyes liquefied into a deep melting pot of chocolate, his gut churned. “Jax and Emily came by the club this morning and told me what happened. I’m really sorry to hear about your grandfather, Kevin. I, um, thought I could accompany you. You know, to Wisconsin.”

“Accompany me?” Kevin felt like he’d been sucked down the rabbit hole. Anger was starting to form that she would choose now to play some sort of game. The resentment started to fade as her words finally penetrated. Elle’s phrase was way too proper, almost like she needed to keep an emotional distance. Having her offer herself up to spend more time with him was counterproductive to what seemed like her intent. He finally connected the dots. “Son of a bitch. Did Jax ask you to come here? He just doesn’t learn his lesson, does he?”

Kevin could see her confusion but he didn’t take time to explain. He walked through the hallway and into the kitchen, determined on getting to his phone. His parents always kept a large wooden bowl to place their keys next to where they commonly entered their home. He’d kept up the tradition and added his wallet and phone to the mix. Snatching his cell up into his hands, he immediately hit Jax’s speed dial.

“Kevin, what do you mean? What lesson? Jax was just trying to be helpful.” Elle had followed Kevin into the kitchen, and when he turned around he saw that her attention had been grabbed by the updates he’d just completed on the cabinets. “My God, this is beautiful.”

“Elle, I’ll give you a tour some other day, I promise. Now just isn’t a good time.” Ringing could be heard on the other end, but the son of a bitch didn’t answer. Jax’s voicemail picked up. “Listen to me, you jackass. I thought you learned your lesson about meddling into other people’s lives. Do me a favor and stay the fuck out of mine.”

One thing about having a landline is that you could slam down the phone and make it mean something. A cell phone just didn’t give Kevin the same satisfaction when he pressed the disconnect button. He was left simmering and wasn’t quite sure what to say without hurting Elle’s feelings. She didn’t seem like the type to have her arm twisted by Jax…under any circumstances.

“Jax and Emily are just looking out for you.” Elle pulled off her white gloves, shoving them inside her pockets. Her attention was now solely on him, and for the first time since he’d met her, Kevin felt a little unsettled by her scrutiny. It was as if she was studying him. “You mentioned that you were close with your family. I know that Ethan would be your choice to have as a road buddy, but you got me.”

“I have you?” Kevin worded the question the way he meant it, even though he was chancing that it was the wrong time and place. Elle’s lips parted and it was obvious he’d surprised her. Tough shit. He’d known who he’d wanted the first time he laid eyes on her. His grandfather’s death definitely hit home that life was too short. “Exactly what does that mean, Elle?”

“Just that I’ll go with you.” Elle shifted her weight to her other foot, unmistakably agitated by his question. He didn’t care. The tables had turned and he felt more confident, more stable than before. He wanted answers and she was evading the entire situation, as usual. “Do we have to break everything down? Can’t we just go?”

“No, we can’t.” Kevin wasn’t in the mood to give an inch, let alone allow this chance to pass them by. It was as if he could hear his grandfather cheering him on. “I’ll make this easier on you though. A simple question really. Why are you going?”

“That’s easier?” Elle was getting annoyed, which wasn’t a bad thing. He found the more worked up she got, the more she revealed. He wasn’t one to quibble about how he got the information he needed. “I’m going because you shouldn’t be alone. How’s that for simple?”

“We’re both big boys and girls, Elle. I can handle loss, although I know it won’t be easy.” Kevin closed the distance between them and came just short of where she stood by the large island. She tilted her head just so, revealing her uneasiness. “But we’re not going anywhere until you answer some questions. Are you going as a friend? Something more? I already told you that I’m done skirting around this thing between us. You coming with me has multiple meanings, but none of them alter the fact that you’ll be around my family. You’ll meet my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephew. You’ll be seeing into my life. Are you prepared for that?”