Renewed Faith (CSA Case Files 3 / Military Romance) (14 page)

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Elle wasn’t sure how it happened, but she’d ended up sitting at the kitchen table with two little girls giving her a hair makeover. She’d finally gotten away from Kelly without giving away her life’s story, pleading the need for caffeine. Kevin’s sister wasn’t one to contain her curiosity. Elle thought all was good when she’d poured herself a cup coffee in the unoccupied room, having a little breathing space. If she’d been smart, she’d have hightailed it up to her room. Instead, Kevin’s mother had come out of nowhere.

“Would you like cream or sugar?”

“No, thank you,” Elle replied, wincing when Brianna got the brush tangled in some strands on her left side. Annie was working on her right. “I’m sure that you want to join the rest of your family. It’s been a long day.”

“It’s kind of nice to have a breather,” Mrs. Dreier replied, taking the chair across from Elle’s. She set her coffee on the table and smiled fondly at the girls who were now doing something Elle knew would probably make her look ridiculous. She’d never done this as a little girl herself and wasn’t sure what the fascination was with long hair. “I do hope they remember their great-grandfather. He was a good man. Kevin is very much like him.”

Elle wasn’t sure how to reply to that so she reached for her coffee. She’d learned to take it black early on to save money. She held on to the cup to give her something to do and felt herself relax as the girls braided a few strands that felt soothing. How did one go about comforting a stranger? It wasn’t that Mrs. Dreier hadn’t been welcoming. She had. This one-on-one left Elle feeling a little helpless and she struggled to find the words that the woman obviously wanted to hear.

“From what I heard today, your father sounded like a caring man.” Elle swallowed away the envy that had been creeping up on her all day. When she and Kevin had pulled up to the house yesterday, all she could think of was that the exterior was a pretense for what it truly contained. It was something placed on television to give people a fodder of picture-perfect fiction. What she witnessed today proved her wrong and what she really wanted most of all was time to herself to process it. She could return home tomorrow, tell Jax that she’d done her duty, and hope like hell she could return to her normal life. “I’m sure his great-grandchildren will grow up on his stories.”

“Do you have a great-grandpa?”

Elle startled a bit when Brianna peeked around the side of the chair with her big blue innocent eyes. Had Elle ever been that naïve? She noticed that her coffee was coming rather close to the sides of the rim of her mug from the slight tremor of her hands, so she set it back on the table. Mrs. Dreier was watching her closely.

“Um, sure.” Elle tried her best to give the little girl a smile. This evening was just dragging on and on. “Everyone has a great-grandpa, but sometimes they pass on like yours and we remember them through stories.”

“Do you have stories about yours?”

Pieces of Elle’s past started to flash through her mind, but she slammed that door shut before those unpleasant emotions filled the very air she was struggling to breathe. The walls of the kitchen seemed to close in on her and she shifted uneasily in her chair. No, she didn’t even have stories about her grandfather, let alone her great-grandfather.

“Girls, why don’t you two go see if Uncle Kevin will break out the marshmallows? You can roast them over the fire, but only if you bring me back a s’more.”

Elle took a deep breath as the girls yelled excitedly, brushes in hand, and ran through the archway. She wanted to follow them and then detour toward the staircase, but she didn’t want to appear rude. She’d quickly finish this cup of coffee before stating that she needed to retire for the evening.

“They can be inquisitive,” Mrs. Dreier said, leaning back in her chair with a tender smile. “They didn’t mean to dredge up unpleasant memories. I can see that it made you restless and that’s not what today is supposed to do. We want to celebrate life, not dwell on the past.”

There wasn’t a question in anything Kevin’s mother had to say, so Elle went to work on her coffee. The tightness in her chest still remained and all she wanted was to be left on her own. She’d focused her attention on Kevin all day, doing what she’d come to do. Jax had been wrong and she hadn’t really been needed. Kevin’s family had given him support. All this managed to do was make Elle realize that Hallmark cards actually came from somewhere. They weren’t made up words just to spout gibberish on nonsensical holidays. It made her understand that what she’d always longed for was actuality, but would never be
her
reality. She’d been cheated out of all of it.

“I know that you and Kevin are leaving tomorrow afternoon, but I wanted to thank you for coming with him. I can see in his eyes that he’s appreciative of your support.” Mrs. Dreier laced her fingers and set her hands on the table. A feeling of foreboding overcame Elle and she knew the woman was about to make the mistake of making more of Elle’s presence than warranted. She picked up her locket and started to worry the accessory against the chain to prevent herself from screaming in denial. “Please know that you are always welcome in our home.”

“Don’t—” Elle shook her head as she broke off the sentence. Mrs. Dreier wasn’t to blame for this aimless sentiment that this trip had brought over Elle. She tried to soften her tone all the while feeling like she wanted to throw her coffee cup across the room and watch it smash into tiny pieces. “Kevin and I are friends, Mrs. Dreier. He…helped me at one point and I’m just returning the favor.”

“I know my son, Elle.” Mrs. Dreier had tried numerous times to get Elle to call her Florence throughout the day, but that wasn’t going to happen. It would only personalize this favor that Elle was trying to execute. Unfortunately, Mrs. Dreier proceeded to do just that. “I see the way he looks at you.”

“With pity?” The words slipped out before Elle could stop them. She laughed, but knew it came out more of a cruel sound. She stood, causing the chair legs to screech on the tiled floor. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t called for. You’ve had a very emotional day and I think it best if I go on up to my room.”

“Pity?” Elle’s head whipped toward the living room entrance to see Kevin standing there with disbelief and anger written on his face. “I’m feeling a lot of emotions at this precise moment, but pity isn’t one of them. Mom, would you excuse us please?”

Panic flitted across Elle’s skin at the thought of being left along with Kevin. She’d only ever seen him look like this once and that was long ago when she’d still been working the streets. His control and his self-confidence was an underlying attraction she hadn’t had to deal with after he’d become sensitive to her plight. Seeing this side of him once again was more than she could handle right now. Fear got the better of her and before she could rein in her emotions, did something she knew she would regret.

“Stay, Mrs. Dreier. Maybe if you were aware that I used to be a hooker, you’d have a better understanding of our friendship.” Elle crossed her arms and tightened her hold across her abdomen. The words just wouldn’t stop. “Your son helped me off the streets. I was living in a seedy apartment with just enough cash for my next meal. I would have offered him sex had I thought he’d pay for it. I’m just here to repay the debt. I—”

“That’s enough.” Kevin’s harsh tone had Elle snapping her teeth together. The damage of what she’d done smacked her in the face as she took in the fury that was within his gray eyes. “Not one more word.”

The silence after that was deafening. Elle struggled to swallow against the lump that had formed in her throat. She never cried. Ever. These family members were the ones who should be grieving and it was her who couldn’t seem to control her emotions. The clawing of flight seemed to take hold and she would have fled had Mrs. Dreier not spoken at that moment.

“I can see that the two of you have things to work out.” Mrs. Dreier stood, but instead of walking out of the kitchen, she took a couple of steps until she was directly in front of Elle. “You are who you are from the decisions that you made and will make in the future. Do you think my father was a perfect man? I hope the stories that you heard today don’t convey that. He was very flawed but that, in part, is what made him who he was. He learned from his mistakes, one of those having not lived up to his responsibility of having a child. I was four years old when he came back home to repair the damage he’d done. In that time he learned what was important. It’s what we take away from our actions that define us a person. And from what I’ve seen today, young lady, you are a compassionate, strong, and intelligent woman. You will always be welcome in our home.”

With that profound speech, Mrs. Dreier gracefully turned to the table to pick up her coffee and walked toward Kevin. She paused long enough to kiss him on the cheek and then proceeded out of the kitchen. Elle wanted to be anywhere but here. Since Kevin remained where he was, she allowed her lashes to fall in an attempt to conceal the sight of him. If only it were that easy to block out what she knew was coming.

“Look at me.” Elle’s eyes flew open to find Kevin standing right in front of her. His large frame blocked out everything else and he seemed to be the only thing in existence. He didn’t physically touch her, but his intensity had her in his firm grasp. Something had broken loose inside of her and she didn’t know how to put it back together. “You’re the only one who’s holding on to your past. When you’re ready to let it go and see what could be your present and future, you let me know.”

Chapter Twelve

E
lle hugged the pillow closer to her chest as she stared at the bedroom door. Although the room was warm enough, she still felt chilled. She’d retired upstairs last night after Kevin had walked out of the kitchen leaving her standing there to deal with the emotional aftermath. It was as if he’d made a conclusive decision about her and was finally at peace. She wasn’t.

She’d sat on her bed, feeling somewhat numb after their encounter, and heard the laughter and tears as their voices travelled through the vents. Her past choices had been easy when all of this had just been an aspiration for people without hope. Keeping Kevin at arms length had been automatic. Not involving herself with Emily, Lauren, and the other women had been self-preservation. She could admit that now. Lying here in bed all night, dissecting her life, she understood why she used the shelter to consume her time. It kept her from living and allowed her to keep a hold of her past. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help those girls that were in need, but her reasons hadn’t been altogether altruistic.

Giggling came from the hallway outside of Elle’s door. The sound still felt like shards of glass to her heart. Had she truly numbed herself to the lighthearted aspects of daily life? Was that the woman that Kevin saw when he looked at her? For the umpteenth time, she used her palm to wipe the tears that escaped as they ran down her cheek.

“Do you think she’s awake?” Annie’s whisper travelled through the wooden door. “If we wake her up, Nana will be very, very, very mad.”

Elle felt a laugh, so unlike her, bubble up as the girls discussed how much trouble they would be in should they go against their nana’s wishes. It was obvious they were told not to disturb her, but their light musical voices were a much needed disruption from this despair that had taken hold. She had no idea what happened from here, but knew that whatever snapped within her last night wasn’t something that would ever be mended.

“What if we just peek? If she’s asleep, we’ll close the door,” Brianna replied, as if she’d figured it all out. “But if she’s awake, we can’t get in trouble.”

Elle finally shifted, amazed that her body felt as if it’d been used as a punching bag when she’d done nothing but lay here for hours. She’d just put her back against the headboard when she heard the doorknob turn. Sure enough, two little girls with big blue eyes peered around the thick wood. They squealed with delight to see she was awake and came running in.

“Good morning.” Elle’s voice seemed a little rough around the edges, so she cleared her throat. “What are you two doing up so early?”